003
Life Inside
I ran into the building to avoid the onslaught from the sudden downpour. It was starting to get cold outside and the rain might even turn into light snow before my shift ends in the morning. "It is really coming down huh?" Jessica was the first to greet me as I wiggled my feet to try to get rid of some of the water in my toes. "Thank God I got here when I did." I hope Tao gets home safely. The roads around here get pretty slick this time of year. The thought of him getting in an accident made me shiver a little. But it might have also just been the rain.
"Well look what the cat dragged in." Lay chuckled and got out of my chair to stand behind Kris. "Unfortunately." It was getting harder and harder to come to work this late at night. I have next to no time to even eat and change in the mornings before Tao has to drive me to school. "I'm so tired though." I stretched, my back making a little popping noise before I slouched into the chair.
"How'd it go with your paper?" Jessica asked and grabbed the tray that was teetering on the edge of falling off the counter. "I got an A thanks to you." I pulled out the paper from my bag and shoved it towards her. "Me?" She scanned over the paper when she popped a bubble with her gum. "You're the one who told me to write about Luhan. The professor said he liked how personal I made it." I smiled because I was proud I cracked out the essay.
"That's great but I have to go." She sighed and slipped the paper back onto the desk. "Oh you're finally here." Jongin came around the corner with Junmyeon. "In therapy today Luhan asked about you." Dr. Junmyeon settled into the empty chair against the wall behind the desks. "What? He actually talked to you?" Kris looked up from whatever was sprawled all over his portion of the desk.
"Yes but not very much. Only enough to ask me what time your shift starts tonight." Junmyeon smiled as his head lolled back to rest against the wall behind him. "At least he spoke." I muttered and shrugged off my wet jacket, just now realizing I still had it on. "It's progress I guess. But he seemed so anxious for my answer." Junmyeon went on as Lay sat beside him. Gingerly grabbing a clenched hand and rubbing the palm. Just like every other night.
"Should I," I looked down the hall and surprisingly the door to Luhan's room was wide open. The light from inside spilling out into the hallway and I could see Luhan moving around inside. "Should I go see him?" I asked to no one in particular. "Take him the paper you worked on.. I'm sure he'll love to read all about himself." Kai chuckled and slipped the folded paper into my hands.
"What if it makes him upset?" I should've asked him if it was alright to go about telling my professor everything about him. Especially since Luhan seemed to trust me so much. "Then he gets upset. But go anyways." Junmyeon said before trailing off with a groan when Lay pressed to hard against the back of his hand. "Fine." I stood and the chair sounded a lot louder than before.
"Good luck!" Kris called down the hallway behind me and I could swear he laughed. My hands were starting to clam up because what if this was a betrayal of the trust Luhan held onto so much? What if by writing my paper about hi, I insult him or something. The last thing I need or want is Luhan to be mad at me. Or worse to hate me.
"Luhan. Can I come in?" I knocked on the already open door and I saw him get up off the bed. "Of course." He beamed and I debated running back to my desk. "I'm sorry about the other night. I was just really busy." Maybe he'd accept the apology and not be mad at me for neglecting our together time. "I understand." He pulled me to sit on the bed next to him. Knee-to-knee just like always.
"What's that?" He pointed to the paper in my hands and I reluctantly handed it to him. He glanced at me in his silent of asking for approval and I just nodded back. His hands unfolded the paper and the knot in my stomach was starting to actually make me nauseous "Sehun what is this?" He asked and didn't look up and I could see his eyes scanning the document.
"The assignment I was so busy with last time." I ducked my head just in case he decides to look at me. "Why is my name in it?" I couldn't pinpoint if it was a hint of anger r a hint of something else, but his voice sounded different. "Well," I rubbed my sweaty palms on the thighs of my scrubs. "I had to write about external fears and internal fears." I swallowed around the lump in the back of my throat.
"So you decided to write about me?" When I dared peeked up at him he was looking back at me. And I glanced back down as the paper was sat on the bed between us. "Look Luhan " I turned to look at him fully now. "Please don't be angry at me." My voice sounded foreign and I think I might actually throw up any minute now. "I'm not angry." He smiled and I about died right there.
"You're not? Thank God." I let out the breath I was holding and he grabbed at my hands. "I'm honored, Sehun. You got such a good grade." He smiled down at the paper than back up at me. "Hey Sehun?" He nudged my leg and I blinked back at hm, "Yeah?" I smiled and it didn't feel forced anymore. "Can we take a walk?" His eyes were lit up with something I also couldn't place.
