Kahi had met up with her bestest friend Jessica whom she'd known since primary school and treated her like a sister.

Kahi POV

"Eonni, I cannot wait!....One more semester left~!!" I exclaimed as excitement passed through me, and I began to jump up and down.

"Ne, I know!" Jessica eonni joined in with the excitement. I guess that the random strangers around us would think that we were utterly weird and crazy, not that we aren't...when we're together we really are.

"Aigo...I still can't believe it. It’s just so strange. These past 2 and a half years have gone by so fast; only one more semester and it's finally over...We’ll be GRADUATING!!"

"kekeke~" giggled eonni. then after a moment she added. "So..." She asked me curiously with great impatience, "...you're coming right?"

"Huh...where?"

"To the United Cube Concert"

"Oh right...when is it again?"

"o_O In TWO weeks’ time!! ...Please tell me you're coming?"

"I said I would right....I will find a way to get there, just make sure you remember my ticket."

"Good...and don't worry, our tickets are safe....Aigo though, I really cannot wait...We're actually going to a K-pop concert, and we're actually going to see BEAST!!!!!"  Eonni's excitement started again, she was totally grinning like a mad woman, but then again, so was I.

Although I had stopped listening to some of Beast's songs recently because it felt weird liking someone who already had a girlfriend, I still couldn’t wait since I still loved them and their songs.

"I know...it’s mad, I just can’t wait to go and enjoy myself, to just go crazy at a live kpop concert!"

"Yup...you were proper mad when we saw SHINee live at their mini concert, I can’t imagine what you'll be like at this one. Especially since Junhyung will be there...."

"I KNOW RIGHT!!" I shrieked, a bit too loudly...

Jessica's POV

As my dearest and closest friend, Kahi, exclaimed with excitement about Beast's concert not far away from now, something was worrying me, I knew Kahi too well, I knew her background and her family, so even though she was telling me with great excitement that she would try make it....a part of me was thinking she probably couldn't. It's not that I doubt her efforts, or her words...it's just I doubt the response from her parents being a positive one, or the fact that she's claiming that even if they do not agree, she will someone leave to make it on time.

As much as I would want my dongsaeng to be there, a part of me doubted that she would be...mainly because of the hours that the concert was being held at. It went on too late at night for Kahi to be out without getting some kind of scolding, some kind of harsh learning, and a further disappointment in her life.

Still I didn't want to worry her about it, I knew she would try her best so both she and her family were in an agreement and happy, but was that even possible.

 

***************************

Finally the day is here!! I thought to myself, I couldn’t sleep during the night because of the excitement I felt; the thoughts that entered my mind, the ideas that conjured themselves into so many little fantasies, I didn't sleep too well, but I was up at the crack of dawn, and the first thing that I did was pick up my phone and text Kahi...

"Beast in a couple of hours...Omo Kikwang’s ABS >.<... hahaha!!"

I got an instant reply, which I wasn't really surprised about, knowing Kahi probably had as fun a night as me.

"Ara!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^ " I read, obviously as excited...."...and Kikwang is yours!!" I continued to read.

"haha Ne ^^....and Junhyung is yours ;) " I sent back.

"Lol thank you but....to be honest Eonni, I actually have a confession to make." what is she playing at? I thought.

"what..?"

"well...kekeke...I've changed my mind..."

"Ne!??  About what?!!" I suddenly worried, did she decide not to come today?

"About Junhyung...."

"Huh...what do you mean?" I said relieved, but confused

"Well...kekeke...I kind of like Dujun now. 8-)"

".....Beo?" Totally confused....who was Dujun again? I thought, I was bad with names and faces, and since they're not my bias, I don’t really pay attention to them.

"The leader silly...You know....him >> *attached picture* " I opened the link and was rather taken back.

"...ok?...keunde, what about Junhyung, what happened that you've suddenly moved on from someone you were mad about, to the leader?"

"I know, even I'm rather surprised & mian, I forgot to tell you because I've been so busy."

"It’s ok....just tell me now."

"LOL...ok. well basically I had a dream- An odd dream a while ago, and well...Dujun was in it."

"Ok...so you had a dream about Dujun, it’s not like you haven't dreamt of Junhyung or other idols before. So what’s the diff?"

"yeh I know but this dream with Dujun was different... not only was it the first dream based on him solely, but I've never really had that kind of dream about an idol before."

"What do you mean...what kind of dream was it!!?" Suddenly my curiosity antenna struck up.

"Like I said, a very odd and unfamiliar one....and when I woke up I had such a strange feeling...I don’t know it just happened, luckily and FINALLY, you know I've been trying to move my heart away from Junhyung since he has Hara now."

"yes....but Kahi...WHAT WAS THE DARN DREAM!!?"

