" Well maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away,

and maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it.

Yes, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person.

Well baby, I know. "

*

The walk home with C.A.P hyung was silent, it was hard to describe it. It wasn't awkward yet it wasn't comfortable either, I guess I can just say it was a civilised silence. Just minutes ago, my first kiss had been taken away by my crush but I ran away. Why did I do such a stupid thing ? Pabo ! Mentally slapping myself, but honestly I had no idea.. I mean I should've been over the moon, leaping into his embr- , no why am I saying this, he never even said he loved me. 

" Chang hyun-ah ? Gwenchana ? " C.A.P hyung shook me out of my thoughts, eyes filled with worry. How was I supposed to tell him, I couldn't just say , ' Oh nothing, I'm just in love with L.Joe hyung and I think i'm an idiot for running away after kissing him. ' I couldn't.. Not when I know that C.A.P hyung likes me. He made it pretty obvious to everyone in the industry. All the seniors would come and tease me, at first I was dumbfounded then I slowly realised. It's not that I didn't like it, he treated me well , better than Niel hyung even but I just wouldn't be able to love him back. My heart already belonged to someone else.

" Aniyo, just thinking about something. " I replied cooly, faking a smile. Please don't ask me anymore questions. He wrapped a hand around my waist pulling me close, I could melt into his emrace or push him away but I was stuck. I was stiff. He leaned in to place a kiss on my cheek, he was gentle , he was loving, he was thoughtful , he was always here but he was not the one. I could only watch him, as he would slowly get himself hurt. When he finally realises that we are not meant to be, I'm afraid his heart might burst. Guilt was eating me up but how can I ? I kept quiet. "Okay, well don't think so much. You look prettier when you're smiling. " Again, another fake smile was plastered on my face. Time passed by so quickly and before we knew it, it was already night. I never noticed how beautiful Myeong Dong looked during the night, the bright city lights hovering above us, people swarming around the stall vendors nom-ing on local street delicacies. The cafes lit up with warm and cozy lighting. It was a kind of serenity I've never experienced before and for a moment all my worries were washed away. It was peaceful time for me, I looked up at C.A.P hyung enjoying the sight too. I chuckled softly to myself, Oh how I wish I could stay here forever. C.A.P hyung looked at his watch ; 9.18 pm 

" , Ricky we need to go now. " Pulling me out of my day dream like state, he grabbed my hand and we started running towards the direction of our dorm. We swerved through crowds, squeezing and jostling our way throught the streets and by the time we reached we were panting and perspiring. 11.34 PM " ! " I heard hyung curse, taking a deep long breath before opening the door. We stepped in to see all the members including L.Joe hyung sitting in the living room, anger and worry written all over their face. I kept my down, too scared to look up especially when HE was there, I felt his glare from where I stood. It was a long, deafning silence. Sweat trickled down my forehead, I started to wheeze swallowing my saliva to quench my drying throat. My eyes darted around the room, avoiding the piercing stares of the hyungs, finally Niel hyung cleared his throat and began interrogating.

" Where have you two been ? " His voice was stern with a concerned undertone. I gulped trying to find words to explain, I opened my mouth but nothing came out. He continued " Do you know how long you guys have been " missing " ? 8 HOURS ! " I could hear the concern turn into anger, I was frightened out of my wits, the hyungs have never treated me this way. I felt tears threatening to spill, I sniffled. " I-I-I " 

" Ya, that's enough. I'm pretty sure Ricky has his reasons for running away. It took me quite awhile to find him that's why we came back late ! " C.A.P stood up for me, I stared up at him and he gave me a re-assuring smile. 

" B-but ! " 

" I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH ! " C.A.P hyung roared, making Niel hyung cower in defeat. He carried me bridal style, and wiped my tears. " Let's go to bed, you have school. " He took me to his room, laying on the bed, the way he held me so tight, all through the night. If only I loved him instead.. hah. He still loved me when he knew I couldn't love. I heard his whispers that night, when he thought I was asleep, his secret confessions what he loved about me. 

