Three days have already passed since we saved you from that bastard ex-boyfriend of yours. We haven’t really talked about it but it still bothered me a lot. I wanted so much to hurt him; make him feel how you must have felt all those years when you were with him. And yet, I avoided even mentioning his name for your sake. It seemed that you just wanted to forget about him and about everything that has happened altogether. I know you just wanted to go back to how things were. But somehow something has changed. I wonder if it was the same for you, but the moment I called your insufferable boyfriend a bastard, I felt something I could not quite put into words yet. All I could think about was how messed up you were and I knew at that moment that I could do anything for you. Yeah, I could do anything for you, even let you freeload at my house all the time.

“Going to sleepover?” I asked.

“Why are you asking? I thought you’ve already adopted me?” you nonchalantly said.

I rolled my eyes and patted the top of your head.  “Oh yeah, sorry I forgot. What do you want to eat?”

You shrugged your shoulders before answering “I’m not really hungry…”

“Dara, you should eat more. Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately? You’re so thin your s are shrinking as we speak.” I said this as if it was the most decent thing a guy could say to a girl. I’m used to letting myself believe that you’re an amoeba. However, seeing you cry like that made me realize that despite your crude behavior, you were still a girl. But I couldn’t let you know that I am now seeing your true gender, not when you obviously don’t want the atmosphere to be awkward between us. So I’ll continue treating you like the boy you should have been.

You pinched my arm and I twisted in agony. “Yah! My size is none of your business!” you playfully stated.

I pouted as I rubbed that part of my arm you assaulted. We both know that it would bruise severely the next morning.

“I told you if you’re going to pinch me, pinch me in a less obvious place. Sohee asks too many questions just so you know.” I complained. My girlfriend says she doesn’t mind but I’m not really comfortable when she sees your mark on me. It may seem creepily masochistic but I actually like having the bruises you make on my skin. Setting this aside, I thought I saw something flash in your eyes for a fraction of a second when I mentioned my girlfriend’s name. What was it? Was it jealousy? Resentment? Guilt? Before I could determine what it was, your expression suddenly changed into a playfully murderous glare.

 “Ah.. so where should I pinch you then? On your groin area?”  You stood up from where you were sitting on the floor and walked towards the black leather sofa where I was sitting with your pinching fingers aimed at my sensitive part.

I crossed my hands over myself defensively. “Definitely not the groin area.” I snapped. You immediately dropped your hands to your sides and stood stiffly.

“Sheesh, I was just bluffing you know.” You shrugged your shoulders and sat on the floor next to my feet.

“I know.” I chuckled and ruffled your hair before going downstairs to prepare our dinner.

I wonder if you know how much I like it when I pat the top of your head. You told me before about how in your family, showing affection is only for special occasions or so. You rarely hug or kiss. Maybe this was partly the reason you grew up to be a very socially inept person. We learned in sociology class that every person has their own personal bubble. Some people have larger personal bubbles allowing them to feel more comfortable with huge company. Well, as for you, your personal bubble must be one of the tiniest on earth. I have observed that you usually keep to yourself and you prefer to have only a handful of friends. You flinch whenever your skin touches the skin of another person you’re not acquainted to. But of course, you’re different with me. You actually don’t move away whenever our shoulders would touch when we’re sitting next to each other. You also don’t seem to mind when I repeatedly slap your arm when I’m excited. I don’t know why but being near you leaves me with a feeling of contentment.

I prepared one of your favorite meals: kimchi fried rice with extra kimchi. Even though we’re Korean I’m not really fond of Kimchi. But somehow I’m always willing to eat what you like to eat.

“Thank you.” you suddenly blurted out. You were always awkward with saying even the simplest of words.

I gave you a look of amusement. “What are you saying thank you for, all of a sudden?” I asked.

“Thank you for the other day. Thank you for being so angry for me. Thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for being my friend.” you said in one breath. I know you don’t want to sound too sappy.

I chuckled. “Be cool man. Be cool.”

“Yah! I’m cool. Just saying thank you.”

I picked up a kimchi with my chopsticks and shoved it down your mouth. “Eat. You’re saying sappy things now because of hunger.”

A smirk tugged at the right corner of your mouth but you chewed the kimchi anyway.

“You don’t have to thank me. I like doing things for you.” I said while trying to catch your eyes. I was surprised when you stared back. I began to count in my head “1….. 2….. 3…..4.....5….. and 6”. Then you suddenly dropped your gaze in the general direction of my mouth and just as abruptly up again to my eyes before you looked to your left side. Somehow, I felt a jolt seeing your eyes flicker in different directions. For a moment I thought of you as one of those shy girls who could not maintain eye contact with someone they like. But then I remembered you have issues with maintaining eye contact with anyone. Surely, this crazy eye routine of yours is not for me alone.

