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"This today of yours is the precious tomorrow of someone who passed away yesterday."

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"The things we can survive depend on the people who stand by to help us."

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"Is he okay? Which hospital he is in? Hyung, we have to go to him." 

"Ah... They... They said his condition is stable so he should be fine."

Yunho looked like a child who was lost. His eyes didn't focus on anything and he was trembling a little. Changmin came closer and shook him.

"Get a grip, hyung. I know, this is hard for you, but right now he needs us and we have to be strong for him." Yunho looked at him with so much desperation, Changmin felt tears forming in his eyes.

"We can't, Changmin-ah. We can't." He said brokenly. 

"What? Why?"

"You know why. We can't go to him. It would cause trouble and we..."

"I don't care about that. This... This is too much, hyung. What will our fans say? I think, it would be worse if we didn't go and I honestly don't think, I can endure it from afar. I am too worried about him. I have to see him, hyung. I have to. I need to see with my own two eyes, that he is alright."

"I know how you feel, but right now, you are irrational. They finally agreed to drop the lawsuits, do you really wanna piss them off now? You know very well, how they get when they are unhappy with us. It won't be just you and me who will suffer the consequences and after what just happened, do you think Jaejoong can take another dissapointment?"

"And do you think, he won't be hurt if we don't come to him? If it was you or me, do you think the fans, the media or the agency could stop him from coming to us?"

"Changmin! This is not open to discussion. I understand how you feel, I also want to go to him. Do you think, I don't? Do you think, this is easy for me? But WE CAN'T. You know, we can't. So stop making this harder for both of us."

Changmin was angry, the fury was practically burning in him, but he knew, Yunho was right and he didn't want to hurt him anymore so he just stormed off to his room, slamming the door behind him. He threw himself on the bed and burried his head under the pillow, silently crying. 

Yunho sat on one of the sofas in the living room, still shaken from the news. Now, when Changmin was no longer with him, he started to loose control over his emotions. His breaths came in faster and faster as if he was running, there was a piercing pain in his chest and he doubled over, his hand squeezing the place over his heart and he desperately tried to compose himself.

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Junsu and Yoochun had to leave after a while in order to prepare the statement. The agency decided it would be better if it was them who would make the statement first and Jaejoong would adress this issue once he was more stable. It would be better for him to rest a little more so he was still in the hospital, watching the sun slowly coming down. It was coming. The time, when his nightmares came; the illusion was going to end and he was once again alone, with nobody to help him overcome his fears. He glanced at the phone in his hands. For the whole day, it was going crazy with messages sended to him. His family, his friends, other celebrities... everyone who heard the news and had his number saved felt the need to send an encouraging msg. He knew some might be only polite, but most of them were sincere; it didn't change the fact, that they weren't there for him when he needed them, though. He let out a sigh. The one message, that he was waiting for, hasn't come yet.

He tried to contact them so many times before and he was sure they would come when yoochun's appa died, but they didn't. It hurt back then, but it hurt so much more now. Didn't they care about him? Didn't they worry about him? He didn't dare to hope, they would come personally, but a message, just one message would be enough. It would help him face the darkness, that was slowly approaching; it would help him face his own shadows.  

The night came fast and for the first time, Jaejoong actually welcomed it. He was scared of being alone, of being pull inside the dark abyss, but right now he wanted to hide, he wanted to become invisible so he could cry his eyes out without anyone noticing. He was such an idiot. Why hasn't he ever learned? He should just stop thinking about him, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried to forget, to let go, it was impossible. He knew his love was unrequited and he knew, Yunho was probably forbidden to contact him but you can't reason with your heart. It just doesn't work that way. 

The time was passing with an irregular speed, sometimes it felt like a minute lasted a hour and sometimes hours passed without Jaejoong even realizing it. It was a few minutes after midnight when Jaejoong made a decision. He couldn't go on like this. It would only suffocate him more and sooner or later, he knew he would again do something stupid. Maybe he would try overdosing this time or hanging himself, it didn't matter, his thoughts were all leading towards the same direction and after what happened with Junsu and Yoochun, he didn't want to hurt them like that again so he knew he had to do something or it would drive him crazy. 

He got his phone and started to type. He confessed everything. The love, the despair, the anguish and the self-loathing. There were no more lies, no more secrets, just brutal honesty. When he clicked on the "sent" button he felt like the weight was lifted from his shoulders, like the cage he was locked in collapsed and his soul was finally free. He didn't remember the last time he felt like that, like the world was moving too fast and he was on a rollar coaster. It was nice, it was delightful, but it was strange, it was something he wasn't used to and as much as he welcomed the freedom, it still made him ache. The only difference was, that now he accepted the torment as a part of his life, he accepted the scars Yunho gave him and he stopped hating the pain, that came when he thought of him, he welcomed it as a proof he was still alive. So even when the tears were streaming down his cheeks, there was a soft smile on his lips, because now Yunho knew and even if it didn't really change anything, knowing or not knowing meant everything to Jaejoong.

When you break something, there is still a chance of repairing it. Even if the traces remain, the item itself is still usable.

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Yunho was starring at the wall, unmoving. His body was becoming stiff, but he didn't care. He had no strenght left to do anything. He might have forbid Changmin from visiting Jaejoong, but he himself was slowly going crazy thinking about him. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he apathetically took it out. He glanced at the screen without any interest, but once his mind registered what was written in the message, he felt like someone emptied a bucket of cold water on him. If it was possible to die from a heartbreak, he would drop dead right then and there. The pain, that pierced through him was so strong, so intense, that he cried out as he felt on his knees, breaking down completely. There is a limit to how much one person can take.

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to be continued