It’s hurt. Every part of his body totally hurt. He not even can feel his school uniform. His body is heavy like there’s so many things throw over him. He can’t feels anything, only a salty taste of saliva mixed with blood and tears.

tears?

blood?

Kyu try to lift his head, but only a whimper come out from his mouth. To open his eyes is more harder. His eyelids feel like already glued to each other. He collected his last power, to only open his eyes, find a single light to let him know what happen.

Blurs. Everything just blurs right now.

He close his eyes once again, before he try to open his eyes again slowly.

Yellow. Tall and High. All he can see is only a round shape things with shining Yellow color with a dark black sky for the background.

A street light.

Wait, what!?

A whimper sounds keep come out from his mouth when he try to move his body slowly. Every movement feels burn. He can feel like he broke few his ribs and his right feet. His eyes can see perfectly right now, even its only half opened. He turn his head to his right when all he can hear is a sobs.

There he can see another man. With a light brown hair, laid on the ground three feet away from him. He laid in his stomach with his face turn at Kyu. The man mouth and eyes are wide open. His face is red by blood from his head.

Kyu turn his gaze a little only to find another person beside the man, kneeling. He is actually the same person with the man who laid on the ground, but the different is, he’s blur. He doesn’t have any blood in his face like the one on the ground. He transparent.

“A… A…. He…. ehhee… pp” 

Kyu try to ask for help. but there’s only a hiss of pain that blurts out. His body can feels the spring wind tickling his spine that night. The soaking uniform with the blood makes his body smells weird. His body itchy.

The transparent one turn his head toward Kyu and crawl closer to him. His face is unrecognized  but he seems familiar. Kyu ever seeing him, but where?

He kneeling beside Kyu now. His face is plain. Emotionless. He held his hands in the air and bring his right hand in front of Kyu face. Kyu’s heart thumping so fast. He got a goosebumps. The man’s eyes open wide and he look straight into Kyu eyes, like he ready to eat his soul right now. He bring his fore and middle finger right in front of Kyu eyes.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!” 

Kyu screaming all aloud when the transparent one push his fingers to his eyes. pull it hardly and make his eyes burn with tears. He keep push his finger deep into Kyu eyes, make the other only can see everything turn into blurs.

“You must find him for me” the transparent one says suddenly “find him for me and tell him that everything”

“HURT! IT’S HURT!” Kyu try to struggle and make the pain stops, but he can’t move. His body is too heavy “STOP, PLEASE STOP, IT’S HURT!”

“Tell him, everything” The man continue, without give a damn to Kyu who begging him to stops the pain feeling he gives by pushing his finger to his eyes. “when you find him and tell him all things, I’ll set you free.”

“Ju…. just stop.. stop.. please…” Kyu voice turn into hoarse when he already tired to screaming and cries. His breath getting heavy and make him hardly breath between his sobs “pl.. please…”

The hand slowly move and off from his eyes. Kyu only can see a shade of the man that pushing his eyes hard even he somehow blurs. Kyu tears still streaming down to his cheeks and his mouth keep mumbling to the man to stop the pain toward his eyes.

The man get into his feet. He put his gaze down to see at Kyu, and Kyu? He still crying and his eyes focus on the dead body three feet away from him. He can’t believe if the one that doing such a things to hurt him is someone who already dead. 

“Please find him, and I’ll set you free”

Is the only the last word that he can hear from the man, before he fade away and send Kyu into the darkness. 

——

Kyu get into sit position quickly. His body is damp with sweat and his eyes totally wide open, looking around him like he checking at something.

“Thanks God you awake! You scared me Kyu” 

Kyu turn his head to his side and find Changmin already kneeling beside his bed. He have that worry look in his face and he move closer toward Kyu by sit on the end of his bed. Well, not really sit.

“C… Changmin!?” Kyu raise one of his eyebrows when he realize the other presence. Kyu turn his head to his alarm clock and realize its around two in the morning “what are you doing here?”

