So lets start off with the plot. 

It was super cute. It's very simple and narrow-minded, a story I personally wouldn't read but these stories are common to get featured, so plot wise, it was good. 

There were a lot of downsides to your story. It's the way you portray your story plot that was not good. The scenes seemed badly written, the only way I can phrase myself. I can't recall in what chapter, but there was a gang fight with Infinite I think, right? Well I remember, he punched him, I punched him, etc. It's really dull? Which brings me to a further point the whole story was written in that format. Very straightforward. You relied on dialogue most of the time which I found irritating because you never described the scenes, or more importantly, emotions and atmosphere. There was no mood set, just actions and so forth.

On a brighter note, there are readers who like this type of writing since it's to the point, so if you were aiming at them, good job~ But in general, readers like me find this rather annoying. But no worries, it's just something that needs improvement.

Like look here.

For example, you want to say:

He looks at me. I looked back at him.

To make it sound nicer you can say:

His eyes drifted towards my gaze.

That's pretty basic but these simple add on would make the story more satisfactory. 

For scenes wise, you can try and do something like this:

The sun was setting on the horizon, it's final scarlet glimmer escaping from the behind the school walls.

I'm sure English isn't your first language, but there is nothing odd or difficult in that sentence. In fact, if you want to make a story more professional you should have a thesaurus open in a tab beside you or something. It will honestly help you out loads.

Next thing  the biggest issue I had.

Grammar and spelling.

Have you any idea how much it tortures me? Never mind, you don't know me. But the fact is that it's incredibly annoying to find so much grammar and spelling mistakes. In fact, I don't think it's a proofreading problem but rather a language barrier. I'd advice to get a beta reader. They are really useful people (LOL).

Finally, I wish to end this review on a good note. Story line was good, there is no doubt about that. A little too expectant and cliched, but overall good.

I'm not giving you grade like I said before. 

Gosh, please don't take this review to heart, I'm a reviewer, but as a person, I am nice, okay?

Thanks for requesting~

I enjoyed the story ^^

 

Review by xoxmarshaxox