Title:  5/5

     Unthriving is a negative conotation which catches a readers attention since quite a few (a lot) of stories usually rely on happy like titles to drive people in.

Foreward and Description:  8/10

     i like how you put a picture of who the characters are in the description. Even if you're not describing the actual story you get to see who the characters are and what they look like. Also that little snippet into the story made it great. Also with the pictures, them being the same size and relatively looking alike makes it seem a bit more put together and not all over the place.

     In the Foreward you did put in quite a few things (why you wrote it, prompt, prologue, etc.). It's totally okay to do that but it would have been better if you would have put the prologue as a whole different chapter in the story since it it a part of the story, and it would have made it a bit more put together instead of just throwing it in there with everything else and have some people skip it.

Plot:   20/20

     The plot in general isn't something that i stumble upon a lot. It's extremely different from other fanfiction and that just makes the plot a lot more interesting and intriguing for the reader.

Characterization: 18 /20

      At first the character's were quite bland and didn't have much going for them since the story hadn't developed and we hadn't gotten to know the characters all that well, however as the story developed the characters came alive and it let the reader experience their emotions. The thing about just kind of leaving your characters blank for a little bit can cause readers to stop reading early on.

Grammar and Spelling:  16/20

       Grammar wise you did alright.  There were a few places in the story where you used a word that made the sentance awkward and kind of lost it's meaning. Also in some cases you forgot to add in some filler words (the, and. or... etc.) Also you become very repetative in some parts of the story and that's okay if what is being repeated is a main point but i found that the things that were being repeated weren't all that significant unlike other things that could have helped put more impact into the story.

       Spelling wise I didn't really find any real problems with it. There might have been a few that I might have missed but if I missed them that means that they weren't that much of a problem.

Flow:  15/15

     I found the flow to be a very enjoyable pace. The changes between times was done very nicely and the weren't any mistakes when speaking withing the different time frames. 

Writing Style:   5/5

     i enjoyed your writing style, it's simple with dashes of flare here and there. it's put together very well and easy to follow. 

Overall Enjoyment:  5/5

     i fullly enjoyed this. it was different, interesting, and made me become slightly emotional. ( who am i kiding i got ubber emotional at the end)

Overall Score:   92/100

Note: i am so sorry that it took so long to get this done. and thank you for messaging me about it and being patient with me. i hope that my review helps you in any way possible.

♥♥♥ yuuki-chan123 ♥♥♥

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