A/N: This is the new chapter for reeeaalz this time! we'll just call chapter 8 an early april fool's joke, shall we? (except, really, read Lee Dong-Camerwhore). Cute pic, right? Guess you know what's coming keke!

The days went by, and I was finding it harder and harder to be around Donghae. I thought I could pretend I didn’t know anything, but every time he smiled at me, and every time he got close to me, even if it was just fanservice, my brain filled with his words:  the love of my life…one-sided crush…how could he do this to me?And I would panic, stiffening at his friendly advances.

It wasn’t just that I felt guilty; ever since I had read those words, when Donghae was in my presence I found myself staring at him constantly, noting the little habits he had like flipping his bangs out of his face when he was feeling shy, or tapping his fingers against his leg when he got nervous. His every move mesmerized me.

When we’d go out for dinners I would try to sit as far from him as I could, but I always ended up sneaking looks at his slender throat, the way it moved as he swallowed making my mouth run dry. Then he’d look up and I’d feel my face heat up as I desperately looked away.

When I was alone in my room at night, doing what guys do, thoughts of Hae would come unbidden into my head, making it even harder to face him during the day. I remembered the events of the noraebang in bits and pieces, but it was these bits that drove me over the edge. Just thinking about the passionate kiss he’d given me as he shoved me against the wall made my head spin and my breath hitch.

I had originally tried to pass that night off as a random bout of alcohol induced ual frustration, but that excuse was getting weaker and weaker. I’d never fantasized about my kiss with heechul after the fact, and I hardly remembered it going that far. Donghae might think I’m a player (I can’t believe he called me a !), but to be honest, I can count the number of people I’ve kissed on one hand. and now almost half of them are guys… I still didn’t think I was gay, but I was having trouble denying, even to myself, that my feelings towards my best friend were purely platonic. I needed to talk to someone about all of this, but who?

Today had been a busy schedule for us all and our managers had taken us out to dinner. I’d tried my best not to watch Donghae as he chugged his beer, his Adam’s apple moving up and down, strong jaw line tilting upward. I’d tried to distract myself by talking with Sungmin, who sat beside me, and drinking my own beer.

“Eunhyuk,” Sungmin looked serious suddenly, “I’ve been meaning to ask you, did you and Donghae have some kind of falling out?”

I stuttered, choking on my beer, “N-no! Why would you say that?”

“Well, he’s been kind of mopey lately, and he’s usually only like that when you’ve been teasing him. I haven’t seen you doing that lately though, which made me worry that it’s more serious than usual. He was pretty happy when he came back from the movies with you, so I thought you guys were okay, but then he came back from going out with you a few days ago looking upset again. When I asked him what happened, he just said something about life being unfair.”

Leeteuk watched us from across the table intently as I searched for something to say. That’s right! Leeteuk knows about Donghae’s feelings! I realized suddenly. I made up my mind to talk to our trusted leader, he always had good advice.

The oldest member smiled as we made eye contact, “I’m sure Donghae just had a bad day Sungmin, I doubt it was Eunhyuk’s fault. Didn’t you just say they had a great time at the movies?”

I silently mouthed a thanks.

When the dinner was over Leeteuk offered to drive me home in his car, which he’d conveniently taken to work that day. Sungmin tried to weasel a ride out of him too, but Teuk managed to get him to go with the rest of the boys.

We walked to the parking lot in silence, Leeteuk looking calm, and me feeling like my head was going to explode with everything I’d been keeping in the past few days. We got in the car and he started the ignition.

I couldn’t wait anymore, “Hyung! I need to talk to you about something,” I let out quickly.

Leeteuk nodded, “I know.”

The words tumbled from my lips as I told him about the events of the noraebang night, and how I hadn’t remembered at first. I faltered, ashamed, when I reached the part where I read Donghae’s journal.

Leeteuk sighed looking disapproving, “I wish you hadn’t found out that way, Hyukkie.”

I started speaking again, miserably, “Arraso, but now that I know, I’m having all sorts of confusing thoughts and feelings, hyung! You’re the only one I can talk to about it, he mentioned that he told you in one of the entries I read. I feel awful for putting him through pain, but until reading those words I didn’t think I–well, I never let myself– feel anything but friendship for him. But now…I don’t know.”

He stayed silent, which prompted me to continue, “My thoughts are all tangled up. He’s my closest friend, and I know I care about him a lot. I worry about him when I don’t know where he is, or when he hasn’t contacted me in a while. I don’t want to lose the friendship I have with him, but I feel like I’ve already damaged it beyond repair. I keep asking myself why I kissed him that night. And why I keep remembering it now. I can’t stop thinking about him… and not just in a friends kind of way…I keep having other…thoughts,” I trailed off vaguely, feeling embarrassed.

Leeteuk glanced at me as we sat at a red light, “You know what I think Eunhyuk?” He settled back into his seat, “I think you two have been in love with each other since the day you two met. Donghae might have realized it before you, but I think it’s very possible that you’re feelings for him are just as strong, if not stronger. Donghae is someone…someone who loves people unconditionally. He gives his whole heart without hesitation to the people he cares about. But he gives so much love to others that there’s hardly any left for himself; it means that he needs to be loved a lot in return. You, on the other hand, love cautiously. You don’t want to get hurt, so it’s not as easy for you to put your heart on the line.”

