Ji Hyo was dressed to her nines in a slim, red dress as they walked out of the restaurant together into the warm summer evening towards his car, with their fingers tightly woven together. Her hand was a bit stiff from his uncomfortable grip, but she didn’t have the heart to pipe up and ruin his perfect evening. His face was beaming and a smile formed when he looked over to see her glancing up at him.

The car was a suffocating silence to Ji Hyo while he drove, but she could tell that he was at ease as ever, still lost in reliving the night in his own memories. She could feel the happiness radiating off of him and wondered how he had ever developed such a strong liking to her. When they arrived in front of her apartment, he unbuckled his seatbelt, leaned over, and kissed her on the forehead before whispering a tender, “I love you”. She turned to him and forced a smile before holding his hand and thanking him for the night. With that, the woman kept a small wave with a cheery expression while she watched him drive away, beginning to feel the numbness from the past hour that she had tried to upkeep this positive façade.

As soon as he was of sight, Ji Hyo’s face dropped and she reached up a hand to loosen her jaw and cheeks.  She jammed her finger at the ‘up’ button of the elevator and impatiently watched the floor numbers light up in descending order. At the sensation of a wet prickling at the corners of her eyes, she tilted her head up, grabbing the fabric of her dress as she willed herself to keep it in. When finally she arrived on her floor, the sight of her door, the symbol of comfort and freedom suddenly became a weakness to her as a sob escaped and her hand flew up to steady herself. As she approached her door, tears started to peek out of her eyes as cries escaped from behind her hand. She was so close to the finish line, and she no longer cared about keeping her composure for her pride. Staying collected had become painful, and she was so angry that her only reaction to this situation had been to cry. The frustration only surmounted as she fumbled with her house key, unable to see through her blurry vision.

Bursting into her home, the woman kicked off her heels and threw off her dress, wanting to rid herself of all reminders of the night. She collapsed into her bed and wrapped herself tightly in her sheets, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt her tears trickle down her cheeks. Finally in the privacy of her own apartment, she turned to sob uncontrollably into her pillow liberating all the emotions pent up from the past few hours. After a few minutes and empty of tears, she rolled over on her back to catch some fresh air and stared blankly at the ceiling above her and feeling ridiculous for her behavior and hating the pitiful sounds that came out of as she tried to recover her breath. Still feeling unsettled, she figured she needed to go outside to take her mind off things by distracting her with the unfamiliar. She slipped into some sweats and exited her home. If she was thinking straight would not have dared to leave by herself at ten at night. But at that moment, it felt like her entire world was crashing down on her, and she could care less.

Ji Hyo found herself walking towards her car instead, and decided that maybe a drive would be better for her. She hopped onto the car and started down the dark, empty highway. As the night’s events replayed in her head, she felt her heart tighten again.

---

She should have known when the two slices of vanilla cake were brought out. They never had Western desserts in the two years they were dating. It should have been obvious when he insisted that she take the first bite. And then, when she bit down on the hard, cold metal and her eyes grew as she thought she’d cracked a tooth, she had watched in slow-motion, as the man reached over and picked up the diamond ring that she had spit out on her hand. He had wiped it clean and knelt down in front of her, gently reaching for her right hand. She could hear gasps and loud whispers from the surrounding tables, as news of the engagement reverberated around the restaurant. Ji Hyo bore her eyes into his in a futile attempt to beg him to retract, for which she figured he took as a sign of overwhelming emotion when he continued with renewed fervor. She stared at him in disbelief as she watched his mouth move to form the words, “Ji Hyo, will you marry me?”, and she felt the room collectively hold their breath as they eagerly waited for her response.

