4- Give and Take
Psychosis.
(Warning: ZeloXOC.)
Friday, it was finally, finally Friday. Zelo had waited for several days, checking with the adults constantly to make sure that his perception was right, that he had not somehow missed the day his siblings would come and visit. He missed them so much, he felt he would go insane.
However, for the time being, he had no choice but to sit in the too silent therapy room, as Youngjae and Kai stared each other down. The tension in the room was straining against the silence while Zelo very consistently glared at the clock, willing it to go faster so that he could go and find his family. Two hours, fifteen minutes and counting. Tick, tick, tick...
And, unfortunately, because this group session wasn't going to end until one of them caved, he would be stuck staring at the clock as it showed them running five minutes late, later, later... Why did Kai have to cause all this drama? Yes, he still cuts himself. Anyone can see that. No, he does not take his medicine, anyone can see that... Except of course, the "trained professionals." Sigh... later, later, later. Well, maybe Youngjae had known.
Two hours, thirteen minutes and counting, he thought, staring at the occupants of the room. Rayne and Serenity still stared at Kai in shock, while Sulyeon cast him a reproachful glare for his snyde comments and blatant disreguard for protocol. Why? It was common knowledge that Kai disliked Youngjae and this facility. Stupid idealistic things, they had already known he refused to cooperate. He glanced back at the clock.
Two hours, twelve minutes and counting... He glanced around again, letting his gaze settle on the skeletal girl. Sulyeon, he had learned was very musical. Although Zelo had decided that she was too-different, he did enjoy the way she sang, the way she moved. It was rhythmic, the way her hair swayed back and forth, back and forth, the way her feet tapped right left, right left against the hard floor... it was comforting.
Sort of like the clock, he mused, silently. The clock entered his line of sight again, Tick tick tick: Two hours ten minutes and counting. The voices had begun a low muttering growl several ticks of the clock ago.
Hurry, hurry. You'll miss them, you'll miss their visit... hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry...
He mouthed the chant to himself, scraping his hands against his legs rather anxiously. "Hurry, hurry!" a tiny sound formed on his lips... Youngjae sighed, lowering his eyes rather sadly. "Kai, I think it's time you went home. Go to the office and call your parents. You're all dismissed."
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"I can't believe you got yourself kicked out." snapped Serenity, slapping the back of Kai's head. Zelo suppressed a smile at the lack of reaction from the other boy.
"I'm impressed that they finally wised up and sent me home." he glanced at Zelo who was still staring at him rather confusedly. Zelo couldn't quite understand why he was happy to leave. Didn't his family send him here to get better? "What?" Zelo shrugged.
"Um, well... Didn't you come here becau-"
"I was forced to come here for who knows why. Rest assured, my mom doesn't care." he spat, before Zelo could even finish. His mood had shifted again. "And neither do I." Zelo opened his mouth to speak again, but was cut off by a rather icy glare from the dark haired boy. "Not another word, psycho." Kai seemed to have turned into a darker version of Jongup. It had become apparent in Zelo's few days here that Kai's shifts were like black and white. One minute quietly sketching and answering honestly, the next sneering at anyone and everyone while jeering and pointing out their flaws. He didn't like him anymore. Neither did Yongguk.
That little fool. Who does he think he is? He shouldn't get to leave. He doesn't even care about his family. Who is he to call you crazy? The little-
"-elo, not psycho!" he looked up, eyes searching wildly for the person who'd spoke his name. "You apologize to Zelo right now!" Sulyeon was very angrily jabbing Kai in the shoulder. "And never say that again. He got enough of that at school." Kai swatted her hand away, jabbing her rather cruelly in the center of her bony chest. "Alright. Lay off the ipecac and I'll leave your freaky new boyfriend alone." The cold smile tearing Kai's face caused Zelo's stomach to clench painfully... But the pained look in Sulyeons' eyes lit a small acidic coil of hatred in his insides.
