Hey guys I'm back! it's spring break over here and im taking this chance to UPDATE!! i no you guys miss me (not really XD!) ok so this story i've written it long ago but never finished it until now..that means the last part of the story is pretty..weird with the rest XD! BIG GRAMMAR MISTAKES EVERYWHERE!!!!!

Ch. 9: Wedding Days Testing my skills in angst…total utter failure! WARNING!!! THIS IS LLLLOOONNGGG!!!!

I patiently waited in my room, the secured bride room. Today was supposed to be every girls dream wedding. But here I am, in my beautiful white gown and ruined make up as tears ran down my eyes. It was already one hour ago when we informed everyone that the wedding was cancelled, for good.

The love my life, my groom, Kim Jaejoong, left me standing at the altar with gossips running around. He never showed…and so did my best friend. She just came back from Japan, specifically for my wedding, and who would have thought those two will fall for each other in days and betray me.

Now I’m here, with no more tears to shed and as cold as ever; cold on the outside and maybe even in the inside. I’m broken…Kim Jaejoong and Park Hee Young broke me….

5 years later and I haven’t seen them for they’ve been avoiding me since. At first I was furious and demanded to rip their heads off, but as time went on I could care less for depression hit me and I just wanted to be alone. I barely talk to anyone anymore, scared of new friends, scared of betrayal.

My parents just snapped one day. How could the daughter of the successful Lee family be lifeless? I was given freedom to choose who I love and marry, which was definitely rare coming from our status, and me picking Jaejoong from commoners, they accepted. But my parents couldn’t take it anymore and engaged me to the Jung’s kid, Yunho, current CEO of their huge company.

They thought if I had another man in my life I would be cheerful again. I didn’t go against their orders, because I had thought the same. Except Jung Yunho is a workaholic, he’s not the passionate lover I would have expected but I guess this is better, for we both agreed on this agreement.

Imagine my expression when I first went to visit my soon to be husband at this company, and saw my wretched nightmare. Who would have known that I’ll see them here, the last place I’ll even think about….

“Yunmi.” She breathed out as if her eyes were playing tricks on her.

“Hee Young ssi.” Yes, to me we were definitely back to square one, strangers.

“What are you doing here?” She looked almost frightened. Do I bite?

I raised the lunch box I prepared. “Is Yunho in? I suppose you’re his secretary.”

“You’re his fiancé!?!” She exclaimed in shock. It was now obvious the office workers gossiped about the unknown fiancé of their workaholic boss. “Ahem, I mean Mr. Jung isn’t here he’s—“

“Ah, Yunmi.” I turned around hearing Yunho behind me and another shocking revelation.

“Jaejoong.” I whispered lowly below my breath as I caught him trailing behind my fiancé. Both him and Hee Young stare at each other and back at me as surprised as I am. But I shrugged it off. If I was getting out of this depression, I didn’t need them to shove me back into the deepest bottom of my dark world again. “Yunho.” I smiled and showed him my homemade lunch box. “Lunch?”

He smiled, showing his white teeth. “Starving.” He turned to Jaejoong and waved him off. “We’ll talk details later.” Yunho laid a hand on my back and led me into his office, clicking the door shut in front of Jae’s and Hee Young’s curious faces.

***

Yunho sat silently behind his desk, munching and reading loads and loads of papers. While I walk around his office, inspecting. Certificates were hung on walls, awards were sitting on shelves, and next to them were pictures of family members. I smiled. Yunho is a sweet man; he probably just lacks the expression of showing affection.

“You know,” Yunho started. “You should really call me before you come. I’m a very busy man and things like this, I barely have time for.”

I turn to him. “Time for your future wife or time to eat?”

He chuckled. “Both.”

I nodded in understanding. “Because you’re the big boss.”

“Exactly and I don’t have time for breaks, it’s my duty to keep this company above success.” He said and continued to flip through the countless pages.

