Title: The Fall
Rating: PG-13

Pairing(s): GRi
Length: 2118 words

Summary: The one thing Jiyong is afraid is the fall.
Warnings: None.
Notes: Okay, wow, I procrastinated 'till literally the very last second before finishing this. But I'm happy I did. I hope you don't mind that I expanded on a drabble, I actually tried three different times and ended up hitting a while each time. It's not a happy story. I hope you like it anyway, happy holidays, and it was fun remixing your story!

Remixee author: victoriousdragon
Title of work you remixed: Alone in Paris
Link to work you remixed: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/238390/2/

“I just need to give us space.”

 Seungri’s eyes don’t meet Jiyong’s as he says this and Jiyong can tell from the way he pulls at the cuffs on his button-up shirt and the way he shifts from one foot to the other constantly that Seungri is feeling uncomfortable.

It’s been six years. Jiyong knows him better than the back of his hand; knows all of his little habits (like how he likes his cereal first before the milk), knows all of his likes and dislikes, knows the fears he thinks he keeps hidden.

At least, he thought he did.

“Space,” Jiyong repeats, stunned. He had thought Seungri would be pleased, happy even, about his invitation to come to Paris with him. He certainly never thought that Seungri would reject him so easily, with barely a second thought. “I—oh.”

He can’t even think of anything to say. He, the lyrical genius, speechless.

“It’s just… the two of us. Alone. What would the fans think?” Seungri looks at Jiyong now, and his voice is conflicted, just like his eyes. As if he means something else.

But of course he doesn’t, because Seungri’s right. He’s always right, because he’s the businessman; he’s not the selfish one, not the reckless one.

But Jiyong is not proud; at least, not in front of Seungri. In front of Seungri, Jiyong has nothing to be proud of because Seungri knows all of Jiyong’s faults and flaws and Jiyong can’t pretend like how he does with everyone else.

“You’re right,” Jiyong admits weakly, a second too late. His hands flutter uselessly at his sides and Jiyong hates feeling like this, feeling so weak and vulnerable, especially in front of Seungri. Because even though Jiyong can’t be proud in front of Seungri, Jiyong can’t afford for Seungri to think less of him, less than he already does.

Jiyong tries to deny it, but he feels terrified at the way the awe in Seungri’s eyes have faded away to almost nothing.

So Jiyong crosses his arms across his chest and tries not to show how hurt he is. Because he is; he hurts, hurts all the time now.

---

Jiyong is a man of many talents, and most of the time he can get away with pretty much everything because people are usually too distracted by his greatness to see all of the ugly things that Jiyong is as well. Jiyong can see them, though, and he wonders how on earth no one else notices them. He counts his lucky stars and he tries not to let the fame get to his head because Jiyong’s always been perceptive and he knows that, well, he’s got it good.

But sometimes, knowing that he’s good only makes it worse.

Jiyong likes to look at himself in the morning, standing in front of the mirror and carefully dissecting all his flaws. It’s almost like a ritual now, and all the members about taking too long in the bathroom and accuse him of being a narcissist, but somehow the practice is comforting to Jiyong. Like it reassures him each morning to see that his flaws haven’t beat him yet.

Emphasis on yet, because Jiyong knows one day he will fall, and when he does, it will hurt.

Jiyong is so cautious, so very cautious, because for all of Jiyong’s bravado and cockiness onstage, Jiyong is a coward. He’s gotten tastes of pain here and there, which is only to be expected when he’s neck-deep in the shady music industry, and the thought of his fall makes him shudder, makes his heart race.

(But Jiyong is good, and he knows this, and it scares him because he knows better than anyone else that the bigger they are, the harder they fall.)

---

“Maybe someday, okay? Someday, we’ll run away where no one will find us… where no one will know. Just the two of us.”

Jiyong is torn because the spark of hope at Seungri’s words is tinged with bitterness, and anger.

“When we’ve retired and no one cares about us anymore.”

If there’s one thing Jiyong can say he envies of Seungri, it’s the way he’s so self-sacrificing, the way Jiyong will never be.

Jiyong’s also wary of the way he is so good at self-preservation, as well.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

However, there’s one thing that sticks out in Jiyong’s mind, demanding his attention.

“But Seungri… Don’t you want us to be always together? Not just you and me; the rest of them, too? Whatever happened to wanting the group to stay as five?”

And this, in essence, is the one thing that scares Jiyong the most, because if there’s one thing that’s worse than Jiyong’s inevitable fall, it’s the thought that he’ll be falling alone.

“Time will change, Jiyong.”

And Jiyong knows what Seungri means. What he meant to say, but doesn’t dare.

“The times have already changed, Jiyong.”

Jiyong thinks that this is his first step towards his end.

---

The one thing that Jiyong never counted on was Seungri.

Jiyong remembers the time when he first met Seungri, when Seungri was fifteen years old and Jiyong a mere two years older at seventeen, and yet the stars in Seungri’s eyes made Jiyong feel so much older. Back then, Jiyong thought that he didn’t need Seungri. He’d complained to Youngbae about it countless times, how he’d had to spend a whole two days longer working on the song because Seungri just couldn’t sing and how he wished YG had given them the duo instead. Or perhaps a trio, if he takes into account the other Seunghyun, the one who was actually good at his talent.

He certainly didn’t expect to fall for the boy quite as quickly as he did.

When Hyunseung is sent home and Seungri stays, Jiyong pretended he doesn’t care. He sent Hyunseung off without tears and promises he’d keep in touch. He forgot to congratulate Seungri on making it.

But he notices that Seungri doesn’t go home right away; instead, he sticks around in the practice room, working on the choreography alone.

