KANG MISOOK
Heater
•Chohee's POV•
"Annyeong Chohee!~" Mir greets me when I open the door. I move aside to let him in.
"Annyeong." I politely reply.
He cheerfully walks into my house without another word. I watch him carefully as I follow behind him. He's acting as if nothing bad happened. I'm still upset about him leaving early yesterday, but I guess it really meant nothing to him. I foolishly felt hurt and betrayed but I'm not even sure as to why.
We take a seat in the living room and he pulls out his box. I had forced myself into cleaning it up the box eventually. At first, I refused to. Looking at the box made me angry; he ditched me on our actual first lesson, I think I have the right to be angry.
Sooki wouldn't touch it either. She would constantly pop in my bedroom door and stand there, making small talk when I knew that all she wanted me to do was put Mir's stuff away. I ignored all of her hints and attempts. I kept my comforter wrapped around me as I drew by my desk in the dark of my room.
When Sooki came in those short periods to talk to me, she would speak and when I said nothing, or barely anything back, she would stay silent and watch me from the door. She never left the door. She stood there idly and it sent a shiver down my spine when she watched me from there. Eventually when she had to return to household duties, she would sigh and leave; only to return an hour or so later.
It was after the 4th or 5th time that Sooki showed up by my room that I finally decided to go downstairs.
The mess wasn't big, in fact it wasn't really a mess at all. All that was out was my English booklet, Mir's copy and the Master List.
I inched closer with heavy steps. Picking up the booklet I flipped to the poem again. Reading it once more, I frowned. Without giving it a second thought, I ripped it out if mine and Mir's booklet, and threw it in the recycling.
"How are you, Chohee?" Mir asks, looking through his box for our booklets.
I shrug. I didn't get all jazzed up today; I'm wearing a simple white t-shirt and high waisted shorts. My hair is tied in a pony tail and my thick socks are too loose around my ankles.
"How are you?" I ask, for the sake of manners and curiosity. Is he really not bothered for leaving me early yesterday?
"Good! It's so hot now during this time of summer." He replies, pulling the booklets out. I nod and let out a sigh, Guess he's not...
"Hmm," I agree, taking my booklet when he hands it to me. He goes to find the poem we read yesterday but can't, and furrows his eyebrows.
"Er, Chohee?" He says, looking up at me. I notice that this is the first time he's looked at me straight in the eye since he's arrived. The atmosphere feels strange around us, but I think I'm the only one who feels it. I stare at him with a blank expression. "Does your booklet have the poem we read yesterday? I don't know what happened to mine..."
"I ripped it out." I say bluntly, "And threw it away." I want to feel void of emotions but a sadness looms over me and I feel so confused.
"Oh.. Wae?" Mir asks, obvious disappointment in his voice.
"Because the poem was too sad." I reply, looking down, suddenly feeling ashamed.
There's silence between us and I think Mir can finally sense the strangeness between us. There's no word to describe the odd, out of place feeling between us. I want to get rid of it, pretend nothing had happened. I should have played along with Mir when he came in all cheerful... It's because you're thinking too much, Chohee. I sigh.
"Well it's okay!" Mir's tone suddenly changes. He smiles at me, "Then we'll just have to do something else!" Mir returns to looking into his box, "I think I have extra things in here somewhere... If not I'll find a poem off of the internet."
You need to stop thinking so much, Chohee-ah. Just, let go...
"Where'd you go yesterday?" I blurt. I don't allow myself enough time to think about what I said or regret it. I want to know the answer so badly. So much for letting it go. I stare him straight in the eye and force him to look at me with my unwavering gaze. "Why did you have to leave early?"
"Huh?" My sudden question takes Mir by surprise. "Oh, well... My friend was going through a really tough time and something bad was happening. I needed to be there to support." He replies slowly, as if he's picking his words carefully.
He looks away from me and busies himself with searching.
I stay silent. "Ohh," I nod, " I see. Was it one of your bandmates?"
Suddenly, Mir's stomach grumbles and his head shoots up. Maybe it's because of the open opportunity to change the subject or maybe it's because he only just realized something now.
"Where's Sooki?" He asks.
By now, she would have shown up, for sure. She would have greeted Mir at the door and brought us food and drinks.
I sigh for the billionth time today, at the answer I wasn't given. "She went on a date with Seungho-oppa." I think about Sooki this morning, shocked and red-cheeked. A small smile finds its' way onto my frustrated face.
