Realization
I Believe In Your Existence
Index:
Daehyun speaking / Daehyun speaking
Young Jae speaking
Yongguk speaking
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I guess.. the next thing I knew, I wasn’t in the car anymore. Where was I? It was dark, but.. I could tell that there were bright lights passing above me. Though.. I guess it doesn’t matter. I could only think of Young Jae right now. Where was he? Was he safe? And... why was the thing that I’m laying on moving so much?
“No no.. NO! DAEHYUN! PLEASE!” I still couldn’t open my eyes and the pain I felt was still unbearable, but I fought to stay conscious at least. I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to worry Young Jae anymore. Hearing his screams, all tear filled and strained was something I never wanted to hear anymore. I... I’ve never heard him like this before and it only seemed to hurt my heart the more I heard him screaming my name.
I could barely feel his hands holding onto mine, but I knew that he was gripping onto my hand for dear life. Somehow, I managed to grip Young Jae’s hand as tight as I possibly could. It was the only thing I could think of to help reassure Young Jae, to try and calm him down as best as possible. “Daehyun? D-Daehyun?! A-Are you awake?! Please! Say something, anything!”
I tried to speak, to say that it was alright; that Young Jae didn’t have to worry about me anymore but.. I couldn’t. I could only manage a slight smile before... I no longer felt anything. The last thing I heard as I completely faded away was Young Jae calling my name...
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My eyes shot open as I looked around. I was confused, so very confused, but.. I didn’t feel pain anymore. Where was I anyway? Slowly, I began walking around. The more I saw, the more I realized that I was at a hospital. Why was I here anyway? The last thing I remembered was driving with Young Jae and heading back home.
“NO.. THAT.. That can’t be... Please! PLEASE! Please.. somebody, ANYBODY.. tell me that you can do something! Anything! PLEASE SAVE HIM!” I heard Young Jae’s screams, I heard his plea’s, his.. his pain. Worry instantly filled into me as I began running. I didn’t know where Young Jae was, but I continued following his voice. His continued screaming and his crying. Finally.. I came to a stop. I stood behind Young Jae as he had his head and arms on top of a covered body. Young Jae was covered in all kinds of different injuries. He probably shouldn’t even be up and about. He needed rest, but.. he seemed so focused on the covered body.
Walking up to Young Jae, I kneeled down and pressed my hand against his shoulder, but... I didn’t feel him. I didn’t feel his warmth, his.. anything. My eyes widened as I pressed harder but... my hand only went through him. What was happening? This.. this was just a dream, right? A sick joke that my mind was playing on me right now. Yea, that had to be it. It just had to be.
“Daehyun.. why.. why.. w-why did you.. leave me.. You can’t.. you.... can’t be.. Yah.. Dae.. hyun.. wake up.. please.. please.. PLEASE!” Young Jae broke down. His talking became inaudible over his cries, his gasps for air. What did he mean? What did he mean by me leaving him? This was only a dream, right? But.. it felt all too real.
I turned when I saw a doctor walking up to us. I stood up and began walking up to him, but... he only walked through me. Not past, but.. through. I stood there, frozen in place. My hands were shaking. This can’t be happening. It.. it can’t be. We were driving. We were going to go home and have a yummy dinner. We were.. supposed to get married soon.
“I’m sorry for your loss Mister Yoo.. but.. we.. we have to move the body now.”
“No, NO! DON’T say that! He’s.. he’s not just a body.. He.. He’s not, He’s NOT! Please! You have to save him! Do something, ANYTHING! Please! I can’t do this.. I can’t.. I can’t.. live without him! He’s NOT just a body! He’s.. he’s my love, my fiance, my... my perfect everything! PLEASE save him!”
I turned around as I saw Young Jae still holding onto the covered body. Was that.. body mine? Is this really happening? “I’m sorry Mister Yoo but... there is nothing more that we can do for him. He.. he lost too much blood. His internal organs has also taken too much damage from the wreck.”
Wreck? What wreck? There can’t be a wreck because this was not real. It was only a dream, right? My hands tightened into a fist as they continued shaking, the reality becoming too much for me. I couldn’t accept this as reality. It was.. too much.
“Please.. save him.. please.. please.. please..” I looked down at Young Jae and my eyes widened as I saw him now holding onto the doctor’s hands while on his knees. His face was tear soaked and his eyes were swollen from all the crying he’s been doing. It hurt my heart so much to see and hear him like this.
“Young Jae..”