“Then it is my duty, as a wife, to keep you alive and healthy.” I leaned over his desk and pushed his unfinished plate forward. “That means at least 3 meals a day.” I raised up three fingers.

He looked up at me in awed as I straighten back up and put my hands behind my back, clearing my throat. Just then a knock was heard at Yunho’s door and Hee Young’s sweet voice came through. “You’re next meeting is going to start soon Mr. Jung.”

I sighed. “I guess you can’t do the cake tasting with me, can you?”

“Was that today?” His eyes widen.

I nodded. “But it’s okay, I can just go by myself.”

“Look Yunmi, I’m so sorry. I totally forgot and this meeting is really important.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” No it’s not, what you don’t understand is that this wedding is important to me.

“Maybe next time?” He asked. I didn’t get a chance to answer as the door opened and Jaejoong entered, bowing 90 degree to his boss. Yunho shuffled around and picked up a file, heading to the door.

“Ah, wait.” He stopped midway and I raised my eyebrows in question. He quickly retreated and ate the last piece of meat, winking at me, before walking out the door. I unconsciously smiled, but it soon faded as I caught Jae’s stare on me. Silence engulfed us and soon he too turned and left. I once again sighed and cleaned up Yunho’s lunch.

***

“So how are you and Yunho doing?” I was at the Jung’s lovely spa with his mother and mine after a long day of wedding preparations. “Any plans for kids yet?” Her question completely threw me off as I stopped in the middle of drinking my tea.

My mother nervously chuckled and patted my back in assurance. “Calm down Mrs. Jung, they haven’t even walked down to the altar yet.”

I bitterly laugh along with. Mrs. Jung, that’s going to be my surname soon too. The last time I walked down the aisle to become Mrs. Kim, I stayed a Lee, Miss Lee.

“Just a reminder.” Mrs. Jung broke my thoughts with a wink. I only smiled back as a response.

“Oh, is Yunho joining us for the next appointment?” My mother asked.

“He better,” his mother threatened her phone as she sent him a text.

We arrived at our next destination and I groaned mentally in my mind. This would usually be my favorite part of this whole planning shenanigan, but now I can’t seem to bring myself to enjoy it fully. We all stepped out of the car and even before we enter the shop, Yunho arrived. What made this day even worse was that Jaejoong and Hee Young was trailing behind him.

“Sorry we’re late,” Yunho apologized.

“About time!” His mother growled playfully. “But it’s fine, we just arrived too,” she laughed. My mother who have laughed all day with her, kept quiet as she glared at Jaejoong and Hee Young. “And who are you?” Mrs. Jung politely asked.

“Sorry, I had to bring work with me.” Yunho smiled sheepishly and scratched his head as Jaejoong and Hee Young bowed to us.

“Tsk, as always. Well why don’t we all go in.”

They all entered in and when I was going to step inside, my mother held me back. “You knew?” she asked with worry written all over her face. I know she’s emotional for me now, but I’m truly fine, at least that’s what I want her to think.

“Yes.”

“And you’re…okay?”

I nodded and smiled reassuringly. She sighed and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” I rubbed her back. “Let’s go.” And with clasped hands, we entered.

***

I spent the last 2 hours trying on tons of wedding dresses. So many corsets squeezed me today, the layers of the dresses burdened me down from all the weight, but the most nerve racking thing was everyone’s stare at me every time I stepped out of the fitting room. I felt like crying, I didn’t need this suffering, I didn’t need my ex-lover and best friend look at me while I pick the dress for an even they had once destroyed before.

“Hm…I’m still not satisfied.” Mrs. Jung announced for the nth time. I sighed, when will my torture end? “Yunmi, I heard you were once engaged,” she suddenly spoke out. My eyes shifted from her to Jaejoong and quickly back. “I already asked your mother’s permission, so today I also brought your old wedding dress. Why don’t you try it now?”

My breath caught at the back of my throat. Here? Right now? Jaejoong didn’t even get to see me in my gown on my wedding day, for I picked it secretly to show him at our shining moment. And now you expect me to wear it in front of him as his boss’s wife?

