Your scent, your figure

Fill the emptiness inside me

For once

I want to feel your skin

It has been a month since I live here in Seoul, far from my other-half. I live in small apartment but really comfortable. I don’t think I need a bigger one since I live alone here. Well, not really alone since Jihye is practically living next door. His over-protective brother wants her to be near with me. He wants me to protect her. Really I cannot deal anything with that person’s mind. I cannot read what he was thinking that time when he is saying he left Jihye to me. Sometimes I feel annoyed because the fact is that Jihye had been falling in love with me since forever didn’t bother him at all. I know he trust Jihye for never stealing his beloved boyfriend and I, who will never like a girl, because I am gay. But still, sometimes it bothers me so much and make me thing that I am not special.

~sigh~

I sigh again. I cannot contact Yunho for two days now. His phone always in busy mode or out of reach. Jihye went to camping trip with her new friends and she is more than sweet to leave me here rotten. Ugh…. Sometimes I hate that girl, but I don’t deny it that with our close relationship now I got used to that sissy girl. I got really comfortable near her, I never think about her feeling for me anymore when she is with me. I don’t intent to be heartless guy, I just want to protect my heart. For Yunho only, and she knew that. One thing that made me amazed to her, she will do anything to get me. I mean, yeah…. She is pretty and smart, I can see the female version of Jung Yunho inside of her, but my heart always beong to one person. Jung Yunho! And tha’s final.

“What to do now?? I really want to speak with Yunho~~” I whine to no one in the room and keep staring to the television, not even paying attention to what it is on.

I grab my cellphone and dial his number. I pray after I hear the first ring.

“Please take it Yunho…. Please…. I miss you~~”

‘Yoboseyo’

“Yunho~yah!!!” gosh…. I feel like bursting out in no time. I miss his voice.

‘Jaejoong~ah…. What happen?’

“Geez…. Is that what you ask after not hearing me for two days?”

‘Ah yes…. I forgot to tell Joongie that I was in my grandparents’ graveyard at Busan. Small village, no signal’

“Hhmmm…. Araseo….”

‘So, is Joongie misses me?’

“Yes! So much!!”

‘I miss Joongie too…. I have something to do now, baby….’

“You’ll hang up?”

‘I’m sorry….’

“What are you doing?”

‘It’s a surprise for Joongie baby…. Joongie just wait, ok?!’

“Okay baby…. Love you~~”

I hung up the phone first and grin like an idiot. Surprise? For me? I really can’t wait!

This is what made me love him too much. He really cares for me and never forgets to make me smile. I stand up and whistling happily to the kitchen, making my dinner.

I just stepped into the kitchen when my doorbell rings. I walk fast and open the door just to meet the grinning female version of Jung Yunho.

“Surprise!! I’m home oppa~~” she spreads her arms widely and I just knit my eyebrow.

“So?” I answer shortly.

“Yah!! Oppa you’re so mean~!! Don’t you miss me?” she said with puppy eyes.

“Nope”

“Aish~~” she stomped her feet childishly and brushed me aside entering my apartment.

“YAH!! Jung Jihye!! Who told you to enter my house?!!”

“I want to help you to make dinner!! Don’t you see? I brought fresh squids and prawns, kajja!” she smiles and heads to my kitchen. That girl is really stone headed one.

I walk after her and I see her cleaning the squids while muttering some tone. I guess she is singing. I choose to ignore her and grab a frying pen.

“Oppa called you already?” she asks but her eyes never leaves the squids. I sigh.

“Yes, just now”

“Good for you, seems like you miss him so much” she still not seeing me. I sigh again.

***

I’m deeply in love even though my love is hopeless
I get lonely, every time I hold you tight

It is about afternoon when my house door being knocked weakly by someone. I open the door and see Jihye stood there with weak smile.

“Oh. Jihye~ah, come in” I move aside to give her way.

“No thanks, I just want to say I have a trip with my friends again for a week, I want to put my dog here” I frown a bit. She has a dog?

“You have a dog?” I ask and she smiles lightly.

“Yes, oppa gave it to me and he wanted me to give it to you for your birthday, but I have to go, he can’t be here alone” she moves a bit and I see a cute brown puddle looking at me with his puppy eyes. I fall for the puppy already.

