It all started with one word.

“Bastard!”

I could still remember every detail of that day as if it only happened yesterday; the day you called my stalker ex-boyfriend a bastard.

We were in homeroom class when he barged in and threatened to make my life as miserable as hell (thus earning him the alias “boyfriend from hell”) if I don’t pack my things and go with him that very moment. I begged him to at least let me finish my class. He tricked me into giving him my phone as collateral; to make sure that I follow through with our deal that I would leave with him as soon as class ended. I must have been a mess judging by the way you looked at me.

“Dara, what do you want me to do? Should I go talk to him?” you asked me.

And I said “It’s okay. I don’t want to involve you in any of my problems.”

You didn’t say anything else and just left me to cry in a corner. I remember feeling the stares of our other classmates. They whispered among each other about how pitiful I am. Who could blame them? I, Sandara Park, also pitied myself. My friends from before hate me, my grades could not get any worse and nothing in my life was particularly good. There was no word that could describe just how bad I was feeling that time. For years, I had to endure that kind of mental and emotional torture on a daily basis. In the beginning I was so sure that I loved Joon, but now I don’t even remember why.

The bell rang signaling the end of class. Boyfriend-from-hell was waiting for me outside the classroom. The tears have already stopped and I was deciding on whether to run for it or to just surrender myself. I had to decide soon as our other classmates were already disappearing one by one through the only exit. You were already gone by the time I remembered that we were in the same class. Good, I thought. Then, I’ll only have to worry about myself. I was almost out the classroom when I heard you talking to him. I immediately closed the door and sat on a nearby chair. My breath was caught in my throat for a second before I let out a small whimper. That was it, I thought. Just like my old friends, you would start to avoid me. Joon told them awful things, which he claimed came from me. From then on, they treated me as if I did not exist. What hurt the most was how easily they believed him.

“Jiyong..” I called out to you. From the other side of the wall I could only imagine what lies Joon must be spouting to make you hate me. You are one of the few friends I have. The most important even.

“Jiyong…” I called out again. I know you could not hear me but saying your name was the only thing keeping me from crying again. I was clutching the hem of my uniform with my head bowed down. I did not look up even when I heard the door open and close.

“Dara…” you said. Still, I did not move. How could I when I was paralyzed with fear? Here it comes, I thought at that moment.

“Come out and talk to Joon. We made an agreement that he’ll leave once he got to talk to you. He’ll give you your phone back, too.”

Only then did I look up. I was surprised that you were not mad at me.

“I can’t..” I wanted to explain why I could not talk to Joon but I only managed to just utter those two words. You may have understood why because you said, “It’s okay, we’ll be there, Bom, Chaerin and I.”

Even though you said that, I became even more apprehensive. Because I was so scared that Joon would make you hate me, just like what he did to my previous friends.

For a few minutes we just sat there, side by side. If I did not talk to Joon, the situation would never change for me. The worst thing that could happen was losing the new friends I have managed to make.

“Dara.. Come on, you have to talk to him.” You told me.

I took a deep breath and stood up. “Okay.” I said with finality.

Joon was in the hallway, leaning against the opposite wall. Bom and Chaerin both gave me reassuring glances the moment I came out of the classroom. They stood by my left side, while you were at my right. I looked at Joon with the bravest face I could muster.

“I won’t leave with you. Give me my phone back. I don’t ever want to see you again.” Plain. Exact. And straight to the point. Ha! I gave myself a pat on the shoulder.

“I could not accept that.” Joon said.

“Please.. Just leave me alone, Joon.” I gritted my teeth. Joon would not let this go so easily.

“Why are they here?” Joon glared at Bom and Chaerin.

I was about to tell you guys to leave when you spoke up. “We had an agreement remember? We’ll only let Dara talk to you if we are here.”

Joon smirked. “You don’t have to be so over protective of her. She can handle this on her own.”

Feeling a little braver, I wanted to tell you that Joon was right. I could handle this on my own. The truth was that I was still afraid Joon would do something to make you all leave me for good. But you said with as much conviction as before, “We would stay with her. Whatever you have to say, say it in front of us. If you don’t want to talk man, just leave and give Dara her phone back.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to any of your conditions.” Joon said.

Something in your head finally snapped and you blurted out those words that made me fall for you.

“You Bastard!”

I was caught off guard. I have never seen you this angry before. Tears started to well up in my eyes again.

“Jiyong..” I reached out and held your arm. I was afraid that you would do something stupid that could get in your permanent record. You did not seem to notice as you just continued to stare angrily at Joon.

“You ing bastard!” you said to Joon.

“Joon, what is it that you have to tell me? Say it and leave.” I told Joon, still holding on to your arm.

Joon let out an evil laugh. I imagined blood spurting from his mouth while flames enveloped the background. “Okay. I see now that you really want to get rid of me. But before I go, I need to ask you about some photos I saw in your phone.”

“Uh-oh.” I thought. I already had an idea what photos he was talking about. The fear of you discovering them overpowered every other emotion I had. I started to cry. I pulled the collar of my shirt over my face and bawled, half-believing that my shirt could muffle the noise I made. I felt two arms drape over me. Chaerin and Bom were consoling me but try as they might, no one could comfort me. Not when I was so afraid that I would lose you. I peeked out from my shirt and saw Joon still scrolling down on my phone. I hid in my shirt again.

“Dude, that’s not your phone. You should respect Dara’s privacy.” you demanded.

“What’s it to you?” Joon said, irritated. He kept browsing through the photos stored in my phone.