——

Be nothing which thou art not

——

Kyu already change his clothes and get back into his bed. His clothes are damp with sweat after his nightmare. The one that he always dreamed after his accident. He look around his room and found Changmin at the floor, looking out to the window.

Kyu sigh and walk closer to the other. He sits beside him feet away, leaving a single gap to make sure he doesn’t make the other uncomfortable. He copying Changmin sit position by bring his feet to his chest and hugs it.

They just stare at the night sky. Let the moonbeam light up the room and touch their skin lovingly. The ticking sound from the clock only the one that bring the room into life. Make them forgot about each other presence when they stare at the shining stars in the sky.

“My parents visit me today.” Changmin says slowly breaking the ice between them “they just know about my condition almost two weeks after the accident. Somehow, It hurts.”

Kyu look at his toes and turn his gaze at the other slowly. He can find Changmin close his eyes as he tells about his parents. Wait, isn’t his mom already dead?

“Parents?”

“Well, my dad and my step mom.” Changmin continue without facing Kyu. His gaze focused on the night sky which make him lift his head to seeing it. Well, he not try to seeing it, but he try to hold his tears “they just back from their holiday or something.”

Kyu change his sit position and move aside slowly. getting close to the other. Changmin seems doesn’t mind with it. Kyu stops moving when he only inch away from the other. Changmin still a blurs, transparent, but Kyu can feels their shoulders brushing slowly somehow.

“You miss him, don’t you? Your mom”

Everyone know if Changmin, the only son of Shim is come from gay parent. His mom gave birth to him, even his mom is a guy. A real guy. Yes, that’s totally weird, but there’s nothing impossible in this world, which make some guys can gave a birth in some condition. And for sure have a gay parents isn’t strange anymore

Changmin only smile and shrugs. A single sob escape from Changmin mouth. He looks like He cry but there’s no tears come from his eyes. 

Changmin close his eyes. Kyu turn his body and try to hug the other, but touching him with his hand, only make his hand passing through the other shade. Changmin is untouchable.

And in the end, Kyu only can stare at the other without do nothing, spending the darkness together until the sun come.

——

On another place, a middle age man getting worried when he see his son crying in his long sleep.

——

“Kyu, you want to join us? To the game center?”

Kyu lift his head from his satchel and stare at the shorter boy in front of him. There he can see Ryeowook, his childhood friend, the boy with slightly red hair and look at him with the eyes fulls of hope. 

Kyu only look at him with questioning eyes. He and Ryeowook never talk properly for almost like years. Well, Kyu always be the one who bring the talk off, since he lost his interest in friendship things. Kyu scanning the room with his eyes, slowly, because actually he know what he should answer to the others, but he just not sure yet.

Changmin hasn’t visit Kyu since last night. He not come in his lunch time, even Kyu bring cheese cake to eat with at the rooftop. Since Changmn being regular visit in his days, make it feels different when he not. Something like missing from his day, and that’s what makes Kyu try to scanning his class before he answer Ryeowook question.

“I think, I better ho—”

“Siwon hyung will join us!” Ryeowook says quickly, cut the other’s words before he finish it “me, Yesung, Siwon hyung, and you, how’s that!?”

Hearing Siwon’s name in the shorter words makes Kyu think twice. Well, maybe he miss Changmin for being the one who always there for him to talk with, even not a real talk, but he wouldn’t miss it for the world, if he has a chance to spent more time with Siwon. There’s nothing wrong with not meeting Changmin for a day, since for sure, he isn’t real at all.

“Uh… okay…” With a little doubt in his word, Kyu agree with the idea.

“Great! Lets go to to their class!!” Ryeowook claps his hands in victory and smile widely before leaving Kyu behind. 

Kyu follows the other behind and once or twice turn his head to his back, hoping if he would find a glimpse of Changmin around him.

——

To: Eunhyuk hyung

Mission accomplished

——

“Whoaa, I’m no realize it it almost four hours we’re here.” Ryeowook says suddenly when he see the time from his phone. 

