Niel was getting ready for the ceremony. He was reading a book to calm his mind. L.joe was unable to be reached since last week. After that day, L.joe didn’t contact him. Niel was irritated and stressed because of that. He didn’t want to ruin this day but he can’t stop himself worrying about his Hyung. (knock, knock, knock)  Niel Glanced at the door and waited for the person outside to speak. “ Niel sweetie, Are you okay in there? Do you need something?” He heard his mom asked. He slowly closed his book and answered. “I’m fine, Eomma. Don’t over stress yourself” Niel smiled through the door imagining his mom’s figure at the other side of the door. “Neh, I’ll be seeing you later. Act appropriately Arasso?” His mom shouted. Niel chuckled at her attitude. “Neh, Eomma. Arrasso.” Niel responded to relief her worries. Niel opened the book smiling but the book was unbalanced from his hand so it ends up falling from his hands. He stood up and picked the book slowly and suddenly heard his mom having a conversation with someone. “Ah~  I haven’t seen you in a while~ Where have you been this days? We’ve been contacting you.” Niel heard his mother said to the unknown person. “Uhm. Neh, I went to my parents’ house and stayed there for a couple of days.” The man said chuckling. Niel was in great shock hearing that familiar voice. His anger rose and his heart started beat faster than before. He wanted to go outside and punch the hell out of that man. He felt a little dizzy. “Oh, well that’s good to hear and you look more handsome today.” Niel heard his mom giggled and that mans’ laugh. He was so irritated. “Ah. Neh, Kansahamnida. May I ask where the groom is?” L.joe asked. “He’s inside that room.” Niel’s mother told him. “Uhm, I better go talk to him.” L.joe said with a serious face. “Yes, you must dear. He was very worried about you. The two of you are like brothers’ so you should always inform him about things like this. I don’t want to see the two of you having a fight okay?” He heard his mom lectured. “Mianhaeyo(I’m sorry) Eommoni.(mother)”L.joe apologized. “Well, I’ve got to go and welcome the guests. You two should make up okay? Goodbye sweetie” Niel’s mother bid her farewell then rushed out of the hotel. L.joe walked in front of the door gathering the courage to knock on the door.5minutes had already passed and he was still standing in front of the door. Niel on the other side was staring at the door waiting for him to knock. The two of them was nervous and doesn’t have the courage to make the first move. Niel looked down and saw L.joe’s shadow. He was thinking of what will he say to him when he comes in. L.joe gulped and closed his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for another 5minutes. Niel wondered if L.joe will ever knock. Niel stared intently into his shadow. He saw the shadow slowly disappearing; His heart shrank and he started to run through the door. He opened the door with force and he suddenly heard a loud bang. He scanned the area to find his target and heard a sudden groan from the other side of the door. “Ouch, It hurts like hell..” Niel glanced to the groaning figure at the other side of the door. Niel’s eye widened seeing the person. “Ah, Hey” L.joe smiled to Niel. Niel did not respond. “Looks like you’re really angry at me. Huh? I can totally feel it right now.” L.joe chuckled behind his breath. Niel was so shocked and sorry for what he had done. Niel bit his lip and mouthed sorry to his Hyung. L.joe laughed and patted his dongsaeng’s head. “It’s alright, this is nothing, and I’m hurting more somewhere.” L.joe said. Niel laughed at his Hyung’s cuteness. “I was planning on punching the hell out of you but I guess God had already planned it for me.” L.joe looked at his dongsaeng with a blank face. Niel let out a super loud laugh that everyone outside the room looked at him with a weird expression. L.joe was blushing because all eyes are on them. When Niel stopped laughing, He started to feel embarrassed from what he had done. “We should probably go inside.” Niel insisted. “Yeah, we should. This isn’t the first time we felt this embarrassed.” L.joe groaned.