“Ouwh…. He’s cute~~” I carry him in my arms.

“I’m sorry I ruin the surprise” she said apologetically.

“No problem Jihye, I won’t tell him anything. I promise” I smile widely and she returns the smile. She looks sad when she sees the puppy.

“His name is Jyunie” she says and the puppy’s head, “Oppa gave him the name”

“Jyunie?” I ask and she nods, still the puppy’s head. I don’t know why but she looks sad.

“Don’t be sad Jihye~ah…. You can still see him everyday, I know you love puppies very much” I caress her arms and she looks up to meet my eyes.

“I go first oppa, my friend is waiting in the parking lot” she smiles again and drags her rolling bag hurriedly, not waiting for me to say to be careful.

I shrug my shoulders and bring the sleepy puppy into my apartment. I look at him carefully. If I’m not seeing it carefully, I must be thinking that he is a doll. He really looks like a doll.

“Jyunie…. You sleep here, I’ll go buy your food, bye bye….” I say and walk outside my apartment grinning like an idiot. I am just too happy today because of another surprise. Although Yunho didn’t call me for a week, but I am happy because of Jyunie.

I come back an hour later and find a little mess near the sofa. Jyunie is gone and the frame I put on the table had been crushed into pieces on the floor. I sigh and collect the pieces together; it must be Jyunie’s fault. I call him and he barks cutely then runs to me.

“You bad boy….” I caress his head.

I do not pay attention to the frame and the broken glass hurts me.

“Argh!” I pull my hand and my ring finger bleeds, the blood is staining my couple rings with Yunho, “I should be more careful” I say while wiping the ring clean again.

I pick the picture of me and Yunho from the floor. I don’t know why but suddenly I miss him so much. Something in my heart stings painfully. Without I realize a tear escaped from my eyes followed by another. I don’t know I will be this hurt in missing him. I never once miss him to the point it hurts so much since I’m here. I used to cry if I don’t see him even just a day. That was when we live in Gwangju, but I had promised him that I won’t cry again.

“I really miss you Yunho…. May I go home?” I say to his photo, but I knew he won’t let me go home, I have packed schedule for the whole month. It is impossible for me to go.

After dinner I can’t take it anymore, I really want to meet Yunho or at least listening to his voice. I grab my phone and dial his number. I wait until the ring ended but no one picks it up. I sigh again. I know Yunho never set a ringtone for his phone, it only vibrates, and the vibration not making him aware at all. I dial again and again but the result is the same, no one answer. I look at the clock hanging on the wall beside me, it shows 11 PM and I face palmed myself. He must be sleeping already. I go to my room and try to sleep.

***

3 days later, I forgot about the phone call because I am too busy to even see the rose in the garden near my apartment. I feel lonely, that’s why I busied myself with works. I used to being bothered by Jihye, but she is still not home. Why do I miss her? I will see her everyday when she’s comeback, right?

I keep walking to my apartment with empty stare. I just want to be in bed as soon as possible.

And call him maybe….

I nod and rush to my door, lock it and slump my tired body to bed. Grabbing my phone, I knew what number I have to dial. I wait patiently for him to pick the phone. No one answer. I redial until the third chance and finally someone pick up the phone. I smile from ear to ear, cannot wait anymore to hear his voice.

‘Yoboseyo’

I frown, it is not his voice.

“Yo- yoboseyo…. It is Jung Yunho’s number, right?”

‘Ah! It is you, Jaejoongie?’

I smile, “Yes, it Jaejoong”

‘I am Junjin. Don’t tell me 2 months in Seoul you forgot me already’

“Aniyo uncle Junjin” I laugh. I remember Yunho’s uncle.

“Where is Yunho by the way? I want to speak with him”

There’s a long silence and I don’t know why.

‘He is not home, dear…. He is out of town to deliver some Soju. He is busy and seems in hurry. He forgot to bring the phone’

“Keuraeyo…. Tell him when he is home. I miss him. Ask him to call me uncle….”

‘Okay, dear…. Please be careful there….’

“Ne samcheonnim…. Kamsahamnida….”

I hung up the phone and pout. I really miss him and now I have to face the clumsy and forgetful Yunho again. How can he forget his phone?! It is a really important thing, right?