"Chincha? A date with Hyung?" Mir chuckles and I look up at him from playing from my bracelet. "He never told me about that."
I don't reply because I don't know what to say next but the atmosphere between us has shifted in the slightest. The SooSeung couple has always been the ground on which we played on. Their flirting and childish idiocy stood as a stone in the base of our wall.
I take a deep breath to relax myself, "I wonder how it's going..."
•Sooki's POV•
"You're the girl I'm looking for; the girl from Incheon."
My eyes widen in the slightest. I swallow hard and reach for my drink to busy myself and cover my lie stricken face. No one has ever found out before. Why him?
I go to sip when the loud noise of empty space fills the air between us. I awkwardly put my empty drink down.
Is it foolish to try to salvage a lie that's already been found out? The majority of myself agrees. It's dumb and childish. But I've always been dumb and childish, no matter how much I hate it at times, it's part of who I am, it's part of the reason why I am who I am today.
I force a chuckle on my lips and a smile in my eyes, "Yah Oppa! It's not me, we went over that."
Seungho's eyes harden and it scares me for a moment. He looks so concerned; a look I haven't seen in a while. "Are you sure, Sooki-ah?"
I nod insistently but I'm getting tired of my act. Why is he trying so hard for this girl?Should I just tell the truth? That's not really an option is it... But would it hurt to tell one more person? A part of me thinks, but then I say to myself, Yes, yes it would hurt.
"Why do you think it's me so much?" I ask, my voice wavering. I clear my throat in an attempt to compose myself. It's getting harder and harder to keep a smile on my face.
Seungho sighs heavily and leans back, "Because there are so many reasons for it to be you. One, you look exactly like her. Your hair is longer and darker, I think, but the face is exactly the same. I could be wrong, but your presence feels a little different though... But still, you called me Soohyun. I am positive of that. Misook dated that actor named Soohyun, remember?"
Seungho sighs at my stubbornness to admit the truth. He runs a hand through his soft brown hair. "Sooki-ah... Why are you lying to me?"
I fight against the cringe in my body. Because no one's supposed to know.
"Seungho," I say in a clear voice. The voice is so steady and low it surprises myself and it takes me a moment before I realize it's my own voice. "You'll never see the girl you're looking for again. She's gone, long gone." My voice is so confident that any piece of Seungho that still believed that I wasn't the girl, vanished. Now it had to be me. "Stop searching."
Seungho stays silent and stares with a hard, thoughtful gaze at nothing in particular. He thinks about what I said and then suddenly looks up at me.
"Okay," He replies calmly, "I'll stop. But answer three questions for me, honestly and truthfully, jebal. And then I will."
There's a look in his eyes that make him look like a little child as he leans forward, trying to make me agree.
Thinking that it could be the least that I could do since he wasn't disappointed in me for lying, I cautiously nod. Plus, three isn't that many, right? How much could he find out about me?
A small smile forms on Seungho's lips. My fingers reach for my hair to twist it in nervousness.
"Hold on," I pause. "Promise, that after these three questions, you'll never ask me about it ever again, or bring it up, or ever talk about it. Okay?"
Seungho hesitantly responds but eventually nods. "Sooki," He starts off slowly and I listen closely, preparing myself, "were you the girl I'm looking for?"
I freeze. I wasn't expecting him to ask in that context or that directly, because then my lie would be too much; I'd be burying myself within my lies. I have to stop somewhere.
I want to say no, of course I'm not the girl you were looking for forever–I never was and I never will be. But a strange growing part of me wants to say yes, yes I was her–I was her before I changed. Maybe it's because I'm tired of lying, or maybe it's because of Seungho. The foolish, persistent boy in front of me who can see right through me.
No one, except for maybe Rain-oppa, could see my lies written across my face. It was a little harder for Seungho, but he got it. And because of his efforts, I nod cautiously. "It... was me."
A wide smile grows onto Seungho's face. I have two more questions to answer; honestly and truthfully. I take in a deep breath. Strangely, I feel a little weight off of my shoulders. I adjust my seat to make myself more comfortable.
"Sooki-ah," Seungho starts again after an approving and understanding nod to my first answer, "What made that girl leave? You said she's long gone... What happened? What made her go?"
I can't stop the shiver that travels through my spine at the question. This story is a story I hate. My smile is all gone, long gone.
