A/N: After a fluffy 20 years I’m back to this angst. SOF is ending soon <3 i'm sorry for not replying to comments. i read every single thing and i feel really loved. thank you very very much. no picture yet. will add on when i found a good one :) my dad's been bugging me to sleep. omg. 

“Do you want to go to Japan?”

Doojoon looked up from his bowl of Jjambbong and slurped the rest of his noodle into his mouth before he frowned in confusion, “Huh?”

It was their usual dinnertime, Yoseob with his thoroughly mixed bibimbap and Doojoon with his delicious jjambbong. Doojoon loved dinnertime with Yoseob, because of the simple fact that he was eating with someone he loved very much. It was too lonely eating in his mansion, at a long and ornate oak table which he usually occupied by himself, eating in silence. Even if there were guests, they would be scattered along the table and he could not even make out the person sitting at the other end of the table or heard correctly what they were laughing about. When he was younger, he used to eat in the pantry, together with the other workers, and those were the best dinners of his life – not counting dinners with Yoseob – but everything was forced to change when he was groomed to be a leader.

But this, eating meals with Yoseob who was only a hand away, sitting across the small and only table in their apartment, was pure happiness. He loved how they could spoon-feed each other, sometimes sharing quick kisses in between bites.

Doojoon chewed and swallowed his chewy noodle before asking, “What about Japan?”

Yoseob placed his cutleries down and turned serious all of a sudden. He cleared his throat and repeated his question, “Do you want to go to Japan?”

Doojoon raised his eyebrow, “With you?”

Yoseob nodded.

“Vacation?“ Doojoon clamps more of his spicy noodle with the chopsticks.

Yoseob shook his head and said, “Move to Japan with me.”

Doojoon did not respond, he only stared at his younger lover in silence, not in a gawking way but in a normal staring way. If Doojoon was shocked, he obviously covered it up really well because his expression did not convey that Yoseob had just gone crazy and suggested something crazy. Or maybe Doojoon was just too used to meeting crazy people and hearing crazy things.

The silent stretched out for a while, with Doojoon and Yoseob staring at each other. The only movement during the stillness was the older man’s noodle slipping from his chopsticks back into the bowl, and this subtle motion brought Doojoon back into reality. He, too, placed his chopsticks down and let out a nervous laugh.

Trying to hide his surprise, Doojoon joked about it lightheartedly, “Move to Japan? Okay, surely we can do that. Let’s save up and when we have enough, we’ll bolt off to Japan and try to learn their language and eat sushi and sashimi for the rest of our lives.”

The older man’s laughter died down awkwardly when Yoseob was not laughing along. Heck, the younger man was not even taking in the joke. Yoseob frowned and started biting his lower lips, his expression was a mixture of seriousness and worry and sadness and disappointment – and Doojoon stopped there before he could read more into his lover’s depressing emotions.

This time, Doojoon asked seriously, “When do you plan for us to move out?”

Yoseob shifted his gaze to the wall behind Doojoon and answered softly, “As soon as possible. Maybe next month…”

“…Yoseobah…” Doojoon took Yoseob’s hand into his and laced their fingers together, “moving out to live in another country is tough. I am fully supportive of this idea, don’t think I’m not, but moving to Japan in such a short notice is borderline insane. We need to plan everything out, financially and mentally. It’s difficult to build a new life in a foreign country.”

Yoseob still refused to look at Doojoon as he answered, “I have saved up enough from working at the café. I am not paying for anything else anymore – like school fees and groceries – and I know some people in Japan who could help us. My eomma had a small house in Japan where we could stay. It was not amazing but it was enough for us. We could find jobs and start building a new life.”

Yoseob stared holes into the wall behind the older man as he explained, but Doojoon was having none of it. He reached across the table and cupped his lover’s chin, tilting the younger man’s face to him so that they could look at each other properly. “I love you. I really do. And I am with you at every step of the way. But this is a huge step for us and I want everything to be perfect for you.”

There was no response but a slight tremble of Yoseob’s lower lip and sudden tears in those beautiful soulful eyes. Yoseob crumbled down under Doojoon’s loving stare and understanding smile, he was quickly sobbing and weeping like a little kid who lost his candy.

“Shhh… shhh… come here. It’s okay, love. Come here.” Doojoon cooed gently as he let go of Yoseob’s chin and pulled the younger man from across the table to sit on his lap.

“It’s okay. Everything is going to be fine. Shhh… it’s okay, I promise. Talk to me… talk to me, love.” Doojoon wrapped both arms around the tiny frame and let Yoseob rest his wet face on Doojoon’s chest, on top of his beating heart. The heart that only beat for Yoseob.