They already stop play games, since Yesung says he’s hungry moment ago. They now sit in one of fast food restaurant and eat their meal. As a couple Yesung and Ryeowook sit side by side and leave Kyu to sit beside Siwon across them. And yes, Siwon really join the game.

Ryeowook and Yesung busy them self by doing some lovey dovey act which make Kyu rolled his eyes. Sometimes he just turn his gaze away to the ocean of people that walk passing by even there’s nothing special from them.

Honestly, when Kyu agree with Ryeowook offer at school, He know it’s a big mistakes and he’ll soon regret it. And now he only stuck in the mall, between people who look like walking dead, and he not even touch the game machine. Even, Kyu join them to the game center, he doesn’t even  think to touch or play with it.

“You bored Kyu?” Kyu turn his head slowly to his side only to find Siwon look at him curiously.

“Haaa… No..” The younger answer it with a little smile plastered in his face.

“You smile?” Ryeowook interrupt them and make the two turn their face to the shorter “I mean Kyu, you smile?”

A shock jolt come to them. make Kyu shivers with his childhood friend words. 

Is he really smile?

Kyu widen his eyes and shake his head before shrugs. He look at everything but his friends, he also avoiding Siwon gaze from his side. He not realize it if he do such a thing, and if he does, so what’s wrong with that? what wrong with smiling? why it become a big deal if the one who do that is Kyu? Even Changmin, who isn’t real never mind with that.

A hurt feeling start to get into his heart. Kyu put his face down and put that plain expression again and turn away. He tired. The table suddenly turn silent. Yesung nudges at his boyfriend side, because of what he done.

“I need go to the toilet.” Kyu permission himself and leave the table, bring his bag with to the way where they now will lead them to the toilet.

“You ruin the mood Wookie.” Yesung says as he emptied his glass. Ryeowook only pouting his mouth and start to typing a short messages in his phone.

Siwon stare at them questioningly “So, actually, what’s the deal? I mean, why is becoming a big deal with Kyu who smile? Isn’t he usually smile?”

The couple only turn their head into each other. Ryeowook put his phone on the table and sigh “Its….”

——

Sound of cheers can be heard everywhere. A pacing voice of heels on the floors defeat the ticktock of the big clock on the wall. Scent of woman  fills the mall and make for some people need lack of oxygen more.

Kyu put his hands on his trouser pocket. Passing some store on the mall with it shinning light which surely unnecessary, when the sun is lighting up the world outside. 

He not go into the toilet. It just and excuse to leave more question which might be come out from them. Kyu put his head down and stare at his shoes when he walks. He doesn’t want to face people right now, or some spirits that pass him by like usual.

Kyu still walking slowly, until his feet suddenly stop. He lift his head up and find he stop right in front of a big mirror in the mall. He can see the shade of people from the mirror. A child with a balloon in his right hand, a woman in pink framed glasses, old grandpa in wheel chair, and many more. But the only one that catch his eyes, is himself.

He see his shade on the mirror, from hair to toes. His hair is such a mess. His shirt already wrinkle and his shoe is slightly dirty. His face look tired, and his skin become paler.

Pathetic.

”.. such a pathetic person…” Kyu mumbling to himself and turn his body. He can’t keep staring at himself, and realize how pathetic his life is.

Kyu already turn his heels and start to walk away, but something stop him. He catch a glimpse that he know very well. He not floating like usual, his feet touch the ground. Kyu blinking his eyes couple times, to makes sure if he ain’t wrong. But he’s right there, and Kyu can see him exactly the same. 

“So, you not come at lunch just because you visit the mall?”

With sarcastic tone, Kyu cross his hand front of his chest. He decide to come at the other, who stare at the mall ceiling in the corner. Changmin turn his head and has that slightly shocking face “Kyu? What are you doing here!? Aren’t you supposed to be home?”

“Aren’t you supposed to have lunch with me? And I’m not a kid, so why I supposed to be home?”

Changmin stare at Kyu while he still try to get the other answer. He slips a single laughs when he realize what Kyu mean. “You miss me don’t you?”

