Gerald:  (thinking to himself) What is wrong with me?  (looking out the airplane window, watching the lights of San Francisco drift further away from his sight) Here I am going home and I can’t seem to get excited about this trip.  I’m only going for one month.  Not too long.  Not too short.  Just right. 

Gerald continued to look outside his window as he sat in business class on Philippine Airlines.

Flight attendant: (noticing how handsome her passenger was) Is there anything I can get you sir?

Gerald looked over to a young, beautiful Filipina flight attendant and smiled softly.

Gerald: No thank you. 

The flight attendant nodded her head gently and began to walk away.  Gerald, on an afterthought, gently touched her arm.  The flight attendant paused and looked back.

Gerald: I’m sorry miss.  You know, I think, a nice cold beer would be great.  What brand do you have in stock?

Flight attendant:  San Miguel, of course, sir. 

Gerald smiled even though the smile never reached his eyes.

Flight attendant: Would you like anything else with your beer? We have some sandwiches, nuts, chips, and fruit.

Gerald:  The sandwiches sound great.  I just realized that I didn’t eat dinner before I boarded the plane.  I’m fine with whatever you can bring me.

Flight attendant: Sir, you are in business class. You let us know what you need. (smiling) Excuse me sir, if there is nothing else; let me get your beer and sandwiches.

Gerald: Thank you.

Gerald turned back to the window as the flight attendant walked away.

Gerald:  (returning to his thoughts) I couldn’t even remember to eat dinner. Damn! What is wrong with me?

FLASHBACK

Standing in the bedroom of Gerald’s condo…

Nina: I don’t know why you are going to the Philippines. 

It was the start of the same argument that Gerald and Nina had over the past month almost every day since the day Gerald booked his airplane tickets so that he could take a vacation to the Philippines to visit his family and old friends. Gerald was feeling that sense of something missing from his heart and needed some family time to heal whatever was challenging him in his heart.

Nina: You are going to be gone too long.

Gerald: I asked you to join me.

Nina: What’s the point? It’s a third world country filled with low class people.

Gerald: (raising an eyebrow) If you remember anything Nina, I was born there. And if I remember correctly, so were you.

Nina: (whispers under her breath) I left when I was 2 years old. That doesn’t count. (looking uncomfortable) Hon’, you know what I mean.

Gerald: (stopping in the middle of his packing) No. I don’t know what you mean. Why don’t you explain?

Nina: I know you were born there but you left and made something more for yourself.

Gerald: So a Filipino who leaves the Philippines has value? And those left behind, worthless?

Nina: No. I mean… You come from a family who is well off and has class and believes in higher education.

Gerald: That is not my roots Nina.  I was born in the province to a military soldier and a housewife.  My status now has a lot to do with the fact that Filipinos are instilled with the desire to seek higher education and work hard for a better life.  My family has class because we chose to be considerate to others. We may seem well off because my father, after retiring from the U.S. Navy, was fortunate enough to be given an opportunity to build a business which our family worked hard for.  But we never forgot that we came from a more simple life.

Nina: But…

Gerald: Nina. It is obvious that you don’t know me, despite being together for over 2 years. Nina, I don’t want to hurt you but I don’t think I am what you want or need in life.

Nina: (looking at Gerald incredulously) You are breaking up with me?!

Gerald: Nina, you don’t believe that this is going anywhere? Do you?

Nina: Hon’! What do you mean?!  Do you really think I stayed with you for the hell of it?! That I put up with your and your lack of ambition. I made you successful! Your success skyrocketed to the roof once you met me.

Gerald: (raised an eye brow) Now you have really solidified my decision to end this. I’m going to be gone for 1 month.  It should give you enough time to look for a place and move out.  Take whatever you need. I don’t care if you leave this place empty.

Gerald closed his suitcase and walked out of the bedroom, leaving Nina there standing with opened. The doorbell rang. Gerald knew it was the shuttle service he had arranged. He told them to give him five minutes as he gathered the remaining items he needed for his trip. Nina walked out of the bedroom and looked at Gerald with amazement, anger and hurt.

Gerald:  Nina, I’m sorry that we are parting this way. It was never my intention. I don’t want us mad at each other. I won’t ask to stay as friends because I know that can’t happen right now. I won’t ask you to forgive me for the same reason. What I will hope is that you will understand where I am coming from. My heritage and love for my roots is what makes me who I am today. My family and my ancestors have a huge impact on me, which includes the fact that though I have spent the majority of my life here in the U.S., the Philippines is still home in my heart. My mom and dad, though they are not together anymore, they have chosen to stay in the PI and make it their permanent home, and it should be weird especially since dad is an American but it’s not. I will be going home as often as I can. It’s obvious that you don’t accept this which tells me that you don’t accept a huge part of who I am.  Let’s not keep pretending that this is going to work because we both know that I am not the man who is your match. You may like parts of who I am but you don’t like major parts of who I am. You don’t even like the fact that I force you to go to mass every Sunday. I’m tired Nina. I’m sure you are too. I know that when I leave, you will agree with this decision. I know you will be angry at me for a long time but I hope that you will come to a point that this was the right decision for the both of us.

Gerald then leaned in and gave Nina, who was silently tearing, a kiss on her cheek.

Gerald:  Thank you Nina for everything.  And please forgive me. I’m so sorry.

Gerald walked out the door silently to take the shuttle to San Francisco International Airport.