I drag my feet to the shower. I have to freshen up before I go to sleep.

~A week later~

He leans closer and captures my lips between his. I close my eyes and feel the weird sensation flows through my body. I enjoy it. He takes my arms and circles it on his neck. The kiss feels so warm and sweet. It is the first time he is kissing me like this. Like he is desperate to show me how much he loves me. I don’t know, but the tears already flow from my eyes.

“Uljima….” He says between the kiss, “If Joongie finds someone better than me there, don’t hesitate to make a new love Joongie. I’ll be happy if you happy…. Please….”

“I don’t want another love” I shook my head gently, “I only love you…. Yunho….”

“YUNHO!”

I’m awaken from my sleep. It is about past midnight and I dream about our last time meeting before I go to Seoul. Why the dream feels so sad to me? I don’t think it is a sad one but….

I touch my cheek and tears flow from my eyes. I grab my phone and want to dial Yunho but I know it is useless. I call my mom instead.

‘Joongie~ah’

“Umma….” I could hear my own voice cracks.

‘Wae?’

She asked worriedly.

“I want to go home, umma…. I miss you all and Yunho….”

I could hear she sighs from the other line.

‘Don’t go home, dear…. You have to study and beside—’

She stopped suddenly and I frown, “Waeyo umma?”

‘Aniyo Joongie…. He is not home. If you want to meet him you can’t’

“Umma know Yunnie isn’t home? How come?”

‘I went there about a week ago. I want to see your grandma and I went to his family’s house too. His father said he will be out of town till next week. He said Yunho want to visit his cousin’

“But he forgot his phone, umma….”

‘You do know he is a forgetful person, right?’

“Ne….”

‘Back to sleep, dear….’

“Ne umma…. Sorry for waking you up”

‘Anytime, baby…. Good morning?’

I glance at the alarm clock beside me. It is indeed 2 AM, “Ne umma…. Go morning~~”

I sigh and back to sleep. I don’t have morning class today. I think sleeping again for a few hours will be lovely.

Yunho~ah….

I don’t want to think about it but…. It feels like you’re avoiding me….

Don’t you love me anymore? Or at least…. Don’t you miss me?? I’m suffering here and all I can remember is you. I want you, I miss you…. Please don’t do this to me….

***

I wish….

Our paths will cross again

I’m thinking about you everytime I close my eyes

You’re everything….

It is still natural that you are here by my side

I will keep your place here until the day we meet again

I believe that I can laugh together with you once again

Okay!

I got enough with this thing! He is obviously avoiding me! Yunho is avoiding me! I called him several times but the results are the same. If he is not around then his family pick it up for him telling me he is not home. How can I sure that he is actually still loving me if it continues like this?? I have to make sure about it myself.

I get up from my bed and head to the kitchen to grab my saving inside the freezer. Weird right? I saved my money in the freezer. But I did it so I forgot the money and not using it except I really need it. Jyuni comes out of nowhere and sniffing my leg. He is so adorable. He looks up to meet my eyes and he gave me his best puppy eyes. I guess he is hungry. I grab his meal and pour some to his bowl. He gladly eat it and I pat his head lovingly.

“Jyuni~ umma will go for a while. Are you okay if I left you?? I’ll put with my friend okay? I’m sorry Jyuni…. Umma misses appa and umma will go there to meet appa. Mianhae ne?” he barks a little. Cute.

“Gomawo…. Aigo~ you smart puppy~”

I take my cellphone from my pocket and dial Yuri’s number. She is my friend and she has dog too. I’m sure she’ll take a good care for Jyuni.

I’m already in the bus heading to my hometown. I purposely ride the evening bus so I could get there in the middle of the night. I don’t want to go to my grandmother house. I’ll go to my aunt’s house. It is enough and I won’t tolerate another frustration. Being with my grandmother will make me suffer more.

The bus is nearing my hometown and the nearer it is, the more nervous I got. Why do I feel this way?? Maybe it is because I escape from Seoul and abandon my class. Yeah…. It is because of that. I’m nervous because I feel guilty towards my study.

I take a look to my watch and it shows 10 AM already. I am sleepy but I managed to open my eyes widely. I can’t sleep now or I’ll miss the stop. It won’t be funny if it happens anyway. The bus stopped and I gather my things and ho