In the mere seconds she had to react, she tried to justify her suppression of the gnawing “no” by rationalizing her sinking feeling of hopelessness. The reason she didn’t feel giddy about it was because she had already known him for so long and marriage was the next logical step, though she had never envisioned to come this far. She felt emptiness because the magic of falling in love had worn off and now she was just facing the reality of formality. And it was rare that any woman married the man she had always dreamed of; people had to settle to move on with their lives. He wasn’t as handsome as the Prince Charming she’d envisioned as a little girl, and his personality didn’t charm her like some of the men who were the subjects of her unrequited love. He wasn’t a bad person at all. He was kind and caring, and frankly, that was really all she’d expected from him. She tried to convince herself that she’d grow to love him. Maybe it would not be transcending love, but at least he’d always accompany her through life. She tried to ignore the little schoolgirl screaming inside of her. She wasn’t getting any younger and if there was someone who had willingly stayed with her for this long and even deemed her marriage material, why should she knowingly let that opportunity go? What are the chances of that ever happening again? She didn’t even want to think about the pressure from her family and her peers. She no longer wanted to be in the spotlight of relationship inquiry and psychoanalysis at every gathering. And of course, the unwelcomed audience that was now counting on her to bring a celebratory atmosphere to the restaurant. Someone had to have recognized her celebrity. If news broke out, what would happen to career if she said ‘no’?

After a deep breath, Ji Hyo looked into Baek Chang Joo’s eyes and whispered a broken “yes”.

---

A loud horn broke her out of her daze, as she watched a car turn out of the driveway that she was attempting to turn into. After entering the parking lot, she looked around under the dim street light to find herself at Kim Jong Kook’s apartment complex. Though confused as to how she ended up here, she nevertheless parked her car and started up towards the building. Even if she did not know it just yet, there had to be a reason she’d arrived here.

With every step closer to his door, she started to fret about how she should present herself. He would know that something was wrong for her to show up this late, and he’d be able to crack her easily if she tried to deny it. However, her emotions were still all knotted up and she trying to organize her feelings with the day’s events by reliving everything in her head for another excruciating time. She could feel her wounds getting torn open again, and as if a reflex, tears were spilling out again, accompanied with the overwhelming sense of abandonment, as she reached his front door at last.

Ji Hyo was too ashamed of her surely disastrous appearance to use his video camera doorbell and resorted to calling him instead, instantly regretting it the minute she picked up and heard his calm, soothing voice. She hadn’t prepared anything and only repeated his name to buy thinking time. The ease in his words reminded her of how completely opposite their two worlds were. How she longed to regain even a fraction of his contentment in her life.

Unable to find of anything else to say, she finally blurted out that she was in front of his door, hoping that he’d accept her in her time of need. She pressed her ear against his door, trying to listen for footsteps but hearing none. After a few seconds without any response, she realized that not even her trusted Jong Kook-oppa wanted to deal with her in the end—she was too much baggage. She couldn’t blame him. She wouldn’t want to deal with her either.

In between sobs, she begged into the phone, no longer caring what he thought of her anymore. She just really needed to see a familiar face, a comforting shoulder to cry on, and someone to tell her that she really was loved, that she wasn’t completely forgotten. Her worries were alleviated as she felt the support of the door disappear from under her, and she quickly straightened to regain her footing. She looked up to find the welcoming face of Jong Kook, staring down at her with startled eyes. Ji Hyo realized it was late and also a Friday night. The last thing she wanted to do was to ruin his night, especially with a girl. She knew how hard those were to come by for him.

After stepping into his home, the dreaded feeling of that tipping point coursed through her veins again. Despite all of his badgering, she was afraid that if she spoke, words would just come pouring out like a waterfall, completely scaring him and destroying his image of her. As she bent over, a straying teardrop slid off her cheek and splattered across the floor. She hoped he didn’t see it and continued to look down to hide her puffy eyes, still defiant in upholding her reputation as the confident, unwavering woman.

Ji Hyo cursed his soft words of concern. They prodded and poked holes in the wall she had tried so hard to construct. She could feel him studying her carefully in the deafening silence which only intensified the strain in herself as the seams of everything she had bottled up began to pull and snap. If she was going to breakdown, she might as well disguise as much of it as she could, she considered as she launched herself towards the unsuspecting Kim Jong Kook. Folding her tears into his chest, her arms circled his waist and clenched his sides with all the calamity within her being.

