Case one starts with a rubber sushi figurine and a bowl of ramen. More precisely, it starts with a rubber sushi figurine that somehow makes its way into the bowl of ramen Luhan is currently wolfing down.

Luhan might not be the most observant person in the world, but even he knows that a chopstick-full of noodles is not supposed to squeak. He immediately stops chewing and Sehun glances at him with concern. “Is something wrong?”

Luhan answers that by spitting out said sushi figurine onto the table. It bounces once and both Luhan and Sehun stare at it for a few moments. It’s about the size of a large coin and quite cute, a smiley turquoise blue sushi that would probably be the inanimate counterpart of Luhan, Sehun thinks. But seeing as Luhan nearly choked on it, he doesn’t exactly appreciate its kawaiiness.

Sehun’s first thought is that someone is attempting to poison or possibly kill Luhan. He immediately begins looking around the room, keeping an eye out for any suspicious-looking people. Luhun pokes tentatively at it with one of his chopsticks.

The sushi does not react.

He continues to stare at it curiously as Sehun mentally assesses how much of a threat this situation is and whether or not the police should be notified because death by rubber sushi is a very serious matter. It might seem silly, ridiculous even, but Sehun has unfortunately faced similar situations in the past. Apparently the old-fashioned “run and gun” assassination technique simply isn’t good enough, which is lucky for them, as they probably wouldn’t have survived this long otherwise. In the past two years, Sehun has dealt with angel food cake laced with explosives, spring-loaded poison darts in the mailbox and a variety of other unusual setups meant to endanger Luhan. Don’t even get him started on the time a girl handed Luhan that banana full of orange juice. Sehun still hasn’t figured out exactly what was supposed to do.

It doesn’t happen often enough to be considered regular, but maybe every couple months or so, something strange like this happens. Just enough to keep them wary of opening packages before checking them for radioactivity or accepting food from strangers. Sehun decides that at the least, he should call the waiter and complain about standard of quality because what sort of establishment allows non-edible things in their food?

“Excuse me,” Sehun says, waving over the waiter standing nearby.

The waiter walks over and in a completely serious tone says, “My, what an attractive manatee.”

Sehun sincerely hopes the waiter is not referring to either of them. He’s at a loss for words, but Luhan suddenly says, “Rutabaga,” and he realizes it’s another one of those stupid embedded phrases for verification.

“Who even comes up with these things?” he mutters to himself, shaking his head disapprovingly. He had naively assumed that today they could actually hang out like normal people, but cases had an annoying way of interfering. All Sehun hopes is that the waiter and Luhan don’t actually know each other because Luhan really does not need to add “hangs out with strange, insane people” on his list of Reasons Why Luhan is Socially Inept. Luhan is with Sehun. And Sehun is not a strange, insane person. Sehun would like to keep it that way.

The waiter breaks out smiling widely, his eyes much too bright for someone completely right in the mind. “Oh finally, someone knows the right answer! I had to ask three people before you.” His voice is surprisingly deep compared to his looks, and Sehun frowns, because he has had enough of weird people ever since that incident with the guy who ran around dressed up as a lollipop.

Sehun supposes there are many risks associated with being a messenger, including the possible loss of your job. That and being considered potentially insane. Someone needs to complain to management about switching codes to something more conversational and less absurd because in any other circumstance, Sehun would’ve called the manager if the waiter asked him about manatees.

“Now, where was that - ” The waiter starts patting his pockets as if searching for something, stopping after he notices the sushi on the table. “Oh. I see you received the message already.”

Sehun is starting to think that management is really losing their touch.

Luhan stares at the sushi. The sushi stares back.

“This,” Sehun raises an eyebrow, “is the message? Are you telling him to pay more attention to his food?” In all his years with Luhan, Sehun has encountered many creative messages, but so far none that have actually nearly been consumed. “You could have killed Luhan! He could have choked on that rubber sushi and I don’t care how kawaii it looks, Luhan could have died!”

Both Luhan and the waiter turn to look at him. Sehun gets the feeling that they’re the ones who are beginning to think that he’s insane.

Luhan picks up the sushi with a napkin and examines it. There’s a tiny latch on the back and a small click is audible as he pries it open. He holds something shiny up to the light. A small microchip, no larger than a fingernail.

“You do realize that he could’ve swallowed that,” Sehun says finally, not entirely sure what he’s supposed to say in situations like this. He has to admit, this is definitely one of the more interesting delivery methods.

Luhan takes out his cellphone and inserts the chip. An attachment opens up on the screen, of what appears to be a scanned copy of a formal business letter with a stamped letterhead.