Yoseob trembled in Doojoon’s arms, both his hands safely tucked under his chin, clinging so badly to Doojoon’s comfortable white tee shirt while he cried. He cried, and cried, and cried. He could never tell Doojoon what he felt; he could never slip out a word. He was extremely stressed out and he could not hold it in anymore. This Jihoon guy came a few days ago and he knew everything would spiral down fast from this point onwards. There would be things going on, ugly things, he was not sure if those ugly things would happen to him or Doojoon, or maybe both of them. But he would never want to see Doojoon hurt because of him. The older man was worth way more than his own life.

Yoseob wanted nothing more than to escape from everything and be with Doojoon forever and ever. It was selfish, it was selfish but Yoseob did not care at this moment. He would try to continue caring tomorrow.

Doojoon Yoseob’s hair soothingly, “Talk to me, love.”

Yoseob shivered and shook his head roughly. He would never say a word to Doojoon.

Doojoon let out a soft sigh and kissed the top of Yoseob’s head, “Do you want to sleep now?” There was no respond. “Or do you want to continue eating?” Yoseob shook his head again, softly this time.

“Okay, let’s sleep then.” Doojoon carried Yoseob to the bathroom to help the younger man clean up and ready for bed. After Yoseob was tucked in comfortably under the covers, Doojoon kissed his temple and whispered, “I’m going to be with you in a second. Let me clean our dinner and I’ll be here before you know it. Okay?” Yoseob nodded but his eyes were still wary and afraid.

“I love you.” Yoseob whispered softly. Doojoon smiled and kissed the younger man’s cheek, “I love you more. I promise we’ll be okay.” Yoseob nodded when his eyes started to droop with sleepiness.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O

It was a chirpy Monday afternoon when Doojoon went home earlier than expected from his shift in the rental store. Hyunseung had unexpectedly gave him a half day and asked him to close the store instead. He could never understand how the younger man’s mind worked and he was so thankful he could go home earlier, maybe cook something nice for dinner for him and Yoseob.

He was smiling the whole trip home; he had bought a few ingredients for dinner from the market and decided to make something Yoseob had taught him previously. The thought itself was enough to put an idiotic grin on the clan leader’s face.

On his way home, he saw a familiar sleek black car parked on the street leading to Yoseob’s apartment and he knew something was terribly wrong. He raced home as quickly as possible and yanked the apartment door open in a hurry. This was beyond limit, this was unacceptable, everything related to Yoseob was off limits.

Dropping his bags on the floor, he shouted in pure rage. “YAH! COME OUT!”

Doojoon was about to blindly ransack the small apartment when two figures walked out from the bedroom. Doojoon seethed as he glared at the two figures he knew really well.

“Oppa…”

“What are you doing here?” Doojoon asked calmly but his voice was b with violence.

“Oppa,” Gayoon smiled, “I just want to see you. It’s been a while since I last saw you.” She walked towards Doojoon slowly, “I missed you. Give me a hug?”

Doojoon frowned violently at her so she stopped and pouted instead. “You are not five. I’m not hugging you.” He looked at the man beside her, “And you are not greeting me, Jihoonah?”

Jihoon smiled and bowed, greeting his Hyungnim politely.

“What are you doing here?” Doojoon asked furiously, “Everything related to Yoseob was off limits.” He turned to Jihoon and grabbed the front of the younger man’s suit, slamming him to the nearest wall. “I have warned you to stay away. I was only a hairbreadth away from killing you right now.”

Jihoon choked a little as Doojoon tightened the clutch on his collar, not fighting the sudden attack. Gayoon sighed loudly and piped up, “I was the one who asked Jihoon oppa to come here. He had nothing to do with this. He adored you too much to disobey you. Come on, stop fighting you two, feels like we were eight again or something.”

Doojoon narrowed his eyes and shoved Jihoon to the wall roughly before loosening his grip and letting the younger man go. Gayoon walked around the small living room, touching lightly on the small table and television set. “How is Yoseob oppa? Is he fine? I have no idea he lives in this small place.” She looked around the place, amused at how small the apartment was compared to the Yoon mansion they all lived in.

When Doojoon did not answer and simply glared at her she continued, “No wonder you don’t like me that way. I have always wondered what was wrong with me. Oh but wait, you had women before, too. Does this mean you are okay with both men and women? Or are you just using Yoseob oppa for your benefit?”

Doojoon gritted his teeth in extreme anger as he spat, “What the do you want? I am not going to ing repeat this question again.”

Gayoon folded her hands and narrowed her eyes, “You never curse at me. What happened to sweet, loving Doojoon oppa?” She smiled sweetly and her perfectly rosy lips, “I need to know your progress, oppa dearest. Everyone in the clan has been asking about you, they are wondering if you are still alive.”

“I’m well enough.”

“Yes, well I can see that. Yoseob oppa is good for you. You are a changed man, no sleeping around again I see, totally monogamous. What a devotion, I wonder if he knows who you really are? Devotion without honesty?” Gayoon scoffed, “That was the joke of the decade. When are you going to tell him? Are you going to stay and cast us away for him? You are our leader, the leader of the mighty Yoon clan. You have your responsibility to fulfill.”