I shamefully look down because I don't have the courage to face him and look him in the eye as I tell him about my past. It is said that the courageous will look and the cowardly will look away. I want to look at Seungho, I want to be able to stare at him with a confident smile and proud voice, because I overcame everything; 'hurrah'. But in reality, I haven't changed, I'm still foolish and naïve, I haven't gotten anywhere really. Looking him in the eye would not only make it very, very personal, but it would open myself up to dangers and judgment that could hurt me. And I'm tired of that.
I never formally promised not to lie, but an agreement is a promise in disguise and a promise is a promise. I keep my promises, no matter how much I regret it.
"Would you like the long form, or the short form?" I ask with a bitter sort of chuckle and a depleted sigh.
"Long please." Seungho gets comfortable in his seat, resting his back against the whicker seat. A waitress comes by just before I start and Seungho orders two, fresh new cappuccinos for us.
When our drinks come, I sip, take a deep breath, and begin my story, looking straight at my cup.
"Her name was Kang Misook..." I start from the beginning, the very beginning. "Although that's not her real name. That's what she went by. At the age of 9, she became interested in acting. She was told she shouldn't do it because acting was hard business. She was stubborn though and begged her parents so that when she turn 10, she could audition. She finally did, and when she auditioned, I made it. One of the most happiest times in my life. Until training began. It was the worst. It was tiresome and the people weren't all that nice. Of course there were nice people, but it was hard to make up for all the mean that went around because of competition.
Anyway, she suffered only for a year, before I made by debut at 11. It was for a Turbo music video. I remember it being fun... But it didn't get me too much recognition. I did a bunch of CFs and stuff after that.
It took her two years before she became more well-known. They're right when they say acting is hard business, I almost had to stop all promotions because it wasn't going so well. But my manager pushed forward with the idea that the older she got, the more her face would mature into someone beautiful and ready to take on the world.
It took two more years for her to be the IT girl, receiving the nickname, 'Korea's Sweetheart!'. Her rounded face matured and thinned, as well as her body. The name 'Kang Misook' became a household name. I didn't really want to do the project at first but she's glad she did. The project that made me popular were transitional skits after Melo-dramas that aired on weekdays. I was the lead female and my co-star was Song Joongki. Transition skits were about thirty to forty seconds long and were used to change from a dramatic atmosphere to a cheerful one for the next drama. It's point was to keep viewers' TV on and watching. Joongki-ah was great, fun, and welcoming and we became good friends. The transition skits–the show was called Yi Moonson and Me–were a hit. The response was much greater than expected and we started doing photo shoots for it too, and Joongki-ah and I would get offered CF projects together in our roles. This is when my popularity skyrocketed.
I was 15 then; the age of growing up and wanting to be more grown up then you really are. I fell in love.
I met an actor, tall, dark and handsome, at the filming of a CF. He was three years older than me but, to be honest, at the time he was no where near as popular as me.
We were introduced to each other by Joongki and we started talking. He was so kind and gentle, sweet and adorable... I fell for everything and we started going out. It was my first relationship because I had debuted so early. Because it was my first, I was naive and clueless.
We dated for two years... Heh, the terrible twos, everything happened in a span of two years... Anyway, we first dated secretly, but then he started taking me out to more public places. He slowly eased us into more and more open areas until people started to question our relationship, but most of all, question who he was.
I should have known. But so foolishly and blindly I fell had fallen in love so hard that I couldn't even tell that he never loved me back. It was his plan, to use me to build up his popularity.
The day you met Kang Misook was the day they broke up. They were supposed to go to Japan together to do a promotion photo shoot for a clothing company. That silly girl was so ecstatic to go to a different country with someone she loved. She wanted to go more than anything because she had never been out of the country before. It was a trip she dreamed about.
On the day of departure, she proudly walked into the airport and went to the waiting area where her boyfriend was waiting, where you lost her. And it was fine for a while, she did what she normally did and as well as did most of the talking. She must have provoked something because suddenly, he burst out in anger and yelled at her, saying that she wasn't needed for the shoot, saying that she was annoying and useless and that they were over. In the two years we were together he repeatedly said I was useless; she was pathetic and that she was so lucky she was talented, or else she wouldn't be anywhere or go anywhere in life. She didn't understand so he glared at her an explained it to her 'slow' mind again, through clenched teeth in an annoyed tone."
