Just My Size - Chapter 16

Han Ji-Eun

 

The next few days were such a whirlwind between packing for a month-long trip, a veritable mountain of homework, and trying to make time to hang out with my friends - which, by the way, had exploded in numbers in the last few months. I went from having just two BFFs and my sister to talk to, to having an entire group of like, 10-ish friends who all wanted to hang out! It was a bit dizzying to think about to be honest.

 

Taemin had taken to texting me about things he could do for his new girlfriend, Naeun. I thought it was really sweet that he wanted to make her feel special, but I never really knew what to say. I kept telling him the standard things, like getting her flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep- no wait, this isn’t Beauty and the Beast! At any rate, he ended up coming up with his own ideas, and I hoped that she would enjoy them. (They sounded pretty good to me!)

 

I ended up getting included in massive group texts for discussing plans. Seeing the messages fly by from everyone was fun to watch, I admit. But it made me so sad to have to leave those conversations and miss out on all the fun times with my group.

 

For the first time in my life, I was not looking forward to going to America.

 

The day before we were to leave, my girls came over. They even brought Eunji and Naeun! I was pleasantly surprised.

 

While they were here, Mi-Sun discovered I’d finished my homework and asked if she could copy it.

 

“I swear I won’t lose it while you’re away!” She begged, but I insisted that she needed to do hers herself.

 

“Maybe you can ask Jinki to help you - he’s a great tutor!” I suggested, but felt a clenching feeling in my chest as soon as the words left my lips. What if Jinki started falling for one of my friends while I was away?! That would not be something I could handle coming back to.

 

Before my inner rambling could continue much more, Mi-Sun replied with, “Eh, we’ll just have a few study sessions with our boys.” She shared a knowing look with Hea-Jung, and I rolled my eyes. I knew there would not be much studying going on.

 

“Speaking of study sessions,” she continued, “Ha-Eun sent us that adorkable video of you and Onew-Oppa singing together.” She stated it with an air of  joking mockery.

 

“Why am I not surprised?” I sighed and shook my head.

 

“Can I see?” Eunji suddenly asked. “I didn’t know you sang, Unnie.”

 

“I don’t.” I said flatly. Eunji retracted a bit, as if I were a cat that suddenly started hissing. I sighed once again and added, “Sorry. I just wish she hadn’t taken that video. I’m not a good singer and I hate my voice.”

 

“I thought you sounded just fine,” Hea-Jung offered. “And Onew-Oppa made such wonderful harmony with you, too.”

 

My face flushed and I struggled to change the subject. “Hey, anyone wanna try my Pump It Up game while I pack a little bit more?” I sweatdropped.

 

Both Eunji and Naeun were up for trying it, and we all went up to my room.

 

I showed the girls how to play briefly, then continued sorting through things on my floor. My extra-large suitcase was over-full, and I was in the middle of the arduous process of narrowing things down.

 

Hea-Jung did her best to help, but she came to the same conclusion I did: I just had too many cute clothes. But that was a problem I was glad to have.

 

Mi-Sun was sitting on the edge of my bed watching everything that was going on, and being uncharacteristically quiet. I gave her a questioning glance, and she shook her head.

 

“Nothing, just a bit tired today, that’s all,” she insisted.

 

“Ok,” I replied, but was not convinced.

 

Shortly after that, Naeun and Eunji needed to go.

 

“We’ve gotta get back to our homes for dinner.” Eunji explained as she and Naeun bowed respectfully.

 

“Thank you for having us!” Naeun chimed and flashed her brilliant smile.

 

“You’re welcome! Thanks so much for coming over!” I called as they left my room. Naeun closed the door behind her, and I was left with my BFFs.

 

“Ugh, FINALLY!” Mi-Sun cried and flung herself back on my bed as we heard the front door close downstairs. “I thought they would never leave!”

 

I raised an eyebrow at my friend. “Do you… not like them?”

 

“It’s not that - I like them well enough so far,” Mi-Sun explained as she lifted her head. “You just can’t talk about anything rated over PG-13 with them.” She rolled her eyes.

