A/N: I am very very sorry for the super late update. Seriously, I have so many reasons but I think those are not reasons enough to update this late OTL I am very sorry, that’s all I wanna say T.T

A/N: The flood in Jakarta… *praying* my heart goes to everyone. It’s awful of all these disasters, earthquakes, storms, floods, volcanoes, and other things T.T seriously the world is a scarier place now.

“No way,” Doojoon stopped short in his track and raised one of his eyebrows, “Please tell me you are kidding right now.”

Yoseob’s eyes twinkled as he laughed, soft and melodious, the edges of his voice carried away by the freezing wind and Doojoon decided that Yoseob’s laughter was the best music his ears had ever listened to. There was a cute pout on Yoseob’s lips as he poked the side of Doojoon’s stomach playfully, “Why? You don’t like kids? I always think you are the fatherly kind. You know, strong and dependable and hardworking.”

Doojoon frowned as he started thinking, oblivious to the mischievous tugging at the front of his coat zipper – he could trust Yoseob to turn any ordinary sentence into some sort of ual innuendo, that little nymph. He was fatherly? He wondered how Yoseob came to the conclusion. He had never considered himself fatherly, he could stand children, but not even close to fatherly. Now he started to wonder if Yoseob wanted kids of his own, a happy family who lived in a white house and a garden and white picket fences. He doubted if he could realize any of those dreams for Yoseob.

A gentle touch on his cheeks brought Doojoon back into reality. Yoseob’s hands cupped his face and pulled his head down so they could stare at each other properly. Big wide eyes were nervously staring at him, obviously filled with so much worry, “Doojoonah, you are scaring me right now. Are you okay? Should we head back? If you are uncomfortable with this idea, we can go back home, it’s fine. I am so sorry for forcing you to come, I should have asked first. I’m sorry, let’s go back home.”

Who could deny such eyes – not even the Pope, Doojoon was sure. The clan leader smiled warmly as he covered the gloved hands on his cheeks and squeezed them affectionately, “No, I’m sorry. I was just a bit overwhelmed right now. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m sorry.” Doojoon took Yoseob’s hand off his cheek and brought it to his mouth. He pressed a kiss on the inside of the gloved palm and gazed lovingly at the shorter man in front of him. “I’m sorry, love. Forgive me?”

At the mention of the terms of endearment, Yoseob pulled his head down and nodded softly. He was never anyone’s ‘love’ before, maybe his eomma’s, but never someone else’s, definitely not someone else’s who he liked. A pretty blush spread across his cheeks and Yoseob felt his face burned, he silently thanked the wool beanie on his head because although Doojoon could not see his face, he was sure the blush would take over his scalp and eventually his whole head.

Doojoon cupped Yoseob’s chin gently and lifted the younger man’s face, a bright grin on his face as he saw the colour on Yoseob’s cheeks. “Shall we go in, love?” Yoseob groaned softly as more redness crept into his face and Doojoon laughed heartily as he pressed a soft kiss on Yoseob’s chubby cheek.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O

Volunteering in the nursery school always helped Yoseob to ease his loneliness, he had not dropped by for a few months though – since Doojoon had started living with him, to be precise – and he felt thoroughly guilty when one of the teachers he accidentally met in the market greeted him warmly. And so he decided that he would come by again, this time bringing another pair of hands with him. Yoseob had no idea how Doojoon felt about kids, he never asked and the older man had never spoken about them. He loved kids and the kids loved him, he adored them and they adored him back, he might act a little childish due to the inexplicable connection he had with kids, but he never minded in any way at all – it was a little hard to have Doojoon have with him, but they would get there soon, Yoseob was sure of it.

For Yoseob, he always wanted kids of his own, a family of his own, people he could care for, people who would care for him. Sentimental things like that. But the future seemed so out of reach right now, so he would just settle for right now instead.