 

Kahi's POV

As Eonni demanded for me to tell her my dream of Dujun, I couldn't...It was too precious to just tell her over the phone, so I held back.

"Lol...Eonni I'll tell you later...I have to get ready now, need to sort some things out before escaping too see Beast tonight." The thought suddenly hit me further....BEAST. TONIGHT. LIVE. CONCERT.  WE HAVE TICKETS!!

"BEO!....YAH, KAHI....tell me the DREAMMMMM!!" I grinned as I read eonni's impatient text.

"LOL...I'll tell you later, promise, but I've officially made my mind up that Junhyung is no longer my bias. ^^"

"...."

I knew she was waiting for me to tell her the full story, but all I sent back was...

"Eonni...Annyeong x" And I put my phone to charge as I went downstairs to make breakfast.

As I said, I was busy. Had a lot going on...too much to be honest, but still I was trying not to panic or rush things too much.

Today I needed to go to my university to see a lecturer about my presentation...and in the early afternoon I was to go and take my driving test.

As I made my way to University, I couldn’t stop thinking about seeing Beast and the dream about Dujun, as I listened to their songs on the train.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned when I get to Uni, my lecturer wasn't able to see me, and thus I ended up emailing him, hoping to get a reply.

In the meantime I decided to work a little further on my coursework due in this Friday, although I had time to finish it since it was only Monday, but I had exams and other courseworks to do too, much more important than this stupid coursework I thought. So I stayed in the library at the university to work on it since I still had almost 5hours left till Beast.

After an hour or so at the library I headed to my driving test, I was panicking big time, I don't know why, but I was shaking. Maybe it was the weather, it was winter and chilly, but I had a feeling that it wasn't just the weather, still I tried to calm myself down, I HAD to be calm for my driving test, I hated failing at things, and this was no exception.

I did the test....stopped and waited for my result.

"I'm sorry but you have failed this test" said my examiner.

Instantly I felt like crap....no joke, my nervous which had not left me since the train journey were getting more serious, and as the driving examiner left the car, tears threatened my eyes. Yes tears; that’s how bad I felt.

My driving teacher came and said not to worry, it was just a silly mistake because of nerves, of course that didn't help, in fact it made things worse, because I knew that that was why I failed, so thanks teacher for throwing that back in my face. But I couldn't let my tears be seen, so I quickly grabbed my bag, said bye to the teacher and headed to the train station.

As I took a seat while I waited for the train, tears slowly began making their way down my face, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop the tears that were forming, not when my mind was so confused, so unsettled, and my body continued to shiver, although there were people there and looking at me, I couldn't care less, I was just hoping no-one was going to be a good-citizen for the day and come over to me - thankfully, no-one did.

After what felt like hours, the train towards the Concert arena were Beast was performing finally came, and I found myself taking a deep breaths as I sat down in a comfy seat with hardly anyone around. My body was feeling better too, not as shaky, 'maybe it was the cold weather!'  I thought.

As the train started moving off, I began to leave the upsetting thoughts behind and instead began daydreaming about Beast...

My dreams were shortly cut off by reality, as the song 'Ficition', by Beast, was cut off by the sound of my ringtone...Seeing the caller ID, something inside of me turned, I feared I was going to get back to that depressed mind set again thanks to the caller on the other end...but I could not avoid them...so I tapped 'Answer'

"Hello..."

"So...How did it go? Did you pass?" My dad asked.

"Nope, I failed."

"Oh...that's alright, you'll pass next time."

"Uh"

"...what went wrong?"

"Meh...I made some stupid mistake, and well yeah."

"What kind of mistake?"

"Just a silly mistake I know not to make again." I said, remembering the stupid wrong turn I had taken. Stupid stupid road, I cursed in my head.

"Oh…okay. Where are you right now?"

"On the train."

"Good. Have you spoken to mum yet?"

"Nope, why?"

"She seemed worried about what you said this morning."

"So...?"

"Where are you going?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why...can’t I ask where my daughter is going?"

"It’s not like you don't know already, since you've spoken to ma"

"Well I'm asking you, so answer me. Where are you going?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Just out with my mates, what’s the deal?"

"Why...what’s the occasion"

"My mates birthday."

"Which mate?"

"Why does it matter, it’s not like you know her."

"Which mate?"

"Jenny"

"And who's going?"

"Just me and some other mates." I began to get irritated, these questions would go on forever. "Look dad, aren't you working at the moment, I'll speak to you later."

"No that’s fine, when does this end?" Referring to the birthday outing/party.

"Late."

"How late?"

"Just late okay."

"Okay, before you go, talk to your mother and brother about it."

"Why!?" My voice rose slightly higher then I meant for it to.

"See what they say."

"Whatever. Bye." And I hung up.

I tapped PLAY and Fiction resumed its melody as I plugged my headphones back in, but it wasn't long till I received my second call.