"Th-that's uncalled for." he murmured, wondering why he was sticking up for this girl who was too-skinny, too brunette, too brown eyed..."And... and I won't let you talk to her like that." The boy's gaze shifted restlessly and he stood up shrugging. He stalked to the corner where Zelo stood and flicked his hair out of his face, revealing the painful purple scar.
"I wonder, where do you get off defending other people," he scratched one fingernail against the scar rather cruelly. "When you can't defend yourself?" Zelo had no answer, he simply stared up at him through his bright pink hair with his lower lip crushed up under his teeth.
Kai scoffed, flicked Zelo's forehead once more, his sharp fingernails stinging the raised flesh, then turned and left. The only sound in the room was the whirring flutter of voices pounding through Zelo's ears and the low growling of the violent Rain twin.
"Oooh, I am gonna throttle that boy!" screamed Serenity, turning and bolting after him. Rayne looked nervously between the two, as if trying to find an oncoming panic attack. "Uh... are you two okay?" The pink haired boy in the corner gave no response, simply staring wide-eyed at nothing.
"Yeah. Go... go stop your sister." Rayne turned and left, cracking her knuckles with a dark laugh.
"Who said I was going to help him?" and the curtain swished back into place.
They're worthless, all of them. The world would be better off without them... fools. And you! How dare you defend that skeleton of a girl. She's worthess. What would Himchan say?
"Zelo..." the boy still remained silent, his mouth moving in a silent dialogue. She walked cautiously up to him, reacing out to touch him. "No!" he flinched before her fingers even made contact.
"Don't touch me... please." he backed away, still staring at her nervously.
"I forgot! I'm sorry..." she said, sincerely. She gave him a smile as she stepped back, as if trying to show all of her teeth. She smiled like... just like... Zelo's face felt hot as his heart thudded painfully in his narrow rib cage. He backed away, his mind beating frantically to escape the affection blossoming for this scrawny, foolish girl who smiled just like his brother.
"Ju-just... leave me alone!" She looked hurt, her smile fading. His chest ached at the sight. "I'm... I'm sorry!" he stammered, floundering a bit as he got caught in the curtain. Struggling wildly, he tore free and ran off down the hall, not caring where he went or anything else.
You traitor... you like her... You like her... Himchan would hate you for that. So would Daehyun. You know it's true...
Yongguk's voice tore his thoughts wickedly, pumping acidic pain in through his brain. "I know..." he whispered, repeating it to himself as he wandered aimlessly down the corridor. "I'm being stupid. What's so great about her anyways?" he reasoned with himself, glancing around. Wait... Did he hear his name?
"Zelo!" a voice he didn't recognize was calling down the hall. "Yoohoo! Zeloooo!" it was a tall blond boy with a huge grin lighting up his face. "Ooh, I saw that! You can't pretend you didn't hear me." He was carrying a messenger's bag and dragging a big plastic bin.
Zelo stopped and stared at him rather apathetically. "What do you...?" the boy stopped in front of him, breathing a bit heavily. "Okay.. okay. I'm here to tell you that you're starting some new medicine today." Zelo eyed him suspiciously. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, oh. Right." the boy grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "My name's Ren. I used to be a patient here, but was discharged three days ago. So, I decided to help out around here." He smiled proudly. "My current errand is to give you your new meds." Ren, Zelo noted, couldn't seem to sit still. Weird. Digging around a messenger bag dangling from his side, the boy began "Sooo... I think they're... right... Oh crap." he withdrew his hand from his bag, scratching the back of his head embarassedly. "Well, uh... I think I forgot them in the office sooo... you might need to stick around with me for a while. Sorry."
A wave of panic rose up Zelo's throat. "Wait! No, I'll miss my visit with, with my siblings! I can't!" Ren smiled reassuringly, kindly.
"No, hey, Zelo. It's fine. You've still got an hour before your visit." He turned and began off down the hall, signalling for Zelo to follow. In spite of himself, Zelo obeyed, trotting quickly beside him.
