Yi Fan smiles contently. Today he finishes pile of files to check earlier. He can leave the consulate before midnight unlike his prediction. He smiles to his butler and maids who bow toward him.

“Where is my wife?” he asks the butler. Without waiting for answer he rushes to certain room he believes she is there.

His smile reaches ear to ear when he sees scene in front of him. Yes, there… His beautiful wife sits in the bed, her back leans on headboard, reads story for Kevin. Kevin has his head on her lap. Kevin is still awake, Sehun caresses his cheeks lovingly. Kevin says something and makes Sehun laughs. She bends down to kisses his forehead.

Yi Fan watches his wristwatch, almost 10 pm. It’s Kevin bed time, but why he is still awake. Before he gets reason from his brain, Kevin shouts and runs toward him. Sehun doesn’t have chance to realize and pulls him before he climbs down from bed too far to reach.

“Daddy” He beams happily, folds his arms to get his father’s hug. Yi Fan kneels down and hugs him tightly.

“Why my baby boy is still awake this time?” Kevin pouts, he hates baby boy label. It’s not bad, but he always wants to be knight in shining armor or prince. He won’t admit that, but at least he knows it’s better than labeled as baby boy.

“I’m not baby boy. I’m capable enough to take care of myself” Yi Fan chuckles, he knows Kevin feels annoyed. Kevin is his son after all, he inherits his genetics and of course his behavior as well. His pride won’t allow him and then where he learns that words. He is still 7 years old.

“Who did teach you speak like adult?”

Yi Fan sees Sehun who is holding book in her hand. Okay, that explains anything Yi Fan’s question. Kevin reads his books. He smiles to Sehun who shrugs as reply.

“Anyway, you should have sleep a while ago. Come on” Yi Fan pulls him from his embrace.

“Don’t wanna. I’m waiting for you” Kevin shakes his head.

“Kevin” Sehun walks toward them. Kevin is about to protest, but Yi Fan lift him up on his arms and lays his son on the bed. Sehun is lying beside Kevin afterward. Kevin reaches his father’s hand and makes him lays on the other side of the bed.

“Daddy, I want you to be here” He demands. Yi Fan chuckles and nods his head. Before Sehun begins to singing Kevin interrupts her.

“Mom, Can you sing me Castle of Glass, please?” Yi Fan rolls his eyes. His son must poisoned by game.

“Kevin, Castle of Glass? War? Medal of Honor?” Yifan asks, disbelieve. Sehun just silence and listens to their conversation.

“Well, I guess Castle of Glass isn’t for bedtime. I think you don’t wanna have ehm dream about that kind. How about Safe and Sound, it’s good enough” Yi Fan asks.

“It’s same. Hunger Games is one of the most sadist movie I have ever watched. Castle of Glass shown us how soldier and family life” Kevin whines.

“Did you just say you watch Hunger Games?” Yi Fan asks Kevin suspiciously.

“Ehm… I watched it in Baekhyun’s appa place, Lay appa thought I was sleeping when he switched the film. It’s really sadist” Kevin says. Yi Fan massages his temple.

“So you watch Hunger Games at uncle’s home and you can’t sleep now” Yi Fan assumes in his mind. Kevin pretends he doesn’t hear his father.

“Mommy, please sing me Castle of Glass. I want it. I like the MV honestly the ending when showed Winston Churchill’s quote. All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope. When I’m adult I want to enter army and protect my country or be doctor who supports the army” Sehun’s body tremble, she becomes pale.

“Mommy, are you okay?” Kevin asks worriedly. His mother stops caresses his cheek and her palm already sweats.

Sehun blinks and sees her son’s confused and worried expression.

“Ehm..ehm… Mom is okay sweetheart” She tries her back to holding back her tears.

“Kevin, lets daddy sings for you. You don’t know how great daddy’s voice” Kevin nods and let his father sings random song till he goes to deep slumber.

They kiss Kevin forehead before heading to their bedroom. Sehun stands in their balcony when Yi Fan enters their bedroom. Something caught Yi Fan’s eyes, he grabs book and Sehun’s left open diary on their bedside table. He reads the title and puts the book back along with Sehun’s diary on the table. Yi Fan stands beside her. He looks to the dark sky above no stars and just dark all he can see.

“Why do we need war? Why war exists in this world? Why do human can hurt another or why human need to hurt each other? Why someone can kill another one life?” Sehun trails off.

“He is too young to understand what happens in this world. I know someday he has right to rule his own life, but what I don’t want is he will protect himself and I can’t do anything to protect him when he needs to” Sehun adds.

Sehun looks up and sees Yi Fan straight at his eyes.

“We knew how horrible those event. How conflict change humane to be animal. How life can be miserable once we know we lose someone we love” Yi Fan knows where it is going.