I looked at him in shock, amazed at the accuracy of his statement. I had been keeping my heart on lockdown for so long that I hadn’t even realized where it really wanted to be, “I love him? Even though he’s a guy?”

Leeteuk hit me playfully, “Yah! You don’t love because they’re a boy or a girl, you love them for who they are! It doesn’t make you gay, it makes you in love with Donghae. And being gay is hardly the end of the world,” he sobered, “But yes, I’ve been watching the way you act towards him, and even when you try to push him away, I can tell how much you care about him. If you let yourself be completely honest and let go of all your defensive thoughts, I think you’ll find the answer.”

“This is what I’ve been trying to tell you this for ages!”whined a familiar voice, “Why do people only listen when Leeteuk says things?”

 I knew Leeteuk was right. I nodded, “I just don’t know if I’m brave enough to start something with someone who’s such an important part of my life. If…if I lose him…”

“Not trying is far worse than trying and breaking up,” Leeteuk told me firmly, “Why would you deny both of you love, just because you’re worried about losing him as a friend? Look, he’s in love with you, and it’s making him miserable. So do him and yourself a favor, tell him how you feel, give him a good long kiss, and don’t have on my bed.”

I blushed, pushing at his arm. He smiled at me, mussing my hair. We arrived back at the apartments, and when we got upstairs, he began pushing me towards Donghae’s room.

“Mwo!? You want me to do it NOW?” I whisper-yelled, my eyes widening in fear.

“I think you’ve both had plenty of time leading up to this point. What are you worried about? You know he loves you, it’s not like he’s going to reject you!” Leeteuk gave me a wink and knocked on the door, giving it a push. He shoved me through it and artfully slipped away.

Donghae was on his bed wearing headphones, eyes closed. He hadn’t heard the knock on the door, and was still unaware of my presence. I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped, taking the opportunity to look at the amazing person in front of me.

This was my Lee Donghae, my Hae, my fishy. How had I lived this long without admitting my feelings. I let myself look at him with my whole heart, let myself feel all the love I’d kept hidden away inside me for so long.

“Oh hey, Hyuk,” Donghae’s voice broke my reverie, as he propped himself up to look at me, “did you want something?”

“Hae,” I paused, my heart racing. Slowly, I closed the distance between us, coming to the foot of his bed. He looked up at me, waiting.

And I tried, I really tried. But I couldn’t speak! I just couldn’t say anything!

“What is wrong with you? You were just going into raptures about your love for the guy! What is so hard? Seriously, I thought we were making progress here…”The voice of an aggravated Kyu sounded.

I can’t just say it like this! It’s too out of the blue, maybe I’ll go buy him some flowers and make some grand romantic gesture and–

“Really Hyukjae? Really? Now you’re just making excuses,” it said disapprovingly.

“Hyukkie?” Donghae gave me a concerned look, “You’re muttering to yourself, are you okay?”

I walked to the side of his bed, and laid down next him, still flustered. He turned away from me, suddenly shy. My voice still failing me, I carefully wrapped an arm around his waist, hugging him from behind. He stiffened, but then I felt his hand grasp mine as he pulled me closer. His body fit perfectly against my own like two puzzle peices, I buried my head in his hair.

“Can we just stay like this, for a little while?” I whispered.

He squeezed my hand in answer.

After a minute or two I found my voice again, “What were you listening to?”

He spoke towards the wall, “You want to hear?”

He held an earbud up for me to grab, keeping the other for himself. I took it dutifully, putting it in my ear. He put the music on, and we lay together like that, not speaking.

I started to drift in and out of consciousness when I remembered what I had come here to say, “Donghae?”

He didn’t answer.

I took a deep breath. “Donghae, I think…no, I know! that I am completely and totally in love with you.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Donghae?” I ventured, heart pounding. Very carefully, I raised myself up to peer at his face.

He was breathing serenely, eyes closed, and completely stone cold dead asleep.

I flopped back down, laughing at the absurdity of it. I finally got up my courage to admit my feelings, and it turns out I’m talking to air.

I got up quietly to pull a blanket over the sleeping boy. He stirred and sleepily looked up at me and before I could go, he grabbed my wrist, “Stay? Please?”

I was suddenly reminded of the night I had asked him the exact same thing. He smiled softly as I slid into the covers with him. He wrapped his arms around me and promptly fell back asleep.

My heart felt like it was going to burst with the warm happiness that flowed through my veins. I wrapped my own arms around him and pressed my face against his chest, taking a deep breath and inhaling the intoxicating scent of Donghae. I’d never been so content as I fell asleep in his arms.

My last thought before succumbing to sleep was “I’ll tell him again when he’s awake first thing tomorrow.”

A/N: Sooo... hyukkie's figured out his feelings! But what challenges lie ahead for the soon to be couple? will Donghae accept his feelings after Hyukkie's been the source of his misery for so long? And what about that pesky diary Hyuk just HAD to read? I've heard karma's a ...