“Oh, Seobie!” An excited shout was heard as a slender lady walked out of the nursery school with open arms. She was older than Doojoon but younger than he had expected, probably only in her early thirties with a soft beautiful face and flawless smile. “Noona.” Yoseob greeted sheepishly and returning the hug when the graceful woman embraced him affectionately. “Oh, this is awesome. The kids have been asking about you, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I have not – “

The woman widened her eyes when she saw Doojoon, “Oh, and who is this, Seobie? Boyfriend?” Her voice was thick with amusement as her eyes sparkled naughtily.

Yoseob blushed again, stupid face, Yoseob chastised himself. “N – n –n… This is Doojoon.” Yoseob stuttered as he grabbed the older man closer, “He is my… he is very important to me. Doojonah, this is Minje noona. ” He was not so sure of their label at the moment, so he settled for the safest option of explanation. Doojoon flashed his captivating smile and greeted the woman politely.

“Charming.” Minje commented as Doojoon rearranged Yoseob’s scarf on the younger man’s neck. “Just Doojoon? No family name?” She asked, curious. Doojoon halted his movements, looking straight to the graceful woman with a smile, “It’s a complicated story, Noona. I’d rather not use any family name at the moment.” Yoseob opened his mouth immediately to explain, “He is having some family issues, so I think it’s better not to, you know…” The younger man made a few faces to Minje and she quickly got the signs, “Oh, I am very sorry for provoking. I don’t mean any harm, it’s just pure curiosity. I hope everything is going to be fine.” She smiled thoughtfully and ushered them in, “Let’s go in. It’s freezing outside and it’s going to be snack time soon for the kids.” She winked at Yoseob and he immediately laughed cheerfully.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O

Do not judge the book by its cover, Doojoon had learned that well in his textbook, but he definitely did not realize the meaning until he stepped into the nursery school. It looked almost dilapidated from the outside, the gardens surrounding the one-storey house were grey and barren (due to winter), the pastel paint was slightly peeling off. It was not as if the building looked like a house in horror movies or something, but in Doojoon’s eyes, it was a little too shabby to be a nursery school (maybe when the gardens were all in bloom, it would be a different matter altogether).

But when the door was opened and Doojoon stepped in, a totally different scenery greeted him, his jaw almost went slack as his eyes widened in shock. Warm. That was the first word that came into Doojoon’s head. Warm, warmth. Everything was warm, the colours of the walls and the furniture and the small desks and chairs. The nursery was covered in well-maintained honey-coloured woods, clean beige cushions and off-white drapes. There was a small kitchen in the corner where different colours of small eating cutleries and utensils were lined up neatly inside a glass cupboard.

Some kids were running around happily while others sat peacefully on the warm floor, busy playing with their own toys or staring at some picture books. The teachers moved briskly from one kid to another, pouring the same attention and love towards each of them.

The moment they stepped into the busy nursery school, all eyes suddenly focused on them. Eyes blinked confusedly at them and silence followed for a split second before a rush of people dashed towards Yoseob, kids and adults alike. The smaller kids latched themselves on Yoseob’s calves while the older ones latched onto his thighs, all of them looked up adoringly at him and incomprehensible babbles followed. The fellow teachers sighed in relief and took his hands in theirs, sincere grins on their faces. Amidst all these, Yoseob laughed, exhilarated and carefree, and Doojoon was once again lost in the whirlpool of Yoseob’s laughter.

After the chaos of Yoseob’s welcoming affair had ended, another chaos ensued and it was in the form of snack time. This was the first time Doojoon had ever seen so many different types of lunch boxes, with every different colours he could ever imagine. An apron was handed to a flabbergasted Doojoon as Yoseob winked to him, and whispered, “I bet you look absolutely delicious in apron. Yum, snack time.” The older man scoffed and snorted, unable to hold in the amusement as he whispered back, puffing some hot air into Yoseob’s ear. “I am dying to see you in an apron, really. Just apron, without anything else underneath. Cooking some hot stuff in the kitchen.” There was a slight pause and Doojoon laughed when he saw a beet red Yoseob scampering away to tend to the nearest kid. Two could play this game. 

