The initial two weeks apart seemed to have flown by rather quickly for practically everyone else except for Jinhwan and Yumi. To these two, the clocked ticked away at a dauntingly slow place and with each passing minute their internal agony only grew.  It had taken Jinhwan three days to realize that Hiromi was merely covering for her sister and in fact it was at her house where Yumi was staying. Despite his increasingly busy schedule, Jinhwan didn’t hesitate to wait for Yumi outside of her workplace just to try and get in a word edgewise, but all his efforts failed. She would either push passed him not even acknowledging his presence or angrily yell at him. Either way, nothing productive was said between the two. And just like the last four years of their marriage, things were going nowhere fast.

Jinhwan’s popularity soon after revealing the truth behind his past skyrocketed. One month ago the rapper would have been lucky to even book a small-time gig at a club and suddenly he was being carted around from one place to another, everyone wanting to have their five minutes with Jinhwan. From interviews and radio-talk show appearances to performances and fan meetings, Jinhwan soon found he didn’t even have much time for himself. And if that wasn’t hectic enough for him, Baek Kyoung and his management agency insisted that he already start working on his next album. The sales of the rapper’s first EP went through the roof, and he was beginning to experience what it was like to be a star. Although Baek Kyoung had been adamant about using every moment of his fifteen minutes of fame to their advantage, Jinhwan’s mind was clouded with other thoughts. What was the point of all the money and fame he was slowly acquiring if he had no one to share it with?

“In my heart I hear your breath for a bit,
It fills the empty spot which you left.
Why did you leave so suddenly?
Sometimes that fills my thoughts,
I don't hate you, rather I love you.
My future is tied up in yours,
I'm sure you'll come back.
I know I'm a fool for feeling this way, but that's the way my heart is.
I'm sincere about the way that I feel,
White clouds will cover the sky.
If I can just convey to you that I will always be waiting for you.
This waiting is so tough,
But no matter how tired I may be
My love for you will never end.
Forever, until the next world...*”

Jinhwan opened his eyes, staring back at the sheet of paper laid out on the music stand in front of him, the beat of the music continuing to play through his headphones. His eyes scanned over the next verse, speaking the words silently in his head to see if it flowed with the music before he bothered to lay that part of the track down.

“That’s great, Jin.” The producer said over the music, and Jinhwan turned to look through the glass into the adjacent room. Teddy sat next to the producer and flashed his friend a smile while giving him the thumbs up. Jinhwan responded with a tight-lipped smile in response and turned to look back at the lyrics he wrote out. The only thing he was happy about in regards to recording a new album would probably have been the fact that he was able to convince Baek Kyoung and his agency to let Teddy be one of the producers on his album. “Why don’t you come on out Jin. Let’s mess with what we have right now.”

The rapper shuffled out of the small soundproof room and flopped onto the black leather couch behind the two men. “Pretty tight man.” Teddy complimented, swiveling around in his chair to face the defeated look on Jinhwan’s face. His friend had witnessed the same thing Jinhwan had when they watched Yumi having dinner with some man, and he would be an idiot if he said that the look of happiness on Yumi’s face had no effect on Jinhwan. Teddy had every right to be concerned, when he got up from the chair and moved to sit next to Jinhwan on the couch. The rapper was a mess. He had to fake being in a happy marriage in front of the media while his heart continue to rip apart inside, while he tried to recall the last time he make Yumi smile like that.

“Man, just go see her.” Teddy advised, elbowing Jinhwan’s arm so as to get some type of response from the guy beside that dreary expression on his face. “We both know she’s at Hiromi’s, just go there and see her. You have to talk to her, and I mean really talk to her. No yelling or pointing the blame or making promises. Just talk. You guys just need to speak to one another, like how you used to. Open up, reconnect.”

After laying down the rest of the track, Jinhwan up every ounce of his pride and called his brother-in-law. To Jinwhan’s surprise, Taebin was more than willing to help arrange for a way for him to meet up with Yumi, and even went so far as to clear up the misunderstanding Jinhwan had about Yumi having dinner with another man. However, regardless of who she was having dinner with, the mere fact that Jinhwan couldn’t even recall the last time they were happy together still hurt.  

Taebin’s role in helping Jinhwan was simple. With the excuse of taking Dongwoon out to the park, Taebin dragged Yumi out claiming she was in dire need of a change of environment, and that some fresh air would do her good. With her brother-in-law running after her nephew, who ran straight for the swings the moment they stepped foot onto the grass, Yumi trudged over to a nearby bench and slumped down. She couldn’t believe that Taebin of all people would drag her out of the house and take her to the park to watch kids as they ran around with their parents knowing full well what today meant. Today marked the anniversary of her miscarriage, the day her whole life changed.

Leaning back into the wooden bench, Yumi shut her eyes and let out a shaky breath. I can do this. Those four words seemed to have been on repeat in her mind since the first time she saw Jinhwan waiting for her outside her workplace. His persistent cajoling was making it even harder for her to stand firm with her decision. The young woman would be lying to herself if she said that Taebin’s plea for her to consider giving her husband a second chance didn’t have an effect on her, but she was hurting. And it was that constant pain she felt that forced her to continue with her original plan of getting a divorce.

The young woman didn’t budge or open her eyes when she heard the slight rustling of nylon as someone sat down next to her, their windbreaker creating the stereotyped swishing sound every time the person moved. It was the particular scent of cologne that tickled her nostrils and caused a frown to stretch across her face. “Jin, I can’t do this, not today.”

