Redemption became Jinhwan’s last attempt and hope at salving their marriage. Their once in a blue moon dates weren’t cutting it, what with the rapper’s growing popularity he found he barely had time to even speak with Yumi over the phone. It had been four weeks since they first went out and although he was relentless with trying to get closer to her, Jinhwan was quickly learning that their relationship wasn’t really moving. Although he was grateful that it seemed, at least for the time being, that Yumi had backed down from demanding a divorce he hadn’t seen any progress to say they would be getting back together either. It was neither black nor white, but the dreary in-between that ate at Jinhwan whenever he let his mind drift off. It was in this world of infinite grays that Jinhwan became determined to fix things – redeem himself for all the tears he had caused her during their course of the marriage.

The changes started small at first, most unacknowledged by Yumi. First it was fixing the leaky shower in the bathroom of the apartment Yumi had yet to step in after she moved out. Then it was being overly observant of Yumi, taking note of the subtle changes she made. Whether it was a new sweater he had never seen her wear, or a different colored nail polish on her hands – Jinhwan made a point of telling her he noticed. However all this wasn’t enough it seemed, and the fact that the woman made no attempt at moving back in was clear indication of just that. He needed to do something bigger, something to show her just how much he loved her. Love is better expressed with actions rather than words, he recalled Teddy telling him one day.

For Yumi though, she didn’t need him to change or to prove to her that he loved her. She already knew that – there was no need of him trying to prove it to her. The problem, yet again, lied with her. She needed to feel worthy again, and with his ever growing fame and the number of women that flocked to him regardless of his marital status wasn’t helping. It was an issue the woman had to overcome on her own, and all the small changes Jinhwan was trying to make, although highly appreciated, weren’t really going to help her. She just needed time - time to rediscover the y and alluring woman she once was. Time to realize that she, for him, was enough. But as usual, Jinhwan was tired of being told to wait.

Yumi looked down at her watch and frowned. I’m late. I hate being late. More importantly she hated making him wait. As if he wasn’t already busy with promoting his album, the last thing Jinhwan should be doing would be waiting for her. Literally jumping out of the cab before it stopped to a complete halt, Yumi bolted out of the cab and ran straight for the small church in front of her. Jinhwan had called her that very morning telling her she simply had to stop by at exactly noon and it was already 12:10. He was filming a scene for a music video and although time was limited, he wanted to have lunch with her. So why was Yumi running, besides the fact she hated being late? She missed him. Not that she hadn’t seen his face in a while, considering her husband’s face plastered all over buses and billboard signs, but she physically missed him. She missed the way he would squeeze her tighter right before he would release the hug as if trying to memorize each sensation before letting go. She missed the way he would veer his head toward her hesitantly before taking the dive and slamming his lips into hers. Plainly put, she just missed him.

Yumi looked around confused at the lack of people near the church as she walked closer to the front door. Shouldn’t there be camera crews, assistants, stylists and makeup artists running around? Figuring they were all inside the small church, Yumi quietly pushed the door open, her head peeking inside. She had tried to message Jinhwan earlier in the cab to tell him she was on her way but didn’t get a reply and wondered if they hadn’t finished filming yet. The door was yanked open and Yumi immediately straightened her back trying hard not to seem so startled.

“You’re here.” He smiled sweetly at her, his hand grabbing her forearm trying to steady her now shaky feet as she stared back at him. Jinhwan was wearing a black tuxedo, his hair styled in a way that made it seem like he has just got out of bed. Everything about him was perfect and made her heart flutter. She had always wondered what he would look like dressed up and had never imagined him to look that good. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

His fingertips glided along her arm and intertwined their hands before gently tugging her along giving her no other option but to follow. Her eyes scanned the interior of the church and instantly realized something was different. There were no camera crews or people scurrying around – in fact it was rather empty. “Did everyone leave already?” She asked, quickening her pace to keep up with the man and he continued to tug her along.

Jinhwan kept his gaze focused ahead, as he navigated through the nave choosing not to answer the woman’s question and continued to pull gently on her arm. He felt a slight resistance and before even looking back at her he knew what she had seen.

