A few letters were short. Only one of two sentences. Others were long. Almost five pages. Some were filled with guilt and sorrow and some were filled with hopes and dreams. The only things they all had in common were that they were written by Kyungsoo, meant for Jongin.

Kyungsoo asked if Jongin wanted to be alone when he read the letters. Jongin said no. He didn’t want Kyungsoo to leave. He had let him leave once and that was the biggest regret ever, so this time even if it was just for a minute he wouldn’t let go of Kyungsoo.  Kyungsoo nodded in response and looked at Jongin from across the table. His eyes were traveling over every inch of Jongin’s face. Looking at anything and everything that was to be seen. He had missed looking at Jongin’s face. The photos didn’t give justice to the flawless person sitting in front of him. Jongin looked back at Kyungsoo for a second before he opened the first of many letters that never were sent. Eyes focusing on every word that was written by Kyungsoo for the past 4 years.

The first letter Jongin read was a very short one.

I’m very sorry. I wish you knew just how sorry I am. I love you

The next letter was a little longer.

How is Seoul? Are you feeling well? You’re still dancing aren’t you. Of course you are. I know it. I hope Sehun and Luhan aren’t troubling you too much. I love you and I hope you know that. Sorry for leaving you like this.

The third letter was even longer than the second one. Expressing not only guilt but also hopes.

Jongin how are you? Is it cold in Seoul, don’t get sick ok? Today I went out for a walk and I saw this old couple walking hand in hand. The looked so happy. I watched them from a far for a little while wondering if I would ever be able to experience that. When I grow old would you be there with me? Would we walk hand in hand in the park, laughing and enjoying life? I really would like to experience that with you. To grow old and grey together. That’s my wish. But I guess this makes it kinda hard. Me living in New York and you in Seoul… But it’s not impossible right? I hope not.

The forth letter Jongin read was probably written during hard times.

Jongin I’m sorry. Really sorry. Here I am writing stupid letters to you that I’m not even sending to you. I hate myself for doing this. And the worst part is that I feel sorry for myself for being like this. And I cry a lot. But I don’t have any rights to feel sorry. Not for myself. It’s my fault that everything turned out like this. I shouldn’t be allowed to cry. I’m not the one who is having it hard. I am the one who made it like this. I’ve been so selfish! I haven’t done anything for you except leaving you without a proper farewell. I’m such a bad person who dragged you in to my life just to leave you there. I hope you don’t hate me but I understand if you do. I would hate me if I were you. I’m so sorry.

The letter continued but it was hard to make out what it said since tears had stained the paper smudging the ink.

I’m sorry for being such a coward. Here I am apologizing and you will never know about it. I’m so selfish writing these letters and keeping them just to relive my feelings. To make myself feel better. I’m so bad. It would have been better if we never got close to each other. It would have hurt less. But still I’m so selfish to think that meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have no regrets and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. Isn’t that just the most selfish thing you have ever heard? Even though I know you are hurting and I don’t do anything for you to make life easier I still don’t regret it. I don’t recognize myself anymore. My reflection ignores me and I understand why. I’m so sorry Jongin. I really am. But I’m just a selfish bastard who has no courage to tell you all this. I love you with all my heart and I always will. I don’t deserve your love anymore so it’s ok if you hate me.

Jongin’s heart clutched after reading this letter and he looked up at Kyungsoo meeting his eyes. He didn’t say anything. Neither did Kyungsoo.

Jongin let his eyes do the talking. Telling Kyungsoo that he would never hate him and he never had.

That Kyungsoo wasn’t a bad person and he never was

. And the things that had happened weren’t his fault. He couldn’t have done anything differently.

He wasn’t a selfish bastard. He was just afraid.

And so was Jongin. 

And Jongin didn’t regret anything when it came to meeting and getting to know Kyungsoo.  There is nothing to be sorry about.

“Jongin. I--- I hope you’re not mad at me. If you want me to leave I understand”

Jongin shook his head.

“I’m not.”

Kyungsoo smiled.

Jongin smiled back.

sorry for late update guys, school is not on my side ;__;

a small question how long do you want it to be? I don't have any specific plans on how long it's gonna be

so please tell me if you have any suggestions xD 

And once again thank you so much for those who decides to read and comment ^0^ <3333