“Doojoonah,” Minje called out to him, “Can you please come here?”

Doojoon wiped the smirk off his face and immediately moved to where Minje was seated. “Yes?”

She smiled ever so softly, “This is Daejung. He is three years old and he is such a sweetheart, aren’t you sweetie?” Minje cooed the blushing boy who reminded Doojoon a little of Yoseob. “Baby, greet your seonsaengnim.” The boy got up from his seat and bowed politely to Doojoon, greeting his seonsaengnim with the best manner his parents taught him. Minje smiled and ruffled Daejung’s hair as he sat back down in his previous seat. “Good boy, Daejungah. Now, Doojoonah, here is his snack. He still needs a little help in eating, so I will trust feeding him to you, young man.” Minje offered a purple lunch box with green polka-dotted spoon which were shoved to Doojoon. “I’ll be back and I hope Daejung will be done with his snack and ready for his nap.” So Doojoon was now left with a lunch box in his hands and a quiet three years old boy, looking up at him from his seat.

It was the most awkward staring Doojoon had ever experienced in his entire life. Heck, it was even more awkward than when Doojoon caught Junhyung and Hyunseung having coffee together in the coffee shop near the rental store. This was the most awkward staring ever and the silence absolutely did not help. He was not exactly skilled in handling kids, the last kid almost lost his face shape because Doojoon squeezed his face too hard. “Erm, uh… So… Uh… Eat? Daejungah?” Big, glazed eyes looking up at him and Daejung silently opened up his mouth to receive a spoonful of his snack. Hesitantly, Doojoon scooped up a miniature-sized gimbap and carefully placed it in Daejung’s mouth. Without looking away from the older man, Daejung started chewing and opened up almost immediately to get another gimbap into his small mouth. It was too cute, just like Yoseob, and Doojoon grinned, taking a seat on the small stool beside Daejung, feeling a little more comfortable and confident because the toddler had not screamed or shouted at him yet. He leaned forward to wipe away a grain of rice in the corner of the toddler’s mouth. “Daejungah, do you want to drink some water?” When the boy nodded and drank water through a straw, he could not help but want the same thing Yoseob might want. A family.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O

“Ahjussi, play ball?” The little voice was almost inaudible if not for the tug on Doojoon’s pants. Doojoon turned around to find Daejung and a soft soccer ball on the floor beside him. “Aren’t you supposed to have your nap, Daejungah? Why are you still up, baby?”

The answer was a little gibberish, the toddler trying his best to communicate with his baby language, “Ahjussi, play ball out?” His eyes were pleading and Doojoon’s heart softened. “But it’s cold outside. Are you sure?” Daejung nodded excitedly and grinned happily up at him. And who could say no to that?

So Doojoon found himself playing baby ball with Daejung in the middle of a barren garden, outside in the freezing cold. It was not even playing ball, it was more like Doojoon kicked the ball softly and Daejung running to catch it and Doojoon kicking it again, and Daejung running for it again, while clapping happily, and then both of them running together and stuff. He felt warm, very warm. It was freezing and he thought he was crazy but he felt unbelievably warm. So warm that he scooped a happy Daejung into his arms and tickled the small tummy with his face. He would make sure they were coming back here to volunteer as much as they could afford to.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O

Inside the warm nursery school, a grinning face was pressed close onto the window. Yoseob had been observing the two of them for a while, the whole idea of Doojoon and Daejung originally came from him. The older man was so out of his element that Yoseob could hear the hinges of his every muscle creaking. Daejung was a sweet boy and he never let Yoseob down. Never.

“He is a definite keeper, my boy.”

Yoseob jerked slightly at the voice. Minje took a seat beside him as she, too, observed a happy Daejung and an even happier Doojoon playing kick and run. “Noona, you scared me.” Yoseob complained softly.