“Mom? Dad?” She stopped in her tracks, yanking back on her arm as Jinhwan continued to move forward jerking on her arm. “Wait – why are my parents here?”

Jinhwan merely turned back to smile at her, a smile that suddenly made the woman uneasy while she was tugged on yet again through the church.  Turning down one of the rows, Yumi followed, albeit partly unwillingly, all the while looking over her shoulder to glance back at her parents sitting in the front row. “Jinhwan, what is going on?” The woman tried to ask again when it seemed that they had reached their destination.

“You’ll see. Trust me.” He finally said as he opened the wooden door and walked in.

Yumi looked around the room and had a whole new batch of questions when she saw Hiromi dressed in a light lavender dress standing in the middle of the room as if waiting for her. Yanking her arm away, her eyes darted from her sister back to Jinhwan, “what’s going on here?”

Jinhwan took a few steps toward her and tried hard to hide his disappointment when she took a few steps backwards out of reflex. “I’m not filming a music video today. I’m sorry; I had to make up that small lie so you wouldn’t get suspicious when I told you to come meet me at a church. You always wanted to get married in a church.” The way he looked at her made her heart beat faster, but the woman still didn’t understand.

“What?” She still couldn’t grasp the situation and let her eyes roam the room. There was a small vanity in the far corner, its tabletop littered with an assortment of makeup and hair styling products. Along the adjacent wall was a long leather couch that would have otherwise looked normal if not for the white wedding dress that peaked out of the opened garment bag that was draped over it. A dress? No, impossible. He wouldn’t - “Married in a-”

“I know how much it meant to you to get married in a church with your parents present and I know I couldn’t give that to you before but now it’s different.” Jinhwan figured as much that Yumi would be a bit shocked with what he had planned and found her reaction slightly heartwarming.

“My parents – are here.” She was stunned to say the least but there was something else in Yumi’s voice, something that Hiromi quickly picked up on.  

“Um, I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll be outside if you need me.” Hiromi said as she quickly made her exit leaving the two alone in the dressing room.

Yumi watched as her sister made a dash for the door and was grateful that although they didn’t see eye-to-eye on certain things at least they still understood each other’s thoughts. “My parents are here.”

The rapper chuckled lightly. “Yeah, sweetie, your parents are here - for the wedding.”

“The wedding.” Whose wedding?

Taking a few steps toward her, he reached out and held her hands in his. “Yes, our wedding. I mean, I know we are already married, but this is what you’ve always wanted – and better late than never, you know?”

Our wedding - but I never even said I wanted to get back together, Yumi was caught off guard with his plans but his choice of words irked her. “Better late than never?” The woman croaked out, her fingers lax in their hold on his hands and Jinhwan could no longer try to hide his disappointment.

“What’s wrong?” Why are you letting go? Don’t let go.

“Everything.” It’s too fast. She said, tears pooling in her eyes and the man instantly let go of her hand. “What are you doing?” Taking a step away from him her head shook repeatedly as if trying to tell herself that what was happening wasn’t really happening. “Why are you doing this?” I’m not ready.

“What do you mean why?” His right heel lifting off the floor in an attempt to step toward her but stopped moving when she took a few more steps backwards. “I know how much you wanted to get married in a church, to have that dream wedding of yours, so-”

“So you thought it would be great to just plan one yourself?” She asked, finishing his statement for him.

Smiling back at her, his face no longer showed disappointment but instead a sense of relief figuring Yumi had finally caught on. This is your last chance Jinhwan. “Exactly! It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“St-stop.” Her voice cracked and Jinhwan was filled with a different emotion – paranoia. “You can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what, Yumi?” He questioned, fear coursing through his body. The same fear and pain he felt when she had first brought up her desire to get a divorce.

“This!” She shrieked. “You can’t just try and fix everything-” You can’t fix me.

Not about to let her be the only one who spoke, Jinhwan interjected. “I’m not trying to fix everything. I just wanted to give you something I couldn’t give you back then.” I’m trying to make things better, why can’t you see that?