" Ricky ya- I love you so much, do you know that ? I know you don't love me , I know I know but I can't help it. "

*

I remember when I told you that I had feelings for you, a feeling that made me want to be more than a hyung to you. You stood there stuck to your feet, staring at me. Well, I guess I'm happy that you didn't run away but instead your voice boiled down to a whisper. "Mianhae hyung, I cannot return your feelings. I-I don't feel this way for you. " You started to shy away, turning your back against me wondering if you should walk away I knew you wouldn't. I tried to reach out to you but in that instant you seemed further and further away and I realised you've began to distance yourself from me. " I love you hyung but not this way. " You turned around and smiled before you left me, it was winter then. I was wearing five layers of clothes but I've never felt so cold. Days passed with you avoiding me, I couldn't tell which hurt more the fact that you couldn't love me back or that we were no longer the close friends we were. I felt like I was dying. As if my heart wasn't enough, my body is about to get ruined. I tried drowning everything out, I went out late at night drinking till dawn, met a few babes that would be willing to give me their all but  it was such an empty feeling. They weren't you. I was dizzy under the neon lights that blinded me, dancing with another. I was drunk, drunk on a love that was never mine. Why does my heart hurt so much ? I drank, danced , ed , but all of that couldn't get you off my mind. I would come home around dawn sometimes noon, collapsing on the couch. It was always you who brought me back up to the room and cleaned me up. I knew. It was always you who would lay with me before leaving me to the cold emptiness, yearning for you.  I knew. You would make me breakfast or lunch or dinner depending on the time I came home and how long I was knocked out for, leaving it by the bedside table. Why can't you see that all of your little actions made me fall harder each day? I was broken by then, but as the leader I couldn't break down. I tried staying strong I did. Do you know that when you finally talked to me after so long, I felt so happy. Even more than happy I felt alive. After months of feeling dead and numb inside, you breathed life into me. I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you. Even if you can't love me, I wish you would just stay by me and never leave.

*

I sighed to myself, it was time for me to go. I had already prepared lunch for him, this time hyung was knocked out cold. He had been sleeping for about 11 hours already. I made him *Haejangguk and coffee to cure his hangover. He would wake up soon, he never slept for more than 10 hours unless he was really tired or well in this case dead drunk.  I didn't know why I cared so much for him when I didn't love him.. I didn't know why I would wait up all night by the door waiting for him to come back, clean him up and put him to bed, making his meals to cure his hangover, depriving myself of much needed sleep. I decided not to dwell on it but I was becoming weak, and a little disoriented. The bags under my eyes were distinct against my pale skin, the hyungs were getting worried. They would ask me, " Ricky-ya, you look tired . Are you okay ? You look like you haven't been getting much sleep " I would give my best re-assuring smile and tell them I was fine when in all reality I was not. They took my word for it and would leave me to my own devices after but only L.Joe hyung would pull me to a side and look straight into my eyes. I couldn't lie to him, even he knew. He knew everything about me, when I'm troubled , when I'm sad, when I'm hungry. " I know you've been staying up late to wait for C.A.P hyung. " He said in an almost hateful-disgusted tone. My eyes widened , I can try to deny but it wouldn't work. Somehow tears just spilled out of my eyes, I hate being such a crybaby. He softenend and hugged me tightly. " Don't do it anymore ok ? We're all worried sick. " I hugged him even tighter hoping he won't let go. I wanted  to stay in his arms forever. I would cry myself to sleep in his arms, it was funny everytime I thought about it. Changjo was the real maknae yet I'm the one acting like a big baby. L.Joe hyung was straight, he said so himself so I knew I would never have a  chance until..  that day at the park.

I ignored L.Joe hyung, not because I was disgusted or anything but because I wouldn't know what to say but everytime I caught him staring I would be reminded of the kiss we shared, our kiss. I have to talk to him. I saw him getting a glass of juice and chips up to his room, I followed him. I knocked on the door lightly. No answer. I knocked again. " Hyung, please open up. " He opened the door, scanning me up and down before speaking."What do you want  ? " He spat, making me jump. " I- um we need to talk.. C-can I come in ? " Before even answering, I went in and sat down the bed, it brought back alot of memories. How I would ask him if I could sleep with him because I had nightmares or I was afraid of the thunderstorm. I swallowed my saliva before beginning. 