“I know, baby.” He instantly responded, placing a single white lily on her lap aware that she wasn’t going to take it from him if he had initially offered it. Yumi’s eyes slowly opened and without even looking down at her lap she already knew what he had given her. Lilies were her favorite, and the entire time they were dating he never hesitated adorning her with them. Whenever they had gotten into a fight or when he had said something stupid, Jinhwan would always give her lilies and eventually things would get better between them. When she lost the baby he had given her a dozen of them, but that time it didn’t work. Things didn’t get any better after that point. “I hurt too, you know.” The rapper added, his eyes taking in her features. It had only been two weeks but for Jinhwan it felt like two years and it took all his willpower to not want to caress her cheek.

Yumi didn’t say anything back mostly because, well, she didn’t know what to say. A part of her wanted to yell back at him, claiming that he had no right to say he was in pain as well but the other part told her to just shut up and listen for once. Keeping her eyes focused on the group of kids playing on the playground, Yumi didn’t dare not turn her head and face Jinhwan. Not today, she told herself. She was already in a pitiful state, and if Jinhwan looked half as bad as she did, there were no doubts that she would collapse into another fit of tears.

Her husband sighed, resting his back against the wooden bench and watched the little kids run around. At least she didn’t tell me to leave. The two estranged lovers sat in silence. It had been a long time since they were even in the same room, and although nothing had been said for the past ten minutes the sound of their quiet breathing seemed to ease their pain. “You know,” Jinhwan finally spoke, his eyes still focused on the laughing children before him. “There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about the little guy. About what our life would have been like if he-”

“If I didn’t lose him, right?” Yumi bit out, her voice full of scorn. “That’s what you’re trying to say, right?” From the corner of her eyes she saw how his hands clenched into fists in his lap and internally berated herself for being so quick to judge what he was thinking.

“Damnit Yumi, that wasn’t your fault!” Jinhwan shouted out. Ignoring the inquisitives stares he received from curious parents around him. Completely turning his body to face her, he pulled one leg up on the bench and tucked it underneath his other leg.  He tried to reach out for her hands but she merely swatted them away. “How many times do I have to tell you that? It just wasn’t – it just wasn’t meant to be, Yumi.”

Twisting her head to face him, she looked back at him with utter confusion written on her face. “How does that even make sense?” She wasn’t expecting Jinhwan to mirror her look of pain and it caught her off guard. Quickly returning her gaze back to the playground she whimpered. “I lost him.”

“Baby, we lost him.” Jinhwan cooed, his hands reaching out to her arms forcing her body to turn and face him. “, I didn’t even know about him until it happened and it still hurt like hell. But Yumi you have to understand it was never your fault.”

“Then why-” Yumi started to ask, when tears naturally spilled from her eyes.

As if already knowing what she was trying to ask, Jinhwan picked her right leg up and placed it against the backrest of the bench, pulling her waist closer to him. “I didn’t understand - the reason why you chose to not let me know about him – I didn’t get it. At first I thought that maybe you thought I would be angry, that we weren’t ready or something like that. But then when the doctor said you were already having a rough time and even though you were told to stay off your feet you continued to work it suddenly made sense. Money.”

Jinhwan’s fingers slowly caressed her hands and he marveled at how delicate they seemed under his touch. “I figured that because money was such a worrisome issue that you felt it was best not to tell me. And that part hurt. I saw how immediately after what happened you just started working like crazy. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started working more. The doctor said you needed rest, so I even moved to the next room. Baby I-”

Yumi’s eyes widened. “You what?” She couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth; or rather she didn’t want to. The entire past four years she was certain it was because he was disgusted by her that he moved away but to find that it wasn’t like that all – she didn’t know what to do.

“Yumi, honey, everything I’ve done is for you. I hated not being able to hold you or , even seeing you, but I had to. I wanted to be able to make enough to support us, so you wouldn’t have to work hard. Then maybe we could try again an-” The rest of his sentence never had a chance to pass his lips when Yumi collided into him, her fingers clinging tightly onto jacket as she pressed her forehead into his chest.

Jinhwan instantly wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up off the bench and sat her on his lap, her legs circling around his waist. They sat there in silence as he rocked her gently in his arms, his hand running up and down her back soothing her cries. The couple needed this more then they knew. They needed to hear each other out; to cry it out; to grieve together.

Yumi was the first to pull away and Jinhwan had no choice but to let go of her. However, instead of moving off him and sitting beside him on the bench, Yumi merely looked back at him, her eyes ghosting across his face. The two weeks had taken a toll on him, whether it was his busy schedule or his personal matters, Yumi couldn’t tell but either way she hated seeing him this way. He looked exhausted and drained but more than that lonely. And boy, could she relate. She had been feeling that way for the past four years.

Jinhwan watched her intently as her eyes roamed his face and he frowned at not being able to know what was going on in her mind. But what intrigued him more was when her eyes had darted down to his lips. It may have been only for a second but it was enough to give him the push he needed to do what he did next. Leaning closer he gently pressed his lips against hers. For a man whose livelihood was based on words, he for the life of him would never be able to describe just how much he missed the pair of soft lips that moved feverishly against his. Jinwhan’s right hand moved to the back of her head while tilting his own to deepen the kiss. A silent party erupted in his head when he felt her hands tighten their hold on his jacket all the while welcoming his tongue into .

Taebin eyed the couple from afar, a small smile spanning across his face when he noticed that it didn’t seem like they were going to break the kiss at any moment. He returned his attention back to pushing Dongwoon on the swings unable to hide his happiness. He knew that the intimate moment they shared on the bench wasn’t going to fix everything but at least it was a start.

word count: 2568

* lyrics taken from 1TYM’s “Without You”

Translation credits go to goro-chan @ayeeyah.com

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hope you like today's chapter!