I glanced at my mother and she slowly nodded me to go on with regretful eyes. I swallowed my breath and went back inside the fitting room. My old gown was delivered to me and I just stared at it in my hands. I picked this dress because of love; it was supposed to be perfect on me on my perfect day. Wearing this, will only bring back the tears I shed that dreadful day.

I in a big breath and opened the curtains. Gasps were heard and they all stared at me with wide eyes. “I think we’ve got a winner,” the shop worker said. I slightly smiled at her. Of course it’s a winner, it’s been a winner, and it was practically made for me.

“Yunmi,” my mother softly called to me. “I think we should just go with this one, okay?”

“Sure,” I breathed out. “Save on money,” I tried to joke, but fail to do so.

“Oh you should never worry about money, honey,” Mrs. Jung said brightly.

“I think it’s perfect,” Yunho added his compliment and I bashfully smiled.

A phone beeped and Hee Young fumbled to get it out. She read the text and quickly turned to Yunho. “Mr. Jung, you have an urgent call. You need to call back the Seo Corporation.”

“Ah, noted,” he nodded and stood up to get some privacy. His mother got up from her seat too and walked around the shop, murmuring to herself in excitement. My mother left too, and went to talk to the owner. That left only me and my exes. I cleared my throat and swiftly turned around to go change.

When I came out, no one was in sight besides the man I will forever try to ignore. Jaejoong stood there, leaning on the wall, and I came out, he straightened up and stepped forward. “Yunmi,” he started. “I can explain.” That’s what they all say.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked, looking around.

He sighed, frustrated, “Out, don’t worry it’s just us. And I can explain.”

“Explain what, Kim Jaejoong ssi? You haven’t done anything wrong, have you?” I asked innocently.

“Don’t play dumb you know what I mean.”

I sighed. “Yes, I do. But after five years, now you choose to talk? You’re too late Jaejoong ssi,” I chuckled bitterly. “Its fine now, you should know me long enough that I don’t hold grudges very well. I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.” He stared at me, speechless. I slightly bowed and made my way out. “It was nice to see you again,” I added.

“W-we’re not together!” He quickly stated before I could leave. “I mean we were, but not anymore!” Jae raised his voice. “Just simple colleagues now,” he finally breathed out.

I turned back to him and smiled, like I can care now. I was getting married.

***

I drank my cup of steaming coffee alone. I had taken a day off during all these chaotic times and decided to relax in a comfortable café.

“Mommy, I want some coffee too.” A little girl’s voice caught my attention. I turned to look at the happy family of three and saw the mother assure her daughter that she can have some when she’s older. I smiled a little at their interactions. Maybe if I had married sooner, I would’ve had kids also. The thought only saddened me. I observe the small café and noticed that most people here were couples. I was the only real loner here. I stare at all of them with sad envy, why can’t I just find my other half? Everyone seems to have theirs, what makes me so pitiful and why? Why am I an outcast? Without another thought, I left the place.

I came home to my apartment, but before I can even get through the door, a box was on my doorstep. I picked it up and opened it to find herbal drinks. Not just any herbal drinks, but for a quick pregnancy. All these types of emotions flared through me, it’s as if god was bullying me. I flipped the box to find the sender’s name and when I did, I immediately rush back to my car gripping the box tightly.

I entered Yunho’s company with flames behind me and everyone’s curious stare stuck on me. Ignoring Hee Young’s protest when I arrived at the destined floor, I barged into Yunho’s office. Forgetting that there was even a Jaejoong in the office, I slammed the box in front of my fiancé’s desk. “If your mother keeps this up, I don’t think I can take it anymore!” I spat out.

Yunho blinked at me and poked the box with his pen, “What is this?” I fumbled it open and took out a bag of herbal drink, dropping it onto his hands. Yunho sighed and realization. He calmly set the bag on his desk and stood up. “Let’s talk,” he simply said and led the shaking me to another room, leaving a clueless Jaejoong still in his seat. Curious, Jaejoong picked up the drink and read the label….

