Regret was something almost every person was faced with whenever they would think back on how they’ve lived their lives. Some regretted words they had said in an argument, while others wished they could take back an action they did, and yet for some it was the opposite. They were words they should have said and actions they should have done. For Yumi, she would always have two regrets. The first would be never heeding her doctor’s advice when she was told to take it easy during her first trimester of pregnancy. While, the second, well, the second was slowly becoming quite obvious.

The young woman sat uncomfortably at one end of the long oak table, her fingers nervously playing with the hem of her jacket. She half expected to get a phone call from Jinhwan confidently telling her he’s not finished fighting for her as he had done when she first told him she wanted a divorce, but instead she received a large yellow envelope in the mail a mere week after the incident at the church; its contents the divorce papers. She had spent the remaining two weeks leading up to this very moment in utter despair. I wanted this, she tried to tell herself as she began wringing her hands in her lap. This was the only way I would stop hurting him.

Her divorce lawyer, Choi Hyunshik, recommended to her by Taebin, watched her from the corner of his eyes and reached his hand out to cover her trembling hands. “Don’t worry. Just let me do all the negotiating, okay?” He smiled down at her, sending her a reassuring squeeze to her hands for added effect but grimaced when he realized it did nothing to ease her worries.

Yumi wasn’t nervous about the negotiations. What did she have in terms of possessions anyways? It was Jinhwan’s new fortune that was under question today, but in all honesty she could care less about that. Yumi was nervous about seeing him again, simply being in a room with him again. She recalled the way Jinhwan looked at her before he walked away that day in the church and a shiver ran through her body. It was as though he cut the string that joined them when she begged for the divorce and suddenly she no longer meant anything to him. It was that blank, emotive look that haunted her for the past three weeks – a look she feared she would have to face again. It wasn’t just the way he looked at her but the feelings they evoked within her that rattled her to the core. Doubt.

She was so worried about how seeing him might deter her from her original decision that she tried her hardest to talk her way out of even attending the settlement negotiations. However, Hyunshik was adamant on her being present. It’s the only way you can get closure, he had told her and Yumi frankly didn’t want to hear it.

The woman quickly realized that she didn’t want closure – she wasn’t ready for closure. What she wanted was for him to look at her in the way he always had. To have his arms wrap tightly around her and press her frame against his strong chest. What she wanted was to hear him tell her that he’s never going to stop fighting for her. But that wasn’t going to happen – she knew better than to wish for things like that. She was never destined to get a happily ever after ending anyways. In the end, it was entirely her fault, and there was no one else she could point the blame at but herself.

Jinhwan was done. The days dragged out at a far slower tempo then when Yumi had first moved out that simply put he was fed up. He was finally deemed good enough, or at least as close as he could possibly get, to be able to convince Yumi’s parents to finally consent to their marriage and in the end it wasn’t enough. Because regardless of what he was doing she was still going to leave. Correction – she left. And the truth of the matter was he should have let her go a long time ago. Part of him wondered if he should have even bothered to spend all that energy to fight for her knowing the outcome would be the same in the first place.

“But you tried,” Teddy had said in attempts to console him when he saw him run out of the small room that day at the church.

Tried? Jinhwan thought bitterly. If I tried hard enough we would still be married. But that clearly wasn’t the case.

Yumi looked down into her lap and held her breath when the door opened, trying hard to not let his scent reach her nose, but it was what Hyunshik said next that forced her to look up. “Where is Mr. Oh?” The woman’s head popped up, her eyes frantically searching for her husband, or rather soon to be ex-husband, in the room but only found his lawyer standing beside the open door instead.

He didn’t come. An odd feeling of disappointment coursed through her body.

The stocky man sent them a sideways smile and quietly shut the door behind him before taking the seat directly across Yumi and her lawyer. “Very observant Mr. Choi.” The lawyer quipped, obviously previously acquainted with Hyunshik. “Hello Mrs. Oh, my name is Lee Injung, and I will be representing Mr. Oh on his behalf. My client actually will not be joining us today.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone as he gently lifted his large briefcase onto the oak table so as to avoid any loud ruckus.

