Restoration
I Believe In Your Existence
Index:
Daehyun speaking / Daehyun's text
Young Jae speaking
Yongguk speaking
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Young Jae had behaved the first night at Yongguk’s house. He didn’t really fall assleep all that easily though, but when he did, he seemed to sleep well. I haven’t entered his dreams since the night of the accident and I didn’t plan to any time soon. I felt like it would only cause Young Jae to break down even more. It seemed as if the only thing I could do for now was.. well, watch over him.
While Young Jae slept, I sat there, thinking. I knew that people can feel me, but that wasn’t all that helpful most of the time. My touch wasn’t exactly enough to convince Young Jae to continue living. There were times when Young Jae could hear me, but most of the time, it seemed like he couldn’t. If I could just figure out how to get Young Jae to hear me all the time, then I might be able to convince Young Jae out of doing certain things. The question was.. how.
Night soon gave way to morning as the sun’s rays penetrated the curtains and landed on Young Jae’s face. I sat close to him, smiling as I slowly caressed his face. I couldn’t feel his skin, but it still felt nice for some reason to just touch him like this. “Hm..?”
Young Jae slowly stirred in his sleep as he opened his eyes slowly. He pushed himself up into a sitting position as he looked around. “Daehyun..?” He looked around a bit more before he let out a sigh and pulled my shirt up to his chest. “I thought.. he was here..”
Young Jae sighed as he laid back down, staring up at the ceiling. He just.. stared, devoid of life, devoid of any ambition. He hasn’t even gone to work since the accident, which worried me. How was he going to get his life back together if.. I was causing him to be like this?
I turned and looked as the door opened, seeing a smiling Yongguk. “Hey. You’re finally awake.” Yongguk entered the room and sat on the bed, though Young Jae still seemed quite angry at him as he turned away from Yongguk.
“I still hate you..”
“Oh, come on! Would you have come if I didn’t rip Daehyun’s clothes?”
“No..”
“Then that’s exactly why I had to do it.”
“You shouldn’t have though..” Young Jae tightened his grip on my shirt as he brought it closer to him. It looked almost as if he was being very protective over it. Yongguk must have noticed though, as a single brow rose.
“You know, it’s not healthy to keep clinging onto the dead like this.”
“He’s not dead! He was here, just now!”
“What are you talki-”
“He was my cheek! I know his touch better than anyone’s!” Yongguk let out a sigh as he rubbed the back of his head. Young Jae kept a determined look on his face as he turned away from Yongguk. Maybe.. I shouldn’t have touched his cheek like that. Could I help it though? I really.. miss touching him.
“I believe that he’s still here! He has to be!”
“Okay.. okay, fine. He was here. Are you happy now? Come on. I made us breakfast.” Young Jae pulled the sheets off of him before getting up out of bed. He kept my shirt in his arms as he crossed his arms, walking past Yongguk without giving him a single glance. Yongguk let out yet another sigh as he followed after Young Jae.
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Once they were seated at the dining table, Young Jae only sat there with a distant look in his eyes as he stared off to the side. Yongguk he just placed a single piece of food in his mouth before he noticed this, sighing as he waved a hand in front of Young Jae’s face. “Hey. The food is going to get cold.”
Young Jae looked at Yongguk, a bit of a glare in his eyes as he slowly looked down at the food. “I don’t care.. Daehyun is starving... How can I eat knowing that there is no food for him to eat?”
I smiled a bit. I felt a bit touched knowing that Young Jae was thinking about my eating habits, but still.. I didn’t want him to starve himself to death. Yongguk got up from his seat and walked over to Young Jae, whom looked up at him with a worried look on his face.
“W-What are you going to do?!”
While Young Jae was busy worrying, Yongguk had taken the shirt out of his arms. Young Jae instantly jumped to his feet and tried to get my shirt out of Yongguk’s hands, but Yongguk kept it away from him as much as possible. “If you don’t eat, I’m going to rip this shirt also.”
“N-No! You can’t do that! Please, stop!”
“Are you going to eat?”
“I’ll eat, I’ll eat! Just please.. don’t destroy anymore of Daehyun’s stuff..” Tears filled Young Jae’s eyes as Yongguk sat him back down before he sat across from him. “A-Are you going to give it back?”
“I will, after you finish eating.” Young Jae bit his bottom lip as he looked at the shirt before he hesitantly picked up his chopsticks and slowly began eating. Yongguk smiled as he continued eating, though.. I still couldn’t help but feel sad for Young Jae. Yongguk was basically threatening Young Jae and as much as I hate to admit that it was working, I still wish that there was another way.
