Tao goes to school the next day. It’s a Friday, and he decides that it’s only one day until the weekend. Plus, almost anything beats spending his day home with his stepdad. But Tao would rather not think about that option.

The events that had occurred the day before plagued Tao’s mind. It became somewhat of an obsession—a puzzle that Tao desperately needs to solve.

Why can’t you remember? Why can’t you remember? Why can’t you remember? Kris’ words ring in Tao’s head like a mantra. Tao does come across the idea that this Kris might be his gege but he quickly pushes it away. Why? He doesn’t quite know himself. But it’s solid that Tao won’t accept this cold and lifeless Kris was his gege. It just can’t be. He just can’t accept that. Tao convinces himself that they look nothing alike anyway. He ignores the fact that people’s looks can change a lot in the period of a decade, or that Kris’ hair is dyed blonde, or that Kris’ eyes crinkle at the corners when Kris makes a particular expression.

Tao is still a little unsteady on his feet while he walks to school. His backpack feels heavier as do his legs but Tao pushes onwards and heads to school, deciding that he’ll be strong enough to last the entire day without passing out.

His mind wanders to small things, like the snail in the middle of the footpath, or the untrimmed grass that snakes out to his ankles. He tries to concentrate on these mundane things but his mind just continues to wander back to Kris. I should at least thank him again for bringing me home. That was another question that wreaked havoc on Tao’s mind: why did Kris even bother? Tao pins it down to Kris just being nice. Despite his constant -face, the guy is actually quite nice. It still bothers him that Kris left so suddenly with such a pained face and such cryptic words. But Tao swipes that aside and remembers the fact that Kris actually brought him home. He feels warm inside. Someone actually cares about me.

The bell rings just as Tao walks through the school gates. He panics a little and presses his legs forward, trying to sprint to his first class. Fatigue builds in Tao’s body but he ignores it with all his might.

He turns out to be late to English. It’s always English. Tao begins to blush ever so slightly as the teacher scolds him on his punctuality.

“Sir, he was sick yesterday.” Both the teacher and Tao turns to the voice piping out from the back. Kris?

Kris notices the boy at the front of the class is still sick. He inwardly scolds Tao for coming to school even though he hasn’t fully recovered.

Kris spent the whole night thinking about the late boy. He thought about how he acted the day before, and cursed himself for being so cowardly. Tao isn’t a malicious person, Kris knows that and yet he still acted like a bit of a jerk to him yesterday. In his defense, Kris was at a boiling point when Tao still couldn’t remember him. What Kris doesn’t realize is that Tao does remember his gege, he just hasn’t made the connection between the Kris now and the Kris then.

In the mean time, the older boy decides that he’ll try to be friends with Tao even if he can’t remember him. He still cherishes all the moments he has with Tao and he knows he’s willing to suffer for a tiny piece of happiness. The day before spent with Tao had been the happiest and the saddest day since the beginning of high school. How bittersweet. Maybe I’m a masochist or some like that.

“I see then. Tao, take it easy and don’t push yourself too hard.” Tao takes the only empty seat in the room—which is right next to Kris.

Tao sits down a little uneasily next to Kris, feeling a little open after spending so many hours thinking about the older boy. Tao feels so insecure that Kris can read him easily and get freaked out because of Tao’s actions. Instead of focusing on Kris (though Tao fails miserably), he tries to focus on the class and the teacher’s instructions.

“I want everyone to pair up, early grades with the later grades per pair. Create a simple sentence that includes a common phrase. This can be a greeting if you wish. Use correct grammar and punctuation—I want this written and spoken. This is just a warm-up so don’t slack off too much.” Tao freezes at the word ‘pair’. He has no friends in this class, and he’s sitting right next to Kris. Why does he make me feel so anxious?

“Hey, wanna be partners?”

Kris doesn’t know where all the courage is coming from, but when he looks at this timid and adorable Tao, everything melts away and he feels comfortable. He forgets about being forgotten and rejected, all that exists is just Tao and him.

Logically, he knows that Tao can’t refuse the offer. Tao is sitting in the corner and Kris is the only person next to him. So what if we become new friends again? As long as I have him.

“S-sure.” Tao responds. “I guess I’ll go first.” Kris watches Tao patiently as he puts a pen to paper and frowns at the paper when he forgets something. Kris can’t help but let a small smile show on his face because of Tao’s frustration. Woah. Did I just smile? He hasn’t smiled sincerely in so long.

When Tao is done, he shyly reads off his paper.

“Thank you for bringing me home yesterday.” He reads quietly. His English is quite broken and Kris understands why he’s been put in catch-up classes. Tao hands him his sheet of paper, silently hoping Kris understands that it isn’t written just because of class—that it actually has meaning.

Kris reads off the paper and already spots a punctuation mistakes. Inwardly, he grins because it’s quite cute how Tao writes in English.

“Pretty good.” Kris shrugs nonchalantly, forgetting about how Tao caused him so much pain. Right now in this moment, it’s just Tao and his gege even if one of them isn’t aware of it.

Tao beams at the compliment, thinking he’s beginning to improve his English.

