For the tenth time in the past hour I had to rub at my temples to stop my head from pulsing. It had to be a side effect of the pain pills my doctor gave me the other day. "Are you alright?" Luhan asked and scooted closer to me on the bed. "No." It was no use trying to lie to him because he knew better. Somehow he always knew if I wasn't telling the truth.

"Is it your back?" Luhan's hand came to rest in the middle of my back, exactly like it had in the hospital. "No my head feels like I'm going to implode." I shoudld've asked for another night off but I can't afford to loose this week's pay. Rent comes out tomorrow and me and Tao are already getting behind on everything. School was getting awfully expensive too. But I'm glad we at least got to go on break.

"Anything I can do?" He asked and I just shook my head. "On the plus side my back doesn't hurt." I huffed and ran a hand through my hair and gently massaged my scalp. Luhan's head just dropped onto my shoulder and his hand drifted away from my back. "At least there's no school tomorrow." Luhan must have read my mind. He seems to be doing that a lot more lately. Ever since we've gotten closer.

"I heard Jessica talking about us." Luhan says and I feel his hand go into mine and it feels so nice. "Yeah." Was all I could say before my head throbbed at me again and I winced. "Maybe you should go home and get some sleep." As much as I'd love that, "I'm not leaving you alone tonight." He just sighed and turned to look out the window. "Is it gonna rain again?" He asks and points to the darker than usual sky.

"I think so though it might turn into snow." And I really hoped it did because I loved the snow. It was the only thing I looked forward to during the winter months. Especially when Christmas is only days away. "I haven't felt snow in forever." Luhan yawned and snuggled closer to my side. The hand still in my hair fell on top of Luhan's head and I patted it. 

"Would you like to?" I mindlessly asked and relaxed down into the bed. "Not now because I hate the cold." Make sense after being cramped in his whole life, why would he enjoy the outdoors? "Can you kiss me like you did in the hospital?" Luhan asked and his hand traveled down my arm to rest above my knee. Any other night I would've rejected the offer.

But my head is pounding and kissing him might make me feel a little less like crap. "Sure." I sighed and leaned forward until our noses were almost touching. "I like it when you hold me." At that his arms moved to encircle my shoulders. His lips were warm compared to mine and if I inhaled I smelt myself on him. I pulled his head to the side so the angle wasn't so awkward.

He pressed into me and we fell back onto the bed. And just like in the hospital this somehow felt way more desperate on his part. My tongue darted out to at the corner of his mouth. I moved to the other side until his mouth opened against mine. He sighed into my mouth and pulled away. "Sehun?" He looked up at me and I swore I saw tears.

"What's wrong?" My hand flexed against his waist because I can't stand to see him look this upset. "Is this wrong?" He detangled himself from me and slid off the bed. I peeked over the side and he was sitting with his knees to his chest. "Of course not. Why?" Because I need to stop him from crying. And I can't without understanding why.

"It's stupid to think we can ever really be together." I felt my heart sink a little and my limbs suddeny felt ten times heavier. "How is it stupid?" I debated whether I should stay on the bed or nestle next to him on the floor. "Because even though we can kiss and you can hold me. We can never be intimate." So that was his problem.

"We can't here but some day, and I promise, we will be able to. Intimacy doesn't define our feelings for eachother." I put my arm around his head and brought it to my chest. "Don't ever doubt my feelings for you." He sniffled and gave it away that he was crying. "But Se-" I put my fingers over his mouth. "No buts or excuses."

We stayed like that until he rolled out of my arms. "Where are you going?" When he was standing his height really seemed to show. "I need a bath." He sighed and shuffled over to the shelf in the corner of the room. The multitudes of hospital pajamas and gowns stood out against the otherwise white walls. I was starting to really hate the gowns.

"You gonna come with me?" Luhan slung the pajamas over his arm and out-stretched his hand towards me. "But of course." I let him help me up and laughed when he almost fell backwards. Luhan dropped my hand and I stared at the spaces his hand were suppose to fill. I looked back up and he was smirking at me. "What?" I asked.

"We can't hold hands in front of the others." He said and swung the door open. He was already out the door when I started moving after him. I shut the door after myself, remembering to leave the light on. "Oh hi Sehun." Jessica was coming out of a patient's rom witht he medicine tray. "Hey Luhan." Jessica tried but he just ignored her as usual.

"What's up?" She asked and started walking beside us down the hall towards the bathrooms. When her arm barely brushed mine Luhan suddenly thought holding hands would be a good idea. "Luhan needs a bath." His hand tightened in mine and I could feel my face tense up in that weird way where it looks like I'm pouting.

"Oh. Well actually Luhan needs his pills." Jessica raised an eyebrow down at mine and Luhan's hands. "Well give me the cup and I'll make sure he gets them." We stopped walking when we were in front of the room I had found Luhan in during that bad black out.  "Sure." Jessica slid a cup off the tray and put it in my outstretched hand.

Luhan huffed and went isnide the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. "Is he alright?" Jessica whispered and all I could do was shrug. "He seems a lot more clingy since his attempt." I was kind of relieved to know I wasn't the only one noticing Luhan's sudden need to be with me. "He'll be fine. See ya." I slightly bowed and she shuffled on down the hallway to the next room.

When I opened the bathroom door Luhan was already turning the water on. I stopped in the doorway and felt the ehat in the room taking over my face. Luhan spun around at the cold air leaking into the room, "What's wrong?" He asked and shrank away. "N-nothing." I had to focus on his face so my eyes wouldn't travel. 

"Well close the door. What if someone walks by?" Luhan's voice echoed around the room and my arms moved to shut the door. But I didn't take my eyes off his face or the wall behind him. I really should'nt be in here with him because what if I slip up and see everything? "Stop staring." He slapped my shoulder and his laugh sounded nervous.

"Sorry." Was all I could manage and he just rolled his eyes. I kept my back pressed to the door in case something happens and I need to make a break for it. Luhan stepped into the line of water and groaned. The groan didn't sound anything like it had in the hospital. It was definitely gonna be a long night.