 

Aw, crap. I knew where this was going.

 

“Ji-Eun,” Hea-Jung started. “We’re concerned for you and Onew-Oppa.”

 

OK, maybe this wouldn’t be taking the direction I thought it was going to?

 

“You guys just found out you’re in love a few days ago, right?” Mi-Sun knew the answer, she just wanted to affirm the facts. I nodded. “And now you’re going away for a whole month.”

 

She wasn’t saying anything new, so I wondered what point they were both trying to make.

 

“Have you guys decided if you’re gonna-” she made a suggestive motion with her hands, and I knew what she meant.

 

Ah, there it was. Did my friends have a one-track mind for ?

 

“The way I see it, it’s not really something you discuss ahead of time. Plus, the only time there would be for anything like that to happen would be tonight since we’re leaving tomorrow.” I started off confident, but my voice got smaller the more I talked. Tears started forming in my eyes as I thought about leaving my Jinki for so long.

 

“Oh, Ji-Eun,” Hea-Jung hugged me and rubbed my back. I hugged her in return, and Mi-Sun joined in. I sobbed a couple times, then we broke the hug. Mi-Sun found a tissue box for me, and I blew my nose.

 

We were silent for a bit as each of us tried to figure out what to say next. It looked like Hea-Jung was going to say something, but a knock on my door stopped her. My mom opened the door and poked her head in.

 

“Hello girls!” She greeted us brightly.

 

My friends waved and greeted her in response.

 

“Hea-Jung, Mi-Sun - were you girls going to stay for dinner?” My mom loved having people over, including my friends.

 

My besties shared a look and smiled. “Yes!” Mi-Sun cheered.

 

My mom chuckled a little. “I’ll get started right away, then.”

 

“Awesome, thank you so much Ms. Park!” Mi-Sun bowed her head, and Hea-Jung smiled sweetly.

 

---

Dinner was excellent - and rowdy with both my sister and Mi-Sun at the table. It had been quite a while since it was us five women around the dining room table, and I definitely got a little reminiscent of the old days.

Once the table was cleared off and the dishes were washed and put away, Hea-Jung and Mi-Sun followed me back up to my room. We were all determined to either cut my pile o’ clothes down, or make it all squish into the suitcase. (And honestly, it seemed like the second option was the more likely one to happen!)

 

“I only need to bring a week’s worth of undies,” I started. “My aunt is nice enough to do our laundry for us.” I smiled at the thought of my aunt and her kind demeanor.

 

My hands moved to a pile of dresses, which took up the most space in my suitcase. “This is the problem.” I sighed. “Do I just bring a week’s worth of dresses? I think I’d get bored.” I frowned, and Hea-Jung nodded in agreement.

 

“Normally, I’d suggest sticking to things in the same color scheme, but with all your Gothic Lolita things, you’ve got that covered.” Mi-Sun bit her lip as she tried to figure out a new strategy.

 

One by one, I picked up the dresses and studied them intently. “This time of year, it’s bound to be super-hot there.” With my simple statement, I handed the heavier dress I’d been holding to Hea-Jung, who was sitting in front of my closet. Taking her cue, she graciously hung it up for me.

 

With that fact in mind, I was able to cut my pile down a bit. Unfortunately, it was still too much for my suitcase to handle.

 

“Do you have any of those vacuum-seal, space-saving bags?” Mi-Sun raised her brows.

 

My face lit up. “Oh my gosh, why didn’t I think of those before!” I jumped up and ran over to my door. In the hall’s linen closet, there was a big box of those bags!

 

I wrenched my door open, and ran smack into someone. I heard a low chuckle, and looked up. It was Jinki!

 

I just about screamed in my excitement! “Oh my God! Jinki! Hi!” I squeezed him tightly, and he returned the hug enthusiastically.

 

“I think that’s our cue to leave,” Mi-Sun stated as she and Hea-Jung stood up. I wanted to tell them they didn’t have to leave, but the thought of being alone with Jinki was just too tempting.