“But you added a redundant comma and your pronunciation is kinda broken.” Kris still loves to tease Tao. He loves how Tao blushes with a pretty shade of pink and his eyebrows scrunch up in embarrassment. Kris misses the feisty and fiery Tao, but this Tao it good enough for him. He makes Kris happy.

“Oh, I’ll fix it.” Tao grabs the sheet back and quickly uses his eraser to wipe out the mistake.

Meanwhile, Kris writes in his own book and shows it to Tao. No words are needed. When Tao looks up, he works quietly to decipher what Kris has written. It’s in beautiful cursive writing, all written in English. So Tao works super hard to understand.

I’m sorry for leaving. Tao finally understands. Kris smiles at Tao’s hard work and then places his notebook back to his desk.

“It’s ok.” Just like that, all is forgiven between them and they both push away the pain. 

When class ends, Kris and Tao pack up side by side. Tao forgives him quickly for leaving, and his written apology somehow puts Tao’s mind at ease. Even though the question why he left is still left unanswered. But for some reason, Tao just doesn’t even care anymore. Momentarily, his guards are down and he’s letting Kris in. He doesn’t want to question it and he doesn’t want to doubt his decision because Kris just seems so…trustworthy. But Tao doesn’t know exactly what he’s getting into.

Kris on the other hand, knows he’s in for a world of pain. Being this close to his childhood best friend who couldn’t remember him is taking a toll on the older boy, but he risks it all for moments like within the English class. It can be worth it. Even if it kills me.

Though it doesn’t quite make sense to Kris right now, all he knows is that he’s sick of pushing people away. He’s sick of being so lonely because of his own faults. He doesn’t want to push people away. He wants to be close to someone, as close as he used to be with Tao. And if he has to start again to be close to Tao again, then so be it. Kris just couldn’t give a anymore. The boy makes him happy.

“Um, I guess I’ll see you at lunch.” Tao blushes and makes a beeline for the door. He leaves Kris standing there with a hidden smile on his face.

In his next class, Tao can’t concentrate on math equations. Though normally, he’d be working through algebra equations diligently and efficiently, he just couldn’t find the motivation. Instead, he spends the next hour having revelations about the mysterious Kris. He pulls up every memory he can about Kris—from him walking down the hallway, speaking to his friends, answering the teacher, staring out the window…anything he can.

It’s then that Tao realizes two things: Tao has too many memories of Kris to be normal and Kris has a lot more going on in the inside than he shows.

Tao recognizes that Kris pushes people away, he notices all the fake smiles and expressions, and he finally realizes that Kris is hurting just like Tao. The two of them are the same but it took Tao so long to realize.

Tao couldn’t really think of a reason why Kris is hurting so bad, but he wants to find out and change it all. He doesn’t really know exactly what went on during English class, but he feels as though Kris revealed a whole new side to Tao, and he loves it. He loves that small smile that Kris showed to Tao. He had never seen that smile before.

Thinking about it, Tao shows a little smile too, before finally getting to work on his math assignment.

Kris just doesn’t even bother with work at all. He carelessly spends the hour thinking about Tao and that adorable blush of his. Should I ask him if he remembers another Kris from when he was little? Should I tell him? Kris’ logic is that if he’s prepared to be in a world of pain, he might as well take another leap. If he can manage being completely new friends and starting all over again, how much more painful could being rejected again be? A lot. Kris negatively says to himself. C’mon, Kris. The worst he could say is ‘No, I don’t remember’. And you’d be prepared for that. At least, that’s what Kris tells himself. But even he knows that he’s bullting.

History class passes by slowly as per usual. Kris isn’t even sure if his teacher is talking about ancient civilizations or World War 1. It slowly seeps away. Kris knows that Tao is a huge distraction to his work, but Kris decides that his priorities are absolutely fine—it’s just his mind that’s wondering.

it. I’ll just ask him. If he really can’t remember then I’ll just continue becoming new friends with him. Kris hypes himself up, but his heart is already picking up it’s pace just thinking about talking to Tao.

When lunch comes around, Tao is really looking forward to it. He’s looking forward to hanging out with Kris and his friends, as today is one of the days where his timetable is a bit messed up. He hurries down the hallway with his backpack recklessly only slung on one shoulder and his excitement fighting off his temporarily weak immune system.

“It’s the little from yesterday.”

Tao’s eyes lift off from the ground and meet with very malicious and mean looking eyes. Not now.

“You think you’re funny? How’re you gonna hold up now that your pretty boy friend isn’t gonna help you?” The guy from yesterday shoves Tao slightly. Tao just steels himself and recalls self-defense from his Wushu training. Even if he's a little weak right now, he's sure he can hold the boy off.

“Randy. It’s not worth it, let’s just get outta here.” Randy’s friend eyes the hallway uneasily, looking out for teachers.

“No, this idiot here is gonna pay for being such an arrogant piece of .” Randy shoves Tao harder and Tao decides that enough is enough. He lands a punch squarely in Randy’s jaw. Bone meets bone and Randy stumbles backwards, shocked by Tao’s actions. His eyes narrow and he gets up in rage.

