A/N: I have to admit I am not satisfied with this translation. I don't know why, it just sounds weird to me when I read it... But I hope you will like it despite my imperfect English ^.^

Yesung is sitting on a sofa. He just cannot believe it. All the time. All those years... He met that man many times. He lived almost next to him. And Wookie was there. And he suffered. And Yesung did nothing. His head is spinning, he just cannot reconcile himself to the fact he could not do anything. But now the boy sits opposite him, shivering, slowly calming down. Safe. Siwon phoned him just a few minutes ago to tell him the police have already arrested the man. The man...

“If I had known it... If I had ever had any idea...” Yesung whispers with tears in his eyes. Anger with helplessness is raging in his heart. He doesn’t know what to do. Finding out the truth destroyed his whole rational thinking.

“You couldn’t have known. Nobody could,” Wookie replies quietly. He does not even know why he said it. He is trembling with fear. One look at the man who hurt him so much reminded him everything he wanted to forget. But he just cannot let Yesung suffer from something he could not change.

“You were so close to me all the time. You were here, suffering. And I didn’t see it. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t help you... I did nothing...”

“It’s alright,” Wookie whispers, although everything inside him shouts at him it is not alright. He slowly raises his hand, hesitating. He Yesung’s cheek, trying to smile. He does not even realize he is calming down Yesung, although the older man should be the one who calms down Wookie. But he did not have an idea Yesung would be shaken so much.

“No, it’s not alright, if only... If...”

Even Yesung does not know what he wants to say. He begins to realize there is no if. He really could not have known nor done anything.

Ryeowook want to shout at him, he wants to beg him not to talk about it anymore. He does not want to hear it, he does not want to remember. He just wants to forget. Yesung, please, don’t say anything! But he is silent. He went through so many painful moments... He just is not able to forget it now.

Yesung wonders how the boy can be so calm. But it takes only one look at his eyes to realize he is not calm – there is so much pain and fear which the boy tries to hide. He him back, gently, lightly. He can feel the smoothness of his skin. He does not move, unable to stop looking at his eyes. He just wraps his arm around Wookie’s waist, pressing him closer. He still his smooth skin. He is so close... So close... His breath is suddenly faster than before and he feels hot. He presses boy’s chin, making him look up, slowly his lips with his thumb...

He suddenly remembers the moment he almost kissed him. He thought it was just a moment of insanity... But he feels the same way right now. He starts to bend over him again, but this time... This time he does not stop. He almost does not realize what he is doing, there is no thought inside his head. He closes his eyes, touching Wookie’s lips with his own ones. The explosion of feelings makes him sigh quietly. His heart is beating quickly and loudly. He rubs softly against Wookie’s lips, it is gentler than a touch of butterfly’s wings. He can feel Wookie’s speeded-up breath.

His eyes widen in dread when he feels a touch on his lips. This touch works as a starter. All memories suddenly come back to him, he sees it everything again, he feels the unbearable pain, he can hear his own cries. He feels every touch of unknown man over and over, they are cruel, rough, greedy and disgusting. He does not know if he came back in time, but he smells it as he would be there – the smell of alcohol, cigarettes and blood. The cold is biting his sensitive skin.

He leans his hands against Yesung’s chest, trying to pull him away. He wished to forget it so much and now it is back unmercifully, hurting him, tearing him to pieces.

Yesung moves his lips, pressing the boy a bit tighter. And at the moment he realizes what he is doing. His eyes open wide and he pulls away from him immediately. He looks at Wookie’s frightened face, freezing. No... He didn’t want this... No... Wookie!

“Wookie, Wookie, I’m so sorry,” he presses his face, looking into his eyes. But Wookie does not look back, he stares distantly at Yesung’s face, his body is trembling wildly.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it... I swear I will never do it again... Just... Don’t look at me like this, please...”

Tears of desperation are streaming down Yesung’s face when the older man can see a persistent fright in Wookie’s eyes. He is afraid of Yesung. He is scared. Yesung didn’t want it. Not this...

“I would never hurt you, you know it, so... Don’t be scared, Wookie, I’m begging you,” he tries to speak calmly but his voice betrays him. Now he clearly realizes the mistake he made. The boy looks as he wouldn’t hear anything what Yesung is saying. Yesung tries hard to stay calm, he Wookie’s face with his shaking hands, but he still cannot catch his glance. Boy’s eyes are empty. Because he looks at something Yesung cannot see.

Ryeowook tries to chase the memories away, but there is no point. One banished memory is replaced with another. He cannot breathe, suffocating with his sobs. He can hear Yesung’s distant voice, but it is too far away, somewhere in the mist and he cannot understand it. He feels hands on his back and the memory of those disgusting touches of the fleshly hands is suddenly much stronger, giving him goose bumps. He does not see anything but darkness, trapped in the past.

“Ryeowookie, Wookie...” he presses him, even though the boy is desperately trying to pull him away. Ryeowook does not see Yesung, he sees the man who was hurting and him for many years. Another memory comes back to his mind. And he feels it so clearly as he would be there again. He can feel the pain as the man is hardly and quickly penetrating his body, he can feel a sore slap. The man always hit him when he tried to fight back. He can feel warm blood streaming down his thighs. He can hear excited sighs, which make him feel sick. He is not even able to scream. The pain is more and more unbearable.

Yesung starts to lose his nerves; the sobs leaving Ryeowook’s lips are louder and louder. The panic is running through his body. What he should do? Ryeowook gasps for breath, pressing tightly Yesung’s shirt with his fingers. His lips are moving as he would say something, but no sound leaves them. Yesung does not know what to do. He presses Wookie’s shoulders in desperation, shaking him wildly.

“Wookie, please!” he tries to wake him up. At the moment Ryeowook takes a jerky breath.

“No! I don’t want it! No!” he starts to cry, suddenly finding his voice again. “Let me go! Not anymore! No!” he goes into frenzy. Yesung hugs him tightly.

“Shh, Wookie, calm down. Please, don’t do this to me,” Yesung whispers.

The memories are slowly leaving his mind. He is sitting in the living room again, Yesung is hugging him, whispering calming words. The fear is slowly fading away. He knows Yesung would never hurt him. He knows it but the kiss frightened him so much. He didn’t expect something like that. He didn’t expect it would cause this. He does not want to go through it again. Never.

He stops to shake, exhausted by all those feelings and memories. He can feel unpleasant pressure in his head, he almost cannot breathe. It hurts. Then it starts to fade away as well and in another minute it’s gone. He closes his eyes, his fingers stop to press fabric of Yesung’s shirt. He is so tired. He cannot stay awake anymore.

“I didn’t want it. I would never hurt you,” Yesung presses his body a bit tighter. And then, he realizes he did it. He hurt him. He broke his promise. He hurt the most important person in his life. He hurt somebody who trusted him...

“I’m the same as him.”

Tears appear in his eyes again. How could he do such an idiocy? Wookie will never forgive him. How could he harm such a fragile person? And he did it in the most painful way – he reminded him whole pain he went through.

“Please, forgive me. I don’t want you to hate me. I...”

He always thought it is just brotherly love he is feeling. The same love he felt to Jinyoung. He thought he felt it because Wookie is so similar to his younger brother. But now he knows it is not truth. He shivers every time he touches the boy, his heart skip a beat with every Wookie’s smile. No, it is not brotherly love. It is stronger than that. And it was much stronger before he even realized it. But now... He knows...

“I love you, Wookie.”