“Why not?” Hyunshik asked, taking the words right out of Yumi’s mouth. If she had to be there then certainly Jinhwan also had to be there by default. Her lawyer kept a firm grip on her hands but the touch wasn’t the least bit reassuring to her. It was more like he was trying to help brace herself for the blow she felt like she was getting hit with.

He didn’t come.

It was almost just as worse as the look he gave her before he walked out of the room that day – like she no longer mattered. Him not coming was surely the same. She was no longer important enough to come.

“He said he didn’t want to come. But don’t worry.” The man said, diverting his attention back to Hyunshik. “I have been given strict and clear instructions to follow.”

He didn’t want to come.

It wasn’t just Yumi’s hands that trembled at this point, but rather her entire body. How did it get this far, she wondered. How did they manage to drift so far apart to the point where he no longer wanted to see her? This was to be their final meeting, their last chance to undo the mistakes they made thus far and he didn’t even come. No, he didn’t even want to come.

“And what instructions were you given?” Hyunshik asked, mindful of how absorbed in her own thoughts his client was yet determined to get through the negotiation.  

Jinhwan’s lawyer flashed them the same sideways smile from earlier before tilting his head in the direction of Yumi. “She gets everything she wants.”

Hyunshik arched his eyebrow, the prospects of Yumi being able to acquire all of Jinhwan’s assets without much of a hassle was very promising. “Everything?”

“All of it, up to present day.”

Yumi ignored the look of pure happiness spanning across Hyunshik’s face, still caught up in the fact that Jinhwan didn’t want to come. It doesn’t matter anymore.

“The dog?” Hyunshik wittily asked.

“Even the dog Mr. Choi.” Injung said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. Hyunshik opened his mouth, armed with another question but Jinhwan’s lawyer cut him off before he could get a word in. “Look this is pretty simple, just have your client sign the papers, all right? I’m not getting paid by the hour and to be honest we both have other places we’d rather be.”

Why does it always come back to this? Yumi wondered, oblivious to the banter going on between the two lawyers, as her mind tried to process the news she just received. Why does Jinhwan always insist that Yumi get everything she wanted? Does he really think that it would make me happy? Did he think that’s all she wanted? Why was it so hard for him to understand that all she wanted was to feel worthy? Worthy of all the love he continued to show her even up till their divorce - worthy enough to be the woman on his arm. According to her, all she really needed was time. Time to feel that way again; time he apparently wasn’t willing to give her anymore.

“Yumi?” Hyunshik called out, his hand moving to her arm to lightly shake her. “Sign the final papers, and it will all be over.”

“Ca-can I just have a minute or two alone?” She asked, staring down at the fidgeting hands in her lap.

Both men nodded and stood up, walking out of the conference room to leave the woman alone with her thoughts, a pen lying next to papers with a tab stuck on the pages where she had to sign.

“Really, everything?” Hyunshik asked Jinhwan’s lawyer after he shut the door behind him.

“Tell me about it.” Injung replied. “I tried to convince him, I mean do you know what his net worth is now a days? But that boy is crazy, if you ask me. He just kept saying that it didn’t mean anything - that he worked hard for her so he couldn’t even enjoy the money he had if he didn’t have her.” Hyunshik stood leaning against the door still shaking his head in disbelief.

“Handling cases like this are always easy.” Hyunshik said, glancing down at his watch. “When one is always willing to give up everything for the other, there's no real need to negotiate.”

“So, do you think your client will sign the papers?”

---

Three months later…

“Tell us Jinhwan, what’s going on in your mind right now? I mean, you’re fresh off your tour and less than five minutes ago you were just awarded male artist of the year. How ya’ feeling, man?” The interviewer asked, shoving the microphone in Jinhwan’s direction.