Minje smiled, eyes still looking outside, “Both of you are so in love, it’s ridiculous. He’s a good man, he has rough edges – who doesn’t – but I’m sure you can manage just fine.” She turned to face Yoseob and smiled at him, “I have never seen you so happy, Seobie. Yes, you are always enthusiastic, but there is something missing. Now I know that Doojoon is what you have been missing all this while. He’s a good man.” Minje repeated hoping that Yoseob would get the message.

Yoseob nodded, “He makes me happy, Noona.”

Minje’s eye softened as she his hair lovingly, “That’s good. You deserve happiness, sweetheart.”

O~O~O~O~O~O~O

“Why am I carrying you again?” Doojoon grumbled as he tightened his clamps on Yoseob’s legs.

“Because you love me!” Yoseob chirped happily as he rearranged his position on Doojoon’s back, trying to get more comfortable. Doojoon snorted and laughed out loud at the confident remark.

Yoseob had refused to walk on his own the whole way back to the younger man’s apartment. There were meaningful smiles tugging on the lips of every teacher in the nursery school but Yoseob was having none of it, he had stubbornly clung onto Doojoon’s back and flatly refused to let go. Doojoon had excused himself politely to the nursery teachers with an almost dozing Yoseob on his back.

There was nothing to complain, really. Yoseob was tiny so he did not weigh much, the apartment was only around twenty to twenty five minutes’ walk, and the warm bundle on his back was a reminder of his awakened feelings. He bounced Yoseob a bit and startled the younger man who groaned and opened his eyes sleepily.

“Yoseobah, are you asleep?”

“Hmmm…” Came a muffled reply, “I’m so tired today.”

Doojoon chuckled, “Yeah, it was fun.”

Another muffled mumbling, “I’m so proud of you and Daejung. You are going to be a great father.” Yoseob turned his head slightly to leave a warm kiss on Doojoon’s nape. “Now, I’m going to sleep.”

Doojoon laughed, the vibration of his laughter sent a comfortable shiver on Yoseob’s body. “Yes, sleep. Shhh…”

Doojoon knew Yoseob was fast asleep when his breathing turned steady. Maybe it was the silence, maybe it was the fact that Yoseob was sleeping, maybe it was the fact that Doojoon was a coward, maybe it was the fact that he really liked Yoseob. Maybe it was the combination of everything, but then Doojoon started speaking.

“Yoseobah, I think I really like you. Like like kind of like. I don’t know what liking is like beforehand. Because you see, I was raised to be independent, to be strong, to be tough, to protect other people, and feelings make you weak, make you frail, make you think twice. Honestly I am very confused right now because I did not plan any of this. Oh, trust me, this is beyond any of my planning.”

Doojoon stopped and rearranged his hold on a sleeping Yoseob and their two bags. And when everything was right, he started walking again, “I’m sorry I have been lying to you. I am a liar, no wait, I am the lie itself. I am so sorry, it was supposed to be quick and easy; and I never plan to hurt you, it was never my intention. Oh god, thinking how this lie can hurt you kills me every single time. I hate to do this to you, love. But I really like you and I cannot get away from this now.”

He let out a defeated sigh, “My name is Yoon Doojoon, I am not kicked out like I have said before. I am the next appointed leader of the Yoon clan, after your father had passed away. I am the Hyung you met so long ago, the Hyung you trusted under the big oak tree. The three cousins you met are not my real cousins, they are my most trusted men in the clan. I have no siblings or any close relative because I was picked up from the street by your father, to protect Gayoonie. I am the biggest ing liar in the universe and I love you.”

Doojoon’s breath faltered as realization hit him. “Oh god, I love you so much. So so much. And I am going to cause you the biggest wound in your life. I love you.”

He stopped and turned his head slightly to watch the beautiful face lying on his shoulder. A chubby cheek pressed against his strong shoulder, a pout was formed unintentionally. Doojoon’s voice was broken, “I wish I could tell you all this when you are not sleeping, my love.”

Doojoon bit the inside of his cheek and continued walking home. For now, this was the only way Yoseob would get his explanation. For now.