A/N: Aww...Hyukkie, why are you making Donghae cry?? (So I waited until after hyukkie's birthday to post this chapter because he kinda gets kicked in the heart... Sorry Hyukkie!)

I awoke in the morning still engulfed in Donghae’s arms. I snuggled into the warmth, remembering my conversation  with Leeteuk the night before. I was going to tell him for real today. I wrapped my arms around my fishy giving him a strong squeeze. For the first time in my life I felt like I could trust someone with my heart. This was my Donghae, the sweetest, most caring person I’d ever known, and he loved me! Why had I been so stupid about it?

I felt him stir as he began to wake up. He blinked down at me, looking confused. Then he blushed.

“Hyukkie? What are you doing in my bed?” He asked, trying to disentangle himself from me.

“You asked me to stay, remember?” I grinned, thinking back to the morning we’d had the same conversation in reverse, “I came in to talk but we listened to music and you fell asleep before I could tell you what I came to say. When I tried to leave, you wouldn’t let me go, so I stayed.”

“I though…that was a dream I had…” he murmured, still looking dazed.

“Sorry,” I grinned, looking up at him, adding a “sorry sorry sorry” after a pause, “we slept together…again.”

“You should leave now,” He said, uncomfortably, trying to push me away.

“Wait no!” I’d finally figured out my feelings and had built up all the courage and he was kicking me out of his room?

“Really, Hyukkie, can you just leave?” he pleaded, starting to sound impatient. I tried to protest, but he sat up and pushed me out of his bed.

I landed with a painful thud, and looked up at him accusatorily. He glared at me from his higher position on the bed.

“I said leave!” He snapped.

What’s his problem anyway? Does he not like me anymore?I thought wildly. Now was definitely not the time to confess my feelings for him. I took one more look at his angry face and decided to beat a hasty retreat.

In my haste and confusion to vacate Donghae’s room, I ran straight into someone lurking directly outside the door.

Leeteuk steadied me as he looked at my face eagerly, “So? How’d it go, are you guys finally a couple? How was the first night? I see Sungmin slept on the couch…” he trailed off when he saw my face.

“I tried to tell him last night, I really did, but by the time I managed to say anything he fell asleep. And now he’s mad at me, and I don’t get why!” I pouted.

Leeteuk sighed, “I’ll talk to him. It’ll be okay Hyukkie.”

Leeteuk disappeared into Donghae’s room, as I tried my best to listen through the door. He didn’t seem to be having very good luck getting Donghae to listen though.

When he reappeared he gave me a frustrated look, “All he could do was tell me how clueless you were about his feelings and you’d never like him that way so I should just go away so he can be miserable in peace.”

“Do you think because he’s been telling himself it’s impossible for so long, that he’ll even believe me if I tell him?” I asked worriedly.

“I don’t know, but I think you two need to just face each other, I’m not going to get involved in this anymore, you’ll figure it out,” Leeteuk gave me an encouraging grin before he turned at walked back to his own room.

I decided to do the same, I was still wearing my clothes from the night before, and I felt like I should at least look nice when I was professing my feelings. Should I get him flowers? Or some kind of keepsake? I shook my head, he wouldn’t take me seriously, it’s too weird for me to act like that after being so prickly towards him for so long…

I opted for the straight forward approach in the end, and head for his room. But upon entering, I found that he was nowhere in sight. I could hear the water running in the bathroom. He must be in the shower, I thought.

And then I saw it. The little black book. It sat innocently on his bed, half covered by the blankets, but there it was. If only I knew what Donghae was thinking right now…just to figure out how to approach him…

“Hyukjae nooooo!”the increasingly talkative conscience started, but I tuned it out forcefully.

Just one peek. Just so I can say what he needs to hear…I edged closer, and carefully uncovered the journal. I ever so carefully opened it…

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” came a panicked yell, that made me look up suddenly. A half Donghae stared at me in horror. I stared at him in shock, and more than a little bit of lust. Curse my body and my dirty mind… now is not the time!

He crossed the room quickly, and grabbed the book from my hands, “You didn’t read it, did you? DID YOU?” His eyes flickered wildly from my face to the book and back, he continued to speak in broken, breathless phrases, as I stood there helplessly.

I was intensely aware of how close his bare chest was to my body, and how close his face was to face. I was also aware that this was seriously not the time for these thoughts. I had stopped listening to what he was saying at this point however, the only think I could think about being, those lips, and that torso, mere inches from my own. I had only too lift my hand a few centimeters and I would be in contact with the still damp skin.

