Two days pass without a word being spoken between us. Yet it’s not like I don’t notice his gaze that is always lingering on me. I have the feeling that it has changed though, that he isn’t devouring me but only… looking.

Just after those two days, I’m home alone again, because everyone’s schedules and mine always seem to be on different days. Jonghyun’s also left for god-knows-where (a date with his girlfriend, probably) so that I can spend my time practicing or loafing around.
Of course I am ridiculously wrong.

In the afternoon I lie sprawled on the sofa, TV switched on but on mute.

Then I hear the click of the door and a loud “I’m home!”. What a déjà vu. Frantically, I remove my legs from the sofa and sit up straight.
“Key!” No reaction.

“Are you there?” Still no reaction.
I hear him trudge into my direction, exclaiming, “There you are!”
Sitting in silence I wait for him to plump himself down next to me, since he certainly will. The pillow at my side shifts and our arms brush.

That guy is so predictable.
“Hey.” When he whispers that, his voice has this soft curve to it, which makes me want to sink into his arms right away. Instead I just look at him.

Naturally he’s not that easily discouraged, thus he places the side of his head onto my shoulder, with his nose poking my neck so that his breath travels down to my collarbone. Why is he so freaking good at this? Probably because he’s practiced that a thousand times with his girlfriend, I grimly answer that question myself.

That’s why I need to stand strong and wait this out; I don’t want to be his 1001^st try. And most important of all I don’t want our sick relationship to start all over again. After I have terminated this, he will be free to have another 1000 tries with his girlfriend or any other girl he desires. But not with me. So I need to stand strong and wait.
Waiting, only waiting. (It’s not as easy as it sounds.)

Jjong’s hand is at the base of my neck now so that he can press my throat against his lips. I stay so motionless that he must feel like he’s kissing a stone sculpture.

And I keep my composure. Even as his mouth moves upward towards my jaw, I keep it. Only when his fingers glide under my shirt, I decide that now is the time to have enough.

I want to end this, once and for all.
So I take his wrists and detach him from my body, then I lean over to him. For that one moment I push all bad that he’s done away and concentrate on everything else. (which is a lot)

Jjong seems to be a little surprised as I place both of my palms on his cheeks, touch our foreheads together and lay my lips on his, shortly, but firmly. That’s my way of ending our struggle and saying “I love you” simultaneously.
“We should stop doing this, Jjong. And to be honest, I’ve had enough of it. I don’t want to serve as an object that only exists to satisfy you needs.”
I neither snap at him nor do I sound sad, my voice stays neutral; I’m almost surprised myself at how I manage to do that.
Just when I’m about to walk away, he’s suddenly standing so close behind me, hand clasping my shirt.

“Don’t go.” Strangely, something in his voice induces me to turn around. He has to let go of my shirt, but grabs it again the moment I face him, as if he’s really afraid of me leaving.
“I… I need to tell you something. Please listen to me.” The look in his eyes is pushing every mean word at the tip of my tongue back into my throat. So I keep my mouth shout.
“I don’t really know how to say this… It’s just that… my god I am so bad at this! This… will seem really sudden to you… and it will probably surprise you…” He has a weak smile on his face. “How do I say this? Somewhere between you dancing to that song, me singing that other one, our kisses and hugs and me just… being stupid, I sort of… I sort of fell for you, Key.”

I snort. This should surprise me?
“Fallen for my body? I’ve already noticed that, but thanks for telling me again.”

“No! It’s not like that.”

He has an expression as if those next words are blocking his throat, but he gets them out anyway,

“What I mean is… fallen in love with you.”

I can’t even really feel it when he says that; my body tingles like after an electric shock, making any reasonable thought impossible.
Still, I’m sure of one thing: I don’t believe him.
“Do you expect me to buy that? You have a girlfriend, Jjong. Every day you come home, grinning like an idiot because of her. Plus, who’s the one always talking about women and your ideal type and stuff. You’re freaking straight. Now return to your girlfriend before you make things worse than they already are.”
I feel like I’ve hit him with every sentence and I guess that he feels so, too.
But the tide suddenly turns. Now it seems like I have been slapped.

He looks at me with a determined gaze and replies,
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”