"Yes?" I answered.

"How's it going?"

"Fine. What is it?"

"Nothing. Whats with the attitude sis"

"Nothing. What is it you want?"

"Just wanted to know how your test went. You pass it?"

"No."

"Oh....bugger. What happened? What did they say?" Here I started again, explained I made a stupid mistake, and again, I cursed the stupid road.

"Is there something you want?"

"No…just calling for fun."

"Yeah, sure."

"Where are you right now?"

"On the train."

"Going home?"

"No."

"Huh, what do you mean no?...so where are you going?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"To a mates birthday party."

"You told mum and dad?"

"Yes, why WHAT is IT?"

"What did they say?"

"Nothing."

"When's the party"

"Soon, why!?"

"Just asking....and where is it?"

"At o2 Arena. Why?"

"o2...why there? What are you doing?"

"Gonna have some food and talk. What do you think we're doing"

"So when does it end?

"Late."

"So when are you coming home...9? 10?"

"Something like that," ....suddenly there was a quick silence, Jay was thinking.

"Is it compulsory you go?" he asked, with an indication that he was telling me not to go.

"What? Why does that matter, the fact is I Want to go"

"Why...what exactly do you have planned"

"Nothing, we're just going out for fun, enjoy her birthday, eat and watch something" ...Honestly, I wasn't lying to much. In actual fact it was Jenny's birthday, and we were going to watch something - a concert. But I couldn't tell them that much.

"What’s that then."

"Something, we'll decide when we're all together"...the controlling and unpleasant language was soon going to take off, but I couldn't care at the moment.

"Stop lying to me. You think I don't understand what you're up to, you think I'm not aware of the things you do, of the plans. Kah, I've done all that you are doing already, I know how it works."

"I'm not like you, I ain't doing anything stupid don't fret."

"I said Stop Lying to me. Look you're not going, go home." He said in between raised voices, he was at his work place, so didn't want to his colleagues to see him arguing.

"Why...why should I listen to you? You're not my parent, so you don't even have a right to tell me what to do or not do"

"What do you mean I don't have the right, I f*****g well have the right." He shouted in a whispered voice.

"You don't, so screw you. I don't need any of this bull from you. Why don't you take care of your life matters, and leave mine alone." I raised my voice to that of an authority tone.

"What life matters...look I'm telling you that you’re not going. Understood!?"

The argument got more tense, I was already in a unsteady mind and body set, so I didn't need this, especially not from someone who's worse than me, who's done more than I have, yet I've never said anything, I know the secrets he doesn't think I know, I know the secrets he tries to make excuses for, and I help him cover them up from my parents...so when he tries to tell me what I can and cannot do, it’s something that's unacceptable, not when I've always had his back, not when I lied to my parents for him, not when I kept all his dirty little secrets, and never revealed it to anyone.

We argued for a good couple of minutes after...he'd gotten angry, and I was already fuming inside, but I tried to keep my composure on the outside since there were people around.

"You think your friends know and understand you better!?" He stated. I didn't say anything because I knew he still had things to say..."You're wrong, how can they when you've only been friends for a mere two years, (*he didn't know Jessica was coming-not that he liked her anyways*) compared to your family who's know you your entire life. You really think we don't understand you? We know you more than you think, we grew up together, and you’re telling me I don't know what you're thinking? What you like? What you want? Kah, are you thick!?"

As I listened, I could tell tears were going to form again...the reason being because of the fact that they really didn't know me, nor my thoughts, my opinions, my likes or dislikes. They haven't known me for a long time now, not understood me. If they did I would not have felt so alone, so misunderstood, and un-trusted. I wouldn't have felt the need to isolate myself from them, staying majority of my time in my room on my own, away from the world, and into a world of my own, a world I could laugh or talk freely, a world I followed my hearts desires, a place I could perhaps find some warmth at times.

"Okay, sure." I replied sarcastically and hung up.

He tried calling again...I answered but instantly he began shouting stupid things at me so I hung up, so he stopped calling.

I plugged my music back in.

In the midst reality where my family was against what I wanted to do and the world I wanted to be in with k-pop and the freedom to go and watch Beast...I thought long and hard about it...should I really go to the concert...with all this opposition, all this guilt building up inside of me?

After some further consideration....I finally made my mind up...

I clicked CALL

"Kahi....eodiya? "

"I'm on the train right now Eonni...how is it...have a lot of people showed up?" I replied to Jessica.

"Ne...there's already a massive queue of fans waiting. Luckily me and Mei are near the front. I met her earlier when I came, she brought a friend along. Omo...seriously, can't wait! there's already fans dancing to random kpop songs."

She said sounding excited. I could hear our friend Mei talking to her mates, and a lot of chit chatter from others.

"Eonni...actually..."

"...yeah"

"...actually, about the concert....I don't think I'm coming."