Young Jae’s eyes widened as he let go of the doctor and made his way back to the body. “Daehyun? D-Daehyun? Are you.. are you still alive? Y-You heard him doctor! I heard him call my name! I heard him!” Young Jae turned to look at the doctor, but the doctor only had a look of concern on his face.
“I’m sorry Mister Yoo, but.. I didn’t hear anything.”
“No.. NO! That can’t be! I just heard him! You have to help him! He’s suffering and you won’t do anything to help him! Please! He’s still alive, I know it! Please!” Young Jae pulled the cover away from my face and realization only seemed to hit us both. I really was dead. I was laying there, quiet and still. I bit my lip, trying so hard to hold back as much as possible, but..
“No.. that can’t.. be.. I.. I heard.. his voice.. I.. I know I did..” He had calmed down so much but.. the realization that I truly was dead hit him. He slid back down onto his knees as he refused to let go of the sheets that covered me. He shook his head over and over again, refusing to accept this as reality though. The tears continued rolling down his face and falling down to soak the clothes that he currently wore. “I can’t.. I can’t accept this.. This.. This can’t be real..”
I watched as he held his hand up a bit and I could tell that he must have been looking at his engagement ring. “We.. were supposed to get married soon..” I crouched down next to Young Jae, wrapping an arm around him as best as I could. He instantly brought his hand up to where my hand was, but.. he only seemed disappointed as he looked back at his hand.
“I.. I can feel him still.. but.. I can’t..”
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Time had passed and Young Jae had been brought back to his room. My body had been taken to wherever it was to go to now. I sat there on his bed, staring at Young Jae as he cried into his arms, using his legs to prop his arms up. I looked over to the door as I heard someone walk into his room.
“Young Jae..?” Young Jae looked up at Yongguk, who had complete worry on his face. Yongguk quickly made his way over to Young Jae and sat on the bed near him. I raised a single brow, a twinge of jealousy showing up, but Yongguk kept his distance... at least until Young Jae soon threw himself into Yongguk’s arms.
“Yongguk.. why... why is.. he.. he.. left..” Yongguk held Young Jae tightly as he softly ran a hand through Young Jae’s hand. I clenched my hands into a fist and was tempted to punch Yongguk, but.. it’s not like I could do anything to console Young Jae. Yongguk.. was probably the only person that could for the time being.
“Young Jae.. it’s okay. For now, just.. tell me, are you alright?”
Young Jae pulled away from Yongguk as he almost glared at Yongguk. “Alright? ALRIGHT?! I.. I can’t be alright! Not.. not without Daehyun! I-”
“Shh, shh.. I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to get you angry. Just.. just calm down and tell me.. what happened.” Young Jae slowly calmed down as he began explaining what had happened. I.. I still couldn’t believe it myself. I mean, I can’t remember what happened but.. I didn’t think that it had happened that way. By the time Young Jae had finished, he seemed to have finally stopped crying. I was.. glad that he was no longer crying, at least for now. I didn’t like seeing him cry..
“So.. that’s what happened.. Do you know if they were able to find out anything about that other driver?” Young Jae only shook his head as he brought his knees closer to himself, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs. He laid his head on his knees as he looked out the window, staring up at the still night-stricken sky.
“He left me...”
“He didn’t choose to leave you.” Yongguk placed his hand on Young Jae’s hand and began rubbing it. I wish I could do something to console Young Jae, but.. I don’t think I’d be able to do anything right now. The amount of times I had tried talking to him after that last incident didn’t seem to work and every time I touched him, it only made him seem to feel even worse about the incident. I felt completely useless and.. I didn’t like it.
“I.. I can’t take it anymore..” Young Jae got to his feet and Yongguk instantly got to his feet too. Young Jae slowly began making his way over to the door, but Yongguk got in his way and held his arms out to keep him from advancing any further.
“Young Jae.. what are you going to do?”
“Move out of my way Yongguk! I.. I can’t take it.. I.. I have to do this..” Tears were streaming down his face once again as his fists shook. He looked down, his eyes shut closed tightly as he shook his head slowly. “I.. I.. I want to be with him.. I love him.. I love him so much... I... can’t.. believe that he’s.. really gone..”
Young Jae fell to his hands and knees as he slammed his fist onto the floor. “Why? WHY?! Why did it have to happen?! It.. It shouldn’t have happened!” Yongguk kneeled down in front of Young Jae, placing his arms around him as Young Jae continued pounding away at the floor.