"So, what are you in for?" asked Ren after a brief period of silence. Zelo shrugged, really not wanting to tell anyone anything... not after what happened with Kai. Without really waiting for an answer, the other boy continued, "Yeah, I was the same as you when I got here." The boy shook his head defiantly, his wild hair flopping comically about his head. "I was all, "I ain't tellin' you squat!" but then I learned that the sooner I spilled the beans, the sooner they'd let me go." He winked one eye at the silent Zelo, now chewing pensively on his thumb nail. "Then, they gave me my meds, and now I work here. The end!" Zelo nodded, proving that he'd been listening, but still refusing to respond.
"Sooo... How long have you been here?" Zelo shrugged, deciding he wouldn't tell this boy anything. "Okay, ummm... Got any friends here?" Another shrug. Ren gave an agitated sigh. "You know, it's hard carrying on a conversation with you." he pouted, throwing his arms behind his head and allowing the two to walk down the hall in relative silence... for all of two minutes. "Sooo... if I tell you what's wrong with me will you tell me what's wrong with you?" Zelo shrugged again, for lack of a better response. Ren seemed to take that as a yes, because he very conspiratorialy leaned close to Zelo's ear and whispered, "I'm schizophrenic. I hear voices and all that jazz." he leaned back over, not breaking his stride. "Okay, spill it.." Left, right, left right came his rhythmic footfalls on the bleached white floors.
But Zelo had stopped walking staring at Ren slack-jawed. "You... you hear them too?" Ren stopped walking having realized that he'd left his traveling companion behind.
"Uh, hang on... yeah!" he ran back up to Zelo, staring at him in concern. "Oh. So do I. I got here three days ago." With a satisfied sigh, Ren nodded, looking thoughtfully at the ground. "You know, we're like mirror images! Or.. or a, what are those called again? A pal-y- tron?" Zelo allowed himself a small smile.
"Palindrome, Definition- A phrase or word that can be read the same backwards and forwards." Ren nodded.
"Exactly so! Isn't it cool?" the blond jumped excitedly up and down, smiling at Zelo the whole time.
"Sort of... the definition doesn't really match up..." Ren waved the thought away, pointing down the hall and crying,
"And thus the two friends marched off the hall to finish their quest!" Zelo smiled slightly at this strange boy. A friend...
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"So... this is Kai's room." said Ren, drawing the curtain and looking around the room with interest. Ah, of course they would be cleaning out his room. Zelo scowled slightly, choosing to stand in the doorway rather than enter this wretched room. "Eh, what a shame. I liked the kid, but man, was he weeeird!" he twirled one finger in a circular motion beside his head, beginning to pile the books and clothes into the bin rather gracelessly. "Great artist though." Zelo simply stood there watching the way Ren cleared the things from the dresser that Kai had kept in an orderly fashion, not even noticing when a small photograph slipped out from the pages of one of Kai's many sketchbooks.
Zelo noticed it and try as he may, he couldn't help but wonder who Kai would keep a picture of. He fidgeted uncomfortably as he battled with his curiosity. After several minutes of inner turmoil, he gave in, taking several steps in, and snatching the picture from the ground. As he flipped it over, he glanced up at Ren who was still chattering away and didn't even notice that Zelo had moved from one place to the other. He examined the picture in his thin fingers, eyes widening as he recognized the girl smiling from the glossy paper.
It was Sulyeon, only... the circles under her eyes were gone, her hair was fuller, healthier, and her body was normal. She didn't look like a skeleton with static shoulders atop her torso and a sore, swollen neck. She was... pretty. And smiling that smile that made him think of lovely Himchan. Himchan... would he really hate him if he befriended the girl? The voices rose to respond, but Zelo rather forcefully denied their claims this time, startling them into submission. With a slight shiver, he could feel the glare Yongguk cast him from inside his mind. He would pay for this later.