“Why are you doing this to me..” I saw sadness deep within Young Jae’s eyes as he looked up at Yongguk. It hurt my heart to see him like this. It seemed like he would have gone back to his depressed state that he had been in a few weeks ago, but he seemed to be holding together somehow.
“Hm?”
“Why are you torturing me like this?”
Yongguk sighed as he placed his chopsticks down as he looked up at Young Jae. “I’m not torturing you. This is for your own good.”
“This is only hurting me even more!”
“You need to get over Daehyun!”
“I don’t want to!” Young Jae slammed his hands on the table, slowly getting to his feet as he glared at Yongguk. “I never asked you to help me! Why are you trying to stop me from joining Daehyun?!”
Yongguk slowly rose to his feet and I could see that Young Jae seemed to have a sense of fear on his face before he steeled himself once more. Yongguk went around to Young Jae, placing his hands on his shoulders as he stared into his eyes.
“I... I can’t stand seeing you like this. Do you remember what you told me on the first night?”
“W-What..?”
“The first night you tried to kill yourself, on top of the hospital.”
“I..” Young Jae looked down as he soon found himself deep in thought. He soon let out a small sigh as he looked back up at Yongguk. “He.. stopped my from killing myself.”
“That’s right. Do you think Daehyun would be happy if he knew that you killed yourself?” Young Jae lowered his eyes as he shook his head.
“But.. I.. how do I deal with this? How can I live without him..”
“I told you.. You have to move on.”
“How?”
“Go on a date with me.” Both my eyes and Young Jae’s eyes widened as Yongguk’s sentence. I didn’t really know how I felt about that. I mean, sure, I wanted Young Jae to be happy, but.. it felt like it would hurt me too much to see him with another person.
“To get over him.. you.. you should date me.”
Young Jae slowly shook his head as he removed Yongguk’s hands from his shoulders and took back the shirt that Yongguk had been holding captive. “I... I can’t.. It’s too soon..”
“Then when?”
“I don’t.. I don’t know.”
Young Jae sat back down, but he didn’t look up once at Yongguk. He did continue eating though, which I was thankful for. Yongguk seemed like he didn’t know what to do now, but he made his way back over to his own seat and began eating as well. The awkward silence between the two of them was even affecting me, but there was nothing I could do about it.
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Time passed and they were done eating. Yongguk was currently cleaning the food and dirty dishes up while Young Jae sat on the couch, staring down at the ground. I stood behind Young Jae as I bent forward and wrapped my arms around him, ‘resting’ my chin on his shoulder. “Daehyun..”
I probably shouldn’t be doing this, but.. I felt like he needed he a hug after what he has to go through. I looked at Young Jae’s face and I could see tears were falling but.. he soon gave a small smile as I placed his hand where my arm was. It‘s probably.. been a long while since I‘ve seen him genuinely smile without me thinking that he was going crazy. “You’re happy.. aren’t you.. that I’m somehow still alive..”
I didn’t really know how else to respond without him needing to hear me. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I kissed his cheek softly, which caused Young Jae to laugh a little bit. “I’m glad.. that you’re happy. I’ll.. I’ll try my best to live. Please watch over me.. until I can stand on my feet without your help.”
Young Jae brought his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around his legs. I continued to hug him like this for a few minutes until Yongguk had finished cleaning things up and had sat beside Young Jae.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Y-Yea... Daehyun.. he..”
“I told you to get over him.”
“I know but..”
“No but’s. Stop thinking about him.”
“Why do you have to keep insisting that he’s no longer here?!” Young Jae got to his feet as he stared angrily at Yongguk. “I know he’s here! I felt him hugging me! Stop telling me that he’s not here! Stop telling me to get over him! Stop telling me to do all these things!”
“Young Jae.. I’m sorry..”
Young Jae calmed down a bit, but he was still angry. He sat back down on the couch, but as far away from Yongguk as he could. He looked at Yongguk, who had quickly looked away from having stared at Young Jae for a while. “I’m sorry.. I just.. I just need some time.. before I can stop thinking about Daehyun so much.. It’s hard.. It really is..”
Young Jae took in a deep breath to calm himself. He must have not wanted to start crying again, but I could still see the tears clear in his eyes. Yongguk looked back over at Young Jae as he gave a small nod. “Okay. I’ll stop pushing you to get over him. I’ll... I’ll just support you. Just don’t try to kill yourself, no matter what. Okay?”
