-- Foreword and Description [9/10]

I really like the contrast between the two characters. You gave background for both, but not too much. One problem is that your foreword doesn’t sound professional. Instead of “chappie” You should use “chapter”. You want to sound as sophisticated as possible. Another thing is that in the Kim Jong In sentence, there shouldn’t be a semi-colon.

-- Plot [13/20]

As of right now, nothing is really happening. I feel like your plot line is also very unoriginal, very cliché.

-- Characterization [13/20]

Although Kyungsoo and Kai are usually not portrayed like how you did, I feel like you clichéd the rich kid way too much. Not all rich kids are snobby and self-centered and want to make others feel so under graded. And as for Kyungsoo, I dodn’t think most people who are raised in an environment like his are the quiet ones in school. Usually they are the bullies.

-- Grammar and Spelling [13/20]

Ok, so you do have spelling mistakes, but I can see that they were just slips of the hand.

You do have plenty of grammar mistakes though instead of going through them one by one. I will give you a quick overview.

You have plenty of semi-colon mistakes. You used them in the wrong context:

Original: His family should be coming anytime soon; that’s why he was afraid.

Fixed: Fear overcame him as the clock ticked to his families arrival.

Another thing with the sentence above was that you a tense change. In the first sentence, it was in past tense and the sentence above was in present tense. I found that you had more than plenty of these mistakes.

Original: But thinking about it literally, it was as if he was a small bird in a big cage.

Fixed: Thinking about it literally, it was as if he was a small bird in a big cage.

Never. NEVER use ‘but’ or ‘and’ and so on.

Original: His head hung low as he heard several shouts, noise and squeaking outside the doorstep.

Fixed: His head hung low as he heard several shouts, noises, and squeaks.

Sentences need to be parallel so the reader won’t feel awkward when reading your story.

You have plenty of misplaces comas too. You should look out for those.

When you use ellipses, don’t capitalize the word after.

For Example: He… was free…

There are many more, but these are the main mistakes.

-- Flow [8/15]

I feel that your story was slow paced. You really don’t have to describe EVERY SINGLE THING that happens.

-- Writing Style [3/5]

I do appreciate the effort you put into giving details

-- Overall Enjoyment [2/5]

The pace was too slow for me. I’m not a big fan of Kaisoo stories. I mean, it’s not that I don’t like the ship, I just don’t like the stories.

Overall Score: 61/100

Hello!

Sorry for the super short and late review.

Although short, I hope you will learn something from it!

Anyway, I'm very sorry.

Thanks for requesting and remember the credit!

Sorry if I did my math wrong...

-chasingdust-