"Alright, ready to go?" asked Ren, bringing him back from his thoughts. "Uh, yeah." he slid the picture quietly into his pocket, feeling a slight thrill at the thought of defying the voices. "Cool, now let's get that medicine."
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His day was almost over, almost, almost... after lunch he'd get to see his hyung's. Oh, he couldn't wait! The tray of (inedible) food on his plate sat rather ignored as his fingers skirted nervously over the edge of the table, toying with his plastic spork. He hummed quietly to himself, some song he'd picked up from Sulyeon, and lifted his eating utensile in a rather strange motion. With a sigh, he shifted his anxious gaze over to the smooth pile of mashed potatoes and smashed the spoon through the gravy. It spread over the flattened starch like... like, blood pooling out over ivory skin.
A low growl and a loud clatter brought Zelo from his thoughts rather suddenly as Serenity, her temper foul once more, plopped sulkily down to the table. "Hey." she muttered, stabbing a misshapen hunk of fatty chicken. The nugget, much to Zelo and Serenity's surprise, bounced her spork up and down, up and down in a disturbing, yet impressive display of strength.
"That's not right." Serenity wrinkled her nose in disgust and pushed the tray towards Zelo, who brushed it aside with a gentle scraaape.
"You're not usually here for lunch." observed Zelo quietly. Serenity sighed dramatically, pressing her hand to her forehead.
"Alas, that wretched banshee of a woman masquerading as my mother refuses to pick my sister and I up in a timely fashion, so we are forced to consume this... this... slop." she sighed again. "Oh, the inhumanity." Zelo fought the urge to smile at the melodramatic girl, but settled for nibbling at the dry crumbling edge of the grease saturated meat on his plate.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the clock ticking slowly by: Less than fourty-five minutes before his visit... tick, tick tick, fourty four...
Then he saw Sulyeon, her long hair swaying back and forth, to and fro in the same comforting rhythm it always did. When she reached them, her music once again blaring in her ears, she plopped heavily in the seat beside him. "Hey, Zelo." she gave him a small smile, staring at him with a half lidded stare. He swallowed, staring at her wide-eyed. "Uhh... h-hi."
She giggled, pulling out an acidic yellow piece of paper. "Ren told me to give you this." she said, sleepily, as she slipped the note across the tabletop. He nodded his thanks, unfolding the paper.
Take your medicine, two pills. Make sure you eat first!
Your Palenjrome,
Ren
Zelo rolled his eyes. His spelling was egregious... but the note had a point, so he set to work inhaling the poorly prepared meal in front of him. "Sulyeon, what's up with you?" he heard Serenity ask the question and stopped briefly to hear her answer. Sulyeon lowered her head to her elbows.
"Just a bit tired today, I guess." she sighed, closing her eyes. Zelo watched her for a minute, swallowing hard to send the mash of food down his throat. He had eaten more than three fourths of it, and his stomach didn't feel it could handle any more. Quickly, he reached into his pockets, and retrieved the neon orange plastic container. Working from experience, he expertly snapped the cap off, popped out two pills, and tossed the two heavy capsules back, dry.
Then, he turned his attention back to Sulyeon. She looked totally dead, her emaciated form hunched over the table and her shadowed eyes closed. With a shaky breath, he watched Serenity's reaction as he reached across and brushed the hair from her neck. Very, very tenderly, the way his siblings had always been with him, he rubbed his hand against the back of her neck.
"Mmm." the noise surprised him and he drew back worry etched into his face. She lifted herself up a bit, reinstating the contact of his hand. Serenity rolled her eyes.
"Don't mind me. I'm just your friendly third wheel, waiting for my idiot of a sister and my wench of a mother to come pick me up." There was a clatter next to Serenity, who jumped and turned to see her sister scowling at her head.
"Mom's coming in like... five minutes. Holy crap, you're impatient." she sat down next to Serenity, crossing her arms. "And dramatic."
