To be honest, I cringed when I saw the word 'queenka' as I am sick of reading the kingka/queenka and nerds story. However, what made me change my view of your story was the word 'ex'. So, she isn't a queenka now? I was intrigued when many thoughts appeared in my mind. Did something happen to the girl? Why isn't she a queenka now? When many questions came into my mind, I decided to check the story out. I do have to admit that there was a point that I didn't like in the title. Why did you put ellipsis(...) in the title. I don't really recommend using them as they are changing a short phrase from the title into an incomplete sentence. Do you get what I mean? This is just my personal opinion though.

Next, there were some wrong word choice in your story and it made the sentence and story sound awkward and weird. I do wish that you can check all those words or phrases’ meaning before using them. Let me show you those examples for the wrong word choice:

(Eunkyung is the perfect example of what every girls want to be and

every guys wet dream.

The sentence sounded weird after I read this ‘every guys wet dream’. Do you understand the meaning of a wet dream? It is a type of

discharge for guys but it will be weird if you phrase the sentence like that. It sounded like Eunkyung was that discharge. So, you do

have to be careful when using words and phrases. I do recommend looking for the meaning to confirm that the word is fitting in your

sentence structure. So, you have to look out for your word choice. I guess this is one of the points that you have to work on.

I will recommend writing this sentence instead, but the choice is totally up to you, if you think that you can structure a better sentence, go ahead!

(Eunkyung is the perfect example of what every

wants to be and every guy’s dream girl.)

I did bold the word ‘girl’ as it is supposed to be in a singular form. After the word ‘every’ the tense should be in singular form. Do

take note of your tenses too. So, I changed it to ‘every guy’s dream girl’. I guess this phrase is more suitable than the wet dream’s one?

I do apologise if the sentence that I typed down is inaccurate as you didn’t allow text selection and I have to write word-to-word for

those sentences. Next, what I had problem most is your tenses. They are always switching in the story, very inconsistent indeed. So, it was supposed to be a recount using the third person perspective. So, by writing with such a style, the whole story should be

in past tense.

However, I do spot tenses that are in the wrong form. Please be consistent. The best way to ‘cure’ your tenses, is to read the finished product several times to spot those errors.

Original Script:

Eunkyung walked into her house, her heels hung of her fingers. She walked tippy toe but more carelessly as she was drunk from all the booze. She tried to get her conscious on but she kept hitting the object along the way.

“Eunkyung,” her dad called.

She looked up and her eyes turned wide. Her parents are there.

Let’s look at the first sentence. You used the wrong phrasal verb. It was supposed to be ‘hung on her fingers’; ‘hung off’ is totally off so do some changes with your phrasal verbs. Next, there is a problem with your words on the next sentence. ‘Walked tippy toe’ isn’t a correct phrasing. What do you mean by that? There is no such phrase as ‘tippy toe’; more like ‘tip-toe’ and it already shows the action of walking. So, why must you add the word ‘walk’ into the sentence? As you can see, the last sentence of that part above was having a tenses error. It should be in past tense so do the necessary changes.

Edited Script:

Eunkyung walked into her house, her heels hung on her fingers. She tip-toed but failed as she was drunk from all the booze. She tried to regain consciousness but she kept hitting objects along the way.

“Eunkyung,” her dad called.

She looked up and her eyes turned wide. Her parents were there.

I found some parts really overused and cliche. Why do girlfriends always find out an affair between their current boyfriend and their best friend? I don’t mean to bash or insult your plot but it is so commonly-seen in fanfics, I have to question the realistic rate. However, after I read Hara’s meeting with Eunkyung, I finally understand why Victoria was a two-faced friend. It seems like she only befriended her for her money. Again, another question pops into my mind. Why is the time so accurate? It seemed a little made-up when she saw them in bed on the exact same day where she lost her properties.

I do have to say that I was questioning if I can believe this. It will be better if you can give these two incidents some time before happening. It must take days as happening on the same day was too coincidental to be true. I will suggest writing that Eunkyung ran to Nickhun’s house to tell him the incident and the bed incident can be happened maybe a few days later. It can be staged as Nickhun wanted a new and rich girlfriend. Personally, I found this idea better as I can believe in this more than the current one. I will be looking forward to reading your opinions and thoughts.

Actually, there were some parts which had too much dialogues in a chapter and it was turning into a play-script. I do have to confess this fact as really like the way you describe the atmosphere and the situation with your own words instead of using dialogues. I understand that dialogues can liven the mood of the story but too much of something isn’t really a good thing.

Now, if we talk about characterization. I do have to comment on some of the main characters and minor characters in the story. So, I will talk about the characters individually and some in couple forms.