 

We broke our hug, and Jinki stepped aside to let the girls pass. “I’m gonna see them out,” I told him.

 

“Certainly,” he replied and kissed my cheek.

 

“Get ‘er, Tiger,” Mi-Sun said to Jinki as she brushed past him. He grinned and shook his head. I blushed as we girls headed down the stairs.

 

“So, you two have fun tonight!” Mi-Sun waggled her eyebrows as she slipped on her heels. I rolled my eyes and blushed.

 

Hea-Jung stood up and hugged me again. “Take care and travel safe, Ji-Eun.” I hugged her back tightly, then moved to hug Mi-Sun as well.

 

“Send us lots of pics!” She enthused as she squeezed the breath out of me.

 

“Will… do…” I managed to get out. Mi-Sun relinquished me then and sweatdropped.

 

I turned to Hea-Jung, and saw she had tears in her eyes. “Oh, no, don’t do that.” I patted her shoulder. “You’re gonna make me cry, too.”

 

She giggled a bit, and wiped her eyes. “Sorry,” she shrugged.

 

“I know, it’s always sad to part like this,” I sympathized.

 

“It never gets easier.” Mi-Sun nodded and sniffed.

 

We all came together for a group hug then. I was sure gonna miss my girls.

 

“I’ll be but a message away,” I assured them as we broke apart. They nodded and wiped their eyes again.

 

“We should get going.” Mi-Sun sounded a tad somber, so I rubbed her arm. She looked up at me and smiled softly.

 

I sighed. “Yep. After all, I’ve got my boyfriend to entertain.” I winked, and Mi-Sun snickered.

 

My two best friends then turned and stepped out my front door.

 

“You better let us know when you get to your aunt and uncle’s house!” Mi-Sun called out as they reached the gate.

 

“Of course!” I yelled as a I waved. “Take care girls!”

 

“You too!” They shouted in unison. Then they closed the gate, and disappeared from view.

 

---

Once I closed the door, I turned around and took a deep breath. I expected Jinki to be behind me, or at least on the stairs. Maybe even in the living room.

But he was in none of those places.

 

“Oh God, is he in my room?” I gasped and ran up the steps two at a time.

 

My bedroom door was open and the light was on. I peered around the door frame and saw Jinki sitting on the edge of my bed, glancing around. It wasn’t long before he spotted me and beamed at me.

 

As I stepped into my room, he chuckled. “I honestly can’t tell if your room looks worse or better than when we had our video chat.” I playfully punched his shoulder as I sat down next to him.

 

“Same mess, just in different spots,” I relented. Jinki nodded in agreement.

 

A couple seconds of silence passed between us. We glanced at each other at the same time, and laced our fingers together.

 

“Ji-Eun,” Jinki started. I gazed at him expectantly, wondering what he was going to say. But he seemed to lose whatever he had planned; his eyes ended up looking at my floor and his shoulders slumped.

 

I bonked him with my shoulder lightly. “I know it’s gonna be a rough month apart.” My voice broke on the last word, and I fought to not cry.

 

“That’s an understatement.” Jinki sighed. “But maybe I can pick up more hours at work, save up some money, and take you somewhere really nice when you get back!” He flashed his dazzling smile at me, and I couldn’t help but return it.

 

“That sounds lovely.” A tear escaped, and I sniffled. I mentally cursed that tear, for it started a flood that lead to me ugly-crying on Jinki’s shoulder.

 

“Text messages and Skype calls are just not going to be enough,” I sobbed. Jinki patted my head as he held me tight.

 

I blubbered on for a bit longer, thinking about all the sights I wanted to show Jinki in California - Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, the beach… Ugh, everything! Even though they were all places I’d visited many times in my life, I knew they’d feel different this time; lonely, even though I’d be with my family. The brilliant sunsets over the Pacific Ocean, the fireworks at Disney - they just wouldn’t be as lovely without Jinki there holding my hand.