Investigator Luhan:

We are in dire need of your assistance. We apologize for the unconventional method of contact, but someone has compromised our security system and we are not prepared to handle any more breaches. At approximately 1420 yesterday afternoon, someone bypassed our firewall and accessed our most confidential files. We have strong reason to believe that they are now in possession of that information. We would much appreciate it if you could contact us, should you agree to look into our case.

United States Department of Defense

“Aha! The plot thickens,” Luhan says happily, and the waiter nods in agreement, his brown hair flopping wildly over his eyes as he grins broadly.

“Good luck solving this one,” he says cheerfully, before walking off, humming to himself and balancing plates on his arm, face still stretched out in a rather creepy grin.

Sehun decides to focus on the horrifying revelation that Luhan actually does associate with the crazy waiter, instead of trying to figure out why the Pentagon wants to work with Luhan.

“Chanyeol is nice,” Luhan says absentmindedly, staring down at the text message in his hands. “Now, where’s the self-destruct button?”

“Is it supposed to have one?” Sehun asks nervously, slightly backing away from the cell phone. “I thought we were supposed to be safe before we went on dangerous governmental missions.”

“Every high tech mission these days needs a self-destructing text message,” Luhan mumbles, turning his cell phone around and around as he presses several combinations of keys. “I just need to figure out where it is.”

“Are you really sure you should be - “ Sehun is cut off by a beeping sound suddenly emanating from the phone. “Uh.” He might not be as well-versed as Luhan in these matters, but he knows that beeping noises are usually not indications of something good.

They leave the phone on the table as they hurry out of the restaurant, Luhan taking a few moments to leave some cash on the counter to cover their meal and compensate for damages. Sehun hopes it’s only a minor explosion, because the place serves very nice bubble tea.

“So, you’re taking the case?” Sehun asks, as they walk down the street, ignoring the sounds of exploding buildings and panic in the distance. Aw, damn it. “This might be really dangerous, hyung. You could get severely hurt. This is government stuff.”

“I’ve solved that case with the Duchess of France,” Luhan reminds him, smiling dreamily to himself for reasons Sehun doesn’t understand and probably never will. “I think I can handle this.”

“You found her poodle. I wouldn’t exactly call that ‘dangerous’.”

“Poodles are ferocious beings!” Luhan retorts indignantly, giving Sehun an affronted glare. “And you wouldn’t believe how much security was employed for that ungracious dog!”

(To be fair, Sehun knows that particular case ended up being a lot more trouble than it was worth. But that’s a story for another time.)

“How are you going to start?”

Luhan thinks for a moment. “Research. The most important rule of investigation is to know your client as well as your suspect. I haven’t taken on any cases from this particular organization before, so it would be wise to verify their background first before I continue.” Only Luhan would want to verify the legitimacy of the United States Defense Department.

“Researching about a governmental institution. Don’t you need a permit or something for that?”

“They gave me permission. Implied.”

“I don’t think the government of the United States likes the word implied very much. I mean with all those court cases arguing over what their constitution implies and all that. Besides, it’s not like you can just go on their website and claim you have permission. Hyung, I don’t think this is such a good idea,” Sehun attempts, but he already knows that Luhan is much too interested by this to change his mind now.

“It’ll be fine. I promise you won’t get hurt.” Luhan finishes his notes and studies them, nodding to himself in satisfaction. “Ah. This plan will work. Sehun-ah, do you happen to know any good hackers?” Luhan snaps his fingers. “Wait. You majored in computer science, didn’t you?”

“Hyung, I don’t think I have the proper background to hack into a government site.”

“Could you at least try?” Luhan gives Sehun one of those eager puppy-dog looks and Sehun knows it’s a lost cause. No one can resist Luhan’s face whenever he tries to be cute, which makes Sehun think that Luhan is really just pretending to be awkward and weird when he’s actually quite manipulative. Then Luhan goes on to talk about different plans to get into the Pentagon, including swinging in on trapezes, and Sehun quickly erases the previous thought. Nope.

“Fine then,” Sehun sighs. “But I can’t promise anything.”
 

After a few hours of staring at the screen and random bursts of frustrated typing, Sehun closes his laptop and shakes his head. “Sorry. I can’t get past their filters. And why are we attempting to hack into something to solve a case that was caused by hacking?”

Luhan frowns. “There’s got to be a way,” he insists, and then his face lights up and Sehun has a vague sense of oh no in the back of his mind. “If you can’t figure it out, I’ll try hacking in!”

