w o r d s ; 1 2 5 6

g e n r e ; a n g s t

s o n g ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZmWtKA-ot4

This is super based off the song, but tbh, any sad piano song would work~ So if you have a favourite, just play that.

Dear Hyukjae,

I used your real name because Eunhyuk was never right for me, despite the ways you would make me call you that. I despised the name though. Hyukjae was you, and I knew it was, he was the one I fell in love with, not this Eunhyuk, your masquerade.

I remember when we first met. You were charming, and I fell in love with you in an instant.

I miss all the old small affections we’d share, and I really did wish at some points we had stayed like that, but then I knew it had to go somewhere; four years was a long time.

The faint touches, the innocent whispers, the small pecks, all of those I missed as soon as everything changed. I remember hearing your smooth voice, and my heart beating faster and faster, and I remember thinking my cheeks were going to be stained a light pink because of all the cute things we did together.

When we finally got serious though, that’s when I realized you were slightly different, and it scared me how much a human could change in such a small time, especially you. An angel like you.

That’s when the violence and blood came in.

You never did punch me or kick me, the worst being a slap or just biting on my lips harder than I’ve ever felt before, drawing blood and-

No, no, no. The worst part of it, of course, was the after pain; the mental pain. That killed me inside, and I was almost like you are now. The physical pain, I could stand, as long as I was with you.

I remember the first time you came home and you seemed angry, and that was the first time, and most definitely not the last time I got hurt. I immediately ran to you, trying to soothe you from your anger; I didn’t like it when you were angry, but you threw me to the ground and for some reason, you said you couldn’t tell me, you told me to call you Eunhyuk.

“No,” I said. “That’s not your name.”

I said that because it wasn’t.

Then you slapped me, and I still remember the very pain it brought me, both physically and mentally, and I guess the stinging never wore off, not even until today, but I forgave you. Of course I did.

You grabbed a fistful of my hair, and then slammed my lips on yours in a harsh kiss, and then, to my surprise, you bit rather hard on my lower lip, and I remember drawing quite a lot of blood before your tongue seeped in my mouth, and I could taste the bitter metal taste of the blood. I enjoyed it though, like everything else.

Do you remember that, Hyukjae?

I do.

I remember the way you would slam the door every time you came back since then, and I knew something was wrong every time, because there was always some trouble outside or something that you’d use me to take out your anger.

Maybe they were excuses just to hurt me, but I didn’t know; I never did, just like you said.

I remember the way your voice would call out my name, and I, being the lovesick fool I was, came down to your every call, all the time, even when I knew I would get hurt in some way. I just liked you too much.

Every time you kissed me, I trembled like a child.

Some might say it was pathetic, even just to hope that you would change back to your old ways, but I don’t really know. Perhaps it was, but I was too drunk of the old Hyukjae to realize how stupid I had been, but to be quite honest, if you came back now, I’d probably still be pulled along with the slightest move of your hand, obeying you until my very last drop.

Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but every time you hurt me, I felt it in you as well. Perhaps you still did love me, or maybe you didn’t, and my mind was just too clouded with images of the past.

Did you get hurt as well?

You don’t deserve it. Let me take your pain.

I just remember the day before you passed away, you kissed me softly, innocently. It was different from normal. It was slow, and almost nervous, and I remember thinking back to all the old times, thinking you had changed back.

Hyukjae, do you remember what you said after that?

I do.

You said something bad was going to happen, but you didn’t tell me what. You knew you were going to pass away, didn’t you?

You knew you were going to die.

I wish you were still here, so that way I could scream at you for not telling me, though who knows what you might have done to me, and what I might have felt at the time.

I apologize for this letter being wet; it’s raining at the moment, and I might or might not be crying at the thought of missing you. Come and hold me close; I'm shivering cold in the heart of rain.

I’d describe it as a rose, like always. I remember clearly how I’d mention that, and then you’d just laugh bitterly, not giving me a chance to explain. The way they bloomed or when they died, they’d curl up, and no one would want them anymore. Too bad I’m a lovesick fool who liked that dead rose, no matter how ugly, because I always hoped it would live again; in my eyes, it was still beautiful.

Sometimes I hear you. I was at that coffee shop a few weeks ago, and I almost swore I heard your melodic voice ordering a coffee for the both of us, and just to bring us back, a strawberry cheesecake. You loved those.

I even see you, sometimes. It’s usually just small glimpses, sure, but every time I see you, my heart beat doubles, and everything comes back. I start crying every time I do see you though (or what I think is you), and people usually stare.

They don’t know what we had, Hyukjae. They don’t understand a thing.

Please, Hyukjae, come back to me. I miss you so much, despite all you’ve done. Do you miss me too?

Though it was a long time ago, I still remember you, and what you meant to me. Sometimes, I even wear that jacket you gave me. It still smells like you.

I still live in that small, dingy apartment block. It’s small, sure, but anything that reminds me of you is good enough for me. In fact, it’s all I’ll accept.

I think I’ve become more obsessed since you left. I still cry myself to sleep on all the memories we had though, both bad and good. I miss all of if, and mostly, I miss you.

You are all my pleasure, my hope and my song. I will be here dreaming in the past. I want to join you, Hyukjae. I really do, but I like to think you’re watching me from above and that you’d get hurt if I ever tried to join you up there.

Yes, above, because I’d always put you on a high stool. You were an angel in my eyes; the most beautiful angel the world had.

Until you come back, until we close our eyes. I’ll be waiting for you.

~~

Sorry it's so short, and sorry I killed Hyukjae and made him a cruel monster to Donghae.

Btw that was Donghae's POV. c:

Please... comment?

Also, check out my new Kyumin oneshot! It's not angst, I promise!

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/333478/cooking-with-kyuhyun-kyuhyun-kyumin-oneshot-sungmin-wtf-idk