“Thanks for tonight,” I say as convincingly as I can, stepping down from Jiyong’s car to the sidewalk, “I really enjoyed myself.”

I give him one last smile and a finger wave and turn to enter my apartment complex. It is an unseasonably cold night and I shiver a little while walking up the trio of steps that connect the sidewalk to the large double doors. My hands are on the ice cold silver doorknob when I hear an oh-so-familiar voice calling me.

“Ari-yah, come back.”

I wonder why he wants me to come back but I obey anyways.

He’s standing by the open door of his car, facing me with his eyebrows knitted together above the top of his black glasses and his lips scrunched together as if he just tasted something very sour. He calls this his “thinking face”. He makes it every time he’s struggling to finish a song or when he’s trying to puzzle something out. The sound of my heels echoes as I make my cautious way over the wet curb to the passenger’s side of his Bentley. The warm seats offer no comfort and I feel a little thrill of fear walking up my spine as he slides back into his own seat and slams the door shut behind him.

“What’s wrong? Why did you lie? Did I – Is it something I did?” His brows are straightened out now, arched slashes of charcoal against the porcelain of his skin as he poses his question, holding me in place with the chocolate brown of his eyes. “You’re a terrible liar,” he adds with a tiny bit of a smile that vanishes almost as quickly as it appeared.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I respond, tracing the pattern of hills and valleys formed by the ruched hem of my black and pink sundress while my mouth gives birth to another lie, one that does nothing to ease the ache deep in my heart or the burn of acid in my stomach. My heartbeat speeds up and I feel hot all over when Ji fixes me with a look that says “cut the crap.” Suddenly, I want to run as far away as I can, as fast as I can. I move a hand towards the door handle and hear the loud click of the automatic locks being activated.

“I know you well enough to know that you’re not happy right now and you haven’t been happy all night. I can tell that you’re lying to me about it trying to pretend that it’s all good. Baby girl, spill. Tell me what’s up with you.”

He sounds so earnest and the pleading tone in his voice is my undoing. Even his eyes are begging me to talk to him.

I let the hem of my dress drop from my fingers and wipe my sweaty palms on it before I plunge. I take a deep breath, release it slowly and reach for his hands, lacing our perfectly matched fingers together in the space over the gear stick. He gives me a searching look and I have to take a another deep breath as I try to quell the fear that rises when I think about what I’m about to do, what I’m about to say. I want to believe that it will be okay, that he’ll hear the meaning behind my words and understand but honestly, it’s much more realistic that he won’t feel the same way or even try to see what I mean and that I’ll walk away from this with a future without him in it.

“I can feel your pulse. It’s hammering away. You’re terrified,” he comments softly, looking at me with those beautiful eyes of his. “Calm down. I’m not gonna bite,” he pauses and a y smirk appears briefly , “unless you want me to.”

“Stop being a tease, Ji.” I scold, feeling my stomach do a set of somersaults. “This is serious, I mean it’s serious for me. I’m scared less but I’m going to say it anyways because I have the feeling that you won’t let me get out of this car until you’ve heard what’s on my mind.”

At this point, I wish I could faint on demand. I’d swoon right now and be done with this, for the moment at least. Ji nods, his eyes searching mine for some clue as to what this is about. I remind myself to breathe and continue.

“What exactly is this?” I raise our clasped hands and his gaze shifts from my face to them and back again. “What is all of this? This nameless thing that we’ve got going on, what is it? What am I to you? What are we?” The words fall out of me, propelled by some inane need to know where I stand with him.

The silence in the car thickens and my throat clogs up. Tears spring to my eyes and I let go of his hands, resting back against the seat as if all of my bones have dissolved. That’s how I feel, boneless, weak from fear and relief that at the very least I have asked what’s been on my mind for so long. He doesn’t answer and the worst case scenarios run like a movie trailer through my mind. I close my eyes and let the tears seeps out onto my cheeks. Who cares if my mascara and eyeliner run? I probably no longer have anyone to wear them for.

Then, when I’m about to give up all hope he turns to face me. His expression is something I’ve never seen before and I don’t know how to read it so I just cross my fingers and wait as he begins to speak.

“You’re the one who said you didn’t want to be bothered by labels. You’re the one who didn’t want any definitive title applied to this relationship of ours,” he starts.

“I know, but that was a year ago!” My protest cuts him off.

“I went with it because it was what you asked of me. I went with it because it felt like I had no choice. I never liked it but I made it work because I had to,” he continues as if I didn’t just interrupt him. “I’ve never been good at saying what I feel face to face. That’s why I write them songs,” he starts to smile, “and I know I’d probably just it up if I tried to tell you what I really want to say. So,” he pulls his phone out of his pants pocket, hit a few buttons and places it on the flat panel between us,” just listen to this with me and stop that crying.” He leans over and wipes the tears off my face with the pad of his thumb as the intro of an R&B song plays. 

After four minutes and twenty nine seconds I am smiling like an idiot, tear free and with a clear throat.  Jiyong removes his glasses and drops them on top of the dashboard before slipping out of his seat and climbing into my side of the car, catching me completely by surprise as he tips my chin up and captures my lips with his. I can feel him smiling as we kiss and when we pull apart I’m dizzy in a good way. “You’re my boo thang,” he whispers in my ears, stealing the song title. 

This is the song I got the idea for this oneshot from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElWiBlP-FrU. It's "Boo Thang" by Verse Simmonds featuring Kelly Rowland. :D