Finally a decent chapter.

Jiyong greeted the rays of morning with the taste of bile on his tongue and a throbbing pain behind his eyes. He had found little rest throughout the night, tossing and turning, finding no reprieve from his thoughts. He finally relinquished all hope of sleep, seeing nothing but seunghyun standing on the other side of those cold glass doors whenever his weary eyes felt heavy. He stood out of bed, eyes fogged, looking over to his vanity; Seunghyun’s jacket now lay in the empty chair he once occupied. Jiyong took the coat in his hands, fingers gently running along the buttery leather, as if one wrong touch would leave it in pieces.

For the first time, he really examined the coat. Minute holes danced about the shoulders from studs and spikes long fallen off, waiting to be replaced. The lining of the inner cuff was worn, probably from that funny nervous fidget Seunghyun does when talking in front of people. Jiyong had built himself a prison, playing his own judge, jury and executioner, and he realized he would soon find himself at the gallows if he wasn’t able to find some sort of peace soon. It was if he needed a stay of execution, but didn’t know the governor. Then suddenly, with little hesitation, Jiyong threw on a pair of jeans and the jacket and quickly headed out into the cool morning air.

The same quiet chime greeted Jiyong as he entered the small coffee shop, it laying nearly as empty as his last visit. After a moment his eyes finally fell on Daesung, the man he desperately hoped he would find here. If anyone could help him understand Seunghyun, or maybe even himself, this kid would be it. Daesung turned as he heard the bell, expecting to greet a customer. 

“Ah Jiyong, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Dae said giving Jiyong a surprisingly soft smile. Jiyong laughed at the realization of how stupid he must seem.

“Yeah, i have no doubt. But can i bother you for a minute?” He found himself subconsciously wearing away at the same old lining, thinking maybe it was such a silly habit after all. 

“Yeah, sure. My coworker just left for break so it’s just us.”

One thing, at least, was seeming to go in Jiyong’s favor. But now the trouble was how to start.

“It’s Seunghyun I take it?”

Well that was easier than expected. Jiyong scoffed.

“Yeah.”

Jiyong flopped down in a chair at the table Daesung was cleaning with a frustrated sigh. Dae set down his rag and sat beside Jiyong.

“I don’t even know where to begin…”

“Just, start.”

So Jiyong began. He spoke of the party where they met, about Seunghyun’s intoxicating laughter and stupidly perfect dimples. About his strong, steady arms that helped him home. His quiet smiles and hidden mirth as Jiyong complained about his day. His peaceful silences and rolling laughter. His eyes that so easily bore through every bit of brick and mortar that surrounded Jiyong. His complete and utter intrusion in what Jiyong could no longer feel was a worthwhile existence. About how every inch of the man left an ache lingering in the bottom of Jiyong’s stomach. How that ache left him running.

“I became a coward. He tries to be a friend but I have to keep running away. Because-”

“Because you can’t just be friends.” Jiyong couldn’t meet Daesung’s gaze, rather focusing  on the grain of wood between his fingers.

“Yeah… And I’d rather him hate me for not being friends, than for wanting to be more than that.”

Ji finally looked up to be met with Daesung’s eyes already on him. He stayed quiet, simply staring at him for a long moment, making Jiyong feel as if he was about to shrivel under his gaze before Daesung gave a warm smile.

“You’re feelings aren’t unfounded Jiyong, but in your worry of them you have failed to notice two very big things about hyung.” Jiyong paused for a moment, thinking.

“…What?”

“Think about your relationship, about everything you just said. Who have you ever seen him act like that with?”

“You, kind of. Maybe?”

“Exactly.Who else would believe you if you told them that? Let’s be honest, no one. I can tell you with complete certainty hyung doesn’t get close to people. Ever. Just with that, think about how special that makes you to him.”

Jiyong hadn’t noticed, but other than the occasional party, Seunghyun was only ever with Daesung or himself; and even when he was at parties, he really shied away from everyone but his small group. But that still couldn’t completely subdue the ache in his chest, and Daesung could obviously see that in his eyes.

“It’s okay to be afraid you know.”

“But it’s not. I’m never afraid to do or say as I please. I could give a about the consequences. But with one look, or one of those stupid ing little smirks my mind runs to everything I want, and how with one word I could have what little I do have taken away. So I threw it away. And it hurts. But I think of if were taken away and that hurts so ing much more…” 

Daesung listened as Jiyong’s words trailed away before he began quietly.

“You will never will lose that fear though Jiyong. There will always eventually be something you’re afraid to say, or a risk to take. A place you’re afraid to go, a person you’re afraid to love. That fear will always be there, and it’s always going to hurt. It will hurt because it matters.”

Jiyong couldn’t help but feel the pulse between his ribs as Daesung spoke. He wanted to continue, but the nearly soundless click of the back door shutting meant his time was up. Jiyong wearily stood from the table.

“I appreciate the talk, but I’ll let you get back to work.”

“I’d appreciate a talk.”

Jiyong turned to see none other than Seunghyun at the counter, obsidian eyes fixed directly on him. His heart stopped, stomach doing somersaults to his throat. Seunghyun looked almost as tired as jiyong felt; his mint mop top hung into his dark eyes that refused to leave Jiyong’s face.

“Go home Seunghyun. I don’t want you here anyway.” Daesung gave seunghyun a weak smile before giving, Jiyong a pat on the back.

Seunghyun walked around the counter and headed towards the door, but paused and turned to face Jiyong once again, waiting. He sheepishly walked towards Seunghyun, still unsure of how this long awaited conversation would turn out. They breached the cool morning breeze and Seunghyun finally spoke.

“Not going to run away this time?” His words tasted bitter and when looked over and saw jiyong’s pained expression he apologized. 

“Sorry, it-”

“No, don’t apologize. It was obviously a legitimate question.”

“I just don’t want to keep watching you walk away.”

“You’re too nice to me.” Seunghyun was slightly taken aback by the statement.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“It could be.”

Seunghyun looked down at Jiyong for a long time, tracing every frown line with his gaze before turning to stop in front of Jiyong.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, please.”

“I’ve already screwed things up so much, I just don’t want you to hate me after.”

“Honestly, right now I don’t remember yesterday, and I don’t care about tomorrow. All that matters is right now. Here. With you.”

Jiyong felt his heart crash into his throat, his eyes ever so slightly beginning to sting at the invasion a tears. He knew it was now or never.

“Just this moment isn’t enough. I want  yesterday, and tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that but I can’t just be there anymore. I want more. I want to have you. I want you so much and the thought of not being able to have you ing terrifies me.”

Jiyong felt his words shake and tremble but they were quickly steadied by Seunghyun’s lips. He had leaned down, his cold hands delicately cradled Jiyong’s jaw, delivering a deep, heavy kiss that ran down Jiyong’s spine, spreading it’s warmth to every nerve and setting Jiyong’s heart alight.

“Then just have me.” Those hushed words filled Jiyong’s cavernous chest, leaving a warmth that washed over every aching crack within him. He leaned his forehead forward to rest on seunghyun’s strong chest,

“I want to deserve you.” He spoke almost silently into Seunghyun’s chest, his words getting lost in the steady rhythm of the heart beneath him.

Seunghyun leaned back, thumbs tracing the smooth peaks of cheekbone.

“I’ll show you everything you deserve. Just let me.”