Reminiscing the Past

I force myself to sleep and forget about the past but I cant.. How can I? When all I think is you? Looking at my friends, sleeping peacefully as if they dont have problems to worry. I'm tired pretending to be strong when inside I was weak and almost dying. Staring at the big chritmas tree in front of me. Memories starts to flashback again..

--Flashback--

Jessica and I were already finished cooking all the foods. I felt tired. Why did Jessica suggested that their friends can join? It should be just the two of us. Oh well, its already planned by her and I cant fight back since she would always used her aeygo to win me and it really worked though.

Sitting at the couch with Jessica at my arms, felt perfect.

"Oppa.." she called my name with her sweet voice, I cant help but fall in love again.

"Are you giving me a present?" she playfully asked and I chuckle.

"Well what kind of boyfriend would I be if I'm not going to give my girlfriend a gift for Christmas?" I said while poking her nose.

She looked at me with her twinkling eyes. "Oppa..thank you.." she randomly said. I caress her cheeks and said, "No, I should thank you.." I once poke the tip of her nose. "Thank you Jessica Jung for coming into my life.. I will and always forever love you.. Remember that.."

"I love you too oppa"

--End of Flashback--

I starts crying. I know I should be strong but I cant keep my feeling anymore.. I cant handle it anymore. Jessica, I've gone crazy thinking nothing but you. Is it possible for us to meet again? And to be together? I know I was wrong but I want you. I need you. I miss you. I love you. But still I know the story of us will always remain memories from the past. The past that still I couldnt move on.

NEXT MORNING, Key woke me up and also the others. I was thankful I have no work today. I could relax and hang out with my friends.

"Great party huh?" Minho said, as we are eating our breakfast made by Key.

"I know I shouldnt bring this up but.. The last Christmas we spent together with them..was a memorable one.." Taemin said with a hint of sad tone. I wasnt the only one who'd been hurt but all four if us. Onew was the only one lucky.

"You're right.. Sooyoung choke me for giving her a fake spider as a gift.." Key said and laugh a little, reminiscing the memories in the past. Our past.

"And Minho was blushing madly when Yuri kissed him.." I said and made the others laugh.

"While you hyung acting lovely dovey with Jessica noona all night.." Minho said and I stop laughing. "Sorry hyung I didnt mean to.."

"No its okay.." I said.

Among the four of us, I was the most hurt the most. Taemin and Yoona are still in contact to each other even they broke up while Key and Sooyoung was getting better as being friends, obviously everyone know they still love each other but still afraid to admit it. Minho and Yuri is now friends but you cant deny the awkwardness between them. And me? Well yeah.. I dont know where she is and I dont know if we are going to meet again.

"Jjong, you will also find some one to love.." Key said and I smiled at him.

ALONE AGAIN, its already 26 of December and I'm still on vacation. I keep myself busy by cooking something at the kitchen and by watching movies but all didnt work. I am bored and so I decided to rummage the basement. Well not actually basement but a room that was full of things that I kept. And that was a bad idea. I should have thought. Now here I am looking at the scrapbook infront of me. It was full of our pictures, our forgotten memories. I promised not to cry again but looking at this last page, our last picture together.. Before our break up.

--Flashback--

I was waiting patiently at the park. Only few people come here and I was glad. But my mind was still off for some where else.. I dont know if I can do this but I have to. I have to protect her.

"Oppa?" her sweet voice greeted me and a smile that was plastered in her face. How can I hurt some one like her? I love her..

I smiled and gesture her to sit beside me.

"Why did you call me? Is there something wrong?" she asked, worried was all over her face.

"Nothing.. I just want to spend time with you princess.." I sweetly said and she just smiled at me.

"How about going to Amusement Park for our date?" I asked and she happily nodded.

WE JUST ARRIVED, and Jessica excitedly run towards the entrance dragging me. I just chuckle at her.

After riding into different rides, we decided to rest and eat in some store here.

Looking at Jessica, who was playfully eating her ice cream with the panda we've won in some game. I felt happy at same time sad. I cant just end this relationship because I was threaten but I have to since my enemy is more powerful than me. I prefer to let her go than to see her die.

"Jjong, thank you for tonight." she happily said as we are walking going to her house. I just smiled as a reply. I dont want to end this day but no matter what I do, I know it wont slow down. Seeing her house was now just few steps, I want to grab her hand and run away but still I cant since mu enemies are near here and almost every where,watching me. We stop at front of her house, I gently her cheeks and moved closer to her. Minimizing the space between us.

"I love you Jessica. Dont forget that and always keep in mind that I will sacrifice everything to keep you safe." I said while looking directly at her.

"I know Jjong. I know that.. I love you too.." she replied.

I hugged her petite waist as our forehead touch. She s her arms around my neck and I can feel her breathing. Staying in that position for a moment

"Sica.. What if..in the future.. We are not going to be..together?" I asked and can see her face frown.

"I dont know oppa.. but if we are really meant to be together, fate will find a way for us to be together again. But if some day we wont have a happy ending together, remember I will never forget the fact that I loved you" she said, sincerely. "But I know oppa.. That wont happen right? We are going to be together..we promised each other.." she said and that made me feel guilty but I just nodded.

I'm sorry princess.. Maybe some promises meant to be broken but always remember... The promised that I will love you forever.. I will always keep that promise.. I will always love you until my heart stops beating.

I smiled at her and looked at her lovely face for one last time. I brushed my nose at hers and lean in to kiss her. The last kiss. Our last kiss. Enjoying the savour of her lips and didnt evem realize my tears starts to flow down in my eyes. I parted our kiss and give her a peck on her forehead.

"I love you." I said and let her go. I waited until she closed the door.

Goodbye, my love.