Eunkyung: I have to tell you that I really love the transformation you gave to Eunkyung. Yes, she was a total in the beginning of the story. She seemed to be naive and carefree; not caring about how family affairs and stuff. Really immature. I do have to admit that if I saw this girl in my school, I won't talk to her too. You depicted her very well, it seems like she was that bossy lady that loaded, not caring about tomorrow with that attitude of spending money and partying. I really like her brave and direct character, when she found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, she didn't give him a chance and in fact, she broke up with him. I love that attitude! However, I did wish to see more in character when she broke up with him. It seems like she didn't cry much? But it's great in my opinion because it shows the readers her powerful character.

However, after the break-up and how she transferred into another school, it was great seeing the development as she was originally seen as a broken-hearted girl that can't trust anyone. I do have to point out a part where I had to disagree on, it was too fast to see her attitude changed so fast. She was quite a talkative girl when she was in her new school, but after she transferred into another school, she turned into an opposite person. Why? It was quite unrealistic when her personality changed immediately, I will appreciate the story more if you can show some of her y attitude lingering around her and how she tries to control them. After all, you have to understand that it takes time to change an attitude, it can't change overnight.

Zico: I really love this guy, he sounds so caring and loving in the story. I love how you included his special rapping ability into the story and I have to give you credits for writing his real name: "Jiho" instead of Zico, so great job! I do have to apologise if I keep using his stage name, you see, it's a habit by now. Okay, I can see his caring and understanding personality when I read the chapters. When Eunkyung was upset after seeing Nickhun, he brought her to the underground so that feel better there. It's very caring of him.

I did spueal in delight when I read about how Zico felt jealous when he saw Minhyuk and Eunkyung together, and how Hara mentioned the word 'boyfriend'. It seems like he was so upset when he thought that Eunkyung had a boyfriend. I loved how he interacted with her; the development was great. Initially, Eunkyung did have a mental wall in front her and she can't trust most people, but Jiho was the first person that managed to break that wall down, I mean literally. So, I did love his personality. It is not made-up for me and I found it very realistic. A caring ideal boyfriend indeed!

Others: I can't help but to fancy Minhyuk's character, well, Minhyuk is my ultimate bias in Block B. Initially, when I first saw your story poster, I thought that there will be a love triangle going around in the story so I kind of hated that thought, you see, I had love angles because they hurt the other party that didn't get chosen. However, that thought vanished when I found out that Minhyuk was actually Eunkyung's older brother. I mean how cool is that? It was sad seeing the Eunkyung and Minhyuk's relationship being so distant but I really like that protective attitude Minhyuk had when he meet Jiho.

It seems like he do care for his sister and thought that Jiho is a bad influence for her. I really like that as he must have thoughts that Jiho will be similar to how Nickhun treated her. Isn't that cute? That brotherly love he had. So, you made me love Minhyuk even more. Actually, I have to admit that when I read your story initially, I thought that Minhyuk is that member from CN Blue because I'm just to used to Block B's stage-names. I only remembered that Minhyuk was B-Bomb when I was questioning myself why B-Bomb isn't making an appearance in the story yet. He sounded clever and do have a fair share of knowledge for business. So he has the brain as well as the looks, that's why his parents adore him.

As for Hara, I don't know if she is your original character or is she the girl from Kara? So, I treated her as the Kara member since it sounded exactly like Hara. In those variety shows, Hara had a similar personality to your Hara in the story. Somehow naive and immature. I did cringe again when I saw how she is willing to change her personality and herself just for Jaehyo. I was thinking in my mind how dumb(no offense) she is to do that. Can't she find a man that can accept who she really is. So, she sounded overly-talkative when she was with Jiho and Eunkyung and somehow annoying when she pushes Eunkyung to do things for her. I guess she do have a inner-cutesy personality when you wrote that the lady gave her a cookie. I mean, who will give you cookie? Unless you look cute. Yeah, just for her crush, she will do anything for him. Like how she managed to do a thorough research on the London Fog.

So looking on overall content, I found the characterization the best as it was well-developed. As for the points that you need to look out in the future, they will be your tenses, spelling and your word choice. Do not mix up the words meaning and use them without checking. They will make your story sound funny and different from what you wished to depict. As for the story plot, I really like it! Being an ex-queenka was definitely unique in my eyes. You have potential in writing but there are points that you have to work on. So if you are willing to work hard, I believe that you can write amazing and unqiue stories! You can do it! I believe in you! It's great to see someone write about a Block-B fanfic and I really appreciate the hardwork and care.

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Reviewer's notes : Wow! I do have to apologise for the extremely long wait, there was a lot going on and we finally managed to settle down into serious reviewing. Well, my account was hacked by some peeps and I had some exams along the way so Hana was helping me with the management of the shop.Thank you for accepting our late review, do remember to share with me your thoughts and opinions as they mean a lot to me. I am sorry if this is extremely harsh, I'm not sure if I was at the '7' rate or did I exceed it? I really want you to understand a readers' opinion so I didn't hold back at some parts. Thank you for requesting. Do give us an upvote if you appreciate and like your review!

Happy New Year!

-Scarlett

31 December 2013