“I’m sorry, I can’t help that my mother’s…eager, at her age.” Yunho apologized.

I sighed in frustration, “But she has to understand that this marriage, under its circumstances, will have to take time.” Tears welled up in my eyes; a baby is the last thing on the list after all we are getting married for many other reasons, but love. And just thinking about raising a child who’s not made from love, it was heart breaking for me. All my fantasies of being a great wife, being a caring mother, having a happy family, was all crumbling. I feel sad that I couldn’t just replace Yunho into that fantasy of mine; he would’ve married to his job for goodness sake if that was legal, and me entering his life would be as if he had a new roommate.

Yunho was quiet for a second. “Tell you what,” he said. “I’ll make it up to you. Ask me anything you want, and I’ll give it to you.” I almost laughed, I don’t want items I want love. I want….

“A date,” I found myself saying without hesitation.

“W-what?” He stuttered as his eyes widen.

“A date,” I repeated louder this time.

“Well, I’ll have to look at my schedule, but I’m pretty sure I’m busy this whole month, and—“ He paused when he saw me nodding my head already knowing where this was going.

“So, I’ll have to set up an appointment to see my fiancé too?” I asked bitterly. Yunho sighed. I smiled and gulped down the lump that was forming in my throat. “You know, it’s okay. I’m sorry I even asked such a selfish request.” With that, I quickly turned around and wiped my tears, ready to leave.

“How about Saturday?” He suddenly called out. I stopped and looked back at him. “This Saturday, at 8, meet me at Han River, okay?” I in a breath and nodded.

***

Saturday, Han River…10pm. Yes, I’ve been waiting here for two hours now and it’s freezing to the point where I don’t even shiver anymore. I checked my watch once more and I really hope Yunho didn’t mean 8am. I tried calling his phone, but was directly led to voice mail. I knew it, it was probably one of his important meetings again. I sighed and saw my breath exited my lips into the cool autumn air, suddenly I regretted wearing a dress. What was I thinking? That maybe this date would actually bring us closer together? Make us instant lovers? Make him divorce work? I was such an idiot. I sat on the grass, near a street lamp, and curled into a ball, resting my arms on my knees and burying my face. I don’t know for how long, but soon a warm hand landed on my head. I twitched from its warmth and raised my head up to see who it was. Well, it wasn’t Yunho, that’s for sure, but surprisingly, Jaejoong!

I immediately stood up and turned around, rubbing my tears away, before showing myself to him again. “What are you doing here?” I cleared my cracked throat.

“I should be asking you that, it’s nearly 11pm, aren’t you scared of being mugged?” Jaejoong gently scolded me.

I huffed in annoyance. “That’s none of your business.” Show’s over, I’m going home. But sadly I didn’t bring my car, I took the bus. Which was blocks away, but I didn’t bother to tell him that and just continued to walk on.

He ran and caught up to me, shifting his jacket off, he placed it on my cold petite form. His warmth and aroma filled me, nearly having me choke at its familiarity. I began to slide the thing off me, when he stopped me and placed it back to its original position. “My car’s just up front, I’m taking you home,” his voice rang and I knew Jae long enough that he wasn’t taking no as an answer.

The car ride was quiet. I have nothing to say to him, but apparently he did to me. “What were you thinking, waiting that long?”

“That’s none of your concern.” I responded back monotonously.

He sighed, “If I wasn’t concern in the first place you’d still be there, freezing to death.”

I angrily turn to him. “You know what Jae, I never asked you to check up on me tonight. I never asked you to care, or to even bother to know where I am. So why the hell are you here?”

He kept silence, the way he should. And with that, I turn back to the road. “I overheard Yunho,” he started once again and I rolled my eyes. “The day you guys went out to talk, after Yunho came back he kept murmuring ‘Saturday, Han River, 8’. But the thing I noticed was that he didn’t write it in his planning book.” Jaejoong paused for a while, as if to let me recollect myself. “Yunho’s in Jeju with other sponsors of the company.”