"Walk where?" Surely he didn't want to go outside in this weather. Come to think of it I don't think I've ever seen him go outside, not even to the gardens out back. "Just around I guess. Let's just spend time together." It was hard to get past or say no to that smile that made my insides twist into odd knots. "Sure." I would enjoy just us time.
He still had my hand when I pulled him to stand with me. I folded the paper into my pocket. "Wait what if they see us holding hands?" He held up our joined hands and I covered them with my unoccupied hand. "It'll be fine." I pulled him out into the hallway but the opposite direction of everyone else. Cause, yes, I knew Kai would probably say something. And I don't want to put Luhan on blast like that.
"Where are we going?" He asked and let his empty hand run along the wall. "You'll see." I said as we moved deeper into the building. "I see." Luhan shrugged and buried his face in my shoulder. To be honest I didn't know where we were going but I knew I didn't want Luhan to let go any time soon. "Sehun?" Luhan poked at our joined hands until I looked down at him.
"I'm sorry." He quickly apologized and I noticed his face turning red. "About what Lu-" but I was cut off by the sounds of him softly sniffling. "Are you crying?" I stopped and pulled him to stand in front, forceing his face up to look at me. And sure enough therre were tears starting to trickle from the big eyes staring up at me. "What's wrong, Luhan?"
"I-I'm sorry for liking you." He tried to look away and I had to force him, with my empty hand on his chin, to keep lookign at me. "Don't be sorry. You can't help how you feel about me," I nudged him up against the wall. He looked both thrilled and terrified as he tried to smile at me through the tears streaking down his pink tinted cheeks. "Because I'm not sorry about my feelings for you." And again with the word vomit.
"Sehun I-" But I put my finger over his mouth to quiet him. "No. It's alright because I really like you too." I leaned in and he looked more scared then the night in the bathroom. Instead of push him to kiss me, which was something I had dreamed about, I rested our forheads together. "Luhan I'm the one who should be sorry." I could see him look up at me.
"About what?" He asked and let his eyes fall closed as I tried to wipe the last of the tears away. "Because I can't physically be with you because the others are starting to think weird things." I knew he needed me to be able to hold him all hours of the night and morning but I've been letting him down alot lately. And that really bothered me.
"Oh that? It's fine because at least we get to see eachother." He smiled and moved so his head was on my shoulder and my arms were around his. I moved forward until we were flush against the wall and concealed behind the pillar. "To be honest I'm terrified of you." Luhan said and I felt him nuzzle into the side of my neck. I had to catch my breath enough to speak, "What?"
"I'm scared that one day you're gonna get tired of all of this, and me. It scares me to know that we can never be together like other people can," He took a deep breath. "And it scares me to think about how hard you have to work just to try to fix me. You shouldn't have to." Luhan said and I felt his warm breath seem into the collar of my shirt.
"I don't have to but I need to." I had to admit, but onyl to myself, that Luhan scared me too. His whole aura and personality at times freaked me out to the point I'd rather just walk away from him. But then I can't do that because he smiles at me and I can't leave. "I need to fix you if I want to get you out of here any time soon." I braced my hand on the wall behind him.
It was silent for a moment and a clap of thunder soudned through the building. Luhan practically shrank away at the noise and I heard Jessica squeel down the hall. "You want me out of here?" Luhan asked and finally looked at me face to face. "Yeah. I want you to get better so we can walk out of here together." I should really learn when to elave thigns alone and jsut shut my mouth.
"I don't know whether that's sweet or just stupid." Luhan laughed. It wasn't one of his mediocre chuckles or giggles. No, this was a whole hearted laugh and I could feel the heat rising to my face. "Probably just stupid." Luhan continued and leaned back into me. "Why is it stupid?" I asked and buried my face in the golden hair that smelled like hospital soap.
"Because you'd basically be baby sitting me. Except you won't get paid for doing it." Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement down the hallway. I pulled Luhan into the abandoned room next to us and quietly shut the door. The last thing I need is for Lay or Kai to find us in that position against the wall. Neither of us would ever live it down.
I felt Luhan let go of my hand and search the wall for something. There was a click and the lights on the room and I ahd to blink away the sudden brightness. "It was too dark in here." Luhan said and rejoined our hands. Except his were alot more clammy then before and I could hear it in his voice; the edge of fear. And for a moment I almsot forgot his fear of the dark.
"Wow!" Luhan pulled us more into the room and then it hit me where we actually were. It was the hospital's children's room. But there hasn't been kids here for a long time, since before I got offered my full time position. The new children's ward down the street now housed the little ones that use to roam the halls. I missed some of them.
There were paper butterflies on the walls varying in colors and sizes. Cut outs of hand prints made from construction paper ont he windows. The cubby holes where they use to keep personal items. A fine layer of dust sat on every available surface. It was just another reminder of how forgotten a place like this can be. No one ever steps foot in here.
