It was dark and humid and suffocating. He could feel his lungs getting crushed by the crowd as he tried to move closer to the front. A number of hands had touched his body, and any semblance of shame he had before he entered the venue had disappeared in favor of keeping alive within the mass of bodies. The camera was more important than his life, he reminded himself, as he settled on a spot towards the side of the stage. He wanted to check his phone, but his hands were full, and before he could adjust his posture the lights suddenly went on and the screaming started.

Oh God, Jinki thought as he raised his hands to protect his camera. What the hell am I doing here?



Jinki actually had other pressing matters to attend to that day. He was supposed to take a double shift at the bookstore because one of his coworkers was sick. Then he was supposed to help a friend man his bakeshop because all the students who worked there quit as school days became more hectic. After that he was supposed to pick up groceries and other stuff for his mom and then go home to his apartment, clean up and search for a book he had to review for his shop’s weekly newsletter. But no, he had to set aside those other errands in favor of being enslaved by a younger cousin.

He had never questioned his cousin’s hobbies before, which involved super high tech cameras and sleepless nights and buying tons of merchandise. But yesterday, the thought that his cousin was probably a bit too obsessed with her hobbies finally hit him when he was asked for a favor. His cousin was going to have her finals on the same day her favorite boy band would be performing at a nearby venue, and she asked if Jinki would please, please, please with sugar on top be there for her instead to take pictures.

“Oppa, you won’t understand!” his cousin said, eyes pleading. “But please take pictures of Taemin please! People would be looking for updates in my site!”

Jinki wondered who the hell Taemin was, and he was immersed into an hour lecture about the group SHINE and its members. Apparently, his cousin’s favorite was Taemin because he was cute, but Jinki couldn’t really understand why girls like her would like someone who looked more like a girl than them.

He wasn’t really fond of contemporary music and most of the time, he preferred listening to old songs, so Jinki couldn’t really understand what the hype was about. But he was weak against puppy eyes and his cousin’s bribes of free lunches, so eventually he just gave in.

He just had to take pictures of one guy, right? It shouldn’t be so hard. An hour later, as his cousin taught him how to use the lenses and how to protect the camera from violent flailing fans, Jinki wondered if he made the right decision.


—


A few seconds into the first song, and Jinki thought he probably understood the reason for all the hype. All the members of the group looked handsome on stage and they smiled widely to the fans who screamed at them. The lights were killing his eyes, but Jinki blinked the discomfort away as he lifted the Olympus with zoom lens before his face, ready to take pictures of his cousin’s angel, Taemin, who was fortunately standing right in front of him.

He tried taking a shot of Taemin’s profile, but a flailing fan nudged his elbow and jarred his focus. Making a face, Jinki tried again, holding the camera and its precious lens steady and good! He actually managed to take a good shot of Taemin’s…well, back. It wasn’t his fault the kid moved a lot and did a lot of dancing. How could his cousin actually take pictures of this kid?

Jinki sighed, lowering his already aching arms. He had tried taking pictures but so far only 2-3 shots of Taemin had come out well. The rest were blurry and he had forgotten how to do that part where the camera took multiple shots in a matter of seconds to catch movement. Or how to zoom properly. Or how to adjust the brightness. His cousin will kill him.

Suddenly, he realized the crowd had gone a bit quiet. The group was still on the stage, although they changed positions and now Taemin was on the far end. Great. The third song started and it seemed like a ballad. Jinki preferred ballads over songs that hurt his ears and somehow, he found himself looking forward to the performance.

Anything Jinki had in his mind in expectation dissipated into the humid air of the venue as one of the SHINE members started to sing. He had forgotten the name of this one, having just concentrated on that stick kid Taemin. But he definitely recognized him from the posters—the sharp jaw and built muscles and horridly styled hair and piercing black gaze. He was belting out high notes like it was nothing and soon, Jinki was mesmerized, staring open mouthed at the powerful voice the boy band member released. The song was intense and sad and full of longing, and Jinki wondered why he felt each word so vividly as if he was the one singing it.

Slowly, he placed his camera before his face and took a picture, just when the band member looked up, veins and Adam’s apple protruding from his neck. Jinki swallowed, the intense song ringing through him, as he took another picture and another. He was transfixed by the man’s voice, his throat suddenly dry and his heart drumming on his ribs. He looked around him and saw same open-mouthed reactions from the fans. What kind of person was this guy that caused such emotions and reactions to overflow from people?

He didn’t realize that his finger continuously took picture after picture of whatever was reflected on the lens. But his hand suddenly stopped when his eyes met with the singer’s as the song ended. He felt his heart skip a beat and at the back of his mind, he wondered if this was all a normal feeling for the audience. The guy was leaning towards his side of the audience, staring at him with what seemed like surprise and pleasant wonder. Slowly, Jinki pulled the camera off his face, his eyes still held by the guy’s own and his mouth partly open. He didn’t know how long they held gazes, but he was sure it was more than necessary.

“Give it up for Jonghyun!” someone shouted from the other side of the stage and the crowd went wild. But Jinki’s eyes were still fixed on the guy, eyes wide like that of a deer caught in headlights.

Slowly, Jonghyun, which was apparently his name, smiled at Jinki. He mouthed something and laughed. Then he straightened up to walk towards his other members. The crowd cheered and asked for more and the group catered to them, starting another difficult dance routine.

Jinki found himself following Jonghyun’s every dance step and listening intently to his every note, lost in the sea of girls pushing to get nearer to the stage. His camera was forgotten in his hands as he stared at the stage, wondering what the hell just happened to him. Jonghyun turned to him once or twice during the concert, and every time, heat would rush to Jinki’s face as he remembered what the boy band member mouthed to him just a while ago.



Don’t cry, camera-ssi.




Jinki wasn’t even aware he was crying.