Niel stepped inside first and was followed by L.joe. L.joe closed the door behind them. “Why are you here?” Niel started. “Why? You said. Am I not invited?” L.joe asked. “You are, but what I mean is what are you doing in here? In this place, this is not the church nor the reception place.” Niel explained. “Am I not allowed to see my precious dongsaeng?  By the way you’re looking good my friend.” L.joe said smiling goofily. Niel laughed and talked. “So this is how you treat a precious person huh? By ignoring them and leaving them all ed up worrying about you? You’re a big jerk Hyung. ” Niel blurted out. L.joe can’t find the right words to say. He was avoiding Niels’ death glare. L.joe did not respond. “Hyung you are so mean.” Niel whispered staring at the ground. L.joe stared at his dongsaeng. His tears were threatening to fall. “Are you telling me that you’ve gone deaf?” Niel said. “Daniel-ah, I don’t want to ruin this day for you. Let’s just talk about this after your engagement. Okay?” L.joe stated in a soothing voice. Niel stared at his Hyung for a minute. “ So are you telling me that you don’t care” Niel said. L.joe was trying to avoid his gaze when suddenly he broke out. L.joe was sitting on the floor, hands on his knees. He was trying so hard to endure his pain for 10 years now.  “I d-do.. care…..SO MUCH to the point that it’s killing me.” L.joe mumbled behind his sobs. Niel stared at his hyung, he was feeling guilty. “Hyung..” Niel cooed. L.joe did not respond to him. He was feeling stupid for crying in front of Niel. He knows that he can’t hide his feelings forever. Niel bent down to ruffle his hyungs’ head. “Hyung, I’m sorry. I was acting like a child.” Niel apologized but L.joes’ sobs was louder than before. “Hyuuuuuung, I already apologized. I’m sorry okay? You can stop crying now.” Niel said panicking. L.joe did not move a muscle. Niel stared at him. His eyes are starting to get teary. “Hyung, Please stop crying. It pains me.” Niel begged grabbing his hyungs’ hands to see L.joes’ face. L.joe looked broken. His eyes are red and his tears are falling, tear after tear. Niels’ face scrunched up. “Hyung, stop okay? Your handsome face will be ruined.” Niel was using his thumb to wipe the tears from the older one’s face. L.joe shoved niels hand from his face. Niel looked at his hyung. “What’s wrong hyung?” Niel asked. L.joe looked at his dongsaeng with his teary eyes. Niel stared at his hyung intently. L.joe started to cry and sob again. . “Hyung, I told you not to cry.” Niel said. L.joe hugged his knees again. L.joe was hesitating to tell Niel his own feelings. He was thinking that if he ever spills it to him their friendship will end on his best friends’ wedding day. He wouldn’t want that to happen. “I-It’s nothing, It’s not your fault.” L.joe said behind his sobs. “Are you trying to tell me that it’s not me but you? Hyung, How will I know the reason why are you crying if you’re always trying to keep it for yourself?!” Niel said in an irritated voice. Niel was pissed off. L.joe still did not respond. “I’ll just leave you ALONE.” Niel stated. The last word from the boys’ lips echoed on L.joes’ mind. He doesn’t want to be alone in that room. Niel stood up and walked through the door. Ljoe hurriedly stood up and grabbed the boys’ wrist. “W-Wait.” L.joe said. Niel glanced at him. L.joe can see that Niel was pissed off. “Let go, hyung. You can’t even trust your best friend or should you even call me that.” Niel said. Ljoe’s face scrunched up and his tears started to fall again. L.joe gathered his courage and started talking. “I’m so sorry but you don’t know how blessed I am to have you as my friend and brother. I was so happy to be able to meet you. I’ve started to like you when we’re kids but as time goes by my feelings for you started to change. The like I have for you started to change to a deeper like.” L.joe was staring at the ground the whole time while Niel was looking at him the whole time. “So you’re crying just because of that? I also like you in a much deeper way you know?” Niel stated. “No, you don’t understand! It’s not just a simple like. More deeper, Much deeper than that !!” L.joe shouted. “Hyung you’re exaggerating things. Let’s get this over.” Niel soothed. Niel unlocked the door and opened it for them when suddenly L.joe grabbed his collar and covered the gap between them. Niels’ eyes widened at his hyungs’ action. He was so shocked that even moving his hand was too hard for him. His heart was in pain. His body weight was slowly decreasing, then suddenly it hit him, He tasted something sweet and he was starting to feel good. His eyes were slowly closing but to his content L.joe broke the kiss. Niel was dumbfounded staring at L.joe and he was feeling stupid for wanting more. “SARANGHAEYO, AHN DANiEL!!” Niel heard Ljoe said facing the ground. Niel snapped out and realized that the door was swung open. He quickly looked outside if anybody had seen them. When he saw that no one had seen them he quickly closed the door and talked to him. “Yah! What if someone had seen us?”Niel said in a loud whispering voice. “It’s your fault! You said that you’ll leave me here alone, and you’re the one who opened the door without telling me. How will I know? you Idiot!” L.joe defended. Niel looked at him stupidly. “You’re the one who caught me off guard! Are you stupid? And What was that?” Niel shouted at L.joe.  “What do you mean WHAT?” L.joe asked with his innocent eyes. Niel blushed hard. “Ahh.. Y-you know! T-that!!! That Thing y-you d-did to me a while ago.” Niel explained. He was staring at the ground. L.joe can see the shade of pink on Niels’ ears. Ljoe chuckled at Niel’s action. “W-why are y-you laughing! Y-you JERK! Y-you were crying a w-while ago and now y-you’re laughing at me! You M-MONSTER!!” Niel shouted still blushing hard. Ljoe looked at his dongsaeng. “I’m glad it turned out like this. It’s better to end up things like this with no regrets and hatred.” L.joe thought. “Come on. Let’s go, the ceremony will start soon. She’s been waiting for you.” Ljoe said smiling. Niel stared at his hyung. L.joe was smiling happily for him. Niel was happy that his hyung is smiling again like nothing happened but even though he’s happy his face won’t lit up. Niel was frowning because of his hyungs’ change of mood, ignoring what happened earlier. L.joe grabbed Niels’ wrist and started to drag him outside the room but Niel struggled on his hold. L.joe looked at him with a puzzled look. “Wae? (Why)” L.joe asked him. Niel stared at him. “Aren’t you going to answer my question? Or do you just want it to end up just like that?” Niel said. L.joe bit his lips and said. “They’re waiting for you. Come on let’s go.” L.joe chuckled. Niel looked at him for a minute and said. “I don’t care.” Niel answered. L.joes’ eyes widened from the younger ones response. “I don’t care about them waiting for me when I don’t even want to be in there. I’m waiting for your answer. Hyung” Niel said looking straight into L.joes’ eyes. “Niel, what’re you saying? This is what you’re destined for, to be with her, the one you like.” L.joe explained. Niels’ face frowned and he looked at the ceiling. His tears threatening are to fall. “Destined for? Well, if that’s what I’m destined for then I’ll break it. I will just follow what’s on my heart. Hyung, I love her but I love you so much more.” Niel stated with his teary eyes. L.joes’ eyes widened and maintained his poker face. “Yes, I know.  I’ve said it earlier, I love you too.” L.joe chuckled. Niels’ face scrunched up in annoyance then suddenly Niel grabbed his hyungs’ collar and closed the gap between L.joe and him. L.joe was shocked but at the same time. He was happy that he was again given a chance to taste those lips. L.joe broke the kiss by pushing Niels’ chest gently. L.joe looked at him puzzled. Niel looked at him with sincere eyes and spoke. “Not the kind of love you think, its’ this kind of love.”  Niel let go of L.joes’ collar. L.joe was shocked for words. He can’t think of words to say to his dongsaeng. His heart won’t calm down. He was in pain for God’s sake. He was having second thoughts; if he’ll take this chance to be with him or to think of others before himself. Then suddenly he spoke. “Let’s stop this Niel, it wouldn’t do any better for us. You’re destined to be with her. You’ll be much happier with her by your side.” Niel looked at his hyung with an evil glare. L.joe did not look away. Niel suddenly grabbed L.joes’ collar. “Didn’t you hear me? You’re the one that I love! I’ve been hiding my feelings for you! God only knows,  how long I endured that! If you’re telling me that I am destined to be with her? Then I will break that string or bond that’s connected to me so that I can be with you!” Niel stated with his tears threatening to fall. L.joes’ eyes widened and he was feeling kind a dizzy. He just can’t take the words coming out from Niels’ mouth. When L.joe touched his nose, He felt something wet and he realized that he was crying. He was in deep thought: He was thinking if he was crying because he was happy or just because he just felt stupid for hearing all of that.  He was confused of his own feelings. If he will do what is right or what is wrong in other people’s eyes. He covered his face so that Niel wouldn’t pity him for being a cry baby. Niel looked at his hyung. He was thinking of what to do and what to say. “You should go Daniel-ah. They’re already waiting for you. You should be there before the bride. Don’t keep them waiting for you. Don’t be a selfish brat and go, You should consider their feelings.” L.joe said calmly to Niel. He didn’t even look at Niels’ face. Niel stepped back, he heart was bleeding. He was so hurt by his hyungs’ words, all he ever wanted was to be with him and to be happy, but it looks like that the person who makes him the happiest person will be the one to take away his happiness. “You’re the selfish one hyung. You’re not even considering my feelings.” Niel said. L.joe looked at him. Niels’ face scrunched up his tears we’re falling. L.joe touched his donsaengs’ face. “Please, Stop crying. This is all my fault. I’m sorry. I only want what’s best for you Daniel-ah.” L.joe said. Niel held his hyungs hand on his face and spoke. “If this is what you want, I’ll do it! I’ll be with her but you should know that I will not be happy with her but with you.” Niel said exiting. L.joe stared at his dongsaengs’ back. He suddenly burst into tears seeing his blurry figure. All he wanted was to be with him and to make him happy but it ended up like this. He never intended to do this; to make him cry, to hurt him, to break his heart and to crush him into pieces. He was a coward for not being true to his feelings. He was regretting this. When I said ‘this’ it means all of it.