The mix matching pieces of carpet looked dingy now whereas they use to be so vibrant. Colors like blue and pink covered everything in the room including the windows. "Yeah I remember this room." Luhan said and moved over towards the cabinets. "You do?" I asked as he opened one of the cabinets. "Did you forget that I've been here since I was little?" Luhan thumped me on the forhead but not enough to really hurt.
"Wow I can't believe this si still here." Luhan kneeled down and pulled me down next to him. He pointed at the name tag of one of the cubby holes. If I wasn't staring at it I wouldn't believe Luhan has been here that long. But there was his full name and everrything. "Why didn't you get moved to the new hospital?" I mindlessly let my fingers run over the faded name.
"The week they were gonna move us all, I turned 14. I wasn't considered young enough for them anymore. So I got moved to the big people's hospital." Luhan chuckled and looked down at our hands. "I wasn't even working here yet." I sighed and moved to stand us up and Luhan went willingly. "Yeah I don't remember seeing you around here back then."
"I wonder why they kept all of this stuff though. Seems pointless to let it all go to waste." We sat on one of the tables and it registered that I would need an excuse as to why there's dust all over my uniform. It was a pleasant quiet that followed and all I could hear was the rain hitting the glass and my own heart beat. It pounded in my ears and I'm sure Luhan could hear it.
Luhan yawned and I yawned even bigger, causing him to laugh again. "I love your laugh." I mentally face palmed for not being able to keep it to myself. Why was my mouth betraying me now of all times? "Really? Cause Baekhyun told me once that it scared him." Our legs swung against eachother and his bare foot found my shoe clad one.
I poked his side and he almost fell off the table gasping. "Are you ticklish?" I asked and he just shrugged, "I don't even remember the last time someone tickled me." I smirked and jabbed at him again until he barked out a laugh. "Oh really?" I let go of his ahnd to use both hands to start tickling him. He started squeeling and kicking his legs. It was cute.
"Ah! I can't breath!" Luhan gasped and tried to pry my hands off of him but I was way straonger than him. "Sehun I-" He laughed one last time before I stopped. Our faces were so close together that I couldn't figure out if it was his breath making me clam up or the room's unusual temperature. This time he was the one leaning in closer.
"Luhan we shouldn't." But his hands found mine and brung them up to his chest. "Please?" His eyes closed again and I swear he'd start crying again if I denied him this one thing. I threaded our fingers together and tuged him the rest of the way forward, so he was against me again. I don't know who actually initiated all of this. But it didn't really matter right now.
His lips were chapped and rough against mine. But mine probably weren't any better considering the weather outside. I didn't wanna press my luck and I don't think he completely knew what to do either. I fianlly pulled away and his eyes snapped open. "Have you ever kissed someone before?" I asked and he just smiled. "No." And again I had forgotten that he spent his whole life in here.
"You're the first." Luhan turned more pink than the color on the walls. "I'm glad it was me." That meant that all this meant something to him too. That it wasn't jsut me that wanted to be physically close to him. Even though I knew we couldn't be intimate with eachother anytime soon. But we have all the time in the world for thatto happen.
"We should get back to my room before they come looking for you." Luhan said and gestured to the lights lighting up on my walkie talkie. "Oh ." I ahd completely let time slip by and I still ahd work and runs to do. "." Another profanity and Luhan was laughing again. I picked up the talkie and pressed the button, "Hello?" I knew I'd get ed out.
"Where are you, Oh Sehun?" Kris yelled into the radio and I held it away from us because of the heavy static. "I'm with Luhan. We went on a walk, why?" I hushed Luhan becuase Kris can't him laughing like a maniac. "Because there was a patient fight and we need you." Kai cut into the conversation and I heard yelling in the background.
"Now Sehun!" Kris yelled again before the line dropped out to just static. I ranmy hand through my hair and pulled Luhan off the table, "Come on before we both get in trouble." I remembered to shut off the lights on the way out and to make sure the door was shut. No one would even know we were in there. Unless they see th ebutt prints in the dust.
We sprinted back to Luhan's room and I was grateful no one was around. "I'll see you later, I promise." I gently pushed him into his room but he caught my hand. I kissed his cheek before pulling away and shutting his door. "Sehun!" The radio lite up again and I ran down the hallway towards the yelling. It was another long night.
*a/n: Hello. I don't know what I feel about this chapter. It took so long cause my laptop wa shaving problems and I ahd this saved already. It wouldn't let me upload it. Anyways, as always I'm on tumblr if you wanna find me.
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