Kyu only put his gaze down not has any gut to stare at the other “I don’t understand what you mean…”

Changmin only smile and turn his gaze away. He stare at the ceiling gain. He stare at the painting on the ceiling. Kyu lift his head and stare at the spirit beside him and copying his act. Kyu lift his head too, and stare at the blond kid painting on the ceiling.

The painting is picturing a boy in green pajamas, with a blond, or might be more like yellow, golden (?) hair stare at a rose. Beside it, there also a painting of the same boy, but with a clothes more like a soldier, and he also bring a fence.

Kyu bring his head to explore more about the ceiling and the painting. He just realize if the ceiling is full with the painting of the boy with golden hair. He watering the rose. He sit on his chair and stare at the sunset. He talks with a snake, it just, wonderful, since the painting is so beautiful even its look old, because, some of the paint already lose it colors.

“They will paint it over tomorrow.” Changmin says slowly when he still held his head high. “they will cover it up with creamy colors just like the wall.”

Kyu turn his head back to Changmin and the painting. He doesn’t understand why the painting is seems too important for him. Kyu want to ask, but he doesn’t know what he supposed to says, so he only keep scanning the painting on the ceiling until he catch something. On the corner he can find something like hand writing, an autograph, quiet small, in brown color. Kyu try to focusing his gaze at the write and try to read it slowly.

.

Shim Heechul 

.

Kyu held his breath when he found what it writes. He agape his mouth want to ask something, but there’s no words come. His lips suddenly dry.

“We always sneaking out at midnight and he start painting.” Changmin laugh slowly when he tells the other. He put his gaze down at his feet which try to kicking the invisible rock “and home at morning before the sun appear at the horizon.”

“I always only sit on the floor, while he using the highest stair to paint. I always tell him about everything that happen on school at him. It sound girly but I like that. 

“And tomorrow, they will paint this all memories over.”

Changmin stop talking and only still stare at the painting. There’s a pang feeling inside Kyu’s mind. He doesn’t understand, why listen to Changmin words is the one that makes the feeling come.

Kyu held his hand in the air try to touch the other shoulder

“Kyu!!”

Kyu stops his act with his hands still in the air. Both Kyu and Changmin turn their head.

Siwon walk slowly toward Kyu. He has that worried expression in his face. His breath is heavy just like he has his run in the mall. He put his hands on his knee and try to stabilized his breath. When he start to be normal, he turn into steady position “You says you need to the toilet?”

“Uh… I… aa…” Kyu look at Siwon and back to Changmin who now still stare at Siwon. Kyu held back his hands and put it on his side.

Changmin stare at Siwon knowingly before turn his head towards Kyu and smile.

“Go.”  Kyu open his mouth to reply at Changmin but he being cut “Just go Kyu, he must be worried so much about you.”

Kyu expression turn into slightly frown, but he nods anyway. Siwon look at his action and only raise one of his eyebrows questioningly, since Kyu not answer him and nods to nobody instead. “Come on hyung, let’s find Ryeowook and Yesung.”

Kyu walk in the front with Siwon behind. Changmin stare at their back with a slightly sad expression until their presence are gone. He only can sigh and stare back at the painting in the ceiling.

“Mom… I envy toward that Siwon guy…”

——

“You’re right hyung, he’s weird. I mean, he smile! Cho Kyuhyun smile hyung!”

“Lower your voice Wookie, that’s hurt my ear.”

“Sorry Hyukkie hyung, but seriously, what happen to him?”

“I dunno. He just different these days, so I wonder, maybe you can help me find out why.”

“That totally not answer my question hyung.”

“I know. So something specific?”

“Spesific? uh… Specif—- aah! I remember something hyung. Uhm, maybe there’s something to do with Siwon hyung.”

“Siwon?”

“Yes hyung Choi Siwon, because Kyu smile when he talk with him, so maybe they have something, or… i don’t know.”

“Aaah, okay. It still not solve the problem, but, just text me if there’s something happen to Kyu at school, okay?”

“Ayay captain!! Oh, hyung don’t forget to treat me and Yesung as your words if we succeed ask Kyu to the game center.”

