There’s a time, when all you can do is only thinking.

Kyu sit in that chair almost like hour. He not move, not says any word, not even take his gaze away from the figure in front of him. He put his hands over his laps as he tapping his fingers slowly over it, make a single tapping sounds come and fills the room. The room quiet cold, or maybe really cold, since it use an air conditioner, and light which is off, make the room completely turn into darkness. The only light that come into this room is come from under the white door on the corner, where the light from outside slips slowly from it.

It’s been awhile, after he found the figure. He hides himself afterward, like he tries to accept what just he knew that time. He not meets the other, the one who taller than him, well for sure he not visiting him anyway. He also refusing to talk with anyone, well, he always never talks much anyway, but now he’s not.

He sits there and stare at the body. He’s not move like he’s dead, while Kyu knows if he only get into a very long sleep. It’s the second time, after the first when he found out if the other is on this hospital, the one that he usually gets his therapy. This is just another Wednesday, when he just finishes his session, and for the first time, he turns his heels from the main door, but to one room instead.

“Do you know… you should wake up…”

Kyu says bluntly toward the figure. He knows if the one that in front of him now wouldn’t respond to him, well, he even knows if he wouldn’t listen that. Kyu sigh a little before he moves his chair backward a little bit, before he laid his head on the side of the bed. He stares at the hands in front of him, so pale, so lifeless.

“You’re right… somehow, I miss you…”

Kyu lift his hands up and touch the other’s. He can feels how cold the other’s hand is and make it sting his spine for awhile. Kyu, still laid his head on the bed, slowly but sure, close his eyes, as his hand laid over the other.

----

“So, you mean, it’s kind of a date?”

Eunhyuk hold his phone with his right hand, as his left start to take a glass from the cupboard in the kitchen. He is on the phone with Ryeowook minutes ago. It’s kinda strange, because the younger like to just text him, but now he call him and says something that he can’t really believe for sure.

“Perhaps hyung.” Ryeowook says from the other line “because Siwon hyung says, he asks Kyu-ie out, so I guess something like that.”

Eunhyuk choke a little when he tries to sips the water. He put the glass on the table as he wipes the corner of his mouth. He move the phone to his another ears “You mean, Kyu already agree with that?”

“Sorta hyung. Siwon hyung told me if they’ll out on Sunday.” Ryeowook says slowly. He stops talking and make there’s a moment of silent in the phone, before he continues “honestly… I feels like there’s something hyung.”

“Something like what?”

“I don’t know. These days Kyu just look like he terrified, like, something really bugging him, scares him.”

Eunhyuk turn silent as he listens to what Ryeowook says. He sits on the chair in his dining room before look at the clock on the microwave which shows him is already five, and Kyu should already finish his session and must be home in no minutes. He rubs his temple slowly and sighs.

“Okay, thanks Wookie, for tell me this.” Eunhyuk stand from his seat and walk toward the front door “I’ll tell you if there’s something and vice versa, okay?”

“Okay hyung, I will, bye.”

Ryeowook end the call and make Eunhyuk stand there in front of the front door. He takes his jacket and put his phone inside his pocket, before take his car key and leave the house.

----

Dark

Dark and cold.

Kyu open his eyes slowly as all he can feels is something really cold beneath him. He sleeps on something that wet and cold, which make his spine like frozen since always. He still try to remember what happen, and where he supposed to be, but then everything get into his mind as something white, soft and cold landed on his right cheek.

Snow.

Kyu gritted his teeth as he tries to lift his body with his elbows. He hiss in pain as the cold start to make his body quiet rigid to move. He look above again as he already support his body with his elbows. Dark. The sky is already turns dark with snows that keep falling from it. he turn his head to his surrounding like try to find something as a clue, but there’s nothing until he stuck in his place and forgot how to breath in second.

“So… you already awake huh!?” the voice sounds cracking, but Kyu knows it very well.

Kyu open his mouth and try to say something, but there’s no voice comes. He agape over and over, as he tries to stand from his place and start to run. He stand from his feet and turn his body in second as the figure keep closer to him, but then, his feet is just trembling and make him kneel on the floor in second.

He sees that again. The street light. The streetlight from his dream.

“I’m not gonna harm you… trust me”

The voice getting closer and Kyu just stay there close his eyes. He can feel something touch his shoulder slowly, sending an electric jolt toward his body. He gritted his teeth as he can feel something moving around him.

“Just make sure… you’ll do what I say, before it’s too late.” Kyu can feels something warm around his left ear before he hear the last words from the man “don’t make yourself regret it Cho Kyuhyun.”

BUGH!

