Every single joint in my body turned into gelatin as I stared, mouth agape, at the text on the phone.

By the way, Eunmi-ssi, that is quite a flattering get up. Do you always dress up before looking through other’s private property?

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I slowly counted to ten. Surely, surely I was simply hallucinating. That was entirely possible right? I mean, Kim Suho had really gotten under my skin today – probably I was just still upset about him and feeling guilty about checking his phone. Maybe my conscience was trying to give me one last out, one last chance at integrity, by forcing this hideous hallucination upon me. I could simply put the phone back in the rice bowl, waltz into the kitchen, and get back to prepping my soufflés. All would be right with the world when I opened my eyes in three…two… … ONE.

By the way, Eunmi-ssi, that is quite a flattering get up. Do you always dress up before looking through other’s private property?

The phone clattered out of my hands and I instantly dropped to my knees. Aish! Hong Eunmi, how do you get yourself in these situations? I beat my hands against my cheeks in an effort to pull myself into the reality of the situation. Okay. Okay. So – I had picked up Kim Suho’s phone, then I had received a text instructing me to turn around…and then the next text…the next text…mentioned my outfit? Which could only mean…? I nervously gulped down air as I tried to summon the courage to turn around when I suddenly heard a dull thud from somewhere behind me.

“AIEEEEEEE!!!” I crawled under the table with my heart in my throat. “Ottoke? Ottoke ottoke ottoke?????” I hysterically chattered to myself. This was way too scary! I was about to start flat out bawling when I heard an all too familiar and arrogant chuckle. It was muffled and distant but unmistakable.

Kim Suho.

I shot out from under the table, holding my rolling pin weapon high above my head, ready to strike that creep when I noticed a shadow standing at the breakfast nook window. It was him. Even in shadow that slimeball smirk of his was unmistakable.

Kim Suho was standing in my mom’s flowerbed, I noticed that he had placed his feet so as not to even slightly bruise a single petunia petal. He had casually slung his school blazer over one shoulder, his tie was loosened to reveal the slightest hint of his well-defined collar bones, and his bangs had come slightly undone from their usual “head-of-the-class,” conservative hairdo. His hair cascaded over his eyes, making him look even more threatening and dangerous. I gulped. Sigh – even stooping in my Umma’s flowerbed he manages to look cool and even…kind of hot. NO! EWWW!! Hong Eunmi, snap out of it!

Puffing up my cheeks in a show of frustration I screamed at him through the glass window pane,“Do you want to die today, you pyeontae? Get the HELL off of my property now – before I call the police on your _______ self!” Suho didn’t even blink. Cocking his head slightly to the side he slowly let his eyes trail me up and down before smirking. If it weren’t for the fact that my parents would have made me pay to re-pane the window, I would have punched my own fist through the glass if it meant that I could wipe that skeezy smirk off of his jerkwad face -UGH! ***BUZZ***

The phone buzzed at my feet, I narrowed my eyes at the impassive Suho and bent to pick up the phone.

And what are you going to call the police on? The property which you’ve stolen from me?

“YAH! You jerk! Don’t tempt me! I might be ‘stupid’ enough to do it. That’s all you think I am right? Just some dunce you can play like all of the other girls in class, huh? You think you and your little girlfriend Seo Nana can just push Hyejoo around because she’s actually smarter than you?! And you think I’m just going to keep quiet about it?! HAH! Well, you’ve picked the WRONG girl to mess with, mister!” I fumed through the glass. It was much easier to speak my mind to this jerk when I new there was a nice, safe layer of glass protecting me. I even stuck my tongue out for added effect.

Suho’s face dropped and his eyebrows knit together in a mix of hurt and confusion for the briefest of seconds before returning to the same arrogant gaze as before. For a moment I was sorry about what I had said. But then I remembered how hurt and mortified Hyejoo had looked as she kept her head ducked in the classroom. Enduring Seo Nana’s verbal abuse as milk rolled down her shuddering frame. It was enough to bring a lump to my throat and make my eyes sting with angry tears. And it was all because of this arrogant jerk on the other side of the window. ***BUZZ***

Now, now, Eunmi-ssi. Is that any way to treat a houseguest? Why don’t you let me inside so we can talk about this like civilized people? Besides, do you really think the police are going to listen to a high-school student who spends her free time dressing up like an alien?

Crap! In all of the chaos I had totally forgotten that I had put a colander on my head to protect me from any potential home invaders. I caught sight of my reflection in the glass. My cheeks were dusted with powdered sugar. My shirt and apron were smeared with the kiwi reduction I had made. And my hair was a tangled mess under my colander helmet. I truly did look insane. I felt my cheeks darken a deeper shade of crimson in embarrassment. Well, it looks like being my usual brusque self is getting me no where fast with this guy…maybe I should try something a little more familiar to him?

Tucking my disheveled hair behind my ear, I slowly looked up at Suho’s face with rounded baby doll eyes. I slowly batted my eyelashes. His face changed momentarily…I can’t tell if he’s buying my act or creeped out…but whatever, I’ll just roll with it.

Smiling sweetly, and cocking my head at a cute angle I lean closer to the glass and say, “Listen, Suho-ssi, I don’t want anything else to do with you and that idio- Ah. Haha. Your, uh girlfriend. And I definitely want you to stay the hell away from Hyejoo. If you can agree to that – then you’ll have your phone back and good as new. Sound good?”

I’ve got enough aegyo in me to kill a horse – hah! I pull my strongest and most manipulative aegyo pout for added effect. Suho looks stunned, like someone had just slapped him across the face. As I pull more cute poses I see him gulp. Hah! Is this actually getting to him? Who new that such a sophisticated, cold looking guy would have a thing for some simple aegyo?

Maybe getting what I want from him is going to be easier than expected.

But is getting him to stay away from me what I really want? …YAH!! Hong Eunmi you cannot, I repeat CANNOT fall for this guy. Do you hear me?!!?!