I pause and take a shaky breath. What a stupid girl. "He said that the director of the shoot had called and that I wasn't part of the shoot anymore. He didn't tell me until last minute. I had no mental preparation; it just happened and I had no say in anything. The news crashed down on me hard. For some reason, she started to tear up like a two-year-old. Ugh. He took one look at me and all I saw was pity, like I was actually a two-year-old. It was so pathetic... He told her to go home and then he left because that plane that she wouldn't be going on was boarding. He didn't let me say anything, he just left, and never looked back."
I finally look up at Seungho. His eyebrows are furrowed as he stares down at the table. His hand lingers on the handle of his cup, his thumb caressing the body of the cup in a subconscious motion.
There's silence between us and I shift uncomfortably. Why isn't he saying anything? What is he thinking...?
He looks up and our eyes meet. There's slight relief and sadness on his face. "I have one last question," Seungho says. Still feeling uncomfortable I jerk my head as a nod.
"Why is she a maid now?"
The question takes me by surprise. I don't know what I was expecting–maybe a question about loving the boy or about what she thought about the boy who gave her a handkerchief–but I was not expecting that question.
"Oh well..." I stutter, unsure about where I should start from in the story. I sigh when I choose a good enough beginning point.
"After a while of dating Soohyun, he stopped being so sweet and nice... At one point he actually became verbally abusive but she was so blinded by love that she didn't want to, nor couldn't, stay mad because she didn't want him to hate me... I never knew love could do that to someone and no way did I ever think it could happen to me... The things he said, they were so cruel. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep and bash on myself countless times. I would tell myself that I'm worthless and not good enough, a waste-of-space, because that's what he told me. He constantly told me that I was useless; to be honest, I'm not that smart. I never continued school after I got into the entertainment business, which was and will forever be one of my biggest regrets. I never had much of a childhood either... Because I grew up pampered I didn't know how to do basic things to take care of myself or others. Cleaning was odd to me, cooking was like calculus for me and everything else I was clueless too... And Soohyun never let me forget that, because you see, he could do all of that and when we dated, I depended on him for those things. After we broke up, I truly felt no self worth. I was thrown into depression but after almost a month of thinking about nothing else, my depression turned into anger and I wanted to prove him wrong. I changed myself; I refused to be naïve and foolish, I learned to cook and clean and work for others. Then I wanted to put my skills to use. I already knew Chohee's family a couple years before and I knew her Appa was looking for a maid to take care of Chohee. I knew he wouldn't let me if I went as myself, so I applied under the head chief of the Household Department and I was accepted. I worked my way up and when Chohee's Appa finally noticed me, he told me to resign. I was forced to tell him why and he's let me keep the job. He's against it of course, but this is who I am now. And that was why I am who I am and that's why you'll never find that girl again."
Seungho keeps quiet as he thinks about everything. He sips his drink and looks down at the table.
Suddenly, he looks up at me and starts, "What happened–" Then he stops mid-question. He sighs. He's not allowed to ask anymore questions.
There's silence between us. He doesn't speak because he only has questions and I don't speak because my pulse is racing and my palms are in a cold sweat. It's been a while since I've told my story. I hate hearing my story, it makes me sounds pathetic, to do this all for this one guy who broke my heart. But the thing is, that after a while of working as a maid, I started doing it for myself. To prove to myself that I wasn't worthless, pathetic.
"You really loved him." Seugho states. It's a question phased as a statement. I gulp my drink down to calm myself.
Suddenly, there's a loud ringing. I jerk in surprise but Seungho calmly sighs. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls his phone out.
"It's my alarm," He explains, "The movie's going to start soon. Kaja?"
I nod and we both stand. We throw out our empty drinks on our way out of the cafe and walk back to the movie theater.
There's silence between us until Seungho calls my name. "Sooki-ah." I look up at him and wait for him to continue. He smiles gently. "You know, you did it." He says and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "You proved Soohyun wrong. You're much more stronger than you think. Chukahae."
Now we're in the theater and we're looking for seats. The movie quickly starts to play and I have to time to say anything to Seungho. I'm not sure what I would say. For the silent support that he's given me... How can I respond to that? One thing is for sure though, I think as I smile, I'd start it of with a 'Thank You'.
•••
A/N:
WOO~ Posted a day late x) Not so baddd.
I think I coulda done better with the end of
this chapter, but now you all know about
Sooki's past! What do you think of her and
the SooSeung couple? Comment & Subscribe!
LOL UM.. Omg sorry for the supa late update, I accdently left Heater on hidden x) bur s'all good now! [2013.10.19]
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