To the best of Sehun’s knowledge, Luhan’s technological prowess doesn’t extend much further beyond emails and the occasional online puzzle game. Luhan may be a genius, but being able to magically hack into a system seems a bit far-fetched. “Um. And how are you going to do that?”

“NIS has a few computers that can access a shared database on all international agencies. Third-level security entry required, but it’s not nearly as difficult as trying to access remotely,” Luhan explains. “Once you’re in, it’s all there.”

“You know this because...”

“You think I didn’t pick up anything from standing by on so many cases?” Luhan looks slightly offended at Sehun’s underestimation of him. “I even know that Director Kim in office three keeps his password on a sticky note in his top drawer.”

“Then why don’t you just ask him to look it up for you?” Sehun suggests, not too keen on the idea of Luhan using NIS personal computers to get access.

“You can’t trust anyone,” Luhan replies, lowering his voice confidentially. “This is extremely classified information. I can’t let just anyone know.”

Sehun takes a moment to think this over. “It sounds... difficult. We’d have to break into their building or something. Luhan, I’m pretty sure this is illegal.”

Luhan beams at Sehun, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “That’s why you’re going to be my lookout and make sure we don’t get caught.”

Sehun can already tell that taking this case was a very bad idea.
 

“You want me to dress up in a penguin suit.”

“Yes. Is there anything wrong with that?” Luhan looks at Sehun as if this is a very reasonable request to make.

“A penguin suit.” Luhan doesn’t seem to pick up on the skepticism in Sehun’s voice.

“You have to dress up as a penguin to escape any notice,” Luhan whispers sagely, nodding as he continues scribbling notes in his notebook. “No one will recognize or pay attention to you that way. It’s totally inconspicuous.”

The last time Sehun checked, people dressed up in penguin suits were pretty noticeable.

It’s only because Sehun loves Luhan that much that he ends up standing in front of NIS headquarters wearing a penguin suit in the middle of July, and feeling absolutely idiotic. Thank goodness it’s a Sunday and there’s no one around. Or so he thinks, considering that this is the NIS headquarters, which means there obviously will be a security guard on patrol.

Of all things, why a penguin suit? Sehun adds this fact to his list of why Luhan is hopeless. It’s getting to be a rather long list.

“Hyung, are you in yet?” Sehun speaks quietly into the microphone attached to the inside of his suit. Luhan had already entered the building five minutes ago, dressed in a janitor’s getup. Right, leave it to him to get the normal-looking disguises while sticking Sehun in a freaking penguin suit.

“Yep,” comes the slightly staticky reply. “Hold on, I’m picking the lock to his office.”

Sehun taps his foot impatiently as he looks around. Still no sign of anyone.

“Got it. Accessing database now.” Sehun can hear the sounds of a keyboard. “Copying to USB.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Sehun sees a security guard approaching. Oh . Penguin suits aren’t exactly the most useful for concealing people. “Uh, Luhan. You might need to hurry up.”

“Just a minute.”

Sehun fidgets nervously and hopes that the security guard doesn’t notice him. Fat chance. The security guard stops and squints, not quite believing what he’s seeing. Sehun stands completely still and tries to look like he belongs there.

“Okay, done. I’m on my way,” Luhan says.

“Hey! You there in the penguin suit. This is a private area,” the guard says sternly, coming closer and Sehun starts panicking.

Suddenly alarms start blaring and Luhan rushes out of the double doors. Before Sehun or the guard can react, Luhan is pulling Sehun along by the arm as they clumsily sprint away from the building. Sehun supposes one advantage of the penguin suit is its factor of distraction, as the guard seems too stunned to do anything at first, taking a few seconds to recover from shock before he yells and chases after them. Luckily, Luhan knows a couple of nooks and crannies in the area, and they lose him after crouching behind a storage shed.

“What - what were those alarms?” Sehun pants, attempting to catch his breath. As expected, it is quite difficult running in a penguin suit.

“Triggered some locking mechanism after I closed the office door. Forgot about that,” Luhan replies, barely fazed by their spontaneous 200-meter dash. “But I got the info I wanted.” He smiles triumphantly as he pulls out the USB from his pocket.

Sehun supposes that something good came out of his humiliation. “Congratulations. Can I get out of this suit now?”

a/n: penguin suits are amazing yeseu o/ uhh yes okay thank you all so much for subscribing and commenting! owo <3

hi. this is the coauthor. i am not just a figment of bluu's imagination. i think. /hides away again

uh yeah angela is hopefully (??) not a figment of my imagination?? GO SAY HI TO HER EVERYONE THX