 

I sniffled again, then leaned back. “I may be leaving Korea, but my heart will remain here.” I placed one hand over his heart, and in turn, he placed a hand on top of mine.

 

“Then my heart will be going to California with you.” Jinki’s eyes were pooling with tears, and when he blinked, a couple spilled out.

 

“Oh, Jinki…” I reached up to wipe away his tears, and he chuckled.

 

“Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to do that for you?”

 

“Eh, I don’t think it matters,” I replied as I got up to search for the tissue box Mi-Sun had handed me earlier. I found it quickly, and brought it back to the bed. We both took a tissue and mopped up our faces.

 

It was then I noticed his shoulder; he had a huge wet spot on it. I grimaced and blotted a clean tissue at it. “Sorry about that.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jinki insisted, but I didn’t stop blotting until he took my hand.

 

“Hey,” he cooed. “Everything’s gonna be alright. You just focus on having fun, and you’ll be back here before you know it!”

 

“I certainly hope that’s the case, but for some reason I doubt it,” I sighed.

 

Jinki sighed as well, then perked up a bit as he had an idea. “You know, we could make some nice memories right now.”

 

I cocked my head to the side in question. “How?”

 

“Gimme your phone,” he commanded, and I handed it over. He the camera function and put his free arm around me. We both smiled up at the device, and he snapped a few pictures.

 

As he flipped through them, he pouted.

 

“What?” I thought the photos looked pretty good.

 

“You need to be smiling more,” he winked at me, and I giggled. “There you go!” He put his arm around me again and snapped some more photos. Those ones met his approval.

 

He held the phone up again, and before I could pose, he kissed my cheek and pressed the shutter button rapidly. When we checked the photos, it was like a flipbook of my expressions. I was surprised at first, then that melted away to joy.

 

“I love it!” Jinki exclaimed. Even I had to admit it was a cute set of photos.

 

Next, he lead me over to my large mirror and handed me my phone back. I switched to the rear camera, and Jinki back-hugged me. I took a few photos using the mirror, then I switched it back to the front camera and took some more pictures from the traditional selfie angle.

 

Jinki then whispered in my ear in his super-y, low voice. “Do you like vampires?”

 

“Uh, I gues- OH MY GOD.” I just about dropped my phone when Jinki nibbled on my neck. I squirmed with pleasure, and his hand came up to direct my phone’s camera to the proper angle. He snapped a couple of photos, then backed off and sat back down on my bed.

 

“What the hell, Jinki?” I giggled a bit as my eyes flashed to my door. To my dismay, it was open. I hoped my family hadn’t heard anything. I wanted to close the door, but I didn’t think my mom would allow that.

 

“I thought you needed to have some y photos, too,” He waggled his eyebrows, and I threw a plushie at him. We both dissolved into laughter.

 

“But seriously,” Jinki continued as he caught his breath. “Would you like to take some more… alluring photos of me?” He raised his brows as he handed me back my phone. Instead of answering him, I flipped through the neck-biting photos. They hadn’t really turned out well, but I decided to not delete them so I could laugh at them later.

 

“Well?” He pushed. Our eyes met and I knew I’d have to answer him.

 

“Like… what kinds of photos?” I kept my voice low and stole another glance at my door.

 

“I dunno. Maybe I could... pose on your bed.” As he said it, he posed overdramatically. I cackled and snapped a few photos. He changed poses a few times, and I had a hard time keeping my hands from shaking because I was laughing so hard.

 

When he was done, I sat down next to him. “Lemme see,” he said as he reached for my phone. As we viewed the photos together, we laughed harder and harder. We both needed tissues again, but at least this time it was for happy tears.

 

After our faces were once again dry, Jinki wrapped an arm around me. “Lay back,” he whispered and gently tugged me down. I complied, and he shifted his arm so it cushioned my head well.

 

He raised his other hand up and got ready to snap some more photos. “Look at me,” he breathed, and I did. As we gazed into each other’s eyes, I felt myself get lost in his. The brown of his irises was so warm and welcoming. He looked at me with nothing but love in his eyes, and I hoped my love for him was reflected in my own.