“What do I have to do for you to leave me alone!?” I screamed at Joon. I could not take his evil anymore so I got up and was about to run away when you grabbed my phone from him and handed it to me. Chaerin held on to me so I would not run away. You looked at me with a pained expression in your eyes. I wanted to hold your arms again but you turned your back on me to face Joon.

“Leave Dara alone.” your voice was dangerously low. I looked over at Joon and saw the malicious smile playing at his lips.

“Sometimes people say things differently when you’re not around to hear them. You think she’s as good as she wants you to believe? Wait till you hear what she’s been saying behind your backs.” Joon said.

Bom finally spoke out. “We would never leave Dara no matter what you say.” Chaerin nodded in approval.

“Dara said that you were ugly.” Joon pointed at Chaerin. He then turned to Bom and said “While you, she said that you’re a lesbian.” I just stood there, frozen on the spot.

“Even if I’m ugly, and I know I’m not, I would not believe that Dara would say such a thing.” Chaerin blurted out. I knew Joon hit her soft spot. Bom on the other hand was more firm when she said, “Yes, I had a girlfriend. So what? That’s common knowledge! What else? Do you have anything less stupid to say? Stuff that could actually make us hate Dara? I doubt that you do.”

I wanted to hug them both.

Joon did not say anything else and left.

Later that day, we went to your home situated in Gangnam district. That’s saying something about your economic status since Gangnam District is where the most expensive apartments are in South Korea. Bom and Chaerin live in Song-pa district which is nearer. I, on the other hand, live in one of the subdivisions in Gwanak district. After school, we would often hitch a ride in your car. From your home in Gangnam, Bom and Chaerin could easily take the train, while I could take the bus to each of our respective residences. I live farther and bus rides are relatively slower than the trains. This excuse permitted me to sleep over, or rather free-load at your house every day. Bom and Chaerin also sleep over sometimes.

“Dara you should forget about going home. We know you’re tired so just sleepover at Jiyong oppa’s place, neh?” Chaerin suggested.

I gave a nod in response. I definitely don’t want to go home now. My parents are currently living abroad and I don’t have any other relatives living near Gwanak so, essentially, I’m living on my own. Being alone on a bad day would just make it worse.

“Don’t be too depressed, Dara.” Bom said. There was nothing special in those words or the way they were delivered but I felt a warm feeling spreading over me. I hugged Bom. Then Chaerin.

“I may not say it much, but I love you guys.” I told the two. Bom pretended to gag. Chaerin rolled her eyes but hugged me back anyway. With that, they went home.

“Let’s go up.” you suddenly said.

“O-okay…” I stuttered. I mentally slapped myself. Why am I stuttering? We have been friends for two years now and we already consider each other as siblings. At least that is how I think you see me. Even so, I do not want to admit this to anyone even to myself but I have always been attracted to you. But now, I know something has changed. That moment you called Joon a bastard made my heart skip a beat. That sounded cliché but it was true! It was not the way you openly insulted my ex-boyfriend-from-hell but rather it was the expression you had, that tugged at my heart. Being a very rational and calm person, we rarely see you angry or agitated. But you were so angry at Joon. You were angry because of me; you were angry for me. I smiled to myself. Even with everything that happened that day, I was not really depressed. Rather, I was happy. Because, somehow, I feel that we have become even closer now.

I looked over at you and saw that you were still wearing your grumpy face. It made me laugh to see how pissed off you were when in fact I should be the one who should be sulking. It was my boyfriend after all who caused a commotion at our school.

“Jiyong, are you still mad? Please wipe that expression off your face. I’m not used to seeing you like this.” I jokingly punched your shoulder. You gave no response at all so I started to get worried.

“Fine, what do you want me to do? What should I do to make you feel better?” I asked.

You looked at me and gave a small smile. Finally you spoke your first words since the confrontation with Joon. “Dara, let’s go for a swim.”

“But I did not bring my swimsuit.”

“That’s fine then. Just go with me to the clubhouse and I’ll give you a book you can read. You can sit in one of the benches by the poolside.”

“Okay.”

And off to the pool we went. You gave me a graphic novel but I ended up sleeping on one of the leisurely bench of your posh clubhouse. Or rather, I was sleep-pretending, imagining that you were looking at me every time you reach the edge of the pool. Don’t get me wrong, I really was intending to sleep because the impact of the day has finally sunk in. But my heart was beating too erratically that I could not sleep even though I felt the most tired I have ever been.

After 50 laps or so, the pool became quiet again indicating that you were already finished with your nightly swim. I anticipated your touch and when it came it left goosebumps on my skin.

“Dara, wake up..” you cooed.

But I was awake the whole time.

“I was looking at you from the edge of the pool whenever I would surface for air..” 

I feigned innocence and replied with a stupid “Eh?”

“I was thinking the whole time I was swimming. I’ve done almost 50 laps but I still have a lot of things left to think about.” you said.

“What is there to think about?” I wanted to ask you but I kept my mouth shut. I felt that I was expecting a little too much than what I usually allow myself to. At that time, I was already expecting that you would break up with your girlfriend to be with me because you just realized the great amount of feelings you didn’t know you had for me.

Yeah, I was expecting way too much.

“I should’ve punched that bastard in the face.” you said with a playful scowl.

“Yeah, you should’ve..” I jokingly replied.

“C’mon Dara, let’s go back.”

When you have ascertained that I was comfortable in my usual spot in the attic, you went downstairs to your room.

“Good night, Jiyong.” I mumbled once the sliding door was completely closed. It was not in the nature of our friendship to exchange “good nights”. But that night I wanted to say that to you, even if you were not able to hear it. When I was sure that you were not coming back up, I took out my phone and opened the files folder. I enlarged the picture that Joon was supposed to ask me about.

It was a picture of the two of us.