He made his way quickly to SHINee’s dorm where he could vent and fall back to his familiar pattern. Changsun knocked on the door and it was quickly opened to reveal a tired looking Jinki. “Hyung,” Changsun greets casually.

    “Changsun-ah, I had to talk to you about some things,” Jinki said, his tired demeanor more evident then ever. “Come in, make yourself at home. The rest of SHINee currently isn't here,” Jinki opens the door wider to reveal the SHINee dorm. Like practically every boy band’s dorm messy yet orderly in its own way.

    “So what did you want to tell me Hyung?” asks Changsun, curious, his pain temporarily forgotten.

    “You go first Changsun, you seemed more urgent and need of release,” says Jinki.

    “Cheolyong’s pregnant,” Changsun says quietly.

    “Is it yours?” asks Jinki equally as quiet, yet reassuring.

    “Of course, Cheolyong is to broken and scared to even dream of letting another man touch him ually. He’s okay with a little bit of affection now, thanks to Sanghyun, but he still tenses up,” Changsun says.

    “Does he know that you’re aware the baby is yours?” Jinki asks.

    “No, it would make life for him worse,” Changsun says sighing, “he’ll want me to come back to him, in one piece and apologize for everything, say it’s my fault, say I can fix his broken life- Jinki I am no longer in one piece, how can I fix something that I helped to break when I’m equally as broken?” 

    “Changsun you don't have to do anything,” Jinki says.

    “And thats where our problems always start don't they?” Changsun says bitterly, “When we don’t do anything. When we allow our problems to blow up in our faces and we watch the detrimental aftermath.”

    “Changsun, just show your support for Cheolyong, he’ll need it. Don’t push what you want, and what he wants, just be the supportive band member he wants, no needs you to be,” Jinki says.

    “How can I ing give my feelings up that easily? Giving up on my more than platonic feelings isn't that easy Jinki.” Changsun says angrily, “, have you forgotten what it was like to see your band broken? You are lucky that your band is willing, more like begging to reconcile with each other.”

    “Changsun, I haven’t forgotten what happened, you are being unreasonable. I never said you have to give your feelings up, just put them on the back burner for now,” Jinki says calmly, rubbing soothing circles on the angry male’s back.

    “Let me fall back into our pattern,” Changsun pleads, all of his emotions bleeding through his mask of anger. “I need to release,” Changsun says quietly.

    “Fine, go get yourself ready, I’ll be ready in a second,” Jinki says, not allowing his emotions to show through, ignoring the ease that they fell into their former pattern, not even trying to fix it.

    “Thank you Hyung,” Changsun says thankfully, those words cause Jinki’s lessening resolve against what they were going to do for the millionth time crack. Jinki sighs as he remembers one of the many times they had released their stress and their pain with each other.

    Their bodies collapsed into a sweaty mass of limbs,”Jinki that was great,” pants a tired Changsun.

    “Hn,” is the only grunt of approval that Jinki makes. Jinki brings the younger into a sweaty hug as he finally catches his breath, “ you get crazy when you remember things.”

    “It’s the only way I know how to cope, I can’t do this with Cheolyong it would scare him,” Changsun says.

    “So you run to me?” Jinki says jokingly.

    “Well, you said it was okay,” Changusn defends.

    “I know, just playing,” Jinki says, “Ready for another round?”

    Changsun groaned at the pain in his lower back, it was his turn to bottom and it still hurt like hell no matter how much he prepared. “Jinki, the memories had stopped for a while, I had stopped cutting, but-“

    “Cheolyong started again didn’t he?” Jinki asks quietly.

    “He didn’t, he wanted to but Sanghyun stopped him,” Changsun says. “The memories of that I’ve suppressed for such a long time are coming up again,” Changsun says. “I tried to forget, to let those things not to hurt me, but they come up. Its like everything is a trigger for me now days,” Changsun says.

    “You really should tell your company about your PTSD and your depression Changsun, I can’t always be here,” Jinki tells him. “How haven't they found out, as a matter of fact?”

    “If I told them, they would put me through therapy that would only throw our already broken band into more turmoil. They would have to stop promotions-just for some stupid things I went through in my past, its easy to blame it on overworking and exhaustion,” Changsun says.

    “Cheolyong went through therapy and you still promoted Changsun,” Jinki reminds him.

    “Thats because his problems were getting obvious and worse then mine, if the company doesn't notice my problems and my problems don't hurt me to much I’ll be fine,” Changsun concludes. Jinki brings Changsun in for a hug, and his hair, thinking.

    “I had to tell you something,” Jinki says.

    “Hm?” murmurs Changsun.

    The door of the dorm is opened and a soft but steady stream of conversation enters. Kibum’s voice echoes through the now very quiet room, “Jinki we brought food.” Changsun is already finding his clothes and throwing them on. He looks at the mirror to make sure that he looks remotely presentable.

    “Coming Kibum-ah, give me a second,” Jinki says, opening the window, revealing a small drop. Jinki mouths a quiet sorry as he gestures towards the now open window. Changsun nods in understanding and pulls his hood on, and pulls a spare face mask on, he motions for Jinki to call. He jumps out of the window, landing lightly, used to the multiple close escapes he's had to pull.

    The sound of Jinki’s door opening and a much older looking Taemin comes in. Changsun smiles to himself, “Taemin isn't so much of that little flower boy is he? With his ragged hair and piercings, much like my baby Mireu. Cheolyong has grown up so much with his abs and serious demeanor-“ Changsun stops his train of thoughts as he enters the car, mentally scolding himself for allowing the maknae once again to enter his mind.

A/N: I'm bulking up my storyline, it may get confusing so if there are any questions feel free to ask. I may answer them if I can and/or if they do not interfere with any possible plot details and do not contain spoilers.