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A few hours had passed. By then, Young Jae had calmed down again as he sat in his bed. Yongguk had decided to stay the night to watch over Young Jae, but.. it does look like he had fallen asleep. I stayed by Young Jae’s side, holding his hands that were neatly folded on his lap. Though, when I looked over at Young Jae’s face, I noticed that he had taken another look at Yongguk before getting up out of bed again.
I followed Young Jae to wherever he was going, but I had a bad feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. Once we were in the elevator, Young Jae pressed the button for the roof before the elevator doors closed. “Daehyun... don’t.. don’t worry.. I’m.. I’m coming..”
My eyes widened as I slowly shook my head. Young Jae had began crying again, but he tried his best to keep a strong front on his face. He.. he couldn’t be doing what I think that he was going to do. No, that was a mistake. The Young Jae I know would never do that!
The doors opened and I followed after Young Jae. Once at the edge, Young Jae looked over the edge, towards the ground. We were at least ten stories up. I knew he wouldn’t survive a fall like that. My eyes widened once more as Young Jae slowly pulled himself onto the edge. He held onto the nearby pipe as he bit his bottom lip, tears still streaming down his face. “Daehyun.. I.. I need you.. I.. I can’t live.. without you..”
“Young Jae! No!”
Young Jae’s eyes widened as he looked around once more. He shook his head as he held his head with one of his hands. “No.. Daehyun.. No.. my mind.. I.. Are you really there?”
“Young Jae..”
“D-Daehyun..? Daehyun! Please... You.. You can’t really be dead. Please.. tell me that it’s a dream, that.. that everything will be alright! Please.. Please.. Come back.. and.. hold me tightly and.. never let go. You.. you promised you would hold me forever!” Young Jae continued crying as he lowered himself down into a crouch position. He held a hand up to his mouth as he slowly shook his head. “I.. I miss you.. please come back to me.. Please..”
“Young Jae.. You.. You can’t take your life..”
Young Jae shook his head as he pulled himself back to his feet. “I have to! I.. I can’t live without you.. not like this.. I can’t.. I can’t have you leave me like this... I just can’t..”
“Please.. Young Jae.. do this for me..” I wrapped my arms around his waist. Young Jae reached for my arm, but.. he only cried more when he couldn’t feel my arm. He shook his head, crouching back down.
“Why.. why.. This isn’t fair.. Daehyun.. please... please... don’t leave me...” I placed my arms around Young Jae. I wish that I could hold him tightly, to kiss him and tell him that it’s all going to be alright. It might get better, but.. it might eat away at him. I didn’t want that. I.. I had to stay with him as long as possible. I.. I had to make sure that he smiled again.
“I won’t leave you..”
After some time had passed, somehow, I got Young Jae to get down from the ledge and just as he was about to start walking back in, Yongguk was already standing a small distance away. It was clear that he had been worried sick about Young Jae. “You... were going to jump.. weren’t you.”
Young Jae slowly nodded his head as he wiped away at the tears that stained his face. “I... didn’t though..” Yongguk made his way closer to Young Jae, examining Young Jae’s face a little more than necessary.
“What made you change your mind?”
“Daehyun.. he.. he told me not to..”
“How..?” Young Jae went quiet, looking off to the side as he thought for a moment. “It doesn’t matter.. I’m just.. glad that you didn’t jump.” Yongguk pulled Young Jae in for a hug, holding him tightly. I looked down at the ground, a bit sad that I couldn’t hold him like that anymore but.. I was glad that Young Jae was getting help from someone.
“Okay.. let’s go back in.”
We were finally back in Young Jae’s room and this time, he was sleeping. Yongguk seemed to be watching him like a hawk this time, but.. I knew that sooner or later, he was going to need to get some sleep also. I did remember that I had heard stories about how ghosts could enter people’s dreams, but.. I didn’t know whether it was true or not. I didn’t even know how they did it.
Still.. if I could interact with Young Jae.. then.. I had to find out. I could at least support Young Jae in his dreams. Standing close to him, I looked around a bit. For some odd reason, I was just expecting it to happen, but that didn’t go as I had planned.
Just as I was about to start other methods, Young Jae had began crying again despite being asleep. “Daehyun.... where...” Was he.. looking for me in his dreams? I bit my bottom lip as I looked up at Yongguk. He too seemed to be worried about Young Jae, but he knew that he couldn’t do anything as he continued to look on.
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I ended up spending the next five or so minutes trying to figure it out. No matter what I did, it didn’t seem to work. I sighed as I laid next to him, pressing my forehead against his head as I closed my eyes. Though.. something seemed to be changing..
“Daehyun..?”