“War…I hate war. I lost my dad because of war. He wasn’t even a soldier, he was military doctor. They killed him without mercy. I have no chance to say good bye. I have no chance. Mother lost grandfather at Korean DMZ conflict then I lost father at Gulf War. I hate war, Yi Fan. I hate war”

Yi Fan squeezes her hand. Sehun still has her gaze on far.

“Maybe for Government or for army they just lost 3-4% of their soldiers and staffs, but for me I lost him 100%. You know it’s hard for me to see my mother. She smiled to me, she worked hard for our life, my live was hard, but the hardest part is when you saw another kids have their parents completely. I envy them, I want this too. I can’t tell father how I miss him, I can’t tell him how my day was, I can’t introduce you to him, I can’t tell him how… how…. I live well”  

Yi Fan grabs her wrist and hugs her. Sehun links her arms on Yi Fan’s waist and burriest her face on his chest.

Sehun pushes herself a bit and looks up.

“I don’t want to lose you or Kevin. I won’t ever let you go to conflict zone, I don’t care about the diplomacy thing or nation’s command. I won’t give my permission for Kevin to enter army. I want to be shellfish. I can’t bear to lose you or him. I would rather die” Yi Fan shakes his head. He kisses her forehead and buries her to tight embrace.

Yi Fan grabbed the book. Gulf War…. Why you read this if you know you will get hurt?

He sighed and closed his eyes. He knew it was Sehun privacy, but he read the left open diary and article beside it. The Telegraph 12 September 2012 U.S Ambassador killed in Libya

It’s easy to say I send my condolence to them, but what if it’s you on their position? What will you do when you lost someone important in your live? Can you live normally and act nothing happen? Live happily? Can you live like when the someone you love dearly still live? What will you do when you lost your husband, children, father in horrified event? You have no chance to say good bye, you can’t watch and spend the last time they have with you by their side? Will your smile still the same?

“You know everyone will die and it’s the really obvious fate that no one can resist. Someone can die because of traffic accident or someone can die because she/he got sick. We don’t know the way we will die. Yes, family and friends will feel lost, desperate, feel unfair, but it won’t change anything. They must through their live with or without the important person. God gives you live, God knows our limit, God won’t let us through something that God knows we couldn’t” Sehun brings her head more deep to Yi Fan’s broad chest.

“Remember Count to the D-Day?” Sehun nods her head.

“Count to the D-Day, it tells us how a general took hard decision, how he must sent the soldiers went to battlefield, how he felt sorry, how his feeling. All of us feel the same, we hate war, but we have reason why we need war even sometime the reason is blinding us from the goodness” Sehun buries her head deeply to Yi Fan’s chest.

“You know why all of war movies or war games theme song is full of emotion? Because isn’t as simple as kill someone or getting killed. This world is battleground, we must fight to survive. War is one of the forms of fight. You feel unfair you must have lost your father, I can’t say it’s fair, but your father, your grandfather didn’t die without nothing. They die in the honor way. I hate war, I hate conflict. I never think about it before, but this all diplomacy thing can prevent the war and conflict between nations, race, solve international problem though I know it won’t be easy and take many souls even innocent soul, but all of the part of this job will do their job heartedly. Soldiers identic with war, but that’s not their job. Their job is to protect their country, civil and they know it consumes their live and bring them to dead. All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope. That’s what Winston Churchill said. He wouldn’t say it if he didn’t know the exact feeling on the war itself.”

Sehun doesn’t let out single words.

“Everyone has their story, Sehun. Not everyone has story like you. Everyone ever feel insecure, afraid to lose, lost someone important. Outside there many persons live alone and don’t have anyone, but they still live and pursue their dream to make better place for them self. When you feel this world is unfair remember to look down and not just look up, God must have reason for everything happen. I know it won’t heal wound on your heart, but let’s make better place to live. Let’s live well as humane, like spread love in this world”

Sehun pushes Yi Fan and hits his arm playfully.

“Spread love in this world? That’s the cheesiest lines you ever tell me, Wu Yi Fan”

“At least I make you smile” Yi Fan smiles triumphantly; he wipes Sehun’s dry tears. He holds her chin up. Stare at each other eyes. He tries to read the other mind. Try to feel her feeling. Silence take over them for a while before Sehun breaks.

“Yi Fan”

Bring me home in a blinding dream

Through the secrets that I have seen

Wash the sorrow from off my skin

And show me how to be whole again

‘Cause I’m only a crack in this castle of glass

Yi Fan smiles and listens to Sehun’s beautiful voice. It’s her heart, it’s what she feels.

Lose someone important in every way won’t be easy, but you can through this. You can’t give up, you are fighter and I know it so well. I’ll be here for you, Sehun.