Kyu suddenly feel something just laid on his back and it’s really hard. He fell on the snow in constant, and make his cheeks burn and freeze at the same time with the cold before slowly he close his eyes as the pain start to hit his consciousness.

----

Kyu open his eyes in horror as he feels something on his shoulder. He lift his body in second and found there’s already someone stand beside him and touch his shoulder. Without thinking twice Kyu quickly spat the hand from his shoulder and stand on his feet. He move on the corner of the room quickly and let the figure to just seeing him quiet terrified.

“I’m sorry…” the man says slowly as he put his gaze down “I just want to wake you up.”

Kyu still stare at the man from the corner. He can see how the man moves backward slowly as he still has his gaze down. He looks at his face, even the other try to hide it, he can see if the older have a beautiful face, and a slight light brown hair. He not quiet tall, maybe inches shorter than Kyu. Kyu swallowing his saliva as the man lifts his head.

He just likes the man in his dream. No, he’s more beautiful.

“I’m sorry…” Kyu says slowly and stops right away when he realize his voice is cracking “I just shocked when someone touch me.”

Kyu move a little and take his belonging from the floor. He can see a blanket already laid near his chair. Wait, is that man just cover him up with blanket when he’s sleep?

“So… You’re Changmin’s friend?” Kyu stops in his place as he hears what the older says. He looks at the older eyes like he really curious about his answer. Kyu glancing slowly toward the bed in his left, to see the figure that still not moves.

Kyu rubs behind his neck slowly “I guess…” honestly, he doesn’t know.

“I’m Changmin’s mom.” The man move slowly and stand feet in front of Kyu as he smile a little “I know it’s weird to hear that since I’m a man, but I am. And my name is Jaejoong.”

Kyu take the hand slowly that Jaejoong offers him and says his name. He can see if the older is look like someone that he know, but then he can’t remember exactly if he really know him or not. He takes his hand away and turns to see Changmin again, when something come into his mind.

“Wait, you’re Changmin’s mom?”

Jaejoong turn silent in second and not moving. Kyu close his mouth quickly and thought maybe he not supposed to says that things, but then, he can’t take it back anyway.

“I guess, you better home Kyu, it’s already dark outside.”

Kyu look at his watch and see if it’s already almost seven at evening. He sighs a little before he nods and walk pass Jaejoong who still stare at Changmin’s body on the bed. Kyu turn his head slowly and look at the two, before focusing only to Changmin before he leaves the room slowly.

--

So with the world thy gentle ways

--

It’s too busy, too loud, and too annoying. All he can hear is voices that bugging his ears and make his head like want to explode in second anytime he can hear some children screaming about how excited they are. He want to throw up whenever he see how some kids are eating madly just like a pig. Honestly he doesn’t remember when the first time he hate his surrounding, but whenever he tries to remember that it always lead him to the nightmare with the man under the street light.

If you not know him, you may thought he has some kind of disorder. He looks like have Asperger Syndrome for anyone that seeing him for the first time in that place. He like want to talk about something but he never does. He look very awkward in the crowd like he never be involves in, of maybe he hate it, really hate the crowd.

“Kyu, you okay?”

Kyu turn his head and found if Siwon already back from somewhere to buy drinks for them. Kyu only stare blankly before he nods slowly and put his gaze down to avoid every gaze that people give him accidentally or not.

It’s Sunday, and just like what Ryeowook says to Eunhyuk, if the two gonna have a day out together, well, kind of a date. Kyu just agree with the idea, because come on, he already like Siwon since his freshman year, even somehow he realize, if these days he like to questioning himself about his feeling toward the older.

He stuck now here, on the middle of amusement park. On one of the bench near merry go round. He not expects if Siwon will bring him here. Not that he hate it, but just, he never like being around to so many people, bumped his shoulder to stranger and have eye contact to anyone accidentally. He just hates this situation, but he can’t say that to the older of course.

“You okay Kyu?” Siwon says as he tilted his head slowly to find the younger gaze “you seem like you… I don’t know, hate this?”

Kyu just sigh in a moment before shrugs as he shook his head slowly. He turns his gaze away from the ground toward one of the ride which is highest thing in the park. He turns his head back to Siwon “I want to ride that.”

Siwon follows Kyu gaze and smile slowly “Okay, come on.”

.

.

.

They already inside the Ferris wheel. They not sit side by side. Kyu sit across Siwon as his gaze keep focusing at the glass window beside him to see the outside at how the ride bring him higher to the sky slowly. He chooses Ferris wheel, because that can makes him away from another people on the park.

The day almost ends and the sky slowly but sure turns it color as the sun start to get into the horizon slowly. Siwon sit there, staring at the shade from the sun on the younger face. He likes it, at how the orange shade make Kyu skin not look paler like in the morning. Especially when the warm light mixed with the color of his eyes and makes everyone who looks at it can stop swimming deeply into his sight.