Kris walks out of his classroom, eyes tracing lines on the floor with his mind still on Tao. Suddenly, he hears a roar from his right side, and his eyes reflexively lift to find the source.

Tao. Kris runs towards the fight and is about to crash right in and beat the living daylights out of the same guy he shoved the day before. But when he reaches them, he realizes that Tao is taking really good care of himself. Kris remembers when they were younger and a few kids were bullying Tao on the school playground. You’ve grown much stronger haven’t you?

Tao lands a graceful but powerful roundhouse kick to Randy’s face, and the boy is immediately knocked out. Tao lands without even breaking out a sweat, and Kris is dumbfounded.

“What’s going on here?!” A teacher makes her way towards the knocked out boy. “You!” She points to Tao, “Did you do this?!” Tao nods slowly, realizing that he’s about to get in a whole lot of trouble because he couldn’t control his anger. There are a few murmurs from the crowd but people dissipate, not wanting to be involved in possibly getting in trouble.

Just as the teacher is about to scream and scold Tao, words already beginning to form on her lips, Kris steps in and says something. “It was in self-defense.”

When did he get here? Tao’s eyes widen at the sudden appearance of Kris. Did he see the whole thing?

“Yeah…Ms. Tracey, it was in self-defense.” Randy’s friend says hesitantly by the teacher’s side.

The woman takes a moment to think before acting quickly. Ms. Tracey has Randy and his friend in her class, it shocks her that Randy's friend would stand up for the other boy. She supposes the whole thing speaks for itself then. She decides to trust the witnesses’ opinion and rushes Randy to the nurse’s office with his best friend in tow. She leaves Tao and Kris alone.

“Did you…see the whole thing?” Tao asks unsteadily. Kris shakes his head slowly.

“Nup, I didn’t. But I saw enough yesterday to know that he would try to start another fight.” Kris answers rather coolly. Tao gives a small smile. He’s so smart. Tao begins to admire the older boy with a respect he hasn’t felt since…since Kris gege.

“When did you learn how to fight like that?” Kris begins to walk towards the cafeteria and so Tao follows him side-by-side.

“I’ve being doing Wushu for years now. I-uh…I used to get bullied in primary school, and always needed to depend on my friend to help me. So I learned to protect myself.” Tao chuckles very quietly and rubs his arm.

Kris becomes very quiet, but the thumping of his heart breaks the silence. He's sure that Tao can hear it over the small talk in the hall. It’s now or never right? He turns towards Tao, their eyes pretty much level as the two of them grew to the same height.

“Tao…do you…” remember me? Do you remember Kris gege? Do you realize that I’m your gege? Out of all the questions he could’ve asked, Kris just couldn’t go through with it. His throat froze in shock and his mind ceased coherent thoughts. He went into a full panic mode and spurted out the first thing that came to mind, “Do you need help with English class?” What?! Kris yells at himself inwardly. Are you kidding me? You freaking cowa-

“I do actually.” Tao blushes. Kris’ eyes widen and his thoughts become blank. “I try really hard to understand but…I just can’t get it.” Tao reveals. Even since young, English wasn’t Tao’s strong point, but it’s a requirement at their school.

“I can tutor you…I mean, if you want.” Kris is quick to correct himself. Don’t get too carried away.

“Yeah, that would actually be really nice.”

Tao realizes that there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about Kris. He really misunderstood the older boy and underestimated his kindness. He’s thankful that Kris offers his help with English class because Tao knows he desperately needs it.

“Okay, is it ok if we go to your house? It’s closer than mine.” Kris tries not to sound rude, but Tao really couldn’t care less about manners at the moment. However, Tao wasn’t sure whether his stepdad would be at home.

“Uh, is tomorrow ok?” Tao looks down on the floor. He hopes that tomorrow his stepdad will be too hung-over to bother him or Kris.

“Sounds good to me.” Kris sends one of his warm smiles to Tao who blushes a rosy pink across his cheeks.

11 years earlier…

“Kris gege, how do you answer this question?” Kris looks up from his own homework and peers over at Tao’s. The equation wasn’t too difficult to solve, but Tao just didn’t understand what to do.

“Remember how I taught you how to multiply and divide?” Kris asks the small boy. He nods sharply. “Well, you just do that here and then you add the four.”

Tao stares at the paper and he finally understands. He looks up at Kris in awe, “Thank you so much, gege!”

“Anytime, Taozi.” He chuckles lightly. “Tell you what, if you can finish your homework within half an hour, I’ll bring you to my house and we can play video games.” Tao’s mouth drops open at the prospect of playing with Kris’ Playstation.

“Deal!” He exclaims and rushes to finish the rest of his homework. Tao never really goes to Kris’ house, it’s fairly far from his house and Kris’ parents are hardly ever home. But as long as Kris is with Tao, Tao’s mom is fine with them going outside or to Kris’ house.

Kris watches the small boy with endearment as he pokes his tongue out and frowns at the equations but works diligently. He goes back to his own work and continues to finish all the equations.

Will you remember me if I help you with your homework again?