“Ehm… W-What did you say again, Jiyong?” you said in the high-pitched voice you unconsciously use in an awkward situation. You don’t know how endearingly dumb you look sometimes. No offense.

 “Man, don’t make me repeat what I just said. It’s not my fault you have terrible hearing!” I said trying to look irritated but I failed. How could I look irritated when you’re being this adorable?

I think you heard me because I noticed that your cheeks were tinted with a darker shade of pink. Come to think of it, your cheeks were always pinkish. So were your lips. Whenever you would laugh or smile your eyes twinkle a little. I guess I just never really paid closer attention before. Amoeba. That’s what I thought you were. But not really.

2 years ago I had this little crush on you. You reminded me a lot of my first love. I never would’ve thought we would have the close relationship that we have now. Despite this closeness, I could not make myself reveal this little bit of information to you. It took a long time before you were finally not awkward with me. And I could only imagine how awkward you will be again once you discover my little secret. I don’t want that. You being awkward means I could no longer ruffle your hair or accidentally brush the back of my hand with yours. No. I definitely don’t want that to happen.

I reached over and grabbed your hand. I felt you stiffen. What a dork. “Come on, Dara. It’s sleeping time.” I said.

“What? Oh..Ok.” you said looking a little disappointed.

“Let’s watch a movie first.”

Your eyes widened and I saw that twinkle again. Man, I’m starting to be sappy too. Oh well.

“MmmMMmm..”  you piped. It sounded like a cat rolling its tongue. You always produce that sound when you’re excited.

“MmMMmMmm” I mimicked. “Whatever you like. I have a lot of comedy.” I let you go up the stairs first before trailing closely behind. Once we were in the attic you rolled out the black and red, checkered mat next to the leather sofa, just in front of the wide-screen TV. I, on the other hand, powered up my mac laptop. The meme sticker that Sohee gave me was plastered on its keyboard. I browsed through my movie arsenal and picked one that I have wanted to watch with you. You were already lying comfortably on the mat. A little too comfortable.

I kicked you lightly at your side. “Yah! I told you we’re going to watch a movie first before we sleep!” You lazily opened your eyes and looked at me.

“Yeah yeah, Jiyong. I was just closing my eyes for a bit..”

“Whatever sleepy pants. Scoot over.” I sat next to you on the mat after settling the laptop on a small table next to our feet. You transferred into a sitting position so you could see the screen of the laptop more effectively. Your eyesight may be as poor as mine.

The movie we were watching was hilarious. We were both laughing for the first 30 minutes. I looked over at you and saw that you were hugging your legs. Your chin was resting on your left knee while your messy hair was hiding most of your face. You must have sensed me staring at you because you peeked a little from behind the strands of your hair before immediately looking back at the laptop screen.

Then you asked me in a high-pitched voice “Hey, this actor is so funny. Where have I seen him before?” That’s when I knew you were feeling awkward. Again. How many times have I said “awkward” now? I can’t help it. You are like the epitome of awkwardness.

“That’s Ken Jeong. The doctor who preferred to be a comedian.” I stated matter-of-factly. I directed my attention to the laptop screen again. Just then an idea struck me. What would happen if I pushed past your awkwardness? What if I test the borders of our friendship a little? There’s nothing to it, I thought; just harmless intimacy between close friends. Surely, Sohee would not mind. Not if I don’t tell her.

I was silently observing you from the side when you lifted your head to stretch your neck. I took this moment to place my arm over your knees. Just as I expected, you tensed up slightly. You must have thought that I did not notice so you pretended that nothing beyond your comfort zone was happening. You just continued to laugh at the movie.

Okay. Maybe I could push a little further. A scene in the movie where the lead characters were being pursued by gang men would come up. I know this because I have already watched the movie. When it finally showed on the screen, I gave out the best pretend-laugh I could, making sure that my arm was still draped over your knees. You were laughing too, seemingly forgetting about my sudden breach of your personal space. Carefully, I leaned my head on your shoulder, making it seem like I was laughing so hard that my head rocked itself toward this position. If I was not paying attention I would have missed the minute intake of breath you made. There was still a good twenty minutes left of the movie and I just wanted to use it as an excuse to stay this way. You were laughing at the funny scenes but you were unmoving. You should have been experiencing pins-and-needles on your legs by now. But you were making no effort to remove me from your knees or your shoulders. Good. Because I was liking how your skin was so soft and how your warmth was so comfortable.

“Jiyong, that movie was great!” you exclaimed.

Oh. The movie was over. I did not even notice. I quickly withdrew my arm from you and said my “Good night.”

You seemed flustered. I, too, was flustered. Great. Now I’m the one being awkward.

“Good night, jobu.” you replied.

What’s that? It’s been a long time since you last called me that. A grandpa, eh? I assumed you’re discreetly reminding me of our boundaries.

I went downstairs to my room.

That night, I was not able to sleep peacefully.