“Ugh,” I groaned unexpectedly loud. I knew it!

“Yunmi,” he almost whispered as he parked in front of my apartment complex. We made eye contact and none of us dare to look away. His eyes was filled with so much pain that I almost thought it was reflecting my own depressing eyes. “I’m sorry.” For what? Yunho abandoning me, or your usual betrayal? I didn’t want to ask but popped open the door instead, about to head out. “Yunmi wait!” Jaejoong held my hand. “Maybe we can start over anew, be friends again.”

I shrugged my hand away and stare at him as my endless tears began to fill me up again. “You know that, that will never happen.” I slammed the door shut and stomped to my loft.

That night Yunho called and apologized for about a thousand of times. I assured him that I was fine, and that I left within 20 minutes of waiting, which was a total lie. But the date didn’t even depress me anymore, what did was Jaejoong’s words. How dare he even ask me if our relationship was possible to mend! I cried onto my pillow that night, absolutely scared. Scared that my heart still beats for him. Afraid that I had wanted to take back those words when I saw the pain in his eyes. Denying the fact that I may not want this wedding after all.

***

“Where are you, Yunmi!?!” My mother almost shouted through the phone, but I stayed silent at her tone. The parents had decided to hold a small party before the upcoming big event, but today I had not made one move out my door. Something held me back, even as I was already dressed up and had my make up on. Was it because I was still confuse, did I want this wedding? Attending makes me feel like there’s no way to back out once I stepped foot inside. Did I want to back out? “Yunmi?” she asked if I was still there.

“Yeah,” I lazily replied.

She sighed, “I know how you’re feeling right now.” She always does, of course she’s my mother. “But don’t be like this,” she begged. “Don’t be like…them.” I winced; I knew exactly who she was talking about. “Don’t bail out now, it doesn’t make you any better than what they did in the past.” My heart sank just at the image of everybody waiting for me at the party, like I had.

I patted my face to regain my posture. That’s right; this wedding isn’t just about me now. It’s about my family. They are willing to go at their limits to make me smile again, and here I am, refusing to attend. I can’t be selfish now; it’ll only hurt my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Jung, and maybe even Yunho. I took a breath. “I’m coming.” My mother sighed in relief on the other line.

I clicked the phone shut after our goodbyes and hurried out. The minute I arrived, everyone embraced me in hugs and congratulated me like I hadn’t stall time for almost an hour. “Have a seat sweetie.” Mrs. Jung pulled a chair out for me. I smiled a little and sat down. The curve of my lips soon faded when I noticed who sat across from me. I thought this was only for the two families, who invited him as a guest?

“You look beautiful.” Jaejoong mouthed silently and smiled reassuringly. I glared as a reply. Yunho brought me back to reality with the touch of his hand on mine, I jumped at his touch. So, throughout the evening, I laughed and conversed with everybody—like my parents would’ve liked—while ignoring Jae’s presence. I wouldn’t dare look forward, so that night my neck was pretty much cramped up.

“Oh, Yunho why don’t you take her home?” his mother suggested when it was finally getting late.

“That’s okay, I’m capable of getting home by myself.” I kindly declined.

“Don’t be silly,” she waved her hand. “I never asked if you were capable or not, I think it’s just romantic.” She squealed in delight.

Yunho stood up from his seat with a screech and held out his hand. “Sure, I don’t mind.” I stared at him in disbelief, was he really agreeing with her? I could feel the whole room look at me, especially Jae’s. His pierced me the most. Biting my lips, I nodded and accepted his hand.

Once in the car, I saw that the others were also exiting the restaurant.  Jaejoong ultimately caught my eyes with his. I don’t know what made me do it, but I waved at him. What did that mean? I wanted him to be jealous? I wanted for him to see that I was picking another man? And what did his expression mean? It looked so broken as he tried to smile and wave back.