Normally, Jiyong would think nothing of it, but when Seungri keeps it up right through until they’ve debuted and are promoting their second single, that’s when Jiyong finally noticed Seungri.

And when he did, Jiyong fell. Hard.

It was so easy, too, so easy. With their fresh faces and fresher music, the fans came to them easily. And the fans loved it when Jiyong teased Seungri, when he made the younger boy blush with his near-harassment. Jiyong loved it, too, but of course he’d never tell anyone that.

Over time, it just got easier. Jiyong found new reasons why he liked Seungri so much (new excuses). He found new ways of eliciting that blush from Seungri when Seungri got used to the touching and the teasing.

But the best thing about noticing Seungri, in Jiyong’s opinion, was noticing the way Seungri noticed him.

(And Seungri did. Seungri had always noticed Jiyong.)

---

Jiyong packs lightly for his trip to Paris, taking only one suitcase to carry the bare necessities. He’s planning on purchasing a whole new wardrobe in Paris anyway. He remembers to pack enough underwear so that he won’t run out (because that’s the one thing he won’t buy overseas) and that he’s got a whole tube of the toothpaste he’s been using since childhood tucked away as well. He goes to the only hairstylist he’ll trust with his hair and gets his hair dyed a violent pink, just because. If the hairstylist doesn’t like it, she doesn’t say anything.

Jiyong flies out and he doesn’t even call to say goodbye.

The city is vibrant and breathtaking and so tantalizing foreign. It’s exactly what Jiyong loves, what Jiyong thrives off of. He does the usual touristy things like going to take a cheesy photo in front of the Eiffel Tower and making it a point to eat as many croissants that he can. But he also does things like going shopping at boutiques and spending more money in a day that most people make in a year. He goes clubbing at a swanky club that lets caters only to a certain clientele. He meets with legendary music producers and tries to hide the feeling of inadequacy when he listens to these people who are so assured of themselves, so calm and intelligent. He’s envious.

But no matter how much he tries to immerse himself in the feeling of it all, the glitz and glamour and the way his success is constantly screamed into his face from the way people are inviting him to all sorts of fancy parties to the way people stop and stare when they see him, Jiyong is lonely. Jiyong loves to be noticed, but he loves the most to be admired, and that only happens when there are people there to admire him. Strangers he’s met just once don’t count.

It bugs Jiyong, it makes him so damn frustrated that even after running away, he still can’t stop thinking about Seungri.

Jiyong finds himself thinking about Seungri when he goes shopping, wondering if Seungri would like this style of dress shirt or not. Jiyong finds himself thinking about Seungri when he goes out to eat, thinking about taking a picture of his food and posting it on his Instagram to make Seungri jealous.

Jiyong finds himself thinking about Seungri when he’s sitting at the fashion shows, for no reason at all, and Jiyong thinks that he can’t take it anymore.

So when he meets the eyes of a particularly stunning French model as she struts down the runway, Jiyong feels a bit reckless.

---

Jiyong doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of the way Seungri looks at him. Looks at him like he’s an otherworldly creature, like he’s amazed that someone like Jiyong would even look his way. Seungri looks at Jiyong and sees perfection, sees everything he wants to be.

Jiyong loves this.

Jiyong loves the constant reassuring of how great he is. Loves being told that he’s amazing, that he’s a genius. It helps him convince himself that he’s fine. That he’s got nothing to worry about.

And as long as Seungri keeps looking at him like he’s what the sun revolves around, Jiyong can keep this up. Can ignore those fears and doubts and worries that plague him and give him nightmares.

Sometimes, when Jiyong’s being particularly honest with himself, he realizes he’s not so scared of falling if he’ll always have Seungri there to cushion his fall.

(But Jiyong isn’t perfect. Sometimes, Jiyong makes mistakes.)

---

“Je m’appelle Geneviève. Et vous?”

Jiyong doesn’t know a of French besides bonjour, so he takes a stab at English instead. “I’m G-Dragon.”

The model smiles, the way her blood-red lips curve up at the sides makes it look like she’s laughing at him. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Monsieur G-Dragon,” she replies in her own brand of accented English.

Her eyes, Jiyong notices, are bright blue with flecks of gold in them. They must be stunning in photographs.

Though they don’t hold that spark of light that Seungri’s eyes used to. Not this woman too used to the flashes of cameras and the looks of men to think of Jiyong as anything more than a good .

And in front of her, Jiyong can be proud. Jiyong can pretend like all he is a multi-millionaire with a good taste in clothes and a talent for being talented.

Jiyong can pretend like Seungri doesn’t matter.

And when Jiyong wakes up the next morning, the French model whose name he’s already forgotten gone, Jiyong knows that this, this is the fall he’d been dreading.

---

Seungri’s eyes begin to lose that awe that Jiyong has always coveted, and Jiyong knows exactly when it started.

It started out small, with fights over Jiyong’s health and all of Jiyong’s bad habits. Smoking and drinking and clubbing and debauchery.

This is when Seungri realizes Jiyong is not perfect.

This is when Seungri changes.

And then Jiyong gets caught with and it almost costs them all their careers, had Jiyong not been good enough not to be expendable.

This is when Seungri realizes Jiyong will never be perfect again.

This is when Seungri’s eyes stop following Jiyong whenever he’s in the room.

---

Finally, Jiyong comes home from Paris and word spreads about what he’s been doing in Paris.

This is when Seungri realizes that Jiyong was never perfect to begin with.

And Jiyong is falling and falling and Seungri won’t be there to catch him.

Jiyong has never felt more scared in his life.