Out of sudden, memories from the talk with Ryeowook come into his mind, as he get into the younger eyes. He still remember the time when he listen to every words that Ryeowook spills toward him that day, about how Kyu like to stop smiling. About how his accident haunted the younger until he can’t remember how to live normal like the other, but he doesn’t care.

Since the first time Siwon meet him on the hallway in his sophomore year, he never expected he’ll drawn into that hazel orbs. He somehow doesn’t understand his feeling for sure, because he never have a real proper talk with Kyu all these years, only some words that gonna end with an awkward silent. He likes to see the younger from afar and greet him if he has a chance, but it just something inside him tell him if he wants more.

He doesn’t know what happen toward Kyu actually, really. He never know about the car accident until Ryeowook told him that time, but listen to that, only make him want to make Kyu smile more. Smile without a force. Smile because he feels happy.

“Kyu-ah” Siwon says slowly as he put his gaze down on his hands that somehow sweating because of the nerve “I know it’s sounds such a rush, but I like you.

“I like you, really I am. I mean, I don’t really understand to what I feel right now, but I guess I started to love you. And if you give me a chance… would you be my boyfriend?”

Siwon still has his gaze on his feet. He lift his head slowly and try to look at Kyu reaction, but nothing.

Kyu still gaze at the glass window. He still has his eyes fixed at the people beneath them as his left hand is on his chin to support his head. He stares blankly and seems like lost in his own world. He not pays any attention to the other since the first time.

“Kyu…” Siwon says slowly with a quiet sad voice. Kyu blink his eyes and turn his gaze away from the window and look at the older questioningly “Uh… Yes hyung?”

“So, what’s your answer?”

Kyu just look at siwon with a plain expression as his eyes start to scanning around, try to find something that maybe can help him, but none. He shrugs slowly and put his gaze down “I’m sorry I’m not listen to what you says before…”

He knows it, and for sure, he shouldn’t hoping so much since the first place “That’s okay” Siwon says bitterly as he look at the window “beside that’s not too important.”

The ride is end, and the two start to walk side by side on the park again in silent. It’s kinda weird, since when they arrived this morning, Siwon can’t stop to blabbering about so much stuffs but now, he turn silent, really silent like he can’t talk at all and Kyu realize that. He wants to ask, really, but then he thought to himself if that’s not a really important things to ask, and only make him create the silence even more.

They not speaking any single words until Siwon decide if they should just leave the park since it’s almost dark. Kyu only nods and follows the other to walk toward the parking lot to Siwon’s car, but then Kyu stops halfway.

Siwon turn his body as he realizes if the younger not walk beside him anymore, but frozen five feet away from him “Kyu… You okay?”

Kyu not respond it, but he just turns his head to his back and look like try to find someone between the crowds “I’ll back in moment hyung!” and leave Siwon who calling his name with so much question.

Kyu run between the crowds. He already bumped into so many people even kids. He doesn’t care to some people to curse him because he just leave them without sorry, because there’s something that he should found right now. He should make sure, if he not wrong.

He just sees him. The man in his dream. The man that haunted him all these times.

He stops under the street light on the park. He turns his head to see his surroundings. He walk toward the nearest bench and stand over it as he try to find someone that he sure must be the one that haunted him all this time. Because he can see his eyes. The plain eyes that seeing him every night.

“What are you doing?”

Siwon already stand in front of Kyu with slight hard breath. He looks like he just have a little run to find him. Kyu only look at the older slowly before he sigh and get down from the bench and walk away, he only turn his head toward the older “we better leave.”

Siwon just sigh listen to what Kyu says. He follow the younger and walk quiet faster so he in front of him. Kyu not really care about the older behavior at this time, or maybe he never care at all.

Kyu walk behind as he put his hand inside his mantle pocket as the temperature getting low. He shoves his hand inside it until his eyes widen in second. He stops right away and brings his right hand out from his pocket, and there’s a small paper that already wrinkled folded into two. Kyu open the paper slowly as he start to read it in silent.

Save me

----

“I love you.”

Siwon says bluntly when he already stop the car in front of Kyu’s house. Kyu only can widen his eyes and not moving when all he can hear is the older voice repeated over and over in his ears. His heart thumping quiet fast.

“I know it’s such a rush, but, would you like be my boyfriend?”

Kyu still staring at nothing. His hands in his pocket as he hold the small paper that he found before quiet hard. He knows what to answer since always. He always waiting this moment to come into his life. He just wants to say yes right away, really want…

“No… I can’t” Kyu gritted his own teeth as he says the words. He doesn’t know why that words come out from his mouth suddenly. He just wants to shut his mouth and say the other way “I… can’t do that hyung.”