The next minute, we were zooming away. The ride was silent. The tension in the air wasn’t as thick as when Jaejoong was taking me home before. This atmosphere had no tension at all. I knew it then, that me and Yunho were probably never going to have any chemistry.

“So,” he started casually. “What’s the story between you and Jaejoong?” My eyes bulged out and I froze in place. Yunho chuckled. “I may not talk a lot, but I am observant, Yunmi.” He was quiet for a while. “You still love him don’t you?” I shook my head in denial. “You know, I consider myself practically married to my work and if you don’t want to go through with this, it’s fine. I can always talk to the elders for you, because between you and me, I sound more convincing.” He tried to joke, but I didn’t laugh.

“Tomorrow’s the big day,” he said after moments of silence. “You have until then to make your decision.” He stopped the car in front of my house and as I was unbuckling away, he called me once again. “Yunmi.” I turned to him. “Listen to your heart, can you please do that for me?” he smirked, “Well mostly for you, but I think you’ll be so much happier if you do.”

“Yunho,” I spoke for the first time that night. “My heart’s confused.” I confessed with a shaky breath. “It doesn’t know what to do, so how can I—“ He held my head between his warm hands and pressed his forehead to mine.

“It’s never confused, Yunmi. You’re just refusing to listen to it,” he whispered. “Do me a favor and listen to it.”

With that, I took Yunho’s advice and spent the rest of the night trying to listen to my own heart. Yet, there was nothing that I could make out of it. I tried so hard only to end up sleepless. I tried so hard only for the morning to come. I tried again and again as my mother scolded me for the bags under my eyes. I tuned everything out and tried once more when I arrived at the venue of my wedding ceremony. I listened to the slightest beating when my mother dressed me up in my gown. I heard nothing when a pound of makeup was plastered all over my face and my hair was pulled tightly into a bun. 30 minutes until I walk down the aisle and still, I couldn’t force my ears to open up.

The door creaked open and I jumped in fear thinking it was my father, ready to take me. But surprisingly it was Yunho. I was about to protest at his presence, but he shushed me and quickly entered the room, shutting the door behind him. “You’re here,” he said in disbelief. “Why?”

I couldn’t answer. Why was I here? Did I really accept this fate? All I knew was that I was soon enveloped in his arms as he petted my head and calmed me down. I didn’t even notice I was crying. I was so frustrated! I hated how I couldn’t understand this organ I had placed on my left chest. “It’s okay, I’ll take care of this,” Yunho cradled me. “While you just,” he whispered and pulled the pins that held my hair up, letting my curls flopped down. “Run.” And I did.

I ignored the parents’ shocked outburst and dashed out of that place, catching people’s eyes as they stared at me in my puffy wedding dress. I didn’t know where I was running to, but for once my heart was leading me. I felt like I could run for miles and never get tired in this heavy gown. The weather seemed perfect as my loose hair danced in the wind. And in an instant, my heart slammed me into a stop. My legs gave in and as I was about to collapse, an arm wrapped around my waist.

“Gotcha,” he said huskily into my ear. I squeaked in his embrace as he tightly held on. “I was so worried, I thought I’d really lose you,” Jaejoong panted. This idiot was chasing after me. I could feel his heartbeat pounding against my back, and with that, I felt my own starting to increase its pace.

I knew it now; I knew what I wanted, what I desired. I took his arm and unfurled them as I turned around to face him. It was either I escape him now and forget this pain, forget anybody ever trying to pull me down; or I hold on to him, tell him to never let go like before, cry and punch him until I’m satisfied and then kiss him like there’s no tomorrow. I knew now, these two were my only choices. And with every beat of my heart, I knew….

* * *

This was long and i applaud you for reading it 'til the end with endless grammar mistakes XD!! The ending, is for you to decide..it's either she push Jae away and run away or slap his face and give him a big smooch afterwards XD!! i just noticed how this TOTALLY DOES NOT GO WITH WHAT I WROTE IN SHES OUR MIRACLE O_________O!!!! oh well XD!!