Daesung's POV.

“Why do you keep looking at your phone?”

“Yeah, who are you waiting for?”

“Did you get yourself a girlfriend?”

“Who is she?”

I was getting all sorts of questions from everyone around me in the past three days, I tried to ignore them as best as I could, brushed it off and just laughed. Even if I tried explaining, it probably wouldn’t make much sense so for now, it was best to keep it to myself.

I just helped someone out, no need for me to make such a fuss about it.

Should I text her?  I thought for the nth time today but every time I tried to type something, it either looked too awkward, too formal, or too keen or that I was trying too hard.

“Hey, it’s Daesung. About the song you asked for…”

No.

How did I get myself into this situation?

I should have just left her alone. What do I do now?

I still remember when I approached her at the broadcasting station. I didn’t know it was SNSD’s Jessica, I could only see her back at the time so I tried helping her but as soon as I realized it was her, I knew I couldn’t stay for long. Even though I was quite friendly with most of the girls in her group, I never talked to Jessica other than bowing at performances or just saying hi.

Truthfully, she intimated me a little bit. She looked like a really reserved person, someone you didn’t want to get on the wrong side of.

 As time went on BIGBANG and SNSD started attending different events, other than the few end of year awards, there was no chance for us to actually meet but my opinion of her started changing when I saw her crying but it changed even more after the dinner party we had.

She was different.

Although she was there with her body, it was easy to tell that she was in a whole other world, her eyes gave her away.

I could see how she was trying to be there, to conform to what is norm but she gave up after a while, tired of not succeeding.

In my head, I kept thinking that I should stay away from her, that I don’t need any more problems than I already have but after being reminded of her crying in the corridor, I couldn’t just leave without doing something, even a small gesture such as giving her a tissue, it wouldn’t feel right to just ignore it when I felt she was going through something.

She was different.

The way she smiled, it looked as if she forgot how to.

She’d smile, of course and laugh but it was more of a habit instead, something that I could understand and relate to as I did that myself.

I could see right through her like an open book. I didn’t want her to end up like me, once you get used to being down and feeling disorientated, it’s hard to get back up.

I had to talk to her, I had to help her.

 It wasn’t just that though.

By helping her, I was helping myself as well; maybe I go back to feeling normal again.

She was lost.

Like me.

“Hey, it’s Daesung. I’m really sorry but I can’t seem to find a song to recommend you, what if you tell me what you like?”

Sent.

I sighed; there was nothing that I could do other than wait now so I put my phone in my pocket and started concentrating on my schedules for the day, my Japanese solo debut was coming up. It had been awhile since I’ve done any solo activities.

For the past year I was always with someone, my managers didn’t seem to want to leave me alone even for a minute, it almost felt as if they were baby-sitting me, but then I felt guilty of thinking of it that way, I knew they were only doing it for my own benefit. And theirs.

I knew I let everyone down because of my accident. I could feel how they talked about me whenever they thought I wasn’t listening.  I could see the way they looked at each other when one of them said something relating to it, the look they’d give to one another told me enough.

It wasn’t just the people at work though, the same thing happened with my family. The worried look of my mum whenever I went home betrays her or the way my parents tip toe around me… it used to make me upset but now, I just felt annoyed at how they couldn’t approach me without thinking of what to say, how careful they were with their words.

Can’t I just run away?

“We have to go, everyone get ready!” a member of the team shouted which meant I had to leave my thoughts for now as we get out of the YG building and start our schedules.

As the day went on I didn’t have the time to sit down properly, let alone check my phone. The thought of Jessica and whether she replied or not went out of my mind while I worked, I was too tired to do anything other than jump in bed the first chance I got when I finally wrapped up hours of filming so I finally got home and drifted off to sleep but that didn’t last very long.

“It’s your fault”

“I wasn’t expecting that from you, Daesung-ah”

“You’re not human.”

“How could you that?”

“I’m disappointed in you”

“Bring my son back!”

“You killed my brother! How dare you show yourself to us?”

“You don’t deserve to live, why are you still here?”

“Why don’t you do us a favour and kill yourself?”

“Murderer”

I jumped up from the bed, waking up completely drenched in sweat and breathless, my heart pounding, and my arms shaking, my hair disgustingly attached to my forehead because of the sweat.

I walked out of my room in the darkness, walking to the kitchen without stumbling as the way was familiar anyway. This was routine; nightmares seemed to always get the best of me no matter what.

Sleep became something that I could only get during flights or rarely in hotel rooms where I was in different surrounding. Although I tried everything, from therapy sessions, to sleeping pills, nothing ever seemed to work except for the seldom night where my body and my brain were too tired to even think.

I went back to bed taking out my earphones from the nightstand, at the same time; my phone vibrates indicating that I received a text.

“Hello, it’s Jessica! Sorry for the late reply, I just came back from Japan! J

I listen to anything; I don’t have a preference… that doesn’t really help, right? He he

It’s really late so I’m sorry if I woke you up!

-J”

“Don’t worry, I was awake! What kind of genre do you prefer though? Do you prefer them in English or Korean? You’re not helping if you don’t tell me! (:”

“But… I don’t know! English, Korean, Japanese, anything is fine!

If I really had to choose though, I’m in the mood for a ballad now… maybe something deep. I’m sorry but aren’t you supposed to be the expert?

You should really get to sleep though, it’s 3am, aren’t you working tomorrow?”

I chuckled reading her text; she had a really cute way of texting, as if she took her time thinking every single word she typed in and… was she worried about me? I typed in a response and made myself more comfortable on the bed as it looked like we’d talk for a while but a while was an understatement.

It quickly became  six o’clock in the morning but neither of us seemed to wanting to end our conversation as we chatted about things that had nothing to do with music, we shared our thoughts about our worries, fears, dislikes that I ended up falling asleep to then wake up to my phone still in my hand. 

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Hello! :) How have you been?^^

Is the font too small or too big or is it all right? I'm not sure...

If this chapter disappointed you, I'm really sorry! And for the wait, I'm also sorry! hehe, but to be honest, I'm actually really satisfied with this chapter for some reason.

I wrote it up so many times because I wasn't satisfied with it, I have at least 6 different copies of it!

If you see any mistakes or things that I missed out, please tell me.

I just realized that I should have started this story with 3rd POV but... oh well.

Back to Jessica's pov next chapter! :)

To all the students, I hope your exams are going well! I've only got two left!

Good luck to everyone taking History tomorrow in the UK as GCSE! :D

Take care! And thank you for the support, comments and subscribing!

Minnie.