" H-hyung. I would just like to say sorry for running away that day and-and I just want to tell you that I love you too. " I shut my eyes tight, afraid of what he might say. Does he hate me ? Why isn't he saying anything ? I opened one eye and saw him, our faces so close I could feel his breath on my lips. " What did you say ? Can you say it again ? " This time, he was soft and gentle, I felt the heat rush to my cheeks. This is so embarassing. " I said that I love you. " trying not to look at the blonde god before me, i felt his brushing my cheeks lightly, causing me to shiver. He chuckled and looked at me , it was the kind of look I had been yearning for. The look I had been wishing he would give me. Slowly, the gap between closed. A surge rushed through my body, my heart was beating fast. I didn't know why but I was crying. I wrapped my hands around his neck, begging him not to let me go. This kiss was different, it was mutual, it was love. He wrapped his arms around me, it was one of those comfortabe silence where time seemed to have stopped and you're trapped in this moment forever. I heard him mumbling " I love you " over and over , his tears wetting my shoulder. It was okay though, I think most of his shirt was already drenched in my tears. He broke the hug, placing butterfly kisses all over my face, before stopping on my lips he gave a light peck. I nuzzled into the crook of neck,

" Hyung ? " 

" Hm ? "

"I love you. "

" I love you more " 

" I love you most. "

" I love you to the moon and back " 

" I love you to infinity and beyond " 

" Are we really going to compete in who loves who more ? " A smile tugged on his lips. 

*

Meanwhile, C.A.P gritted his teeth throwing punches on the wall till his knuckles were bleeding. The blood didn't stop flowing, staining the sheets. 

" Lee Byunghyun " He seethed, " How dare you take Ricky away from me. Watch out. " Ignoring the blooding oozing from his wounds, he made his way to the bathroom, leaving trails of crimson liquid. He rinsed his hands under the water, wincing slightly at the pain. Ricky pecked his now lover on the cheek and escaped scurrying down the hall, only to slip and fall. " Ah " He yelped, rubbing his bottom, luckily he didn't fall on his head. He saw his hands stained with a red substance that looked oddly familiar, " AHHH " he screamed, causing L.Joe and C.A.P to run out at the same time, to the panicking maknae. "B-BLOOD HYUNG B-B-B " He looked up and saw C.A.P's hands, stained with the same colour. 

" WHAT HAPPENED HYUNG ? " He crawled to where C.A.P was and grabbed ahold of his hands, inspecting the wounds. Salty tears fell down touching his fresh wounds, out of instinct C.A.P shoved Ricky back to the hard ground, landing with a thud. L.Joe dashed to Ricky, exploding with rage.

" YA ! ARE YOU CRAZY ! WHY DID YOU PUSH HIM ! " It wasn't even a question, he was demanding answers. He was ready to throw a fist at C.A.P for pushing his lover like that, hyung or not. C.A.P knew he couldn't retaliate this time, even he knew that he shouldn't have pushed Ricky so hard. He mumbled a " sorry " and escaped back to his room while L.Joe carried Ricky bridal style back to their shared room, 

" Baby are you okay ? "

" Aniyo.. My hurts. " Ricky pouted, sniffling. 

" Oh guraeyo ? Do you need me to massage them for you ? " His mouth twisted into a smirk, snaking an arm around Ricky pulling him close so they were only inches away. Ricky's faced flushed into a beet red, eyes widening. He pushed L.Joe and hid under his blanket. " NO THANKS , I'M TIRED. I'M GOING TO SLEEP ! " L.Joe laughed heartily and tucked his lover in and kissed him on the cheek.

" Sleep tight, precious. " Now it was serious business, he was going to find the son of a that hurt his baby. 

* = hangover soup

Annyeong ! Author nim here, aigoo finally finished, I still think it's kind of short but I ran out ways to lengthen it. Mianhaeyo !  hehe. I feel mean. I originally wanted to make this chap very angsty. But I decided ' not yet ' 

The song lyrics used this time.

Love Love Love - Of Monsters & Men

Lonely - SPICA

Chapter 3 up soon ! Please look forward~ Teen Top loves you all , so does author-nim <3

THIS PIC IS TOO KAWAII BTW 

cr : forthemkpoppers & aylinlove92