Chanyeol’s sitting on his bed with his guitar in his hands, bending over it to jot down some notes into his composition book when there’s a knock at his door and his mom peeks her head inside, smiling at him. “Hey kiddo,” she says, and Chanyeol pushes his glasses up with his forefinger, tilting his head curiously at her. “Someone’s at the door for you.”

“Alright,” He sets his guitar aside and grabs his shirt off the ground, tugging it on inside out as he makes his way semi-blindly down the stairs. It’s 8:30 on the night of Christmas Eve, and Chanyeol’s more than curious as to who would make the trek all the way out to their village at this time, even if he is in the middle of a rather difficult composition and generally prefers to be uninterrupted when he’s writing songs.

He’s a little dumbfounded when he arrives in the hallway to see Baekhyun standing there in front of the door, one because this is the first time Baekhyun has ever shown up unannounced at his house and two because there are dots of snow covering his hair and Chanyeol thinks he looks absolutely stunning like this. He gapes for a few long seconds, not coming to until his mother clears behind him on her way back through to the kitchen.

“B-Baekhyun!” He manages to choke out, rushing forward to take hold of Baekhyun’s wrist, desperate to pull him further into the warmth to get rid of the redness of his cheeks and nose, no matter how adorable they make him look. “Why are you here? Not that I’m complaining. It’s cool that you came. Just – what’s up? Are you okay?”

Baekhyun nods once, silently glancing into the kitchen where Chanyeol’s mom is acting as if she hadn’t been watching them like a hawk right before then. Chanyeol gets the point immediately, pulling Baekhyun upstairs to his room.

“Sorry,” He says hurriedly, letting go of Baekhyun’s hand to bustle about his room, putting all of his wasted composition sheets into a pile and setting his guitar down beside his bed. “It’s a bit messy compared to last time, I’ve been writing a song for my composition class and, you know…” He trails off awkwardly. Baekhyun takes slow, hesitant steps inside, looking around, eyes seemingly scanning every inch of the room. Chanyeol suddenly feels his cheeks going warm.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun says in his usual quiet voice, sitting down on the edge of the bed with his hands in his lap, looking incredibly small. “Sorry to intrude… I just… it’s a little lonely at my house; my grandparents fell asleep early and… I wanted to see you.”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol says, and he means it. He thinks he’s okay with his composition time being interrupted, after all. As long as it’s Baekhyun. “Just as long as you don’t mind my mom, she usually starts drinking wine about now, and then the carolling starts, it’s totally awkward…” He shrugs absently, taking a seat beside Baekhyun, who visibly shifts. “So um. What would you like to do?”

Baekhyun shakes his head silently, fidgeting with his hands. Chanyeol thinks he could probably cut through the air with a knife, and he rocks back and forth in his spot, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Oh!” He exclaims after a while, once the silence gets too unbearable for him to handle. “I have something for you. I was going to give it to you tomorrow, but eh, since you’re here.” He gets up and goes over to his drawer, digging around in its contents for the envelope he’d gotten in the mail yesterday. He turns around when he hears the soft pad of footsteps coming closer, holding the envelope out for Baekhyun, who takes it carefully, eyebrow quirked in curiousity.

“What is this, Chanyeol?” He asks, the opening, looking down at it unsurely.

“It came in the mail yesterday. I’m sorry – I opened it first. And it was reeeeeeally hard not to run to your house and tell you about it but I wanted to save it for Christmas day but I’m kinda dying here so – open it.” He’s all but bouncing on the balls of his feet at this point, grinning wide as Baekhyun slips the intricately folded letter out of the envelope.

Chanyeol feels like he can read Baekhyun’s lips as he goes over the letter, but maybe that’s because he’s read it over so many times himself. Baekhyun’s eyes gradually go wider, lips parting and a bright pink flush returning to his cheeks, but this time not from the cold. When he’s done he sets the letter down on the bed behind him and looks up at Chanyeol in a mixture of shock, disbelief and what is quite obviously, hope. “This… this is real?” He asks, and Chanyeol nods, beaming. “I…” He looks down and rubs at his face, and Chanyeol wishes he wouldn’t hide like this anymore.

“You did it, Baekkie,” He says, stepping closer and enveloping Baekhyun in a tight hug. “They’re giving you a chance. If the fireflies fly in spring, they’ll retreat on the contract and instead fund the preservation of the river. Isn’t that amazing? You really did it!!!”

“No. No. It was you. You and your friends.” Baekhyun shakes his head, trembling in Chanyeol’s arms. “Thank you.” He whispers, and Chanyeol tightens his hold, reaching up with one hand to run his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair.