I acted without thinking. I grabbed his waist with one hand, and the back of his neck with the other. Before he had time to understand what I was doing, I pulled him towards me giving him a powerful kiss directly on his lips.

He gave in for a millisecond, but then he was pushing me away, breathing heavily, and glaring, “What are you playing at, Hyukjae?”

I stood there not knowing what to say.

“Am I some kind of joke to you? Something to laugh at, to tease?” he railed on.

“I love you.” I said, barely audible.

“What…” he said slowly, dangerously.

“I said, I love you,” I raised my head up, finally looking him in the eye.

He gave me a guarded look, “You’re playing with me. This is just a new way you’ve found of teasing me, isn’t it? You read my diary, and now you know how I feel, and you want to laugh at me?” His voice broke at the end of his sentence, as he gave me a tortured look.

“Donghae!” I yelled, advancing on him, “I’m sorry I read you diary, but I’m not making fun of you!” I lowered my voice a little. “If I hadn’t read it, I wouldn’t have known what happened that night we went out together, and I wouldn’t have talked to Leeteuk, and I wouldn’t have figured out my own feelings, which I’m dead serious about!”

“Wait… you read my diary before? You talked to LEETEUK?” He started to panic all over again.

“Ya! Do I have to come over there and kiss you again? I’m telling you I’m in love with you. I’ve never been so sure of my feelings for anyone in my life, and you’re telling me I’m lying? To HURT you? Donghae I’ve never done anything to intentionally hurt you. when I found out how miserable I’d been making you feel, you don’t know how awful I felt… I feel!”

He looked up at me. “I’m sorry, but I can’t accept what you’re saying right now.”

“Look,” I pleaded, “This was not the way I meant to tell you how I feel, but don’t be like this. I love you!” I repeated.

“Even if what you say is true, how do I know you’re not just going to break my heart?”  he asked hopelessly, “How can I trust you? You say you never want to hurt me, but you’ve been hurting me just by existing, who’s to say you won’t do something even worse, if I let myself get too attached to you?”

I looked at him incredulously, even if he allowed for the fact that I might possiblyreturn his feelings, he was going to turn me down because he was afraid?

“Wow,” I said disgustedly, “I never pegged you for a coward when it came to love, Donghae.”

He gave me a wretched look, “I just can’t, I’m sorry Hyukkie. You might think you’re in love with me, maybe you just feel bad and are mistaking sympathy for something else, but you’ll get over these feelings and then what will I be left with?”

I stared at him, burning with anger, “How can you say that Donghae? How?! I’ll find a way to prove to you that I love you. And not just in a momentary kind of way. Just wait!”

I left him, tears falling down both of our faces, in search of a plan.

I locked myself in my room for a serious planning session. I needed to do something that would compromise my position of power, I had to make myself vulnerable to him. I cringed, it went against every fiber of my being, but it was the only thing I could think of.

I was always pushing him off in public, and putting distance between ourselves, I had to put this into reverse. I couldn’t make it too obvious, I had to think of the reputation of super junior as it were. It would have to look like fanservice to the crowd, but be out of character enough to make Donghae notice. It had to be some kind of reference that only he would understand.

Something at a concert? Who was a romantic in our group? I wonder who’d give the best ideas, I thought.

And then I had it. I had to talk to Leeteuk first though.

Soo.... Things are rough for our Hyukkie, but after all the crap he's put Donghae through, did you really think Hae was just going to accept him that easily? Boy's gonna have to work for it a little. Sorry I didn't post this sooner, I wrote it several days ago, but I was going to have it be the last chapter. In the end though, I decided it was better to split it into two chapters. The result being this... horribly unfortunate chapter of angst, and the next chapter... which will be horrifyingly un angsty lol...last chapter coming up guys! Thank you all for being such great readers and sticking with the story. The last chapter should be posted in a few days. If you haven't checked out my new Eunhae fic, and you are devastated by the eminate ending if this lovely story, check it out. (Also... my first fic is actually really cute, if I do say so myself, it should really be split into chapters, but it's more like the Longest Oneshot of All Time... check it out here)

Also, in honor of this week that I have dubbed BIg Bang Week because of the release of the most anticipated special edition album with 3 new songs (afdl;fjasl;fkj ld;dklfajds; fkjad; s;dflkasdjfla;sdf kj;ldk fj.... this is me all week) I'm going to be posting a Big Bang fic at some point around the 8th so if you love Big Bang... and when I say Big Bang I kind of  mean GDTOP....then yeah... please check it out and tell me what you think.