Yumi made a run for it from the kitchen, breezing past the yellow envelope on the counter where it had been collecting dust for the past three months. The scent from the second bag of popcorn she made filling the air as she leapt onto the couch, with Roman, her German Shepherd running after her. She didn’t think the commercial break would be that short and hadn’t expected them to also have backstage coverage for the awards show either as her eyes honed in on the man’s face. Stuffing a handful of popcorn into , she stared back at the television screen, Jinhwan’s face illuminating the screen and causing little goose bumps to erupt all over her skin.

Jinhwan smiled modestly while shaking his head in disbelief. It had only been a few minutes since he stepped off stage after accepting his award before he was quickly whisked away toward where all the reporters were waiting to get their exclusive interviews with the honorees.  It was all too sudden and the reality of what just happened had yet to sink in for the humble rapper.

“Damn, I don’t even know.” He ran his left hand through his hair and Yumi felt a pang of guilt when she saw the flash of gold fly across the screen from the wedding ring he was still wearing. “I remember winning street battles when I was a kid thinking nothing better could ever happen to me and then I was on tour looking out into the crowd thinking, damn I really did it. But this – man, it’s an honor to have even been nominated. I mean, the other guys are amazing and to even have my work recognized. Uh, I never thought this day would come and I just – I don’t know.” He chuckled nervously and it brought Yumi to tears.

There was no one more deserving of that accolade than Jinhwan, and Yumi was beyond ecstatic that he won. This wasn’t the first time since the divorce negotiations where he managed to bring her to tears. The woman had secretly attended one of this concerts and her heart was more than overwhelmed with emotion when she looked around the stadium and saw the thousands of people who rapped along with him. He had finally done it, he had finally achieved his dreams and she couldn’t have been prouder. Tossing a few pieces of popcorn at Roman, she averted her attention back to the screen not bothering to wipe the tears off her face. They were after all the second flood of tears she shed - the first being when he won the award.

“Anything else you want to say?” The interviewer asked. “I know you got cut off in your thank-you speech, here’s your chance to get in a few more people.”

Jinhwan flashed the man and the camera a small smile of thanks and took a deep breath. “Um, to everyone who has supported me along the way thank you. I already said that didn’t I? Uh, I can’t think right now.” He mumbled and Yumi couldn’t help but giggle at how flustered he was getting.

“Well, thank you for your-”

“Wait, one more thing.” Jinhwan interrupted the man. “Sorry, I just had to say one more thing. Baby, I love you. It always has and will always be only you - I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you. I miss you so much, but we've got nothing but time.” A slight sparkle twinkled in his eyes as he lifted his left hand up and kissed the gold band on his finger.

Yumi fell back into the couch, her eyes never leaving the screen as the tears literally poured out of her freely. He’s still waiting for me. Even after three long months he was still waiting.

What was she waiting for? She had been so cruel to him the entire duration, hurting him in the process while demanding for more time and yet he still professed his love for her. So, why were they still married but living separately? Well, the same reason why they were perpetually stuck in the world of infinite grays.

Fear.

Feeling worthy again was only half the battle, the other half was fear and Yumi was scared. She was terrified of throwing herself heart first into the relationship only to be met with disappointment and heartbreak again.  She couldn’t do it. But staring back at the image of Jinhwan, a man whom despite having suffered just as much as she did, was ready and willing to take the risk caused something to stir within her.

It evoked an emotion that forced her eyes to drift over to the yellow envelope sitting on her kitchen counter collecting dust. Its contents she hadn’t seen since the first day of negotiation when she told both lawyers that she needed time. The same papers that remained unsigned even three months after said meeting with not one phone call coming from the rapper inquiring about what she was going to do. Three months of simply wandering around aimlessly wondering if he at all ever thought about her or if he truly stop caring the moment he walked out of the church. However, everything changed with that one public confession. There was no longer that fear that haunted her but instead hope.

He was still waiting for her.

word count: 2643

Thank you for reading!

a/n: yet another chapter that suffered the challenge of being re-written. One more chapter to go, and although I'm sad to see this story coming to an end it parallels perfectly with real life. (More on that in the author's note on the last chapter...)