He lets go after a moment, nudging Baekhyun back over to his bed, sitting down next to him and holding onto both of his hands. Baekhyun leans against him, his eyes dropping shut.

“We can do it, Baek.” He says, voice low. “You did everything you could. The river is clean, the larvae were raised healthily. I don’t want to get my hopes up but I just have this feeling that it’s going to work.”

“I hope so,” Baekhyun looks up at him then, lips curving up ever so slightly. Chanyeol peeks down, cheeks heating up when he realizes how close they really are. He could lean in, then – just a couple centimeters, and their lips would touch.

He really could. And he’s halfway through considering it when his door bangs open and his mother trapezes in, yelling Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs and trying to get them to join in, completely oblivious to what she’d just walked in on.

-

It’s just before midnight by the time Chanyeol finally gets his mother to fall asleep. Baekhyun’s insisting he isn’t tired and that it’s okay, but Chanyeol can see the sneaky yawns he’s been hiding behind his hand for the majority of the evening, and the way his eyes droop shut when he thinks no one is looking.

He helps Baekhyun into the hallway, holding him steady as he gets his shoes on. Chanyeol hugs Baekhyun quite a lot, but this is the first time he’s been able to feel just how small Baekhyun is through his navy jacket, so tiny and fragile that Chanyeol can’t help but feel a heavy rock drop in his stomach. He’s always known Baekhyun is thin – but not this drastically.

“Come on, Baekkie,” He says tenderly, helping Baekhyun stand upright. He turns to kneel, and it’s clear how tired he is when Baekhyun doesn’t even protest before climbing onto Chanyeol’s back, nuzzling immediately into his warmth.

He’s as light as a feather.

Chanyeol walks carefully down the village pathways, holding onto Baekhyun as tightly as he can. It’s not far to Baekhyun’s grandparent’s house, but Chanyeol’s carrying the weight of two, and he’s also quite reluctant for the night to end. His mind is reeling now, with thoughts and worries about Baekhyun’s weight, his quietness, everything about him – something that happens quite often but he rarely voices it. He wants to know what’s going on, wants to be there for his friend.

Chanyeol’s watch starts beeping at midnight, and Baekhyun squirms against him, asking quietly to be let down. Chanyeol does as he’s told, placing Baekhyun carefully onto the ground, only to take hold of his hand, lacing their fingers loosely together.

“Are you okay, Baekkie?” He asks, voice tender. Baekhyun nods once, staring wordlessly down at the ground. So, Chanyeol continues speaking. “You’re really thin, you know. Is that why you always cover yourself up? You should really eat more. I’ll cook for you every day if I have to. Just – please, Baekkie. Let me be there for you.”

“Chanyeol, please…” Baekhyun’s voice sounds tired but desperate, and Chanyeol falls into silence. Chanyeol’s not entirely sure who initiates it, but they slow to a stop, and Baekhyun lets go of Chanyeol’s hand, letting it fall limply. “Please don’t tell me I’m thin, I know it’s not true. My body is disgusting. I know that now. I’m sorry. I cover up so no one has to see it – ”

“Baek?” Chanyeol’s eyes widen in surprise, and he reaches out his hand, but Baekhyun flinches, backing away a few paces.

“You’re too good for me, Chanyeol. You deserve to be around people like Jongin and Kyungsoo, not me. You’re going to realize that soon and I’ll – ” he cuts himself off there, burying his face in his hands. Chanyeol makes another advance, but Baekhyun shakes his head, backing away again.  “I’m just going to disappoint you, Chanyeol. I’m going to ruin your life like I’ve ruined everyone else’s.”

“Baekkie, that’s not true, I promise!” Chanyeol protests, reaching out one last time. Baekhyun just bows his head and hurries down the path with a fleeting ‘merry christmas, chanyeol’, and Chanyeol can only watch him go, still a little shocked by the sudden outburst, wishing he hadn’t said anything to trigger it – wishing he had the courage to chase after him, to shout his true feelings into the night.

I’m in love with you, Byun Baekhyun, and I’d stick by you through anything. Trust me.

-

WOW it's been since /last june/

;AAA;

my excuse book has run out. All I can say is writing is incredibly difficult for me right now. They call this extreme writers block, i'm pretty sure.

I want to finish this and there isn't many chapters left AS YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO TELL ITS REACHING SOME SORT OF aka baekhyun's misplaced little outburst has its reasons

I'm going to do my best to update as quickly as possible from now on.

Please help me though <3 writing is really hard for me as I've said, so I definitely need the support of my readers to keep going. Thanks for sticking by me this long. I love you all and I wouldn't neglect you if I didn't have a very good reason for it ;A; I'm sorrrry <3