Her first word to him felt like both a release and burden. At last, this would be the start of some resolution to the turmoil mounting inside of her. There would be at least one other person with whom she could share her pain. She no longer had to fight this alone. But Ji Hyo also knew that she was terribly weak in front of him, and with a few of his words, she could potentially expose everything, even parts she’d rather keep to herself.

Afraid of running that risk, she resorted to crying out her pain instead of describing it in words, feeling apologetic for being so disrespectful to his questions and ashamed for being so powerless. As she sat on the couch with his strong arms around her, she let slip a few more words, though really just wanting the feeling of someone else being with her.

Ji Hyo continued to tell her story with tears as she nuzzled her nose into the crook of his neck, to pull him closer. His body felt so warm against hers as his head dipped down to lay gently on top of hers and his arms moved to hold her tighter against him. She could hear his steady breaths beside her ear as she lost herself in his warm scent and the overwhelming sense of assurance that washed over her. For a rare time in her life, she felt safe.

When she finally regained her breath with her waning sobs, her eyes fluttered open to reorient herself. She busied herself with his sweatshirt as to avoid the obvious next step of explaining herself now that she was no longer an incoherent mess. Her name rumbled in his chest and against her cheek as he called her once more. The stubborn woman still assumed she could ignore it as with many previous times and relapsed into sloshing through the muddled waters of her mind.

Suddenly, her warm support was replaced with cool air as she found herself held away from his body by his arms. Ji Hyo’s head instantly dropped to shroud her face from his view, unable to imagine her disgusting condition. Much to her displeasure, his hand moved to tilt it upward and she grimaced as she felt his eyes dart across it and a soft thumb brushed against her cheek. She felt so and pitiful under his gaze.

The broken woman knew how distraught he must have felt seeing her in such a state since he always prided himself on protecting her. She always believed he had harbored some sort of super-human powers and wondered if he would be able to heal her wounds. Maybe afterwards, she’d have the courage and confidence to tell him all that had happened and he would understand her actions as a horrible dongsaeng.

Ji Hyo heard the hints of temper in his voice as he provoked her, instantly feeling apologetic for riling him up. This entire predicament was her problem and she never intended for him to be emotionally involved. Maybe she had gone too far and it was time for her to concede. She had lost the battle within herself.

She dared to sneak a glance at his lips, at those lips in front of her, taunting her. The ones that had serenaded her with so many heart-felt ballads and uplifted her with careful but honest words. He was her Superman, and he had never let her down. “Make me feel better,” she whispered as she leaned up. She would finally let him rescue her from the dark.

As she approached, she felt his arm stiffen under her hand and she instantly softened to only brush her lips across his. He was scared. Scared of her. She had hurt him. At the realization, she looked up at him through apologetic eyes with one hand reaching up to brush his cheek softly, trying to ease his fear and showcase the humane aspect of the Song Ji Hyo who had engulfed herself in a selfish, melodrama for the past hour.

Hearing the words of rejection hurt her more than she’d expected. She was slated to marry a man she wasn’t quite sure she truly loved and Jong Kook-oppa, her dependable friend didn’t even want her. Who wanted her anymore? Was she that disposable? Her self-doubt weaseled its way into her mind again and despite her attempts to hold them in, tears started spilling out again. She hated how irrational she was being. She knew he wasn’t the most comfortable in front of women and yet she kept on putting him in these difficult situations. What kind of person was she?

She hated when he used that word “friend”, like it alone could define an entire relationship—its protocols and boundaries. She wished Jong Kook wouldn’t be so dictated by rules of decency. For once, she wanted to see him follow his heart and its impulses. She didn’t want him to be her friend, she wanted him to be a man seeing her as a woman. It angered her that he was always so in control of himself, while she lay in his arms, in tatters.