Young Jae gave a small smile as he nodded and turned back to look at the shirt that he currently held. He frowned a bit as his hands shook a little. I felt a bit worried that he was going to break down again, but he gave a small sigh as he looked at Yongguk. “I.. I probably should stop holding onto his shirt like this then.. huh..”
“Yea.. but.. it’s your choice. You don’t have to force yourself if you’re not ready.”
“But..” He looked back down at the shirt, tears clearly trying to force its way to freedom. “How do I know when I’m ready?”
“You’ll know when it happens.”
“That doesn’t really help..”
“It’s the only thing I can tell you.”
Young Jae bit his bottom lip as he pulled the shirt back close to him. He closed his eyes tightly as tears fell from his eyes once more. “I.. I don’t want to get over him though. He.. He was the one that I loved the most.. I.. I want him to come back to me..”
I crouched down in front of Young Jae as I thought for a moment before giving a small smile. I didn’t really know why I was smiling since he couldn’t see it, but I placed my hand on his, causing him to quickly wipe his tears away and calm down.
“I can’t cry anymore. I.. I have to stay strong. I know that.. Daehyun wouldn’t want me to see me like this. He.. He always wanted to see my smile.. You know.. Daehyun told me that.. I looked prettiest when I smile. I.. I usually hit him whenever he called me pretty, but.. I.. I miss hearing him say that now..”
Young Jae let out a small chuckle as he began crying again, but.. at least he was smiling this time. He looked over at Yongguk and hesitantly held the shirt out to Yongguk. “T-Take it.. and hold onto it for me. I.. I need to try and.. get through it. Holding his shirt.. won’t help me..”
Yongguk slowly nodded as he took my shirt away from Young Jae. I could see that Young Jae was looking at the shirt with a look of longing in his eyes, but he slowly tore his eyes away from the shirt as he wiped away his tears again.
“Thank you.. Daehyun..” He whispered that sentence, but I could hear it clearly. I smiled as I slowly caressed his cheek. I knew.. that Young Jae would be fine on his own and with Yongguk there to support him, I.. I didn’t have to worry so much.
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It was about five or six in the afternoon when Young Jae had made his way up onto the rooftop of the apartment complex. He stood there as he leaned against the railing, looking out at the landscape of the city. I could see that he looked calm for the time being, but I couldn’t really see what he truly felt at the moment. I stood next to him and wrapped my arm around his waist, causing a small smile to show up on Young Jae’s face.
“You’re always looking out for me.. even when you’re.. not really here. I.. just wish that you didn’t have to die. I know.. you.. you probably can’t talk to me freely but.. I just want to hear your voice again...”
I did remember something in a movie that I once saw that had someone texting or calling someone’s cell phone before. Would it work now though? I dug into my pockets, but sadly.. I didn’t have a ghostly cell phone. I guess it doesn’t work that way, but another idea did pop up in my head. I placed a hand into Young Jae’s pockets and faintly touched Young Jae’s cell phone before it began ringing the ring tone that had been set specifically for me.
Young Jae quickly began fishing into his pockets before producing the small device. His eyes were wide as he looked at the caller ID that was currently displayed before he quickly answered the electronic device. “H-Hello?! D-Daehyun?!”
I kept my hand on the cell phone, in case I needed to be holding it in order to speak. I didn’t really know if this would work, but if I could get it to ring, then I was one step closer. “YAH! Young Jae! What are you DOING?! You can do it! Live for the both of us.. and that includes eating all the cheesecake out there! Just remember this though.. I’ll.. I’ll always love you.”
I pulled my hand slowly away before the call dropped. Young Jae’s eyes widened as he kept checking his phone. “D-Daehyun! Please! Don’t... don’t leave me..” He slowly pulled his phone away again before it came to life once more. He looked at the screen, checking the text message he just received before he smiled as tears slowly fell down from his face.
‘I saved that as voice mail for you. Now you’ll always have my voice..’
“Thank you.. Daehyun..” He wiped away his tears once more as he pulled up the voice mail and listened to my voice over and over again...
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[[ My Own Thoughts:
Yay >3<..
Another chapter is up >3<..
It's slowly starting to get.. brighter.
I hope that everyone is enjoying the fanfic so far. x3 ]]
Ack... I'm sorry for taking so long, but I won't be updating until tomorrow. Hopefully no one will kill me for this >.
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