I don’t know why I’ve been feeling this way, since the day I hit Yongguk with my car I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. He’s all over my head. I’m always thinking about him, that I want to meet him and apologize for my bad driving and not for seeing him on the road. Because of that I haven’t been able to go back to driving, I feel so guilty and that I might be able to do it again. Even though he was fine and he’s still alive, I still need to make him a visit.

But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me and don’t accept my apology? I will feel devastated if he didn’t. Aargh, I should’ve been more careful, I shouldn’t have drove that fast. I have to see him and apologize and give him my respects, I only hope that he will see me after what I did to him. I started to think of how I was supposed to apologize too him or should I just say what I think of what happened and just say that I’m sorry? Yeah, that’s sounds good. I’ll do that then. I prepared my self and went to the bus stop, I knew where he worked and I should be able too talk to him there, if he isn’t busy, then I’m screwed.

The bus came at the right moment; the wait wasn’t long so it was good. It’s almost time for him to go to work anyway so I’ll probably meet him there. He works as a host, he’s quite good too. I’ve seen him working when I was there with a few friends, girls of course, they wanted me too realize that being with guys is okay, even if you’re a guy. As you may want to know, I’m gay. And the thing with me is that I… like… Yongguk or possibly love him. So I feel really horrible to have driven over him. Just for me to go there and meet up with Yongguk just to apologize makes me nervous.

He doesn’t know that I like him, and I don’t want him too find out, well at least not until he’s accepted my apology. Well not even after that, it’ll probably make him feel disgusted of me and I don’t want that. We went to the same high school, he’s three years older than me so we didn’t meet that much under our time at school but since we were neighbours when we were younger, we usually walked with each other to school but not really home from school. He would look for girls to hang out with and one night I did see him take a girl home. And after that there was a new girl almost every night. If I’d tell him, I’d feel stupid because I know that he wont respond the same way to me. He wouldn’t accept my feelings. He wouldn’t love me like I love him.

I looked around on the bus and saw that it was almost time for me to get of. The next stop was my stop. It was time for me to meet Yongguk for the first time after the hospital visit I made for a week ago. I remembered that the doctor said that it wasn’t any brain damages just a few scratches and he was really lucky. Many people wouldn’t have survived after been hit by a car in full speed like he did. At that moment when the doctor said that, I did tell Yongguk that I loved him just for him to understand that it was an accident and that I wouldn’t have done that to him by purpose, but I don’t think that he heard me. He was still a bit dazed and didn’t know where he was. I thought that he might have heard but apparently he didn’t. Cause after a confession and they’ve heard it, I think they would’ve called.

The bus stopped and I stepped out. I walked straight from the bus stop for about five minutes and then I was there. I stood outside for a moment and took a deep breath. Now is the time for my apology to Yongguk, I did know a few guys that works there so it’s probably not a problem for me to come in before opening time. I took another breath and took a step before I heard a familiar voice. It was Himchans.

“Hey! Daehyun-ah!” He screamed for me from a distance.

I waved at him and he responded. I didn’t know why but I felt relieved that Himchan was here. He ran towards me and before I knew it he was standing in front of me panting, it must’ve been a longer distance than I thought. He looked up at me smiling but still panting very hard, he took me as his support and finally stood up.

“So… what’s bringing you here?” he asked smiling at me.

“I wanted to pay a visit to Yongguk. Is he working today?” I wondered.

“Yeah, of course he’s working. The customers are asking for him all the time, they all want to here his about his accident.” He said and smirked.

I looked down on the ground and felt very uncomfortable about the idea that he’s telling everybody about the accident. That he would be okay with it, but still he didn’t contact me after that. I felt that tears were creating and my eyes went all soggy. I felt that Himchan was staring at me with curious eyes; he went a bit closer and then looking down at me. His arms wrapped around me, I was chocked for a bit but then I hugged him back.

“I know how you feel about the accident. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry. Come on let’s just get inside that you can go talk to Yongguk.” He said and dragged me inside but still with his arms around me. I really felt safe with Himchan.

When we were inside, everybody looked at Himchan. And what he had under he’s arms. He didn’t let anybody see my face because I was about to cry so he took me to the washroom just to make me calm damn. As we came in to the washing room the tears just came, I didn’t really feel sorrow of some sort but just disappointment of the fact that Yongguk was fine and didn’t contact me, didn’t he think of that I might feel bad as hell of what had happened with him, and he just goes around and tells everyone just to get their pity. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I wanted to leave, but I can’t I need to finish this up so that I can move on with my life. I was bent over the sink breathing very hard and trying not to cry even more. I looked up at the mirror and saw Himchan next to me. He smiled, just like he was relieved that I was starting to feel fine. I wiped off my tears, washed my face and put on a smile on my face, just to make sure that no one sees that I’m sad or that I’ve been crying.

“Are you ready to go face him?” he asked me crossing his arms firmly.

“Yeah, let’s just get this over with so that I can go home and sleep.” I answered.

He smiled and led me the way. I walked out from the washroom with a really big and fake smile on my face, I didn’t feel fine. I just need to apologize and then go home. Nothing else, I need to forget the fact that I like him and that he’s crazy beautiful. Just say sorry for what happened and leave. I looked around the bar; there were still no costumers so it probably is easy to find him. He was probably in the changing room or something. I looked left and right trying really hard to find him and then something catches my eyes. The girl from the other day, she was running away from Yongguk the day I ran over him, it was her he went after and then got hit by me. What was she doing here? And then I saw someone that made my heart stop for a moment. It was Yongguk; he was talking to that girl. He was smiling and laughing, they seemed to have fun, but then she stood up and hugged him good-bye it seemed and left the club.

 I looked at him carefully when our eyes met. My mind went blank as he started to walk towards me. I felt my heart thumping really hard in my chest. He came closer and closer; all that was going through my head was what I was supposed to say to him when he reached me. I panicked but I didn’t move, my body wouldn’t respond to me. I thought too much so when I looked up he was standing right in front of me, with soggy eyes. I wondered why. But I hadn’t the time to ask; there were more important things to talk about.  

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Guys this is my first time making a story so please be nice to me^^ I am soon going to update the next chapter :D