I looked around, a bit confused. Where was I..? Though.. as the area materialized more and more, I soon was able to recognize that I was at the hill that I had taken Young Jae to not that long ago. “Daehyun!” I ce more before my eyes landed on a wide eyed Young Jae. He came running, instantly knocking me over as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Daehyun! Please tell me you’re real..” Was I the one that was dreaming now? It felt.. real, but at the same time.. it didn’t. Still.. dream or not, I wrapped my arms around Young Jae tightly as tears streamed down my own face.
“Young Jae... I missed holding you like this..”
“You.. You’re real.. aren’t you?” Young Jae pushed himself up a bit as he looked down at my smiling face. He touched my cheek as I slowly his hair. “But.. I.. I.. I saw you... you were just laying there.. I..”
“Young Jae.. this.. this is a dream.” Young Jae slowly shook his head as he pushed himself up to his feet as I got to my feet as well. I could tell that he didn’t like the idea of this being a dream. It was written all over his face. “Young Jae... I... I entered your dream.” To be honest, I wasn't even sure if this really was a dream or not.
“No.. This.. I don’t want this to be a dream! No! Don’t tell me this is a dream!”
“Young Jae.. honey..” I walked closer to Young Jae before pulling him into my arms, but he only shook his head as he tried to pull himself away.
“NO! You CAN’T call me honey! You..” Young Jae began crying. His body was shaking as he grabbed onto my shirt tightly. “You.. pabo.. why.. why did you do it? Why did you turn the car like that?”
I held him tightly as I his hair. “I.. wanted to protect you..”
Young Jae pulled his head up, glaring at me through his tears. “At the cost of your own life?! I don’t want this! I don’t! I wish.. I wish that.. I had been the one.. to-”
“No.. I.. I had to protect you... Please.. understand..”
“I can’t.. I can’t understand! Why? Why did you have to die?! Why couldn’t you have lived! Why?! It’s.. It’s not fair!” Young Jae began sobbing again as he buried his face into my shirt. He slowly began hitting my chest with one of his hands, still shaking his head. “We.. we were supposed to.. live together forever..”
“I know.. but.. we never thought.. that this would happen. Young Jae.. please.. stop crying. Don’t.. don’t try to kill yourself again.”
“I can’t help it.. I.. I don’t know if I can live without you..”
“You have to try..”
“I don’t want to try! I don’t want to live without you! You’re... You’re the only one that I.. that I love..”
“Young Jae.. look up at the sky..”
“Why..”
“Please.. just do it.” Young Jae slowly turned to look up at the sky. I pointed up at the moon. “That moon.. is you. Remember? You shine brighter than everything else in the sky. Now.. do you remember what you told me?”
Young Jae slowly nodded his head as he wiped away at the tears on his face. “Yes..”
“What did you tell me?”
“You’re.. you’re the brightest star in the sky..”
“And?”
“And.. every time I look up.. at the star.. that star will comfort me.. guide me...”
“Please.. remember that.. and.. also.. I love you. I love you so.. very much.” I turned Young Jae slowly towards me before I pressed my lips against his.
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I watched as Young Jae’s eyes shot open and he sat up in a sitting position. “D-Daehyun?” Yongguk sat up in his seat when he heard Young Jae speaking.
“What’s wrong?”
“I.. I didn’t.. I didn’t get to tell Daehyun.. that I love him..” Young Jae laid back down as he pulled the covers over him. I could tell that he was crying with the movements that his body was making, but he was trying so very hard to cry silently.
Yongguk got up from his seat as he sat on the bed, trying to console Young Jae somehow. “Young Jae.. please stop crying... I’m sure that Daehyun already know that you love him.” Despite his attempts, all he could do was sit there and wait until Young Jae came out from under the sheets.
Looking outside, I could see that it was now daytime. There.. was also a light that seemed to be calling to me, but.. I couldn’t go yet. Not now. I had to make sure that Young Jae was happy again, that.. he no longer grieved over me. I knew that it was going to take time, but I’d rather spend all eternity wandering the planet rather than to leave, not knowing if Young Jae will be alright on his own.
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[[ My Own Thoughts:
Gosh.. This chapter..
It got me crying so much. xD
I have to take like 6-7 breaks while typing this.
Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying the fanfic so far.. xD
And uh.. yes..
It is shorter than Chapter 1.
That is only because Chapter 1 had a lot more things added into it >.<..]]
Ack... I'm sorry for taking so long, but I won't be updating until tomorrow. Hopefully no one will kill me for this >.
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