I finish recording my tracks early. Jiyong says I am good to go but I don’t know where to go. I tried messing up as much as I could to prolong my time in the studio but apparently I was perfect according to Jiyong. I guess I sound best when I don’t pay attention to what I am doing then when I actually try to sound good. Oh well.

            I don’t really feel like going out. I kind of just wanted to stay in the studio all day, reveling in the music but if I stay now I’ll just be taking up room. Jiyong tells me to go home and get rest. I have been in the studio non-stop for the past three days, I don’t want to go home.

            I stand around for a little bit trying to think about what to do when Jiyong spots me through the window of the recording room that takes up most of the wall. He pauses recording with Seungri and walks out of the room.

            “What the hell is wrong with you Seunghyun? Go home,” he says.

            “I don’t really want to, I don’t know why,” but I do know why. I can’t look her in the eyes. She probably doesn’t trust me anymore. I kissed her and she probably didn’t want that. That could be considered ual harassment couldn’t it? Our dorm now is technically a work place and I took advantage of her. As if Jiyong read my mind and now knew everything he decides to speak to me.

            “She’s not home if that’s why you are avoiding the dorms. Go home. Damn,” he turns around as he finishes his sentence. I look up.

            “What?”

            “She’s not home!” he practically shouted at me. “Why are you acting like such a child?”

            My brain was stalling on me. “What do you mean she’s not home?”

            “I called her to see what she was doing, she said she was at a restaurant trying to get a better idea of what Korean cuisine is like. Now for the last time, go home! I don’t want you exhausting yourself when we start the tour okay? Then you are really going to have to deal with me,” he says giving his hand a smack with his other hand insinuating he was going smack me across the face. I didn’t bother asking him why he thought she was the reason I have been acting this way. I didn’t want to get into it.

            The driver was outside waiting for me when I walked outside. I got into the car and immediately got lost in my thoughts again.

            I wasn’t drunk. I realized that the night it happened when I was trying to fall asleep. I thought I was, but I definitely wasn’t. I don’t know what came over me, but I kissed her. I really have no idea how she hasn’t reported to YG about it yet. Unless she has and he is just so fuming with me that he hasn’t contacted me about it yet.

            The car arrives at the dorms and I step out and walk up to the door. I set my hand on the knob and turn my head for a second to look at whats around me, just taking a moment to breathe in the air. I have been locked inside buildings for the past three days. I take a moment and sit on the chair outside the door for a little while, just breathing. I am trying to clear my thoughts with the fresh air but it’s not working at all. I wish there was some way I could possibly just apologize to her and have this whole situation blow over.

            My head rocks back and now I am staring at the extension that covers our small stoop. It’s old. It’s been there since we first were given the dorms. I ponder