"...Oh, I thought so... I could tell from your voice"

"Yeah...sorry hun."

"No that's fine, you tried, nothing more you could do."

"mm..." I replied in agreement.

"K, I'll text you later."

"keurae, annyeong"

After we hung up. I went back to my music, trying ignored the throbbing pain in my heart...my head... and my soul. There was nothing I could do, I'd already made my mind up, and regardless of that, a part of me had already accepted the fact that I cannot have the same freedom and pleasure as others. But like I said, and continue to tell myself...nothing I can do, this is the life I'm to live.

While I thought about it...and as tears again, threatened my eyes. I shut them, angry at my own weakness, and focused on the lyrics of the song I was listening to...when my ringtone went again.

"Kahi." Came the voice of my mother.

"Yes."

"How'd your test go?"

"I failed."

"Oh that's just great isn't it." She replied, angry at my failure.

"Yeah." I said irritated.

"Why did you fail? Haven't you been learning?" Still angry,

Feeling like I'm a further disappointment to you hey ma? I thought as she spoke with spikes in each word.

"Just did ok... Anything else you wanna say?"

I heard a sigh and a tsk "Where are you right now?"

"train mother. "

"I've spoken to your father about the thing you asked in the morning."

"Yes, and?"

"He's very much against it, and so am I."

"So what?"

"Have you spoken to your brother, what he thinks about it?"

"Why do I need to speak to him about it, its regarding me, and not him?" I replied, with further irritation. Although I wasn't going, I still couldn't let them feel like they had won so easily.

"Well, Jay is your older brother, and if your not going to listen to us, your parents, you should listen to him"

"Why. He's got no right to interfere in my life's decisions. Why must I ask for his opinion"

"Because you do. Look, whether you listen or not, is up to you, but just know that me and your father are  against it, and I'm sure if you ask Jay, he too would tell yo-..."

"Look, I'm not going ok, is that enough now. Bye."

And I hung up - yet again to another person against me. Back to my music I thought, and raised the volume to max, I didn't want to think about it anymore, I was already in enough pain and depression, I didn't need anymore jibber-jabber.

Getting of the train, I began to anticipate my arrival home.

Why couldn't my life be a bit easier, I thought, I'm not talking about all merrily go happy lifestyles of people, nor was I talking about a drama-like life, but simply an easier life, one where I could see my friends when I wanted to, I didn't care that I couldn't date, that wasn't important, but FREEDOM mattered to me, the freedom to choose where to go, who to go with, what to do, the freedom to follow my dreams - if I even had any left unbroken.

Still...as I walked home, I left the thoughts behind me, and I decided that the best thing for me was to do what I've been doing for the last couple of years....just accept it. But by fully accepting this matter, something further had died within me...a part of me was again missing, and to be honest, I couldn't care less, at least with it gone I could feel more at ease, less angry and agitated with the world.

***********************

When I got home, nothing was said, as normal, I went and kept to my room, music on whereby I didn't have to listen to anyone or be disturbed from anything.

The day went ok, parents and brother acted as if nothing had happened, like it was a great day, all cheery and my brother was even trying some brotherly-love, which I threw out, and blankly told him to get the hell out my room. He didn't leave easily, but he did eventually.

Still, I'd decided to keep to myself even more, I was going to ignore them more, pretend that I was living on my own...

I got back to my laptop, and as I watched my favourite episode of Star Golden Bell, with SHINee and 2PM...and I continue to laugh at Taecyeon calling Minho pretty, in the midst of taking a long breath after that controlled laughter, I felt a jolt of pain on the left hand side of my chest, and I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe...its like there was something in my throat that was blocking air getting in, I hit the side of my chest that was hurting a couple of time, but it didn't seem to work, I thought maybe a bit of food was blocking my oesophagus so I took a drink of water, but that only seemed to make the pain worse.

I didn't know what was happening, was I having some form of an attack?...I kept trying to take sharp breaths, but only like 2% of air was entering. I began hitting my chest with my fist again, with each punch getting heavier, I could feel my chest beginning to hurt more and more, but I didn't want to inform my family nor anyone else of my struggle, I would rather sort it out myself, or just let it be.

Eventually...after what felt like ages, I felt a full breathe of air enter my lungs. What was that? was all that went through my mind....I've had slight twinges of pains that lasted less then milliseconds, but nothing like this...this was a first, and it worried me a little...but I wasn't scared, When it's my time, then its my time. It's how I saw death, I wasn't scared, I mean everyone's time will eventually come, and no-one can avoid it. I don't think my mind or body could take anymore of this, so I turned my laptop off, changed into my pyjamas, said my prayers and went to bed.

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

First chapter....rather long I know....but it means I can write the main exciting parts quicker now ^_^

Please comment and subscribe if you like ...komaweoyo ^_^