 

He scooted closer to me then, and slowly closed his eyes. I closed mine as well, and felt his lips just barely brush mine. I gently rested a hand on his up-facing cheek, and he squeezed my shoulder.

 

I let myself be taken under by the kiss. I was vaguely aware of Jinki’s other arm holding my phone above us, but I didn’t care. His lips against mine were heaven, his arm around me was safety, and his love was my strength.

 

I heard my phone’s camera chime one last time, then Jinki lowered his arm. He wrapped it around me, and plopped my phone behind my back. With his hand now free, he squeezed me to him, and we deepened the kiss. He parted his lips slightly, and my bottom lip. I chuckled under my breath, and opened my mouth as well. Our tongues met, and we explored each other’s mouths.

 

Unlike our last make-out session, this one wasn’t heated. It was soft and sweet, and that was perfectly fine with me. I snuck a peek at Jinki, and couldn’t help but think he looked super-adorable with his eyes squeezed shut. As if he sensed my gazed, he cracked his eyes open, too. I almost closed mine in response, but he held my gaze. It was quite a different experience to kiss while looking at each other, but definitely not in a bad way.

 

We broke the kiss, but our eyes didn’t waver. Jinki grinned lazily at me, like he wanted to snuggle up and fall asleep. My heart melted.

 

“I love you, my dearest Ji-Eun,” he cooed.

 

“I love you, too, Jinki,” I replied softly. He then touched the tip of his nose to mine, and I giggled.

 

“Wanna see the video I took?” Jinki lifted himself up a bit to see where my phone ended up, and plopped back down when he grabbed it.

 

“Oh, that was video?” I asked as I snuggled into his side. He held my phone up and clicked on the file.

 

“Look at me,” video-Jinki said, just barely audible. Video-me did so, and as the video played on, I blushed harder and harder. It was a lovely video for sure, but I was also nervous to have it on my phone. What if my sister or cousins saw that?! Not that it was anything bad, it would just be embarrassing to me-

 

My apprehension must have been evident on my face. “Do you want to delete it?” Jinki inquired softly. I shook my head “no.”

 

“I’ll keep it,” I whispered back. “Thank you.”

 

“No problem, m’dear,” Jinki replied as he lowered my phone and let his arms envelop me again.

 

Suddenly, I heard footsteps on the stairs. I bolted upright, and Jinki flew off my bed and landed in my desk chair. The footsteps stopped after just a couple of steps, then my mom’s voice called up, “I need to go to the store for a few things. I’ll be back in a while!”

 

“OK!” I called.

 

I heard more footsteps, and saw my sister in my doorway, looking towards the stairs. “I’ll come with you, Mom!” She then glanced at me and winked. I gave her a questioning look, but she just grinned as she closed my door. She then quickly descended the stairs, and within seconds, the front door slammed shut.

 

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Jinki and I looked at each other blankly for a second as I processed what just happened.

 

My mom and sister just left us alone. In my room. Oh… oh, my.

 

Jinki scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously. “So, that’s new.”

 

I nodded stiffly. “Indeed.”

 

I didn’t really know what to think, or do, or even say. The memory of our y make-out session on the couch floated through my head, and I felt my face get hot. If this had happened that night, I have no doubt that I would have brought Jinki up here and-

 

“Hey, are you OK?” Jinki’s voice woke me from my thoughts. He was kneeling in front of me, staring up at me with sympathetic eyes.

 

“Ah,” I cleared my throat, “I just, uh…” I struggled to find the right words. “I’ve never been in this kind of… situation before.”

 

Jinki nodded in understanding. “Yeah, for sure.” He got up off my floor and sat next to me on my bed again. Our eyes met, and I really studied him this time. In his eyes, I saw love, but also the same nervousness that was making me feel like I was quivering.

 

“Do you want me to-” Jinki started, then put a hand on my knee.

 

WAS HE ASKING-?

 

---

:O Oh, myyyy~

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