“No way, the deal is, if he play the game, but he not even touch it.”

“Hyung… please??”

“Geez. okay. okay.”

“Thanks hyung”

——

Kyu sit on the hospital bench that day, Enjoying the warm of sunlight that caressed his skin. He close his eyes, when the light shine in his eyelids. The wind blow slowly with the bird chirping over him on the tree. His hair slowly blows and make it slightly a mess.

Eunhyuk still have business with his doctor and make Kyu who already finish his therapy season, wait his brother outside. Not that he like outdoor stuffs, but he can’t keep stay inside if he can see so much spirit the dead or the confused one buzzing around.

“It’s sad that his dad look like hate him.”

Kyu lift his head and found two nurses gossiping around. “As long as I now, he and his mom never has a good relationship with his dad.”

“It’s a pity. He’s a handsome guy for real.” One of the nurse giggle and cover her cheeks which already turn slightly red.

“And again, ‘Charming viruses’ from Shim Changmin successfully spread up to whole hospital.”

The nurse already left and get inside the building after they stop laughing. Kyu stare at their back and stand from his seat and run to the building quickly with no direction, and keep repeating one sentences.

“He’s here… Oh, my God, he’s here…”

.

.

.

Kyu feet pacing the hospital floor quiet fast. His gaze always stop in front of each door of patient that he passing by, try to read the name of the patient it self. The hospital is consist of three building and Kyu still have one building to check with.

His chest already hurt because his small running. His breath turn heavy and the sweat start to make his shirt damp. 

“Park…. Han… Oh…. Lee… Lee…” Kyu read every name small board on the room door, no one he miss  ”Lee… Lee? Seriously, how many people named Lee in Korea??”

“Jung… Kim… Empty… Lee, again?…. Shim… Kim…” Kyu Stops his feet and put his hands cover his mouth. He turn his body to the last two blue door. He stop right in front of the door and read again the name on the board.

.

Changmin || Shim

.

Kyu take a deep breath and held his hand on the knob. He turn it slowly and makes the door open, revealing the dark room even the sun shining bright outside. The only light on the room is the small rays that successfully crept up from the curtain that close the window.

Even from the doorway, he can smell the sting of the medicines. He blinks his eyes cause it makes him slightly dizzy.

Like a welcoming greet, the beeping sound from the machine in the room lead Kyu to get inside. He close the door slowly, make sure not gonna interrupted the other. His heart thumping slightly fast, not that he scared, but he feels not ready to face the reality.

Maybe meeting Changmin in the real life isn’t good idea. 

There, He can see the real one. A body in his long sleep, surrounded with so much medical equipment that Kyu recognize like the one that he use when he get the accident years ago.

The body of someone that always accompany him at lunch time. The one that he knows like only three weeks who always come into his room and talking nonsense thing before leaving him with so much question that he never answer. The one that make him smile from the first time after years, look so much pale and mindless.

His eyes suddenly hot and blurs with the tears. His throat feels hurt. His lips dry, and everything just spinning around.

“You find me.”

Changmin already floating beside him. He put his hands in his pocket and he still blurs. He use the same pajamas like his body on the bed.

Without Kyu realize it, his tears already streaming down through his cheeks. He cry with no reason when he look at Changmin lying on the bed. He doen’t know the feeling, Happy, because at least he know if Changmin is real, or Sad, because he’s dying.

A single vibrate from his phone make him back into reality. He wiping up his tears with his knuckle and see the text which actually from Eunhyuk

‘Where are you? we should home.’

“I should go…” Kyu waving his eyes in the air and pointing at the door. Changmin only smile and nods. “yeah… it’s nice finally you visiting me Kyu.”

Kyu only nods slowly and walk outside, but he stops halfway before turn his back to only find Changmin who still stare at his own body.

——

Thou wouldst be loved?-then let thy heart

From its present pathway part not!
Being everything which now thou art,
Be nothing which thou art not.

——

I hate solve the puzzle in this story for sure, even I already find each pieces

I'm sorry. See ya next chap~