The two twins argued as Zelo continued to massage the back of Sulyeons' sore neck. She turned her head, cracking an eye to look at him, smiling softly. He blushed, the fingers of his other hand digging through his pockets to find the photograph. "Sulyeon... I want to ask you something." his voice shook slightly.
"Yeah...?" her voice was slow and tired. With a deep breath, he set the picture of that Sulyeon down next to her. She sat up, a frown creasing her sick face. "Where did you get that?"
"Wh-what did you do to yourself?" he blurted, desperate to know how someone could turn from a healthy looking girl to a stick. It was the wrong thing to say, obviously, for her eyes darkened to a frightening stormy glare.
"What was that?" He leaned back a bit, watching her warily.
"I want to know what... what you-" she slapped him, her bony hand leaving a dark red mark on his cheek.
"How dare you? You met me less than three days ago and you think you know me?" a wave of contempt bit the back of Zelo's throat at the assumptuous, ghoulish little girl.
"Well, do you?" Zelo remained silent, his mouth pulled into a tight frown and his eyes boring holes into her cold eyes. She slapped him again, causing him to snatch her wrist into a tight vice-like hold.
"Bulimarexia. Definition: An eating disorder commonly found in young women, characterized by a cycle of intensive dieting, binge eating and purging, such as through self-induced vomiting." he said it coldly, leaning his face close to hers and watching as twitched. "I saw you."
"Let. Go. Of. Me." his hold loosened and she snatched her hand away, standing up and casting him a withering look. "Screw you, you freaking stalker!" the harsh tone in her normally gentle musical voice startled him, and then she was gone. All was silent at the table.
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In the clean reception room, Zelo sat nervously on the edge of a beige sofa, waiting for his loyal Daehyun and lovely Himchan to come through the door... but it was five minutes past the three and they still weren't here. If they missed the visit, he would die. He knew it. He just did... Another five minutes had passed... Tears filled his eyes.
But there was a noise behind him as his eyes were abruptly covered by a pair of soft hands. "Guess who!" He whirled around coming face to face with his oldest hyung.
"Himchan!" he flung his arms around his neck, spotting Daehyun standing with his arms folded and a small smile playing on his lips. "You came! You came, you came!" he practically sang, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Then, he looked very seriously at Daehyun and held out his hand. "Daehyun..." his voice was severe, which caused the older boy to return Zelo's smile and close the gap between them. However, the usual hand touch was ignored and Daehyun enveloped him in a spine snapping bear hug. Zelo didn't pull away, rather he eased into it, returning it in kind as Himchan watched with a soft smile on his face.
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As Zelo settled in for the night, his dictionary in hand and his notebooks beside him, he couldn't help but reflect on his better than usual day. He felt so happy and at peace and... and... he wasn't hearing voices. They seemed to have disappeared after lunch, leaving his mind weightless and quiet. All the more reason for his excellent temper. Although his cheek still stung from where Sulyeon had slapped him.
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It was just after ten, as Zelo began researching the definition for mellifluous, that he heard a loud coughing sound from the room beside his... the girl's restroom. He sat up a bit straighter, wondering if he had imagined it. There was another cough, louder this time and followed by a heavy ragged bout of breathing. "Help..." it was faint, he could just barely make out the word. With a gasp, Zelo flung the blankets off himself, books flying everywhere as he turned and raced out of his room, ripping the curtain to the girl's restroom open to find a pair of long skinny legs protruding from the farthest stall.
"Are you, you, are you okay?" he called, dashing quickly to the open stall to rescue whomever was in trouble only to find Sulyeon sprawled out across the floor, her hand pressed lightly to her chest. "Sulyeon?" he shook her slightly, watching the way her head lolled to the side. "Sulyeon?" She coughed, something leaking out over her lips. He pressed his ear to her chest, listening with a strange terror to the uneven beating of her heart.
Yes, today was definitely a day of "Give and Take."
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