Doojoon tightened his fists, “I am not going to cast the clan away.”

Gayoon approached Doojoon and held one of his hands into her palm, “I love you. I have always loved you. I have been telling everyone I am going to marry you since I was five. I am always yours, oppa. Remember our first kiss in the garden? The way you held me in your arms – “

“Stop it. What do you want?”

Gayoon tried to open up Doojoon’s fist and intertwine their fingers together, “Have you found it, oppa? Where is it? Is our strong leader failing his mission? We need the key badly so we can find the will. I need to know what was left for me and my mom.”

Doojoon yanked his hand roughly from Gayoon and hissed in anger, “I knew how selfish you are! Have always been since you were young! Madam had done a crime, she murdered people and she is a criminal.”

Gayoon raised her eyebrow, “Oh you mean the arson a long time ago? She did plan it, but the bungalow was already on fire when she came. It was just great her plan was halfway done by other people.”

Doojoon panted in anger, his hand was midway in the air, ready to strike Gayoon but he remembered what Yoon appa had told him, and it was the best time to tell it to her. He smirked, “Appa knew what happened, don’t think he didn’t. He left nothing for you and Madam. This was why he did not leave the clan to you. His own flesh and blood, because of the sin your mother had committed. You and your mother will be nothing.”

Gayoon chuckled, “I don’t believe you. Appa loved me. I am his only daughter. This is why we need the key. Everything will be revealed shortly. We cannot wait.”

“ I have it,” Doojoon answered, “I will bring it to the clan once I have settled it with him.”

Gayoon folded her hands together in front of her chest and raised an eyebrow in amusement, “You are going to settle it with him? So you are going back to the clan and leaving him behind?”

Doojoon was silent as he tried to contain his anger in check and Gayoon laughed, “Yoon Doojoon, oh god, you are the still the best. Using him for your benefit and leaving him behind. Isn’t he just the lowest, my dearest stepbrother, Yoseob oppa?”

Doojoon’s ears perked up and he felt his heart fell to the floor when he saw Gayoon looking past him to the door. She was smiling sweetly, her white teeth gleaming under the afternoon sun, but the horror that dawned upon Doojoon now was inexplicable.

Doojoon turned sharply to find a blank-faced Yoseob looking at him. In his haste, he forgot to close the door and this forgotten small detail had led into an extremely grave consequence.

The younger man was void of all emotions; his eyes were like pits of empty darkness as they stared into Doojoon’s soul. The clan leader could not will his body to move, the dread he felt inside of him was sickening. He was disgusted by himself, he was sick to the bone. He wanted to kill himself right now, kill himself in front of Yoseob but he knew nothing could make this better. Because he was a bastard, he was the lowest of his kind and he just betrayed the love of his life.

The love of his life, his sun, his air, the most important thing he could ever have, the person he would die for, was standing lifelessly in front of him, and Doojoon just did the unforgivable. Death was a kind punishment for the sins he had committed towards Yoseob.

Gayoon continued, “I hope you have heard enough truth behind our mighty Yoon clan leader, Yoon Doojoon.”

Yoseob looked away from Doojoon and tilted his head a little to stare at Gayoon. “So you’ve finally come, Gayoonie.” He cleared his throat, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. “He knows where it is. I expect him to be gone when I’m back.”

“Yoseobah…” Doojoon croaked out, he had lost his voice. “No… please…” The great Yoon leader crumbled to his knees in the ultimate moment of weakness and scrambled to get close to Yoseob, begging for forgiveness. “Please… listen… please…” He would give anything, anything, for Yoseob to look at him again with love in those eyes.

“Don’t touch me!” Yoseob hissed as he moved back. “Don’t touch me.”

“Please… don’t do this… I love you…” Doojoon pleaded on the floor as he tried to get a hold of Yoseob’s leg, preventing the younger man to run away from him, out from his life. The presence of other two was long gone from Doojoon’s mind. There was nothing more important than Yoseob.

Yoseob backed away quickly and spat out furiously as he heard Doojoon declaring his love, “I expect all of you to be gone. All of you!”

He turned around and miraculously found the last ounce of his strength and he ran.

Finally, the day had come for Yoseob to let Doojoon go. He had to be cruel, he had to be mean, so the older man would never come back to him. Doojoon had his life ahead of him, and Yoseob would just be a burden. He knew Doojoon would get over him, it would not be hard for Doojoon to get someone new to love. This would kill Yoseob but he would survive. He would go to Japan and survive, just like how he had survived long before Doojoon came into his life.

He needed to let Doojoon go, because now he had nothing more to offer anymore. So he ran.

He ran.

He ran.

He ran.