“How is that any different?” She retorted. “Jinhwan, you can’t just go back in time and redo things, thinking that it will just make things magically get better - it doesn’t work that way.” I don’t work that way.

“At least I’m trying!” He spit back, no longer able to hold back and letting the words just come out of him. I’m still fighting for you. The battle was hard, and being the only one fighting was even harder. Even though in the beginning he said he was never going to stop, Jinhwan was running out of ways to salvage their marriage and the frustration of that fact alone was eating at him and his persistent drive to fight.

“What?” Of all things Jinhwan could have said, claiming he was the only one was the worst move possible. “You think you’re the only one trying?”

“Yes.” He said after taking a moment to think before replying. I’m the only one fighting, a frustrated sigh leaving his mouth as he ran his hands through his hair, hoping he wouldn’t regret his words later on.

“What do you think I was doing the past four years?” Whether or not it was a rhetorical question, Jinhwan knew better than to respond and bit back on his tongue. “Do you think it was easy telling you I wanted a divorce? That finally realizing there was no way to help us was easy for me?”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. There is a way.” There has to be a way.

“By, what, noticing the new outfit I’m wearing? By getting married in a church and somehow convincing my parents to come? Don’t you get it? None of those things matter to me.” They never did, she thought. “If they did I would have never gotten married in the first place. That’s not the problem.” I’m the problem.

“Then what?” The man was out of options. “What can I do?” Just don’t leave me.

“Let me go.” The three words were even harder to say than demanding a divorce but they somehow managed to leave her lips as the flood of tears streamed out of her. I’ll never be good enough for you. “We can’t keep doing this, we can’t keep dragging this out. It’s just going to make us hurt each other even more.” I don’t want to hurt you. “Let me go Jin.”

“I can’t.” Jinhwan was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I won’t.

The pain he felt with those words resounded within his heart but it was nothing compared to the torment written on her face. “Let me go, Jin.” Yumi repeated, her chest heaving as she sobbed uncontrollably, “please.”

Yumi was no longer telling him she wanted a divorce – she was begging for one.

Shrouded in silence the two stared back at each other, every ounce of emotion they were feeling revealed on their faces. One pleaded while the other fought to give in yet their battle was silent - their eyes doing most of the talking. Yumi's hand reached up to wipe yet another stream of tears from her eyes and Jinhwan felt that all too familiar tug of guilt at his heart. He had to let her go - he had to give up. If that meant he would no longer hurt her then he would do it. If it meant that she would finally be happy again, then he would do it.

“Fine.”

The woman just looked up at him, not sure what to believe at that point. Had he finally given up?

“I’ll call my lawyer and get the papers drawn up.” His face was blank and his tone emotive, but deep down inside he was hoping, no, praying, that she would change her mind. That she would understand the finality in his words and get scared, like something that always tended to happen in movies where the woman would cave in at the threat but she didn’t - instead Yumi sighed. She’s relieved.

With one last glance at her he walked out. No hug or kiss goodbye, no look of longing or regret in his eyes - not even a single word – he just walked out.

Yumi stood in the middle of the room stunned. Shouldn’t she be happy? She had wanted this from the beginning of the entire ordeal; he was the one holding on. She was tired of the fighting, tired of the pain – tired of feeling unworthy. So why wasn’t she happy? Why wasn’t she relieved? Why did her heart hurt more than it had ever hurt before?

Staggering toward the couch she collapsed onto the cushion, her body falling limp over the white wedding dress, her wedding dress, and cried. She wept for her failed marriage; for the loss of the one man she had ever truly loved; for the never-ending pain that seemed to only increase ten-fold when he walked out. She cried to fill the instant void she felt when he agreed to let her get the divorce – the moment he stopped fighting for her.

word count: 2659

thank you so much for being patient with my updates!

a/n: To be perfectly honest, this was a rather hard chapter for me to write. I probably re-wrote it about three times. The events of this chapter were inevitable - the outline had been written out ages ago - I just simply couldn't get the words out the way I wanted them to.

I know I've been lagging on updating this story - but thank you for staying with me this far.

Only two more chapters to go.

-sights-