“Why?” Siwon voice is really disappointed now. But Kyu still not really get that anyway.

“I should… I should… help—no—save someone.” Kyu says in second, and he doesn’t know where the words come from, before he take off the seat belt and bows his head toward Siwon “I’m sorry hyung. I really are.”

His body like being controlled by someone.

Kyu run toward his front door and get inside without turning back Leaving Siwon only can stare at the younger’s back as it gone behind the wooden door.

----

Eunhyuk still watching the shows in Living room with Donghae in his side. Their parents haven’t home yet from works and that make the two have time together as always. The voice of front door being opened make Eunhyuk lift his head and smile toward the figure that just get inside, but his smile turn into a frown in second as Kyu close the door with a loud bang.

Eunhyuk eyes turn into horror as he can see if his younger brother is crying and go straight toward his room “Kyu what happen!?”

Kyu not reply it, just keep walking toward the stairs and get into his room in second. He closes the door and also lock it, so Eunhyuk can’t get inside his room right away.

“Kyu wha—you cry!?”

Kyu stops right away and lift his head and found if Changmin already stand in front of him in his room. He looks transparent like always, but now he had his feet on the ground. Kyu just biting his lips as his sobs getting harder at the time he sees the figure that he misses so much these past few days. Kyu want to do something to less his confusion about what he feels now, but the only thing that he can do only get onto ground and cry.

“Kyu-ah! Open the door! What happen!?”

Eunhyuk keep banging on the locked door. Changmin turn his head from Kyu on the ground toward the white door before he decides to join the older on the ground. He wants to hug Kyu, really, but he can’t because he not even can touch the other. He just sits there and try to find the older gaze slowly. He smiles.

“I don’t know what happen, but please stops cry…” Kyu lift his head slowly and found Changmin already look at him with worried look ever “because it’s broke my heart Kyu.”

Kyu put his gaze down slowly and the tears keep falls from his eyes, but his sobs, slowly end. There’s no knocking from outside, maybe Eunhyuk already leave with Donghae to downstairs. Kyu wipe his tears slowly and he laughs a little. A real laugh, a pure one.

“You’re stupid!” he says slowly which successfully take Changmin attention “Eh? Why?”

“Because…” he lifts his head and stare at Changmin right in the eyes “you not visiting me more than a week.” Before laugh slowly and crawl to the side of his bed before laid his back there.

Changmin only smile and follow the other by floating slowly on the air and get into ground beside him. He doesn’t know what the other facing for sure, but he just can stay and look at the other cry and hurt by his own. He sit a feet away from Kyu and stare at the plain white wall in front of them.

Kyu close his eyes slowly as his breath already turn to normal. He sigh couple times before mumbling slowly to the other “Someone asking my help.”

“Who?” Changmin follow the other action slowly before turn his head at Kyu.

“I don’t know.” Kyu smiles a little with still his eyes closed “let me ask him in my dream later.” Before he fall a sleep quiet fast after the cry things.

.

.

.

The first that Kyu realize when he open his eyes is, he still in his room, nothing change. He slapping himself once and feels the pain. He turns his head to the window where he can see how the sun is shining brightly in the sky, telling him if it’s already morning. For the first time after these years, he not has his nightmare.

Kyu turn his head to his side, where the last time he sees Changmin last night. Empty. He must be leave the moment after Kyu fell asleep. Kyu slowly get into his feet until he realize something fall from his body. He just realizes if there’s blanket over his body, even he not remember when he take the blanket to cover him up. Kyu still stare at the blue garment on the floor until something come up into his mind. It’s been awhile, but it feels nice as he remember if Changmin is the one that make he’s smile after these years for the first time, and he does the same now, smile

“Changmin…”

----

Thou wouldst be loved?-then let thy heart
From its present pathway part not!
Being everything which now thou art,
Be nothing which thou art not.
So with the world thy gentle ways

----

Sorry for the late update :(( *bow*

This summer breaks I spent my whole time to read manga and watch so much anime more. I also get crazy all over again to Jpop after years hiatus from it. And somehow, it make me lost the sense to write any Korean fics for awhile, but don't worry though, I'll still continue to update this story until it's complete.

Thanks to everyone who still patient and read this fics after these time. For all your comments and subscribe, that's really make my day, and that's also be the thing that makes me write this chapter in hours on a day.

I'm sorry if this somehow still be a big question mark for you, but well, I like puzzles in a story anyway, so yeah.

Okay, that's for now. See you next chapter.

Thanks for reading :))