Crying as she rested on his shoulder, she briefly kicked herself for being so fragile and spouting tears at every little thing, but mentally fatigued, she could care less about her dignity right now. And so, she let it all out. She wept for everything in her heart, for every injustice that she felt and for everything she could not understand. Even if it wouldn’t solve anything, she was determined to cry herself dry or until she passed out, whichever came first.

As she reduced down to small whimpers, her eyes flickered around the room, reminding her of current situation. Her raw eyes pricked her with small stings and she snapped them close to save her not only from the pain, but also from her irritation with staring into the world that had caused her so much hurt. She was tired of being aware of everything. She just wanted to lean against him and lose herself in the invincibility that he exuded from his strong body. She wanted just wanted to savor this moment with him and be in his arms without a reason or excuse, to just enjoy the way her body fit against his, their breaths in unison.

After ten minutes of serenity, she felt his right arm move and his breath abruptly on her cheek. Her heart raced with imagination and suspense as she felt him moving close to her. She wondered what he’d do when she wasn’t aware of his actions and tried to suppress the giddy smile threatening to break across her lips. Would he return the favor from earlier? Ji Hyo squeezed her eyes shut and tried to maintain a steady composure with her acting techniques, but only ended up holding her breath as she awaited his big move.

She was about to burst from “sleep”, unable to contain the anticipation, when she felt herself gently laid on a cozy bed before tucked in with some warm sheets. She resisted smirking at the wild fantasies that had crept their way into her mind. His every touch shot sparks through her body and she clenched her teeth to prevent herself from screaming at him in frustration when each hopeful move only ended up with a reserved action. He patted her on the head, something he’d done on set numerous times—his silent way of showing encouragement and affection. Then, she heard the door creak open and shut promptly, and her silly dream came crashing down.

Ji Hyo’s eyes sprung open as soon as she heard the door close. She stared disappointedly up into the darkness at the lack of anything that happened today. She kicked herself for being so naïve as to think that the conservative and respectable Kim Jong Kook would ever consider trying any funny business with her. She sighed as she wondered if he knew she was still awake and didn’t act on his impulse on purpose. Was it her rapid heartbeats or irregular breathing that gave it away? Or maybe he was just genuinely not attracted to her. She felt a slight pang in her heart at the last thought. He had been a long-ago crush for her, but once a crush, always a crush, and she knew she’d always harbor some kind of infatuation with him, no matter how deep it was buried. And it didn’t help that it had start to awaken again with the nearly three years that they’ve been filming together.              

She didn’t know why she came to Jong Kook’s home. Maybe in search of a listening ear or someone with whom to share her misery. Surely she didn’t intend to come and tempt him into actions he’d regret later, and she hoped it didn’t give him the wrong impression and that he would still be forgiving of her after this whole ordeal. She would be devastated if she ever lost him. The idea of losing someone gave her romantic connotations, and she tried to push aside the fleeting thought of ever being with Kim Jong Kook. She was convinced in the end that she was devastated not at the thought of being married to Chang Joo, but rather at the fact that by doing so, it’d eliminate all opportunities with anyone, ever. Her fiancé wasn’t someone she had ever imagined settling down with, and yet, here she was.

Author's Note: Thanks so much guys for your patience! I've cleaned up Chapter 1 a bit more. I'm sorry that there really isn't much action going on. I didn't know how this would turn out but apparently, it's about the exploration of their thoughts and feelings. Nothing terribly exciting since it's retelling of Chapter 1. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy and please comment with suggestions or ideas, so that I may write a better Chapter 3! Thank you!

Also, I don't know anything about Ji Hyo's relationship dynamics with Baek Chang Joo, and I'm not here to make assertions about it. This is from my own imagination, and I am writing from the pov that she isn't quite as enamoured with him as he is with her, regardless of the reasons behind it. I've also noted that they're been dating for two years, which I will assume is not true, but I used it here to make their relationship seem more stable.