“If Mnet was planning on giving an award to TVXQ, they should have contacted SM Entertainment for a replacement receiver but instead they invited only the three members and gave them the award. This is unacceptable.” - SM Entertainment on Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu receiving TVXQ’s award at MAMA 2009

“Close it.”

Changmin does not move, even the voice sounds demanding and soft and full of hurts. He does not stop starring at the screen. All the lights in the room are off. The only thing that illuminates him is coming from the laptop. Changmin hears the footsteps. He can feel Yunho’s touch on his shoulder. And, to be honest, he wants to close his eyes and sleep and wake up again knowing that this is only a nightmare. That his hyungs will come home with Junsu’s lame jokes to love and Yoochun’s chatter to inhale and Jaejoong’s Kimchi Jjigae to unite their stories about the whole day. But, he can’t go to sleep because it all seems too real for him to ignore and to handle.

Yunho’s hand comes into his blurry vision and snaps close the screen. Yunho does not speak after doing so, waiting for Changmin’s reaction. Is he gonna punch me? Or he’s gonna cry? Whatever it is, Yunho is ready. He has to be ready for Changmin. It is not for anyone else anymore. It is only for Changmin. Because, Changmin was too young when he entered “this world” and is still too young to get hurt by “this world”.

Was I a bad leader for not knowing Junsu’s cries in the middle of the night? Was I a bad leader for not noticing that Yoochun never spoke about random things anymore? Was I a bad leader for not tasting the bitterness in Jaejoong’s dinner? Am I a bad leader for not knowing what to do to help Changmin?

“Don’t.” Changmin is getting his sense back. “Don’t blame yourself.” It is like he can read what is in Yunho’s mind. “I didn’t know it too.”

“But, I should have known better, Min.”

“You can’t know everything,” Changmin speaks coldly, impassive, “they should have told us what happened, if they really considered us all as brothers.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“But, you know it’s true.”

“I don’t, Changmin-ah. I don’t know what is true and what is wrong. It all seems-”

“So real?”

Yunho looks down to the top of Changmin’s head. He can feel the sadness radiating from Changmin’s body to him. It makes him harder to breathe. He nods. “So real that I can’t decide.”

“It’s like we’re half dreaming, hyung. You don’t know which is the dream and which is the reality.”

Yunho sighs. He is so frustrated seeing Changmin like this. But, he can’t show it to him. “We still have hope.” He looks at everywhere but Changmin, trying his hardest to hold the tears back. Changmin can’t see him crying. “We still have hope,” he whispers, this time more to himself.

Changmin searches for Yunho’s hand on his shoulder and when he finds it, he squeezes it hard that Yunho cringes but stays quiet. “We always do.”

Okay, guys, I'm planning to kind of ruin the timeline. Is it confusing for you? Just tell me, okay?

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ENJOOOOOOOOY!! ;)

p.s.: I love Changmin's song "A Person Like Tears" so baaaaaaaaad. I keep listening to the song. Am I so late? :D