That was quite shocking.

Awkwardness filled our table since no one dared to talk for the past 10 minutes – literally. You can only hear our heavy breathings and fake coughs as the time lazily passed by. Zelo just asked me to go out while Changjo was holding my hands. Still, Changjo keeps holding my hands tightly. I hate this kind of atmosphere, it’s suffocating. But I still keep my mouth shut because I’m afraid that I might say something wrong that would worsen the situation. I’m a noisy person and I can’t stand quietness – that’s why I hate libraries.

“Uhm…” Zelo muttered. “I know this is kinda absurd. I just want you to know Hye Mi that I haven’t given up my feelings for you. I said before that we can be just friends, right? But, I want to try again. I might look stupid – I don’t care. I - - -.” Before he could say another word that is not suitable to the current situation, I cut his words.

“Junhong-ah, I … uh… don’t know what to say – to be honest. This is too sudden (?) Sorry, I don’t know the right words to put since … uhm … I … uhm …” I scratched my head awkwardly. Screw this! I don’t even know what the hell I am saying. I’m trying to ease the tension that is currently building in this freaking cafeteria table yet I’m also the reason why the awkwardness is continuously increasing and now it’s in its maximum peak. Please help me, S.O.S.

Zelo held my left hand which made me flinch. I looked at him with wide eyes. He was smiling like a total angel that was sent from above. Hallelujah. “I know. You were trying to ease the tension and pressure. No pressure Hye Mi. I can wait.” He took his plate and slung his back pack on his shoulders; and walked away.

I sighed deeply. I felt a tug on my right hand and saw Changjo with that pain expression on his face. We were just staring at each other – trying to melt one another with our blazing eyes. Changjo suddenly his lips, and that what makes me looked away from his intensifying eyes.

“W-What?” I coughed.

“Nothing.” He shook his head and stare at me deeply as ever.

I looked at him again; he didn’t even bother blinking. What’s wrong with this kid? Again, we were staring at each other. It was just weird that I didn’t even felt any sense of awkwardness with this staring battle. I remember whenever we stare or gaze on each other’s eyes, I always feel this tingling sensation inside my stomach and my heart was beating crazily that I thought I have some severe heart problem. It’s just kind of eerie because I never felt this anymore whenever Changjo’s right beside me. It seems wrong.

“What are you thinking?” I heard Changjo’s voice inside my head. That’s when I woke up with my trance seeing that he’s just few centimeters away from me. I could already feel his breath on my lips. I can’t even move a muscle.

“Y-y-yah!” I stuttered. “W-w-what are you d-doing?”

“You haven’t had your first kiss yet, right?” He asked all of a sudden.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” He smiled. “I said you’re beautiful.” He moved away and sipped his juice.

I grabbed my back pack and cleaned my mess before walking away from him. I don’t know what he just did. Ugh. These cousins make my head ache.

“Hey.” Changjo whispered.

I heaved a sigh and kicked his leg. “Don’t do that again, understand.” I said sternly and walked away.

***

My birthday is tomorrow and I feel so down. I’m confused, okay? I’m in this state where I don’t even know why I’m confused. Aaaaah. My stupid brain keeps replaying the serious event happened yesterday. She’s not helping at all. Mental breakdown.

“AAAAAAH!!!” I screamed while flailing my hands and feet.

“What’s wrong, dongsaeng?” Junho oppa appeared in nowhere. He ruffled my hair and sat beside me.

I sighed. “I’m confused, and I don’t know the reason why.”

He chuckled, “You’re finally growing up.” He stood up and grabbed his keys from the coffee table. “I’m going to fetch Jia today. She said that she already finished your dress for your birthday. Bye, baby girl.”

“Bye! Be careful, okay?”

Honestly, I’m excited to see my dress. I have faith with Jia unnie and I know she’s a great designer, so I don’t have any worries at all. I envy her sometimes. She’s pretty and smart, and very nice; that’s why my oppa fell for her. She and oppa have been participating in some charity events in the country and even abroad. She’s a great definition of beauty. How I wish I’m like her. But, no – I’m a loser who likes books but hates being in the library. I’m loud and clumsy. Even though I’m smart, I lacked in understanding others feeling and point-of-view. How can I understand others when I, myself, doesn't even understand what I feel? I’m confused and I don’t know the reason. I’m stupidly intelligent. I just want to know why am I like this every time I’m with Changjo and Zelo, because as far as I remember I am not like this before. 

You're not hallucinating or day-dreaming. Yes, I updated!!! 

Teen Top's coming back!!! Who's excited? Put your feet up!! L.Joe's teaser photo is to die for. OMG, No! All of them are to die for. They were like wearing shorts but still they looked so perfect. Is that even possible? Anyways, I can't wait for their comeback. :)) 08.26.2013